SCREEN IT! PARENTAL REVIEW: WELCOME TO COLLINWOOD

"WELCOME TO COLLINWOOD"
(2002) (William H. Macy, Sam Rockwell) (R)

Alcohol/ Drugs	Blood/Gore	Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude	Frightening/ Tense Scenes	Guns/ Weapons
Moderate	Minor	Heavy	Minor	Mild

Imitative Behavior	Jump Scenes	Music (Scary/Tense)	Music (Inappropriate)	Profanity
Moderate	None	None	None	Extreme

Sex/ Nudity	Smoking	Tense Family Scenes	Topics To Talk About	Violence
Moderate	Extreme	Minor	Mild	Moderate

QUICK TAKE:: Comedy: Petty thieves and lowlifes face various complications as they try to orchestrate and pull off breaking into a jewelry store safe.

PLOT:

Somewhere in Cleveland, not long ago, Cosimo (LUIS GUZMAN) and Toto (MICHAEL JETER) are two petty thieves trying to steal a car. Cosimo is caught and ends up in prison where his lifer cellmate tells him about a terrific heist opportunity. It seems that the man was the bricklayer who helped refurbish the old flour factory building into a jewelry store and apartment.

Needing to get out to take the job, Cosimo doesn't his girlfriend, Rosalind (PATRICIA CLARKSON), the details, but does want her to find a patsy who will take the fall for the grand theft auto case. She goes to see the nebbish Toto who then goes to see Basil (ANDREW DAVOLI). He doesn't want to do it, even for $15,000, but says they should see Leon (ISAIAH WASHINGTON) who may know of someone who could use the money in exchange for the time.

He can't since his sister, Michelle (GABRIELLE UNION), is getting married, but suggests that they see Riley (WILLIAM H. MACY). He's a former photographer who's now raising his infant son by himself while his wife is in prison, but he believes that boxer Pero (SAM ROCKWELL) might be their man.

After losing his latest bout, Pero agrees but is so bad at taking the rap that Cosimo gets more time added to his sentence. Thinking Pero's stuck there with him, Cosimo informs him of the details and Pero thanks him as he leaves on probation. The rest of the gang then forces the details of the job from him, and soon they bring in Jerzy (GEORGE CLOONEY), a wheelchair-bound safecracking whiz who now teaches others the tricks of the trade.

Meanwhile, Pero starts seeing Carmela (JENNIFER ESPOSITO), the bewitching maid who works for the elderly ladies who've now moved into what was the vacant apartment and entry point into the jewelry store. As more complications arise, including the presence of Detective Babitch (DAVID WARSHOFSKY), the bumbling thieves try to pull off their heist and dream of what they'll do with the reported $300,000 in the store's safe.

WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT?: If they're fans of someone in the cast they might, but this one doesn't otherwise seem overly attractive to most kids.

WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: R: For language.

CAST AS ROLE MODELS:: LUIS GUZMAN plays a petty and angry thief who learns of the potential job while in prison. He uses strong profanity and gets violent with some people.
MICHAEL JETER plays his nebbish friend who tries to help in pulling off the plan.
WILLIAM H. MACY plays a former photographer who's taking care of his infant while his wife is in prison. He uses strong profanity and gets involved in the attempted robbery.
ISAIAH WASHINGTON plays another thief who smokes and uses strong profanity.
SAM ROCKWELL plays a boxer who joins the criminal plan. He uses strong profanity, is full of himself and hits on both Rosalind and Carmela.
PATRICIA CLARKSON plays Cosimo's girlfriend who helps kick start the plan, smokes and uses strong profanity.
ANDREW DAVOLI plays another petty thief involved in the plan who ends up falling for and having sex with Michelle.
GEORGE CLOONEY plays a disabled safecracker who agrees to teach the men how to crack a safe. He also uses strong profanity and has many tattoos on his body.
DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; MICHAEL JETER plays his nebbish friend who tries to help in pulling off the plan.
WILLIAM H. MACY plays a former photographer who's taking care of his infant while his wife is in prison. He uses strong profanity and gets involved in the attempted robbery.
ISAIAH WASHINGTON plays another thief who smokes and uses strong profanity.
SAM ROCKWELL plays a boxer who joins the criminal plan. He uses strong profanity, is full of himself and hits on both Rosalind and Carmela.
PATRICIA CLARKSON plays Cosimo's girlfriend who helps kick start the plan, smokes and uses strong profanity.
ANDREW DAVOLI plays another petty thief involved in the plan who ends up falling for and having sex with Michelle.
GEORGE CLOONEY plays a disabled safecracker who agrees to teach the men how to crack a safe. He also uses strong profanity and has many tattoos on his body.
DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; WILLIAM H. MACY plays a former photographer who's taking care of his infant while his wife is in prison. He uses strong profanity and gets involved in the attempted robbery.
ISAIAH WASHINGTON plays another thief who smokes and uses strong profanity.
SAM ROCKWELL plays a boxer who joins the criminal plan. He uses strong profanity, is full of himself and hits on both Rosalind and Carmela.
PATRICIA CLARKSON plays Cosimo's girlfriend who helps kick start the plan, smokes and uses strong profanity.
ANDREW DAVOLI plays another petty thief involved in the plan who ends up falling for and having sex with Michelle.
GEORGE CLOONEY plays a disabled safecracker who agrees to teach the men how to crack a safe. He also uses strong profanity and has many tattoos on his body.
DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; ISAIAH WASHINGTON plays another thief who smokes and uses strong profanity.
SAM ROCKWELL plays a boxer who joins the criminal plan. He uses strong profanity, is full of himself and hits on both Rosalind and Carmela.
PATRICIA CLARKSON plays Cosimo's girlfriend who helps kick start the plan, smokes and uses strong profanity.
ANDREW DAVOLI plays another petty thief involved in the plan who ends up falling for and having sex with Michelle.
GEORGE CLOONEY plays a disabled safecracker who agrees to teach the men how to crack a safe. He also uses strong profanity and has many tattoos on his body.
DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; SAM ROCKWELL plays a boxer who joins the criminal plan. He uses strong profanity, is full of himself and hits on both Rosalind and Carmela.
PATRICIA CLARKSON plays Cosimo's girlfriend who helps kick start the plan, smokes and uses strong profanity.
ANDREW DAVOLI plays another petty thief involved in the plan who ends up falling for and having sex with Michelle.
GEORGE CLOONEY plays a disabled safecracker who agrees to teach the men how to crack a safe. He also uses strong profanity and has many tattoos on his body.
DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; PATRICIA CLARKSON plays Cosimo's girlfriend who helps kick start the plan, smokes and uses strong profanity.
ANDREW DAVOLI plays another petty thief involved in the plan who ends up falling for and having sex with Michelle.
GEORGE CLOONEY plays a disabled safecracker who agrees to teach the men how to crack a safe. He also uses strong profanity and has many tattoos on his body.
DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; ANDREW DAVOLI plays another petty thief involved in the plan who ends up falling for and having sex with Michelle.
GEORGE CLOONEY plays a disabled safecracker who agrees to teach the men how to crack a safe. He also uses strong profanity and has many tattoos on his body.
DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; GEORGE CLOONEY plays a disabled safecracker who agrees to teach the men how to crack a safe. He also uses strong profanity and has many tattoos on his body.
DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; DAVID WARSHOFSKY plays a local cop who wants to catch the guys committing a crime. Later, however, he accepts a large bribe to look the other way. He also roughs up Pero and uses strong profanity.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; JENNIFER ESPOSITO plays the maid at the apartment the men must use to break into the jewelry store. She briefly uses some profanity.
GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.; GABRIELLE UNION plays Leon's sister who cheats on her unseen fiancé with Basil.

CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO

HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE

Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit?
Then read OUR TAKE of this film.

(Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below).

OUR WORD TO PARENTS:

The following is a brief summary of the content found in this R-rated comedy. Profanity consists of at least 46 "f" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered. Some sexually related dialogue is present, sex is implied (we see a couple in bed afterwards) and some making out is present. A man's bare butt is seen in a nonsexual situation, and another is seen in his underwear.

Violence includes a man accidentally being hit and killed by a bus (the impact isn't seen and it's played for laughs), fighting, hitting, threatening, slapstick material and several characters being charred by a gas stove explosion (all are okay).

Various characters smoke and/or drink, with one also taking many prescription pain killers in one scene after breaking his arm. Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes (all are criminals or assist in the attempted break-in and robbery), and some behavior might be enticing for some kids to imitate.

Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content.

ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE: People drink at a boxing match.
Miscellaneous people drink, including shots.
Some people drink in a bar.
Rosalind asks Riley if he wants a drink (he declines).
We see that Riley has taken a great deal of pain killers after his arm is broken (and he takes more).

BLOOD/GORE: We see a rag that has some blood on it after it's been in Pero's mouth (after he apparently bit his tongue).
Various characters are charred (but otherwise okay) after a small gas explosion that also leaves a few bloody marks on Riley and Pero's faces.

DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE: We see Cosimo and Toto attempting to steal a car (Cosimo breaks the passenger-side window), but Cosimo is arrested.
All of the main characters get involved in one way or another in the attempted robbery. During that, Pero lies to a judge about doing a crime; Pero cons Cosimo into telling him about the job; Riley steals a movie camera; Basil lies to nuns about needing $500 for a suit to ask a woman to marry him; Pero bribes Babitch who eventually accepts the $16,000; and Pero lifts Carmela's keys from her (and then lies about having them to the others).
Pero pats Rosalind on her clothed butt. Later, he suddenly grabs and kisses her.
We hear that Riley's wife is in prison for fraud and that a lifer in prison is there for shooting his wife dead during an argument.
Some kids purposefully cry out a false alarm to Jerzy about the cops.
Pero calls a short man "midget boy."
Cosimo tries to steal a woman's purse.
Leon's sister, Michelle, cheats on her fiancé by having sex with Basil.

FRIGHTENING SCENES: Pero (with Toto) holding onto him, hangs from a large pipe a considerable distance above the ground.

GUNS/WEAPONS: Short Knife (or long nail file): Used by Leon to stab Pero in the shoulder.
Butcher Knife: Held by Leon on Basil.

IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR: Phrases: "What's so f*cking funny?" "Fat f*cking head," "What the f*ck /is that supposed to mean/are you doing/is the matter with you people/is this/do you think you're doing?" "I'm gonna f*cking kill you," "F*ck you," "F*cking midget," "I'm going to f*ck you up," "I hate that f*cking kid," "Where the f*ck/ hell is Leon/have you been?" "Jesus f*cking Christ," "This is a f*cking fiasco," "Oh sh*t," "Funny sh*t," "Bullsh*t," "Sh*tty," "I will sh*t in you," "What a sh*tty way to go," "Don't do sh*t," "You little pr*ck," "Your mother is a whore"(said many times), "Listen to me, you fool," "You idiot," "Frickin,'" "Nutcase," "Screw" (nonsexual), "Sucker," "Are you out of your lunatic mind?" "Idiots," "Jackass," "For crying out loud," "You puss," "You're a sick bastard," "What the hell /are you talking about/is he doing here?" "Where the hell have you been?" "Bastard," "You traitorous whore," "Midget boy" (what Pero calls a short man), "Shut up," "I don't give a good G*ddamn," "Old bats" (old women), "Quit pissing around," "Screw you," "Stop being so G*ddamn dramatic," "Bitches" and "You moron."
It's possible some kids could be enticed to try to pull off a crime after seeing the film (although none of the attempts here are successful).
We see Cosimo and Toto attempting to steal a car (Cosimo breaks the passenger-side window as a train passes to muffle the sound).
Riley, Pero and Jerzy all have varying amounts of tattoos on their bodies.
Pero pats Rosalind on her clothed butt. Later, he suddenly grabs and kisses her.
Riley steals a video camera by having a fake arm in a cast (under which he grabs a camera while distracting a salesperson).
Basil and Leon accost Carmela in an alley, all so that Pero can come to her "rescue."
A kid spits on Pero's shoe.

JUMP SCENES: None.

MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE): None.

MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE): None.

PROFANITY: At least 46 "f" words (1 used sexually), 21 "s" words, 1 slang term using male genitals ("pr*ck"), 10 asses (5 used with "hole"), 8 S.O.B.s, 6 hells, 2 craps, 2 damns, 17 uses of "G-damn," 5 each of "Jesus" and "Oh my God," 4 each of "For Christ's sakes" and "Jesus Christ," 3 each of "Christ" and "Sweet Jesus," 2 of "God" and 1 use each of "For God's sakes," "Oh Jesus," "Swear to God" and "Dear God" as exclamations.

SEX/NUDITY: We see Toto in his briefs (and a long shirt that covers most of them).
We see some of Riley's hand-painted drinking glasses that have women in bikinis as the figures on them.
Pero pats Rosalind on her clothed butt.
The camera focuses on Carmela's clothed butt as she bends over.
We see Pero putting powder down the front of his briefs (we don't see anything explicit) as he stands in an open robe. He comments on seducing someone, and then grabs Rosalind and kisses her (but she punches him hard in the face).
Pero and Carmela briefly kiss.
Leon's sister, Michelle, suggestively invites Basil into her place. We later see him sitting shirtless in her bed while she's in a robe and it's suggested that they've had sex.
Referring to Carmela, Rosalind tells Pero that he should be trying to get into her apartment instead of her pants.
A man has his hand on Carmela's clothed butt as they dance.
Leon confronts Basil and says (about Leon's sister), "You f*cked her."
Pero and Carmela make out on a bus.
After he lands in some water, we see Toto in just his briefs. Later, while he hangs from Pero (while trying to cross some piping), that underwear starts to fall down his legs and finally comes off. We then see several quick views of his bare butt.

SMOKING: Leon smokes (cigarettes, cigars and a pipe) more than 10 times, Basil and Pero each smoke more than 5 times, Rosalind and Riley smoke several times, Michelle tries to smoke twice, and various miscellaneous characters also smoke.

TENSE FAMILY SCENES: We see that Riley is trying to take care of his infant son by himself since his wife is in prison.

TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT: How crime doesn't pay.

VIOLENCE: Most of the following is played in a lighthearted and/or comedic fashion.
We see Cosimo and Toto attempting to steal a car (Cosimo breaks the passenger-side window to get inside).
Rosalind repeatedly kicks Toto's door to make him answer it.
Riley accidentally knocks over a bookcase that results in several drinking glasses shattering on the floor.
Pero is knocked to the canvas with one punch in a boxing match.
Cosimo punches Pero in the face and kicks him in the gut while he's on the ground.
After some brief struggling, various characters knock Pero down a flight of stairs. Leon then gets on top of him and jabs what's either a small knife or a long nail file into his shoulder (no blood). Riley apparently steps on his hand, Toto holds his legs and Leon presses his forearm onto Pero's neck, all while they make him fess up to what he knows.
After Pero grabs Rosalind and suddenly kisses her, she punches him quite hard in the face.
Basil and Leon accost Carmela in an alley, all so that Pero can come to her "rescue." He then seems to fake a punch to Basil's gut and then has a staged standoff with Leon who holds his small knife (or long nail file). Leon then acts as if Pero has thrown him to the street.
Cosimo punches Pero, knocking him back through a funhouse mirror. He then chases Pero with a dart rifle and shoots a dart into him (he's not hurt). He then slaps Rosalind across the face and Pero then punches Cosimo in the gut.
A large man slaps Pero on the back of the head. Pero then knees him in the gut, punches him several times, and throws him across a table that collapses beneath the man. He then punches another man who tries to hit him and then punches and knees another man who also tries to attack him.
Babitch grabs Pero by the throat and pushes him back against a post.
We see some men struggling with Cosimo in a bar.
A person is hit by a bus and killed (we see the view from the front of the bus, but the scene ends at the second of impact).
We hear that some guys jumped Riley and broke his arm (we see it in a cast).
Leon confronts Basil (about sleeping with Leon's sister), pushes him back against a wall and holds a large knife to him.
Some slapstick material has Leon and Toto accidentally falling through and breaking an apartment window and Toto sliding down a ramp into Leon and knocking him down. As Leon tries to cut a circular hole in a large glass window, the entire window shatters and a large home statue later falls on Toto's foot.
We don't see the impact, but a ladder apparently hits Pero in the face and causes him to bite his tongue.
Pero tosses a cat over at a security guard to distract him.
Leon goes to light a gas stove that's had its pilot light go out. The resulting flash of fire singes Leon, Pero, Toto and Riley (we later see them looking a tad charred with a few of them having a little bit of blood on their faces as well).

Reviewed October 14, 2002 / Posted October 18, 2002

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