[Screen It]


(2002) (Tim Allen, Rene Russo) (PG-13)

Blood/Gore Disrespectful/
Bad Attitude
Tense Scenes
Moderate Minor Heavy Minor Heavy
Moderate None Minor None Heavy
Smoking Tense Family
Topics To
Talk About
Heavy Mild Minor Moderate Heavy

Comedy: The lives of various disparate people become further entangled by the appearance of a nuclear bomb inside a small suitcase.
Eliot Arnold (TIM ALLEN) once had a good life, as he was happily married and an 18-year employee with the Miami Herald writing humor columns. After being fired and cheated on, however, Eliot has decided to reinvent himself with his own ad agency. He isn't happy, however, especially when dealing with obnoxious clients such as Bruce (MICHEAL McSHANE), a beer man, and knowing that his teenage son, Matt (BEN FOSTER), considers him to be a "loser."

Matt and his friend Andrew (DJ QUALLS) are interested in making a water gun hit on droll classmate Jenny Herk (ZOOEY DESCHANEL). She lives with her mom, Anna (RENE RUSSO), and stepfather Arthur (STANLEY TUCCI), although neither of them can stand him. The same holds true for his company that's decided to hire two hitmen from Newark, Henry (DENNIS FARINA) and his dimwitted partner, Leonard (JACK KEHLER), to kill Arthur for stealing money from them.

Meanwhile, the Herks' immigrant housekeeper, Nina (SOFIA VERGARA), has fallen for a Frito-loving drifter by the name of Puggy (JASON LEE) who recently had a run-in with two moronic lowlifes, Snake Dupree (TOM SIZEMORE) and Eddie Ledbetter (JOHNNY KNOXVILLE), in a bar serving as a cover for two Russian arms dealers.

The simultaneous hit attempts on Jenny and Arthur eventually result in the arrival of Miami police officers Monica Romero (JANEANE GAROFALO) and Walter Kramitz (PATRICK WARBURTON), who later must deal with twins Jack & Ralph Pendick (ANDY RICHTER), two overzealous security guards.

Things become more complicated when the Russian arms dealers sell a nuclear suitcase bomb to Arthur that's then stolen by Snake and Eddie who are unaware of what it really is. FBI Agents Greer (DWIGHT "HEAVY D" MYERS) and Seitz (OMAR EPPS) then arrive on the scene, resulting in a wild chase that eventually involves everyone else and leads to the airport as the lowlifes attempt to flee the country.

If they're fans of someone in the cast, director Barry Sonnenfeld's work ("Men in Black," "Get Shorty") or zany, large ensemble comedies, older preteens and teens may want to.
For language, crude humor and sex-related material.
  • TIM ALLEN plays a former humor columnist turned ad agency owner who inadvertently proves himself not to be a loser to his teenage son.
  • RENE RUSSO plays Arthur's wife who's not happy being married to him and finds herself romantically interested in Eliot.
  • STANLEY TUCCI plays a businessman and Anna's wealthy husband who's been stealing from his company and has a bad attitude toward everyone. He drinks, uses profanity and buys a nuclear weapon from some Russian arms dealers.
  • TOM SIZEMORE plays a former convict who's physically filthy and hits, robs and kidnaps various people.
  • JOHNNY KNOXVILLE plays his similarly dimwitted partner in crime.
  • DENNIS FARINA plays a hitman sent from Newark to kill Arthur. He's constantly irritated by most everything.
  • JACK KEHLER plays his dimwitted partner.
  • JANEANE GAROFALO plays a Miami police officer.
  • PATRICK WARBURTON plays her police officer partner.
  • BEN FOSTER plays Eliot's son who views him as a loser and is interested in making a water gun hit on his classmate Jenny.
  • ZOOEY DESCHANEL plays Anna's daughter who has a very droll reaction to most everything. She uses some profanity.
  • DWIGHT "HEAVY D" MYERS plays a verbose FBI agent who's after the missing nuclear suitcase bomb.
  • OMAR EPPS plays his FBI agent partner who uses some profanity and shoots a suspect in the foot to get him talking.
  • JASON LEE plays a laidback drifter with a fondness for Fritos and Nina.
  • SOFIA VERGARA plays the Herks' foreign housekeeper who becomes smitten with Puggy.
  • ANDY RICHTER plays overzealous security guard twins, one of which breaks the rules by carrying a gun and drinking while on the job.
  • DJ QUALLS plays Matt's friend who accompanies him on his water gun hit and enjoys looking at Jenny's clothed body.
  • MICHEAL McSHANE plays an obnoxious businessman who's rude to others and occasionally smokes cigars.


    Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit?
    Then read OUR TAKE of this film.

    (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below).

    Here's a brief summary of the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity consists of at least 21 uses of the "s" word, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also used. Some sexually related dialogue and double entendres are also present.

    A man and married woman comically make out, while her husband has a foot fetish and licks the hired help's toes. A buxom woman in a small bikini is seen in a photo, while a man's bare butt is seen in a nonsexual scene (and he's then seen performing as a stripper wearing just a very small pair of shorts).

    Violence consists of a nuclear blast that kills one person (we don't see the death), various people shooting at others with guns (one is shot in the foot), and various instances of people fighting with or hitting/striking others. Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes, while some people smoke and/or drink. Some imitative behavior is present, as are some tense family scenes (although they're either brief or played for comedy).

    Should you still be concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content.

  • We see a beer ad that Eliot has developed for a client who mentions customers getting "sh*t-faced" (drunk).
  • Puggy has a beer in a bar.
  • Anna states that she hasn't seen Arthur since his third scotch, but we then see him pouring himself many more drinks. During that, he offers Nina a drink with some tequila, but she turns him down.
  • A miscellaneous man has a drink.
  • Several men have drinks in front of them.
  • A security guard drinks from a bottle while on the job.
  • Two Russian men have drinks in front of them.
  • Some miscellaneous people have drinks on a plane.
  • We briefly see a goat urinating on the ground.
  • Everything listed below is played for some sort of comedy.
  • A beer company official (Bruce) has both types of attitudes toward Eliot and others (including Henry when he asks Bruce if he wouldn't mind putting out his cigar in a restaurant).
  • In a flashback, we see Eliot refusing to do a story his editor requests and then kicking and destroying the man's computer monitor.
  • We hear that Arthur has been stealing from his company and thus Henry and Leonard have been sent to kill him. In addition, Arthur has a bad attitude toward everyone, including his wife.
  • Snake and Eddie steal Puggy's money in a bar and later rob and kidnap others at gunpoint.
  • Two Russian men are weapons smugglers in the U.S. and sell a nuclear bomb to Arthur.
  • Arthur comes on to Nina in his house (with his wife, Anna, in another room). He then gives her a foot massage, then licks between her toes, and sticks the entire front of her foot into his mouth before she flees.
  • A security guard carries a gun and drinks from a bottle while on the job (both of which he knows are forbidden).
  • Although she can't stand her husband, Anna still cheats on him with Eliot.
  • Walter says that maybe he and Monica could get together sometime and she sarcastically asks, "Do you want to have sex with me?" Walter then answers her question in the affirmative and she replies that she doesn't want to have sex with him since he's a married man.
  • Snake bribes various airport personnel who accept cash to look the other way.
  • It's possible some viewers could find scenes listed under "Violence" or a sequence where the nuclear bomb is counting down toward detonation (including a man hanging from a plane in flight holding the bomb) as somewhat suspenseful, but it's all played for zany laughs only.
  • Rifle: Used by Henry in attempts to kill Arthur.
  • Handguns: Carried and/or used to threaten or fire upon others.
  • Nuclear warhead: Carried and/or stolen by various people and eventually detonated, resulting in at least one death.
  • Fighter jets with missiles: Scrambled to intercept and shoot down a plane (but that doesn't happen).
  • Phrases: "Piece of sh*t," "Sh*t-faced" (drunk), "Stupid sh*t," "Sh*thead," "Bullsh*t," "Up yours, you little sh*thead," "What the flying sh*t do you care?" "Sh*thole," "Who thinks this sh*t up?" "No sh*t," "Like sh*t we are," "D*ckweed," "D*ckwad," "This sucks," "What the hell /is this/is that/are you doing?" "Losers," "Jerk," "Ass-wipe" (said in a coughing fashion), "Dork," "Turd-mobile," "Bitch," "Putzes," "Shut up," "Dumb ass," "Jerk off," "Let's get the hell out of here," "Idiot," "Crappy," "Douche bag," "Moron(s)," "Sugarcane sucking scumbags," "Big fat ass," "Fart," "Big ass," "Shut up, punk," "Fag," "Take that, stupid asshole," "Screw it" and "Stop screwing around."
  • Arthur comes on to Nina in his house (with his wife, Anna, in another room). He then gives her a foot massage and then licks between her toes, and sticks the entire front of her foot into his mouth before she flees.
  • Matt and Andrew participate in a game that other students are playing where you must "kill" your target (another student) with a blast from a water gun.
  • Eliot tries to bluff Snake and his partner with a water pistol posing as the real thing.
  • Snake puts his handgun into a basket at airport security and quickly whips it around the metal detector and picks it up again while the security checker is distracted.
  • Snake bribes various airport personnel who accept cash to look the other way.
  • A man with some broken fingers appears to give "the finger" to Agent Greer.
  • None.
  • A tiny bit of comically suspenseful and action-oriented music plays during the film.
  • None.
  • At least 21 "s" words, 4 slang terms using male genitals (variations of "d*ck"), 5 slang terms for breasts ("t*ts" and "boobs"), 1 slang term for sex ("get laid"), 20 asses (8 used with "hole"), 11 hells, 3 craps, 3 S.O.B.s, 1 damn, 12 uses of "G-damn" and 2 uses each of "Jesus" and "Oh my God" as exclamations.
  • While discussing a beer ad campaign, Eliot's client talks about a woman having "big t*ts" and wanting to give the feeling that someone's going to "get laid."
  • Arthur comes on to Nina in his house (with his wife, Anna, in another room). He then gives her a foot massage and then licks between her toes, and sticks the entire front of her foot into his mouth before she flees (he has a foot fetish).
  • We hear that the Herks' dog was the random result of generations of hasty, unplanned dog sex. The dog is often seen with its snout in various people's crotches (played for laughs).
  • A double entendre is made (by the film) that Henry "went down on" Jenny when he fell on her. The same holds true when Eliot shows up and apologizes that "my son squirted your daughter" and "got her wet" (from a water gun).
  • Arthur sarcastically makes a comment about the Miami police holding their "d*cks with both hands." In response, Monica sarcastically replies that her hands are "kind of full right now, what with holding my d*ck."
  • Jenny borrows a CD from Matt by the band "Seminal Fluids."
  • We see a beer ad campaign that shows a buxom woman in a small bikini and Eliot's client mentions "t*ts."
  • Eliot and Anna passionately kiss in his office (in a comic rather than erotic fashion), with her grabbing his clothed butt as they stumble about the room and slide across a desk and onto the floor. Eliot's client then walks back in, spots them, and asks if they have "room for a third." He then adds that there's no harm in asking. The scene ends there, so we don't know what else the two did.
  • Jenny tells Andrew not to stare at her "boobs" and the same regarding her "ass" when she walks away (although he does, as does the camera).
  • Puggy and some Russian men occasionally watch an exercise show on TV showing a woman in a small leotard exercising.
  • Jenny approaches Matt and asks him, "Is that a squirt gun in your pocket, or were you happy to see me?" when she sees a big wet spot on the front of his pants (from a squirt gun he had tucked in there). Andrew then tells Matt to shoot her with it on her crotch so that they'll be the same (with wet crotches). Matt says, however, that he'll shoot her on the hand, causing her to drolly state that it will be her "first hand job."
  • We see a flashback to a scene where Monica's uniform was torn open to reveal her red bustier and cleavage (that Walter also spotted). In the present, he says that maybe the two of them could get together sometime and she sarcastically asks, "Do you want to have sex with me?" We then hear Eliot in voice over narration asking whether Walter had found a way to bypass all of the talking with women and "just do it." Walter then answers her question in the affirmative and she replies that she doesn't want to have sex with him since he's a married man.
  • A minor character shows some cleavage.
  • We see a small figurine hanging from a man's rear view mirror that shows female bare breasts with small lights substituting for the nipples.
  • A short while after we hear airport security calling for a strip search for Walter (who doesn't have his police badge or gun), we see him running down an airport tier buck naked (we see his bare butt). We then hear Eliot stating in voice over narration that Walter's bout with public nudity then led to him acting as a male stripper (we briefly see him in small shorts that he apparently rips off during a dance - we don't see anything explicit - and throws to someone in the crowd).
  • Arthur smokes a cigar several times, as does Bruce and some other men in two different scenes.
  • We learn that Eliot's wife had an affair and that they're now divorced. We also see that he and Matt (his son) don't get along that well as the son sees his father as a "loser."
  • Anna doesn't like Arthur, her second husband, and thinks he's an idiot (he treats her poorly) and briefly mentions her first husband leaving early.
  • The existence of small nuclear bombs.
  • Airport security (especially in wake of 9/11) and how it's used in a comedic fashion here.
  • Matt's and his classmates' game of "killing" others by making hits with water guns.
  • Everything listed below is played for some sort of comedy.
  • In a flashback, we see Eliot refusing to do a story his editor requests and then kicking and destroying the man's computer monitor.
  • Snake punches Puggy in the face and then kicks him several times on the floor (even taking off his own shoe and hitting Puggy with it). A Russian "bartender" then hits Snake on the back with an aluminum baseball bat. When Snake then attempts to hit the bartender on the head with a bottle, Puggy purposefully trips him and causes him to fall to the floor.
  • After Arthur comes on too strong to Nina, she hits him on the head with a cross and flees.
  • Matt rushes into the Herks' house to spray water on Jenny just as Henry tries to shoot Arthur with a sniper rifle. The bullet crashes into the TV (unbeknownst to everyone inside) and Anna and Jenny then struggle with Matt on the floor.
  • Leonard trips and accidentally bangs his head against a stone wall. Puggy then jumps down on Henry, grabs his rifle and then aims it at him (but gives it back when they hear the police coming and Henry informs Puggy that he probably doesn't want to be holding it when the police arrive).
  • Henry pulls a gun from his ankle holster when three thugs approach him (they then back off).
  • Henry grabs and apparently breaks Bruce's fingers when he won't put out his cigar in a restaurant and blows smoke in Henry's face.
  • After mistaking Matt's water gun for the real thing, a security guard opens fire on them and continues to do so as they flee, shooting out various car windows. He falls, however, and drops his gun.
  • Andrew picks it up and runs, but then runs into Monica and Walter, the latter of whom slams the teen down onto the hood of a car.
  • Snake enters a bar and knees Puggy in the gut or crotch and holds a handgun on the others. Snake then hits a man on the back of the head with his gun that then fires and blows out the bar's TV.
  • Back at Arthur's place, Snake trips and accidentally shoots Arthur's TV.
  • Agent Seitz shoots a suspect in the foot (we don't see the impact or wound) to get him to start talking (after threatening to shoot him in the torso and causing him to fall to the floor).
  • Eliot holds a water pistol on Eddie, trying to bluff him and Snake like it's a real gun.
  • Snake knees Arthur in the crotch, causing him to double over in pain.
  • Eddie releases a parking brake and causes the stolen police car they're driving to race backwards and knock down a security gate.
  • Henry tries to shoot Arthur again, just as Monica tips over a large, brass bookcase, sending it crashing through a large glass window.
  • Various vehicles crash into each other on the highway and Eliot accidentally drives into a goat that's gotten loose, flipping it up and over the car where it lands on its feet and seems no worse for the wear.
  • Snake shoots a police radio in a car so that it can't be used.
  • Agent Greer smashes through some glass and pulls a man from his vehicle. He then takes that vehicle and drives through a fence to get to the airport.
  • Snake pulls a man from a plane and throws him to the ground. Later, he shoots at Eliot and Anna who are standing at a glass airport door (that shatters).
  • Greer pushes an airport security guard back against a pillar.
  • Eliot hits Eddie in the face with a fire extinguisher and then shoots Snake with its foam causing him to fire his gun (but no one is hurt). Jenny then jumps on Snake's back and struggles with him.
  • A man falls a great distance from a plane holding a nuclear bomb that detonates after both hit and then go under a large body of water (apparently killing just him).

  • Reviewed April 5, 2002 / Posted April 6, 2002

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