(2016) (Jason Statham, Jessica Alba) (R)
- QUICK TAKE:
- Action: A former assassin falls in love, but is then blackmailed into performing three assassinations for an international arms dealer.
- Arthur Bishop (JASON STATHAM) is an enigmatic former assassin who has given up his life of killing to live the anonymous life off the grid in Brazil. But an arms dealer from his past named Crain (SAM HAZELDINE) wants to hire him to pull off three assassinations of his rival super-criminals and make them look like accidents.
Bishop declines and erases his identity once again, fleeing to Thailand to spend time with his friend, Mei (MICHELLE YEOH). There, he saves a young woman named Gina (JESSICA ALBA) from being battered by her abusive boyfriend, Frank (ANTEO QUINTAVALLE), and they fall in love. But Bishop almost immediately learns that the whole thing has been a set-up, and that Gina is being used as bait to do Crain's bidding.
When Gina is kidnapped and taken hostage, Bishop finally agrees to do the three contract hits. The first is against an African warlord named Krill (FEMI ELUFOWOJU JR.), who is currently in a seemingly impregnable floating prison. The second is against a former Australian sex trafficker turned weapons seller named Adrian Cook (TOBY EDDINGTON). And the third is against an extremely wealthy arms dealer named Max Adams (TOMMY LEE JONES), whose arsenal includes former Soviet nuclear submarines.
- OUR TAKE: 1 out of 10
- For films not screened for the reviewing press, we only provide a few paragraphs of critical analysis.
So, the big question is: "Was Jason Statham surprised when eight executive producers and two full producers came to him and asked, 'Hey, are you up for a Mechanic sequel?'" His jaw had to have dropped. I mean, the first film (a remake of a Charles Bronson actioner) made $29 million at the North American box office. A sequel?! And then Statham must have fallen out of his chair when the money men told him they would be filming in Australia, Brazil, Thailand, and Bulgaria. And while he was down on the floor, possibly laughing hysterically, it was then that they probably hit him with, "And we also got Tommy Lee Jones to co-star!"
Had they just made a movie of Statham finding out all of this astounding news, that would have been TONS more entertaining than this stupid, ugly, humorless film. "Mechanic: Resurrection" follows Statham as the enigmatic super-assassin Arthur Bishop, who just wants to live off the grid and not kill any more people. Unfortunately, an arms dealer named Crain (Sam Hazeldine) wants his skills to assassinate three rivals around the globe and make the deaths look like accidents. If Bishop doesn't comply, Crain will execute Arthur's new girlfriend (Jessica Alba) and very likely use the Thai kids in the orphanage she runs as human sex slaves. Warm and fuzzy this film is not.
The amount of idiocy and ineptitude on display throughout this sequel is absolutely astounding. First and foremost, Alba and Statham have no chemistry. None! But the film completely hinges on Bishop going to the ends of the Earth for this woman. Even worse, Alba is brutalized throughout the picture by large men. She is punched repeatedly, kicked, thrown against walls, even shot. In one scene, Michelle Yeoh treats Alba's horrific back wounds. Two scenes later, she's making love to Statham, her back tan and pristine. When she reveals to Bishop that Crain is using her as bait and mutters to him in monotone, "I didn't have a choice," you half-wonder if it's Alba letting the audience know the producers had some dirt on her for real that forced her to appear in this dreck.
Other flubs and gaps in logic are spread throughout. For instance, one of Bishop's targets is described as an extremely paranoid arms dealer and sex trafficker. But his daily routine consists of swimming in a glass-bottom pool that extends out from his rooftop penthouse 70-plus stories above the street completely out in the open. Earlier, Bishop escapes an island prison stronghold and swims what has to have been miles to a waiting fishing boat with the jail's entire prison security force not even thinking of giving chase after he kills their most notorious prisoner and blows a giant hole in the side of the prison's wall.
I could go on, but I just honestly don't have the energy. What a waste of time, money and talent this film is. Avoid it at all costs. I give it a 1 out of 10. (T. Durgin)
Reviewed August 25, 2016 / Posted August 26, 2016
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