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"THE GOONIES" (1985) (Sean Astin, Josh Brolin) (PG) QUICK TAKE: Adventure-comedy: A few outcast kids go underground to seek pirate treasure in order to save their homes. PLOT: Mikey Walsh (SEAN ASTIN) is glum about the future. And that's because it involves moving out of his home with his family and separating from his group of friends, who call themselves the Goonies, as they're considered outcasts by the higher social class that seeks to turn their homes into a large golf course. His mother doesn't see any way to raise the money to stay, but Mikey does, when he discovers a map in his attic leading to the treasure of a pirate named One-Eyed Willy. And that treasure is somewhere underground, not too far away from their homes. He heads to a restaurant boarded up for the winter with Chunk (JEFF COHEN), always eating, always nervous and always clumsy; Data (JONATHAN KE QUAN), an ingenious budding inventor; MOUTH (COREY FELDMAN), who always has something to say; and his brother Brand (JOSH BROLIN), following the map and hoping that what may be found is enough to keep them from having to move. Joining them is Andy (KERI GREEN), whom Brand likes and hopes the feeling is mutual, and Stef (MARTHA PLIMPTON), Andy's friend who's not at all fond of Mouth, and is reticent about the adventure. They encounter the Fratellis, Mama (ANNE RAMSEY), Jake (ROBERT DAVI), and Francis (JOE PANTOLIANO), who also seek the treasure. Through an intricate cave system they will all go and encounter the clues and booby traps left behind by One-Eyed Willy. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? Kids interested in adventure and pirates will certainly want to see it, as will fans of anyone in the cast. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG No official reason is given, but it's likely for language, sexual content, some violence, and drug references. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: SEAN ASTIN plays Mikey Walsh, a little weak in breath, as he occasionally uses an inhaler. He's not happy over having to move out of his house so that greedy developers can turn his neighborhood into a golf course. In the attic of his house, while he and his friends go through his dad's things from the museum, he finds a map belonging to the pirate One-Eyed Willy and, convinced that the map will lead them to whatever treasure awaits, he and his friends go on an adventure to find it. JOSH BROLIN plays Brand Walsh, Mikey's brother, who doesn't want him to go on this quest for treasure, as he worries about being grounded and then not being able to go on a date with Andy. But he follows, at one point trying to establish himself as the leader, but falling in with the rest of the Goonies, curious about what's next, as the dangers grow. He uses profanity. JEFF COHEN plays Lawrence 'Chunk' Cohen, heavy in appearance, always eating when the opportunity presents itself, always worried about what might happen in the search for treasure, and always clumsy. That clumsiness proves useful, particularly when Mikey has to get a map out of a frame, and water from a broken water cooler seeps into a hole below the basement of a boarded-up restaurant, showing the Goonies where a cave system is. He uses profanity. COREY FELDMAN plays Clark 'Mouth' Devereaux, who can never let one minute go by without saying something, whether it be a Groucho Marx-esque remark to something said, or trading insults with Stef, who doesn't like him much either. He uses profanity. JONATHAN KE QUAN plays Richard 'Data' Wang, the big brain of the group, with inventions that include being able to glide from one house to another via a wire, a device that springs open a boxing glove, and suction-cup arrows, among others. KERRI GREEN plays Andy Carmichael, part of the social set, but without the traits. She's first seen at her high school, leading the cheerleading squad, then riding with Troy, the son of one of the developers looking to destroy many homes to make way for a golf course. With her friend Stef, she reluctantly joins the Goonies to seek the treasure, but soon gets so engrossed, that she realizes she is one of them and effectively sheds her previous way of life, as demonstrated in a scene involving a wishing well. Her panties are seen in a few scenes. MARTHA PLIMPTON plays Stef Steinbrenner, a friend to Andy and a displeased acquaintance of Mouth. She doesn't want to join the Goonies to look for the pirate treasure and is, effectively, dragged along. But despite her worries, she gets into it as much as the others do. ANNE RAMSEY plays Mama Fratelli, a criminal with three sons who wants the treasure as much as the Goonies do. She first leads police on a chase after picking up her son Jake from prison, and sets up a base inside a restaurant boarded up for the winter. She hits her sons at certain points, and has another chained up in a basement. ROBERT DAVI plays Jake Fratelli, recently escaped from prison, who helps Mama Fratelli with anything needed, including interrogating Chunk, and trying to search for the treasure. JOE PANTOLIANO plays Francis Fratelli, who pours gasoline around the perimeter of the prison from which Jake escapes, and then sets it on fire, trapping a few jail guards. Between him and Jake, it's not entirely certain who's the brains of the operation, or if there even are any brains, but he seems to be more attuned to what needs to be done. JOHN MATUSZAK plays Lotney 'Sloth' Fratelli, disfigured from his mother dropping him when he was little, and chained inside a room in the basement of a boarded-up restaurant. His brothers torment him, and Chunk is initially scared of him, but soon sees that he's harmless, and quickly grows to like him. He also plays a pivotal part in the climax of the film. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this PG-rated adventure-comedy. Profanity consists of at least 17 "s" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are uttered. Some sexually-related dialogue is present, while a girl's panties are seen briefly in a few scenes, and a brief comedy bit involves and its broken-off male genitals. Violence consists of a police chase with gunshots heard and seen, various booby traps inside a cave, use of a sword, some pushing, slipping, and property destruction. Some of the behavior of the characters and some stunts may be enticing for some kids to imitate. Various characters also have varying degrees of disrespect and bad attitude. One character smokes, there are brief drug references, and some crude humor is present. Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those concerned with bright flashes of light, there's some of that when the boys are looking at a map, and thunder claps and white light from lightning is seen. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Mouth says that this is the "last Goonie weekend. We gotta be going out in style! Cruisin' the coast, sniffin' some waves, downin' the brews, but no! The one older brother had to go and screw it up." Mrs. Walsh asks Mouth to translate to Rosalita what she just said about the clothes going in the bureau drawers for moving, since Mouth claims he can speak Spanish, and when Mrs. Walsh walks out, he says to Rosalita in Spanish (and seen in subtitles), "The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed in the second. The heroin in the bottom. Always separate the drugs." Data says to a worried Chunk who wonders about the summer place being open in the fall, "There's nothing to be scared of. See, there's already two customers who went inside the restaurant." Chunk replies, "But what if they're not customers? What if they're drug dealers?" Data answers, "Drug dealers?" and hits Chunk on the head with his hand. Data continues, "Did you see their clothes? Drug dealers wouldn't be caught dead in those polyester rags." BLOOD/GROSS STUFF Chunk holds out the statue and asks how his gluing job is. Mikey exclaims, "Oh you idiot, you glued it on upside-down." We see the statue's penis upside-down. Brand comments, "Dork, if God made you do it that way, you'd all be pissing in your faces!" Brand turns pages in a book that has pirate violence illustrations on board a ship, guns pointed, swords aimed, and at least one body upside down, no blood seen. One of the girls steps on a rake and the handle comes up with a dead fish. Both scream and Stephanie screams, "Oh my God!" and they run inside the restaurant, screaming. Mikey tells Brand and Mouth to listen to a sound, of the spilled water moving toward somewhere below and Mouth says, "Sounds like my grandfather taking a leak, Mikey, thrillsville." Chunk bumps his elbow into a body in the freezer and the face turns, showing a bullet hole in the forehead. Chunk shouts, "It's a stiff!" The Goonies unknowingly close the freezer door on Chunk with the body, and it keeps falling on him. Chunk screams upon seeing the body next to him in the Fratellis' car. Andy and the others see bones and skeletons and they scream. Mikey takes a skull necklace off a body and the skull on the body comes off. Mouth screams briefly. Confessing to the Fratellis everything bad he ever did (though Mama Fratelli only wanted to know about the Goonies getting in and going under the fireplace), Chunk says, "But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony, and then I made a noise like this..." and then he makes a puking noise repeatedly. He continues, "And then I dumped it over the side on all the people in the audience. Then this was horrible-all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life." Mikey says to himself, "I gotta go to the bathroom." Then he turns around and says to the group, "Pee break. Who's gotta go?" All hands raise and voices make it known. The kids come upon a skeleton, stuck through lots of times and it turns out to be an unusually-made piano. Mikey turns around a skeleton on board the ship that's been impaled in the eyes. Mikey sees skeletons sitting around a table in another room on the ship. Mikey lifts the eyepatch of One-Eyed Willy and finds no eye under it. Mouth spits out some jewels at Mama Fratelli's behest. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Most of the following is played for comedy: The Fratellis are a criminal trio, made up of Mama Fratelli, and brothers Francis and Jake. While there are also villains in the rich side of town salivating over foreclosing on the houses of the Goonies and other citizens in order to make the area more high-scale, the Fratellis are the more immediate threat to the Goonies. Jake escapes from jail at the beginning, and the Fratellis use a closed-up summer restaurant as their base to search for the treasure that the Goonies are also seeking, in order to prevent their homes from being taken over and having to move elsewhere. Mama Fratelli is snippy with the boys, since they interrupted her attempts to seek out the treasure. She also threatens Chunk with removing his hand via a running blender, and also keeps a third son, disfigured Sloth, chained up in the basement of the boarded-up restaurant, in front of a TV. Francis and Jake also snipe at each other, each drawing a gun at one another over pepperoni pizza at one point. A jail guard calls out at the prisoners, "Lunchtime! The longer you animals bark, the colder your lunch gets." He walks to a cell at the end of the block and calls out "Hey turkey!" We first see legs hanging down, then the body of a man who's hung himself. No blood. The guard takes a letter off of him and reads it aloud, "You schmuck. Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to kill my-kill myself?" The prisoner, Jake Fratelli, smiles at the guard, then punches him with a towel, sending him to the cell door, hitting his shoulder there. The prisoner takes off the cord from around his neck, steps down, and loosens a pipe from his pants. He places the pipe on the fallen guard and leaves his cell. Francis pours gasoline on the grounds outside the jail and around a car. Mama Fratelli barks at Francis to "Come on!" Francis pours the rest of the gasoline, throws the canister away from him and gets in the car. As Mama drives the car away from the jail with Francis and Jake, Francis fires at the gasoline trail and it ignites, surrounding a few jail guards. A shootout plays on a black-and-white movie on TV, cars swerving and shots fired. Mouth watches it, imitating the driving and the speed of the driving by making noise. His father tells him, "Turn that TV off, son. I can't hear myself think. He replies, "Yeah right, Dad," and turns it down. Mikey's brother Brand corrects him on his word usage, saying to him, "That's 'delude yourself', dummy." Brand gets up after hearing a knock on the door, grabs Mikey, pushes him down and as he walks away, says, "Adopted wuss." Mikey follows, saying, "Adopted wuss, I'm no adopted wuss. I'll kill you Brand." Mouth says that this is the "last Goonie weekend. We gotta be going out in style! Cruisin' the coast, sniffin' some waves, downin' the brews, but no! The one older brother had to go and screw it up." Brand tries to throw a punch at Mouth, but he ducks. Mouth says, "Jerk alert! It's Chunk," about who's at the gate of the house. Mouth closes the screen door on Chunk and he exclaims, "You turd!" Mouth says to Brand, disappointed, "Flunked your driver's test," and Brand replies, "Shut up, Mouth." Data uses a wire from one house to Mikey's to fly over on an overhead rolling device. He flies through the screen door and falls into Mikey, who falls into Mouth, who falls onto Brand, who falls onto Chunk. Chunk grabs a nude Michelangelo statue as he falls, that shows the man's genitals. Chunk drops it, and it clunks to the floor. Mikey exclaims, "Oh my God!" and Brand exclaims at Chunk, "You idiot!" Chunk holds out the statue not long after, and asks how his gluing job is. Mikey exclaims, "Oh you idiot, you glued it on upside-down." We see the statue's penis upside-down. Brand comments, "Dork, if God made you do it that way, you'd all be pissing in your faces!" Mrs. Walsh asks Mouth to translate to Rosalita what she just said about the clothes going in the bureau drawers for moving, since Mouth claims he can speak Spanish, and when Mrs. Walsh walks out, he says to Rosalita in Spanish (and seen in subtitles), "The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed in the second. The heroin in the bottom. Always separate the drugs." Mouth translates more for Mrs. Walsh to Rosalita about the attic. He says to her, "Never go up there. It's filled with Mr. Walsh's sexual torture devices." Rosalita looks up at the closed attic, Mouth taps her on the shoulder, and he shouts in fright. Mrs. Wright also has Mouth translate about what's available to Rosalita in the supply closet to clean the house, and he says to her, "If you do a bad job you'll be locked in here with the cockroaches, for two weeks without food and water." Rosalita says to herself, "My God, I'm in a crazy house." Brand's mother says to Mikey, "Mikey, I want you kept inside." To Brand, she says, "If he's coming down with asthma, I don't want him out in the rain." Brand says, "He should be kept in a plastic bubble." Brand's mother replies, "I'm serious, Brandon. That's not funny. He takes one step outside, and you are in deep, absolutely the deepest…" "Sh*t, ma," Brand interjects. His mother replies, "I don't like that language, but that's exactly what you're gonna be in." Mouth suggests fervently that they go up to the attic to see what Mikey's dad has up there that's supposed to go back to the museum and everyone runs for the attic, except Mikey, who exclaims, "No! It's my dad's responsibility, you guys; the museum's probably got a list of it." He runs after them up the stairs and says, "You guys listen to me damn it, that's his stuff!" He objects to everyone being in the attic and tries to stop them, imploring them to put down an outfit, but to no avail. After Mikey relates the story of the pirate One-Eyed Willy, Mouth says to him, "Well I don't believe you, I don't believe you at all. I think you're full of..." and we don't hear the rest of the sentiment. Mouth spots two men standing in front of the house and says, "Senior jerk alert." About Mikey's desire to go out and find One-Eyed Willy's treasure, Brand says to him, "Forget about any adventures, limp lungs. I let you go and Mom'll ground my ass, and I got a date with Andy on Friday, alright?" Mouth says to Brand, "You're dreamin', kid. There's no way. 'Cause that means her mom's gotta drive, and then you gotta make it with her and her mom." Brand turns on the sink that Mouth's sitting on and it soaks the seat of his pants and ends of his jacket. Mouth deflates the tires on Brand's bike while Mikey asks him, "What are you doing? It took him 376 lawn mower jobs to pay for...it's his most favorite thing in the world." Mouth replies, "Now it's his most flattest thing in the world. Let's go!" Brand yells from inside the house at the kids, "I'm gonna hit you so hard, when you wake up your clothes are gonna be out of style!" After finding his bike tires flattened, Brad lifts a little girl off her bike and she screams, "My bike!" Brand says to her, "I owe you one," and rides off. Andy says to Troy, "Troy, you touch that mirror again, and I swear to God I'm gonna smack you in the face." We learn later from Andy that Troy was trying to look down her shirt. In the same scene, Troy spots Brand on the little girl's bike and says, "Oh, like the bike," sarcastically. The girl in the back, Stef, says, "No wonder he can't get a license." After Andy offers a ride to Brand, Troy says to Brand, "Yeah Walsh, let us give you a little ride." He holds onto Brand's hand on the car and starts driving. As Troy drives faster, the training wheels fly off of the bike and the back wheel starts smoking. Troy calls out, "So long sucker!" and Brand flies off a cliff on the bike. Mouth says to Chunk, "Chunk, I'm just kinda O.D'd on all your bullsh*t stories." Mikey tells Mama Fratelli that he has to go to the bathroom and Mouth says to him, "Hey Mikey, got to go to the bathroom?" and pours one cup of liquid into an empty cup, back and forth. Jake sings in Italian to torture Sloth, and throws food at him, while he screams for food. Mikey tries to describe Sloth, saying that, "When it came into the light, it was all gross, and distorted, and the parts were mixed around." Brand replies, "Like your brain, right lame-o?" Stef says to Mouth, "Hey Mouth, you look better from behind." Mouth replies, "Hey, you want to see something really scary? Look at that," and holds up a handheld mirror to her face. To set Chunk off, Mouth says to him, "You know, I got some naked pictures of your mom, taking a bath? You want to buy 'em? Real cheap." Chunk screams angrily, Mouth gets out of his way, and Chunk breaks open a door that appeared to be firmly locked, and he falls to the floor inside. Later, Mouth suggests to Mikey, to try to break through the floor, "Lookit! I got an idea. Why don't we just put chocolate all over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through it?" Chunk gets up from a water cooler and says, "Okay Mouth. That's all I can stand, and I can't stand no more." Jake throws a bucket at Francis' head and says, "Ma, he's eating my pepperoni again." Francis takes his gun out, points it at Jake, says, "You want your pepperoni? Huh?" and throws a slice of pizza at Jake, which hits him on the face. Jake takes out his gun, points it at Francis and exclaims, "Come on, come on, let's kill each other over the pepperoni." Mama Fratelli says to Jake, "Put that gun away now! I said, put that gun away now!" Jake says to Mama Fratelli, "You always take his side, Ma, huh? You always liked him better than me." Mama Fratelli hits Jake on the face with her pocketbook and says, "That's right!" Jake and Francis argue and Mama Fratelli tells them both to "shut up!" Mama Fratelli says to them that "someone's been here. The water cooler's broken." Jake says to Mama Fratelli, "It could have been a tremor, Ma." She replies, "I'll show you a tremor," and hits him. Jake says, "I'm gonna go check the brother." Mama Fratelli says, "He'd better not have broken those chains. I'm not going back to the zoo for another set." Francis says to Mama Fratelli, "Ma, just don't upset yourself," and Mama Fratelli fires back, "Hurry up." Jake says to Chunk, "Don't give us none of your bullsh*t stories, huh?" Mouth holds up a coin to identify it and says, "Uh, Martin Sheen." Stef grabs it, looks at it and says to him, "Martin Sheen, that's President Kennedy, you idiot!" Mouth shouts, "Well same difference! I mean, he played Kennedy once." Stef replies, "Oh that's really smart, I'm glad to know you're using your brain!" Mouth answers, "Yeah, well at least I have a brain! Stef replies, "So stupid, Mouth." A guy asks Troy how far he's gone with Andy and another guy pushes him slightly and asks, "All the way, buddy?" Troy replies, "You guys are so immature, why don't you grow up?" The first guy says, "Come on, tell us." Troy replies, "I'd put it this way: I didn't make it with her yet. And I stress 'yet'." Troy throws a coin into the wishing well and the second guy asks him, "What'd you wish for?" and Troy replies, "To make it with Andy." When he spots Andy at the bottom of the well, Troy says to the guys, "Wishes do come true." Francis tells Chunk after he's tied him up, "Now, if you let yourself out, I'll break your legs." After seeing to the tied-up Chunk, Francis mockingly chants at Sloth, "Hare Krishna, hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna." As they run through the cave, encountering Data's mildly explosive booby traps, Mama Fratelli says to Jake, "Booby traps. It's only booby traps. Why you being such a sissy?" Brand, watching the guys, says, "Why couldn't I have had a little sister? Just a little sister instead of that," pointing at Mikey offscreen. FRIGHTENING SCENES The following scenes, as well as those listed under "Blood/Gross Stuff" and "Violence," may be unsettling, suspenseful or scary to younger viewers, but likely few others. Thunder claps loudly outside the attic and white light is seen on the boys' faces. The electricity sparks and one light emits a shower of sparks, causing Andy and Stef to scream. Bats fly out of the hole Brand uncovers and he screams, as does Andy, who screams the loudest. Sloth roars at Chunk. GUNS/WEAPONS Handguns/Knives/Swords: Carried and used to intimidate, threaten and attempt to wound. See "Violence" for details. Francis takes out a handgun and cocks it. Mama Fratelli grabs Mouth by the cheeks, says to him, "The only thing we serve is tongue," and snaps open a pocket knife. She asks the others, "You boys like tongue?" and then lets Mouth go. Jake throws a bucket at Francis' head and says, "Ma, he's eating my pepperoni again." Francis takes his gun out, points it at Jake, and says, "You want your pepperoni? Huh?" and throws a slice of pizza at Jake, which hits him on the face. Jake takes out his gun, points it at Francis and exclaims, "Come on, come on, let's kill each other over the pepperoni." Mama Fratelli says to Jake, "Put that gun away now! I said, put that gun away now!" Mama Fratelli tells Jake to go down the fireplace hole first. Jake replies, "I ain't gonna go first Ma, what, are you kidding me?" Mama Fratelli takes out a pistol, holds it at Jake and says, "Go!" Jake replies, "Can't argue with that, Ma, all right." Francis rises up from the water and snaps open a knife. Francis yells at Mama Fratelli to throw him the gun. She does and he drops it. He picks up the gun, and aims it at Andy and Brand, but they're already gone. Mama Fratelli points a gun at the Goonies and demands that they go outside. Data fires a suction-cup weapon which hits Mama Fratelli's gun, but drags him to her and he bumps into her, causing her to drop the gun. Mama Fratelli points a sword at Andy, her hands tied, and makes her walk backward to the plank and on it. She swipes the sword at her hair and she falls into the water. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Aw/Oh/Ow, sh*t!" "We're in some serious sh*t here," "Holy s-h-*-t," "Sh*t!" "Holy sh*t!" "We're in deep sh*t now," , I'm just kinda O.D'd on all your bullsh*t stories," "Hey turkey!" "Jeez," "What the hell are we doing here?" "Oh bummer," "I know how you feel, wimp," "Wuss," "Jerk alert/Senior jerk alert!" "You turd!" "You idiot!" "Ole!" "Aw, great!" "Neato!" "I'm gonna hit you so hard, when you wake up your clothes are gonna be out of style!" "What's wrong with you people?" "So long sucker!" "Lame-o," "Turn off your brain, alright?" "Damn it!" "What the hell is that/this?" "Kids suck," "Shut up!" "What the hell are you doing?" "Lookit!" "You klutz!" "Thrillsville," "You guys are crazy," "You know, you guys are self-destructive," "There's a funny farm, it has your names written all over it," "Come on, you idiots!" "Shut up for a minute," "Don't give us none of your bullsh*t stories, huh?" "Oh brother," "Man, that was close," "Oh, wow/neat!" "What the hell?" "Goonies never say die," "Hare Krishna, hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna," "Why you being such a sissy?" "Friggin' kids," "Stupid," "Man, you smell like phys. ed," "Hey, stupido," "Holy mackenzie," "What the hell do you think that was?" "Yo," "Gnarly," "That's atrocious, you guys," "Guys, he looks really pissed off!" "Geronimo!" "Idiot!" "I'm sick and tired of this!" "You gross old witch!" "Hey you guys!" "Let's get the hell out of here!" "You rotten bastard!" "Well I'll be damned," "Screw it up," "You schmuck" and "Dork." The stunts and other action might be enticing for some kids to imitate. Jake can't get the back door of the car open, so Mama Fratelli tells him to go in through the sunroof. He climbs up on the hood and gets in upside-down. Francis pours gasoline around the perimeter of the jail before Jake comes out to the car. He laughs maniacally as he closes his window after firing at the gasoline trail that ignites and surrounds a few jail guards. A shootout plays on a black-and-white movie on TV, cars swerving and shots fired. Mouth watches it, imitating the driving and the speed of the driving by making noise. As the cop cars pass by, Stef, who dunked her head in a barrel of water comes back up, holding a crab. She throws the crab over her shoulder. Data's various inventions, such as his boxing glove and suction-cup arrow weapons, may be tempting to try to make and imitate. Brand lifts Mikey up on a barbell while exercising, and he hangs there. Mouth tells Chunk that he has to do the "Truffle Shuffle" before he lets him in. Chunk stands on a stump outside the house, pulls up his shirt and shakes his stomach about while making noises. Chunk drops a statue and Mike, finding it broken, exclaims, "Oh my God!" and says, "That's my mom's most favorite piece," reaching to the floor for the genitals of the statue. Mouth, impersonating Groucho Marx with a hairbrush handle as a cigar and rolling his eyes upward, says to Mikey, "You wouldn't be here if it wasn't." Brand hangs from a bar near the ceiling outside the kitchen, doing some exercises. Mouth says to Rosarita, "Adios seniorita," in a scratchy voice as she leaves. Brand playfully holds a sword against Chunk's chest. Mouth sticks his tongue out through a woman's mouth behind a painting, and says to Mikey in a high voice, "Mikey! Mikey! Come here and make me sing like a woman. Come on and give me a nice, wet, lickery kiss." Mikey allows himself to be dragged inside the house by Brand, who has an arm wrapped around his head. Chunk takes a can of whipped cream out of the refrigerator, says, "Oh God, am I depressed," and sprays some into his mouth. Mouth grabs Brand's stretch exercise device, while Chunk sits on him, and with Mikey, ties him to the recliner. Mouth deflates the tires on Brand's bike. After Andy offers a ride to Brand, Troy says to Brand, "Yeah Walsh, let us give you a little ride." He holds onto Brand's hand on the car and starts driving. As Troy drives faster, the training wheels fly off of the bike and the back wheel starts smoking. Troy calls out, "So long sucker!" and Brand flies off a cliff on the bike. Chunk starts chanting in Hebrew as he realizes he's been talking to Jake, and Jake responds by singing in Italian. Jake crosses two fingers at the flying bats. Sloth, smiling, says "chocolate" slowly. Francis walks across the log, slips on the slick, is thrown into the air and lands on his stomach and crotch. Mama Fratelli says to Francis, "Sweetheart, are you ok?" and Francis answers "No!" in a high-pitched voice. Mouth calls out "Ohhhhhh sh****t!" as he falls from the slide into the water. Brand calls out "Geronimo!" as he falls into the water. Francis tries to tie up Sloth by playing jump rope with him, but Sloth grabs both ends of the rope and nearly causes Francis and Jake to run into each other. JUMP SCENES None MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A heavy amount of ominous and suspenseful music occurs in the film. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) None PROFANITY At least 17 "s" words (1 incomplete, 1 verbally spelled out and 1 shouted in a drawn-out manner while falling into water), 10 hells, 4 damns, 1 ass, 16 uses of "Oh my God," 9 uses of "Oh God," 3 uses of "God," 2 uses of "My God," and 1 use each of "Swear to God," "Thank God," and "Holy Mary mother of God." SEX/NUDITY Data uses a wire from one house to another to fly over on an overhead rolling device. Data flies through the screen door and falls into Mikey, who falls into Mouth, who falls onto Brand, who falls onto Chunk. Chunk grabs a nude Michelangelo statue as he falls, that shows the man's genitals. Chunk drops it, and it clunks to the floor. Mikey exclaims, "Oh my God!" and Brand exclaims at Chunk, "You idiot!" The figure's bottom is seen as well. Mikey, holding the statue, exclaims, "Oh my God!" and says, "That's my mom's most favorite piece," reaching to the floor for the genitals of the statue. Mikey tries to re-attach it, and the effort is seen close up. Mouth, impersonating Groucho Marx with a hairbrush handle as a cigar and rolling his eyes upward, says to Mikey, "You wouldn't be here if it wasn't." Later, Chunk holds out the statue and asks how his gluing job is. Mikey exclaims, "Oh you idiot, you glued it on upside-down." We see the statue's penis upside-down. Brand comments, "Dork, if God made you do it that way, you'd all be pissing in your faces!" Mouth translates more for Mrs. Walsh to Rosalita about the attic. He says to her, "Never go up there. It's filled with Mr. Walsh's sexual torture devices." Mouth sticks his tongue out through a woman's mouth behind a painting, and says to Mikey in a high voice, "Mikey! Mikey! Come here and make me sing like a woman. Come on and give me a nice, wet, lickery kiss." Andy says to Troy, "Troy, you touch that mirror again, and I swear to God I'm gonna smack you in the face." We learn later from Andy while she's in a panic in the cave that Troy was trying to look down her shirt in the car: "Ten minutes ago, Troy was looking down my shirt. Who cares? There's nothing wrong with that! If I'd been (unintelligible), Troy would be looking down my shirt. I should've been letting him look at my body. Don't I have a beautiful body?" She turns to Brand and repeats, "Don't I have a beautiful body?" Brand replies, "You've got a great body," saying it more out of concern. To set Chunk off, Mouth says to him, "You know, I got some naked pictures of your mom, taking a bath? You want to buy 'em? Real cheap." Chunk screams angrily, Mouth gets out of his way, and Chunk breaks open a door that appeared to be firmly locked, and he falls to the floor inside. As Brand and Andy nearly kiss, they're knocked over by the Goonies running scared out of the room, and Andy lands on top of Brand. Chunk spots them about to kiss and says, "Shame! Shame!" and then Data says, "I know your name." Mouth says to Brand, "Come on Brand, slip her the tongue." Many bare-chested men are seen in the shower room of the country club. A guy asks Troy how far he's gone with Andy and another guy pushes him slightly and asks, "All the way, buddy?" Troy replies, "You guys are so immature, why don't you grow up?" The first guy says, "Come on, tell us." Troy replies, "I'd put it this way: I didn't make it with her yet. And I stress 'yet'." Troy throws a coin into the wishing well and the second guy asks him, "What'd you wish for?" and Troy replies, "To make it with Andy." When he spots Andy at the bottom of the well, Troy says to the guys, "Wishes do come true." Brand nearly falls asleep on Stephanie's shoulder, looks at her and apologizes. He then rests his head on Andy's chest, smiling. Andy kisses Mikey in the dark, not knowing he's not Brand. As Andy walks out of one part of the cave, the bottom of her panties are seen briefly. Francis walks across the log, slips on the slick left behind by Data, is thrown into the air and lands on his stomach and crotch. Mama Fratelli says to Francis, "Sweetheart, are you ok?" and Francis answers "No!" in a high-pitched voice. Jake slips on the slick too and lands on his crotch. Andy's panties are seen again as she's almost out the side exit of another part of the cave, but tells Brand to wait so she can get the map. Data throws out his chattering teeth, which bite onto Francis' clothed crotch. Andy's panties are seen as she falls from the ship into the water. SMOKING Jake smokes twice. Mouth says to Data, "Look at these cigarettes," holding out an ancient-looking pack which presents the possibility of someone once being where the Goonies are. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Jake throws a bucket at Francis' head and says, "Ma, he's eating my pepperoni again." Francis takes his gun out, points it at Jake, and says, "You want your pepperoni? Huh?" and throws a slice of pizza at Jake, which hits him on the face. Jake takes out his gun, points it at Francis and exclaims, "Come on, come on, let's kill each other over the pepperoni." Mama Fratelli says to Jake, "Put that gun away now! I said, put that gun away now!" Jake says to Mama Fratelli, "You always take his side, Ma, huh? You always liked him better than me." Mama Fratelli hits Jake on the face with her pocketbook and says, "That's right!" Jake and Francis argue and Mama Fratelli tells them both to "shut up!" Mama Fratelli says to them that "someone's been here. The water cooler's broken." Jake says to Mama Fratelli, "It could have been a tremor, Ma." She replies, "I'll show you a tremor," and hits him. Jake says, "I'm gonna go check the brother." Mama Fratelli says, "He'd better not have broken those chains. I'm not going back to the zoo for another set." Francis says to Mama Fratelli, "Ma, just don't upset yourself," and Mama Fratelli fires back, "Hurry up." As Mama Fratelli sings the verse, "...cradle will fall," in "Rock a Bye Baby," Sloth realizes that she dropped him when he was little and she admits it. "Well, maybe twice." Sloth picks her up and throws her into the water. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT The town is split into two groups: There's the middle class, considered outsiders by the rich social types, and that group includes the Goonies. Then there's the members of the country club and Troy as well, who look forward to foreclosing on a lot of the houses in the area, houses that the Goonies live in, in order to build golf courses and other things to keep up a high-class lifestyle. Mikey is so intent on going to find the treasure in the hope that there's gold, jewels and other riches that'll be set enough to prevent foreclosure. The Fratellis, and their interactions as family and as criminals. One-Eyed Willy and the intricacies of his booby traps, in the caves and aboard his ship. The vastly different personalities of each member of the Goonies. VIOLENCE A jail guard calls out at the prisoners, "Lunchtime! The longer you animals bark, the colder your lunch gets." He walks to a cell at the end of the block and calls out "Hey turkey!" We first see legs hanging down, then the body of a man who's hung himself. No blood. The guard takes a letter off of him and reads it aloud, "You schmuck. Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to kill my-kill myself?" The prisoner, Jake Fratelli, smiles at the guard, then punches him with a towel, sending him to the cell door, hitting his shoulder there. The prisoner takes off the cord from around his neck, steps down, and loosens a pipe from his pants. He places the pipe on the fallen guard and leaves his cell. Francis opens his window and fires at the trail of gasoline. It ignites, surrounding the jail guards. A cop car chases Francis, Jake and Mama Fratelli. One of the cops keeps firing at the getaway car. Eventually, two of the bullets hit the car. The getaway car barely swipes by a woman standing in the middle of a crosswalk, and then a cop car passes by her, then the other cop car. Francis fires at the cops from one side of the car and Jake fires from the other. A shootout plays on a black-and-white movie on TV, cars swerving and shots fired. Mouth watches it, imitating the driving and the speed of the driving by making noise. Data pops open a device on his belt line and fires a suction-cup arrow at a barrel. He tries to reel it in, but the chains on the barrel stiffen and he's dragged to the barrel by his makeshift device and falls in. Mikey holds down his brother's exercise equipment on him and says, "Thanks Brand." Brand replies, "I know how you feel, wimp." Brand lifts him up on the equipment and he hangs there. Data uses a wire from one house to another to fly over on an overhead rolling device. He flies through the screen door and falls onto Mikey, who falls onto Mouth, who falls onto Brand, who falls onto Chunk. Brand grabs Mikey, pulls him down over him and says, "You want a breathing problem? You got one," and wraps his hand around his neck, and gives him a noogie on his head with his fist. Mikey hands Chunk a glass frame, well aware of his clumsiness and as Chunk excitedly recounts to Mikey what he found just before, Mikey counts down to Chunk dropping the frame and he does, right on cue. The glass breaks and a map is taken out of the frame. As Chunk walks, his foot hits another frame, which falls to the floor. Mouth grabs Brand's stretch exercise device, while Chunk sits on him, and with Mikey's help, ties him to the recliner. After Andy offers a ride to Brand, Troy says to Brand, "Yeah Walsh, let us give you a little ride." He holds onto Brand's hand on the car and starts driving. As Troy drives faster, the training wheels fly off of the bike and the back wheel starts smoking. Troy calls out, "So long sucker!" and Brand flies off a cliff on the bike. Data says to a worried Chunk who wonders about the summer place being open in the fall, "There's nothing to be scared of. See, there's already two customers who went inside the restaurant." Chunk replies, "But what if they're not customers? What if they're drug dealers?" Data answers, "Drug dealers?" and hits Chunk on the head with his hand. Gunshots are heard from inside the summer restaurant. Jake throws down something in the background and yells at his brother who's offscreen, "How the hell am I supposed to create with that Smithsonian piece of sh*t?" Mama Fratelli slams down four glasses on the table. Jake sings in Italian to torture Sloth, and throws food at him. Mikey hits Chunk's hand and says, "Shh!" as they walk to the door that has Sloth behind it. As Brand and Andy nearly kiss, they're knocked over by the Goonies running scared out of the adjacent room, and Andy lands on top of Brand. Mouth suggests to Mikey, to try to break through the floor, "Why don't we just put chocolate all over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through it?" Chunk gets up from a water cooler and says, "Okay Mouth. That's all I can stand, and I can't stand no more." Chunk bumps into the water cooler, which leans toward falling, and he tries to hold onto it, but the water cooler falls and smashes to the floor, breaking. Jake throws a bucket at Francis' head and says, "Ma, he's eating my pepperoni again." Francis takes his gun out, points it at Jake, and says, "You want your pepperoni? Huh?" and throws a slice of pizza at Jake, which hits him on the face. Jake takes out his gun, points it at Francis and exclaims, "Come on, come on, let's kill each other over the pepperoni." Mama Fratelli says to Jake, "Put that gun away now! I said, put that gun away now!" Jake says to Mama Fratelli, "You always take his side, Ma, huh? You always liked him better than me." Mama Fratelli hits Jake in the face with her pocketbook and says, "That's right!" In the basement of the restaurant, Mama Fratelli says to Francis and Jake that "someone's been here. The water cooler's broken." Jake says to Mama Fratelli, "It could have been a tremor, Ma." She replies, "I'll show you a tremor," and hits him. Chunk accidentally bumps into some things, and a window is revealed. Mikey asks Data if he has a light and Brand shoves his arm and says to him, "I said I was in charge," and then asks Data if he has a light. Francis grabs Chunk and shoves him into the back of the car. Data jerks a pipe up and down underground that leads to a water fountain outside the tennis courts at the Astoria Country Club. A hapless member tries to drink from the fountain, but is hit by it, and flies backward into the fence behind him. Many bare-chested men are seen in the showers of the country club. One of the men, Gene, tries to turn on the water, but one of the knobs are pulled backward into the wall. The man next to him slowly moves his hands to his shower knobs, but those knobs are pulled back into the wall too, and so are knobs next to it. A guy in a bathroom stall reads a "Guns & Ammo" magazine, and is thrust into the air on water, his head bashing into the ceiling, from water pressure underground. Then he's thrown down to the wet floor. Mama Fratelli drops a tomato into a buzzing blender and threatens Chunk by telling him, "First we start with the pudgy little fingers. Then the plump little hands. Then the fleshy arms!" After dropping in another tomato, she turns off the blender and says to him, "Now tell me where your other little friends are." Francis grabs Chunk by the neck and says, "Hey kid. Why don't you spill your guts, tell us everything?" Mikey pulls a thin rope out of the dirt and it triggers a booby trap. Huge rocks drop methodically to the cave floor as Andy, Data and Stephanie run to Brand, Mouth and Mikey. The fireplace explodes behind Chunk and the Fratellis, and bats fly out. Francis accidentally bumps heads with Jake as he gets up from picking up something Chunk dropped as he got up. In a clip from "Captain Blood," seen on a small TV, Errol Flynn swings from one ship to another and kicks a guy down on the other ship. In another clip, Flynn stabs a sail with a knife and slides down. Sloth does the same thing when he has Chunk on his back on One-Eyed Willy's ship. As they run through the cave, encountering Data's mildly explosive booby traps, Mama Fratelli says to Jake, "Booby traps. It's only booby traps. Why you being such a sissy?" Sloth gives his name and Chunk says, "Chunk." Sloth puts his fist at his chest and says "Sloth..." and accidentally pushes Chunk down while saying, "Chunk," and his sneakers are seen. Sloth pulls him back up by one foot. Something trips under Data and he falls, but releases a pair of chattering teeth which hook up to a branch, and he slows down, right above sharp wooden spikes. Sloth and Chunk encounter the shaking, groaning pipes and Chunk says, "Yeah, Mikey's been through here all right." Sloth takes hold of two of the pipes, jams them upward, and brake squealing is heard overhead, followed by a crash, a woman screaming, and a siren. Data emits some kind of black liquid from his shoes to make the log bridge slick. Francis walks across the log, slips on the slick, is thrown into the air and lands on his stomach and crotch. Jake slips on the slick too and lands on his crotch. Jake shouts at the kids, "Stop or I'm gonna shoot!" He fires his gun into the air and pieces of rock fall on him and Francis. As Mikey reaches up to Brand, Jake fires another shot, which sparks off a rock and causes him to pull his hand back. After Andy plays the wrong combination of bones, part of the cave floor falls away and Mouth nearly falls. Andy plays the wrong notes again and Brand nearly falls after another section of the cave floor falls away. Data accidentally causes Andy to hit the wrong bones, another section of the cave floor falls, and Data nearly falls. Jake grabs at Data who screams and uncovers a device with a boxing glove that springs out and punches Jake. Stephanie hugs Mouth in joy, then realizes who she's hugging and pushes him into the water. Data falls below deck on One-Eyed Willy's ship and lands on a skeleton. He spots it and screams. Andy sets off something in One-Eyed Willy's cabin that opens up above the group and spills dirt. Francis backs into Jake and Jake falls against two barrels. Data opens his coat, preparing to unleash his punching weapon, but it punches him, so he throws out his chattering teeth, which bites onto Francis' crotch. He also fires a suction-cup weapon which hits Mama Fratelli's gun, but drags him to her and he bumps into her, and she drops her gun. Andy exclaims at Mama Fratelli, "You gross old witch!" and Francis pulls her back by her hair. Mama Fratelli points a sword at Andy, her hands tied, and makes her walk backward to the plank and on it. She swipes the sword at her hair and she falls into the water. Brand jumps into the water after her. Mama Fratelli slashes her sword in the air as she exclaims, "Two down! Who's next?" Francis pulls Mouth back by his hair. Francis says to Mama Fratelli, "Give me the sword." She slaps it on his hand before he takes it. Stef taps Mama Fratelli on the shoulder, points at something in the air and punches her on the cheek as she looks. Francis tries to tie up Sloth by playing jump rope with him, but Sloth grabs both ends of the rope and nearly causes Francis and Jake to run into each other. Francis runs at Jake angrily after he mentions his toupee to Sloth, and they shake each other violently. Sloth grabs the back of their shirts and hits their heads together, knocking them out. As Mama Fratelli sings the verse, "...cradle will fall," in "Rock a Bye Baby," Sloth realizes that she dropped him when he was little and she admits it. "Well, maybe twice." Sloth picks her up and throws her into the water. Brand grabs Mikey to get going elsewhere. Mama Fratelli slices a rope with the sword and Francis and Jake fall on a barrel, breaking it. As Francis and Jake fight, Mama Fratelli kicks Jake in the back and says, "Let's go find the gold," as Francis knocks Jake's head down repeatedly. Mama Fratelli picks up a collection of One-Eyed Willy's weighed gold coins and it sets off a booby trap. An explosion of dynamite causes a large rock to block a possible exit for the Goonies and more rocks to fall. Reviewed off DVD / Posted June 4, 2010