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"OLD DOGS" (2009) (John Travolta, Robin Williams) (PG) QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A couple of lifelong friends and business partners find their lives turned upside down when one finds out he is the father of 7-year-old twins and must suddenly take care of them as a major business deal is going down. PLOT: Charlie (JOHN TRAVOLTA) and Dan (ROBIN WILLIAMS) are lifelong friends and business partners. Charlie is a confirmed bachelor, while Dan is a divorcee. On a trip to South Beach in 2002 to "celebrate" Dan's recent divorce, Charlie introduces his buddy to fun-loving Vicki (KELLY PRESTON). One drunken night of partying later and the two are married. Once sober, though, they realize their mistake and have the marriage annulled. Flash forward to 2009. Charlie and Dan are on the verge of the biggest business deal of their lives when Vicki reappears and informs Dan that he is the father of a twin boy and girl (CONNER RAYBURN and ELLA BLEU TRAVOLTA) from their one night together. Vicki also tells him she is going to jail for two weeks and needs someone to care for the two kids. Dan, eager to get back with Vicki, agrees to take the children in and convinces Charlie to help him since he was the one who convinced him to go to Miami in the first place seven years earlier. What follows is a series of slapstick sequences as the two men try and juggle fatherhood with the demands of their new, high-profile client. When their colleague, Ralph (SETH GREEN), louses-up the deal, Dan must make a choice between moving to Japan or staying behind and becoming a family man. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? Yes. It's a PG-rated Disney film getting a heavy promotional push from the Mouse House as a family comedy, with two seven-year-old twins (a boy and a girl) factoring prominently. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG For some mild rude humor. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: ROBIN WILLIAMS plays a divorcee who co-owns a sports marketing firm with his lifelong friend, Charlie. He discovers that he is the father of 7-year-old twins, the result of a quickie second marriage and annulment that resulted from a drunken escapade in Miami. He is a casual drinker. JOHN TRAVOLTA plays his best friend and business partner, a lifelong bachelor who hits on pretty much every attractive woman he meets regardless of her age. He is a casual drinker and reluctantly opens his home up to Dan and the two kids when they have no place to go. SETH GREEN plays their young associate, who is the point man on a major deal involving a Japanese sports firm. When he is given a permanent assignment in Tokyo, he screws up by getting drunk his first night there and not showing up to work. He is also a casual drinker. KELLY PRESTON plays the woman who is the mother of Dan's children. She kept their existence a secret from Dan until she gets in trouble with the law for an environmental demonstration. When she is to be put in prison for two weeks, she has no one else to turn to but Dan. CONNER RAYBURN plays Dan's slightly pudgy, 7-year-old son who makes a To-Do list of things he has always wanted to do with his father. ELLA BLEU TRAVOLTA plays Dan's daughter, who believes the myth that her mother has told her that Dan is a superhero who has been away for years fighting crime. Throughout the film, she craves a protector and is constantly trying to cast Dan in roles like a bulletproof superman or a king. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this family comedy that has been rated PG. There is no overt profanity in the film, but a host of colorful phrases are uttered like "You're a monster" and "He's giving me the stink eye." Non-explicit, but sexually related dialogue is present, and off-screen drunken (but married) sex is implied in a past scene. Violence is almost entirely of the slapstick variety, with people getting hit in the crotch or taking a soccer ball to the face. One scene that does stand out is a Frisbee football game between adults that turns surprisingly violent when Dan and Charlie incur the wrath of the other players. Some of this has fairly bloody results. Late in the film, three of the main characters are put at risk when they stumble into a gorilla enclosure at a zoo. Bad attitudes are present throughout, as is some potentially imitative behavior and various thematic elements. Drinking is present in various scenes, as is tense family material as well as some crude humor. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Dan and Charlie share massive cocktails during a flashback to their trip to Miami years earlier. From there, the two are shown drinking heavily in several South Beach hot spots. It is clearly implied that Dan and Emily had drunken sex (off-screen) the night of their ill-advised wedding, which produced the twins. Dan, Charlie, and Ralph drink champagne and toast their business success. Ralph drinks Japanese sake at an informal business meeting with some Tokyo colleagues, who are also shown drinking (Dan and Charlie have coffee). In Japan, Ralph shirks his responsibilities by getting drunk at a karaoke club (although he is not shown consuming any alcoholic beverage). Charlie and Dan share a bathroom and compare the various pharmaceutical drugs they take for everything from high-blood pressure to prostate health. The drugs then become mixed up, leading to slapstick results. Charlie and Dan's various prescribed drugs become mixed-up a second time late in the film when the inept child proofers accidentally knock over their pills. BLOOD/GROSS STUFF Charlie's old dog urinates in his office. Zach breaks wind twice while sitting on the toilet. A waitress thinks Charlie has urinated on himself when all he has done is had a drink spilled in his lap. A man has a bloody mouth after Dan accidentally elbows him. Dan and Charlie accidentally smear bear poop on their faces, thinking it is sun block. Dan and Charlie are shown bruised and slightly bloodied after a violent Frisbee football game. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Various minorities mistake a spray-tanned Dan as belonging to their demographic groups. Others recognize he is a white man with a gaudy and artificial tan and look at him with disdain. Charlie hits on several women throughout the film, including a tanning salon clerk, a restaurant waitress and a Japanese translator. At least two of them are young enough to be his daughter. The restaurant's staff welcomes Dan and Charlie into their "Grandparents Club," singing them an embarrassing song. The waitress thinks Charlie has urinated on himself on account of his age, but really all he has done is had a drink spilled in his lap. Dan tries to smuggle Zach and Emily into the adults-only condo building where he lives and is found out. Dan hires a company to "child-proof" Charlie's bachelor party without first getting his permission. One of the child proofers is constantly shown eating food from Charlie's kitchen and refrigerator. Dan tries to cajole Emily into not telling her mother the whole truth about their first day together while talking to her on the phone. Charlie and Dan work on a laptop and personal digital assistant while a scout leader is trying to instruct them and the kids. Charlie, under the influence of a prescribed drug that makes him extremely hungry, pigs out at a potluck dinner for a bereavement group. At one point, he even slams his face into a pie after tearing off a turkey drumstick and gorging on other foods. Under the influence of a different drug, Charlie can't help himself from smiling broadly as members of the bereavement group share their tales of personal loss. At a kids' scout meeting, one of the adult scouts accuses Charlie of stealing his girlfriend and continues to stare at him in a threatening manner. The scout leader mistakenly thinks that Dan and Charlie are homosexuals and treats them with subtle disdain, calling them "ladies" and such. Charlie and Dan are shown on the JumboTron at a New York Mets game with Zach and Emily. The JumboTron then displays the words: "Happy Grandparents' Day!" Zach and Emily tape signs on Ralph's back before he boards a plane for Tokyo, one of which reads "karate chop my butt." Once in Japan, Ralph shirks his responsibilities by getting drunk at a karaoke club and not showing up for work on his first day. Charlie yells at a cab driver. Zach overhears a frustrated Dan yell, "This is why I never wanted kids!" Dan tries to bribe his way into a closed zoo. When that doesn't work, he and Charlie and Ralph break into the zoo. FRIGHTENING SCENES A very brief clip of one of the "Friday the 13th" movies is shown with the killer Jason wielding a machete. Dan, Charlie and Ralph accidentally stumble into a gorilla enclosure at the zoo and are charged by a large male gorilla. Dan and Charlie escape, but Ralph is shown a couple of scenes later being cradled tenderly by the giant ape. Charlie and Dan are swarmed by dozens of angry penguins, who chew on the men's body parts. Ralph is shown again, scared out his wits in the embrace of the gorilla that won't let him go and forces him to sing Air Supply's "All Out of Love." The gorilla's large teeth are shown perilously close to Ralph's face. The scene is played for laughs, but the gorilla is real and quite intimidating. GUNS/WEAPONS An old photo shows one of the two leads as a child in a cowboy outfit with toy guns. Dan uses a rifle to shoot skeet, then accidentally shoots a statue. Charlie has an assortment of ancient weaponry on display behind glass at his Manhattan apartment, including tribal spears and Samurai swords. A very brief clip of one of the "Friday the 13th" movies is shown with the killer Jason wielding a machete. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Grandma" (referring to Dan), "You ladies" (referring to Dan and Charlie), "My beef is not with you old woman" (referring to Dan), "Shut up," "You're a monster," "Idiot," "Stupid," "Mr. Testosterone," "Man Tan," "Snowball," "He's giving me the stink eye," and "This is gonna sting like a mother." Dan and Charlie pretend to jog to hide their age and impress female joggers in Central Park. When the girls move out of sight, Dan and Charlie stop jogging. Dan gets a tattoo while drunk. He wants it to say "Free Man," but the tattoo artist mishears him and instead writes "FREMONT" across his chest. The tattoo is shown on at least three occasions throughout the film. Charlie and Ralph play basketball at their place of business. Vicki is given a two-week prison sentence for interfering with a company's environmental polluting. Charlie asks Zach and Emily if they have ever been to a casino or seen the R-rated movie "Casino." He then marvels that they've never seen any of the "Friday the 13th" movies, even though they are only 7. Zach and Emily are allowed to run free in Dan and Charlie's office, jump on bubble wrap, and play with the copy machine. Dan tries to smuggle Zach and Emily into the adults-only condo building even though it is against the rules. Dan tries to cajole Emily into not telling her mother the whole truth about their first day together while talking to her on the phone. Zach pretends he is his father when instant-messaging Dan's newest business client. Zach and Emily get into Dan and Charlie's bathroom cabinet and accidentally mix up the two men's pharmaceuticals. Charlie, under the influence of a prescribed drug that makes him extremely hungry, pigs out at a potluck dinner for a bereavement group. At one point, he even slams his face into a pie after tearing off a turkey drumstick and gorging on other foods. Zach and Emily tape signs on Ralph's back before he boards a plane for Tokyo, one of which reads "karate chop my butt." Dan drives at an excessively high rate of speed on his way to his kids' birthday party. Dan, Charlie, and Ralph sneak into a closed zoo, cutting through a locked gate. Dan, Charlie, Zach and Emily watch one of the "Friday the 13th" movies in bed. JUMP SCENES A massive gorilla roars right into the camera and suddenly charges Dan, Charlie and Ralph after they have inadvertently stumbled into his area at the zoo. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) None. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) At one point, The Hives' song "Hate to Say I Told You So" plays on the soundtrack, featuring such lines as "Do what I please, gonna spread the disease because I wanna!" and "Spit and retrieve 'cause I give and receive." PROFANITY None. SEX/NUDITY It is clearly implied that Dan and Emily had drunken sex (off-screen) the night of their ill-advised wedding, which produced the twins. Dan strips down to his underwear to get spray-tanned. The clerk at the tanning salon displays cleavage. Zach asks Dan where babies come from, and he fumbles for a non-graphic answer. He basically gives him the "When a man and a woman love each other very much…" speech. Charlie whines that Dan and his kids are invading his apartment, as it's the place where he gets his "freak on." SMOKING None. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Dan is divorced from his first wife (who does not appear in the film). The implication is that she wanted to have kids and he didn't. Against his better judgment, Dan agrees to go to Miami to celebrate the end of his first marriage with Charlie. A drunken Dan marries Vicki in Florida. In dialogue, though, we learn that the two realize their mistake and had the marriage annulled. Vicki tells Dan that he is the father of her 7-year-old twins, and that she has kept their very existence a secret from him because he isn't "father material." Dan is forced to tell his daughter and son that he is not the bulletproof superhero their mother told them he was. Dan is asked by Zach where babies come from. Dan is uncomfortable kissing his kids good-night on their first night with him, so he instead shakes their hand. Dan is put in a mechanical suit that Charlie can manipulate like a puppet as he attempts to have a make-believe tea party with his daughter. The suit then goes haywire. Zach overhears a frustrated Dan yell, "This is why I never wanted kids!" Under the influence of a drug, Charlie can't help himself from smiling broadly as members of a bereavement group share their tales of personal loss. Specifically, one weeps over the loss of a beloved grandparent, while the other laments the death of a favorite aunt. Dan has to break the news to Vicki, Emily and Zach that he is moving to Japan for his work and leaving them behind, despite the fact that they have bonded. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Divorce. Letting life become out of balance between work and family. The dangers of mixing up pharmaceutical drugs. The loss of a pet (Charlie's beloved dog dies off-screen while he is on a business trip). VIOLENCE Dan kicks a ball at a child and accidentally hits the boy square in the face. Dan playfully slaps Charlie hard across the face. Dan's back cracks when he tries to do the limbo. Dan accidentally slams a car trunk door down on Vicki's best friend's hands. He then opens up the trunk, which hits her square in the face. Preparing to play Frisbee football, Dan and Charlie crack each other's backs to get loose. Dan accidentally elbows a man and knocks him down during a Frisbee football game. The man then declares "Prison rules," and the game turns exceedingly violent towards Dan and Charlie who are brutalized repeatedly and are the victims of some bone-crushing tackles. Dan accidentally sets a statue on fire. Dan accidentally hits golf balls into the crotches of Ralph and then a Japanese colleague, causing them to writhe in pain. Dan hits a golf ball that hits a bird flying by. Ralph is slammed about inside of a car as Dan drives at an excessively high rate of speed. A gorilla throws a tire, hitting Charlie square in the torso. Penguins attack Dan and Charlie and peck and chew on their body parts. Dan uses a rocket pack to fly to his kids' birthday party, but ends up plunging hard from the sky and into a pond. He is injured (although no blood) and eventually taken away in an ambulance. Reviewed November 21, 2009 / Posted November 25, 2009