"VALENTINE'S DAY" (2010) (Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Garner) (PG-13)
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QUICK TAKE:
Romantic Comedy: Various people and couples in Los Angeles deal with the pleasure and pressure that Valentine's Day brings on for them and those they love.
PLOT:
Reed Bennett (ASHTON KUTCHER) is a third generation florist in Los Angeles, so he's used to seeing the crazy business that Valentine's Day brings to his shop. Yet, he wants a life like his best buddy and employee, Alphonso (GEORGE LOPEZ), who's happily married. Accordingly, Reed proposes to his live-in girlfriend, Morley Clarkson (JESSICA ALBA), thus making his best friend, Julia Fitzpatrick (JENNIFER GARNER), happy for him. She's an elementary school teacher who thinks she's found Mr. Right in heart surgeon Dr. Harrison Copeland (PATRICK DEMPSEY) who says he's off to San Francisco for surgery.
That leaves her alone for Valentine's Day, thus meaning she'll likely attend an anti-Valentine's Day party thrown by her friend Kara Monahan (JESSICA BIEL). She's the publicist for professional quarterback Sean Jackson (ERIC DANE) who, at the age of 35, finds his career winding down, much to the chagrin of his agent, Paula Thomas (QUEEN LATIFAH). TV sports reporter Kelvin Moore (JAMIE FOXX) would love the scoop on Sean, but his producer, Susan (KATHY BATES), has assigned him to do a love-related segment, which is ironic since his mindset about this February day is perfectly aligned with Kara.
Yet, there are those in love, including Liz (ANNE HATHAWAY), Paula's new secretary who secretly moonlights as a phone sex operator, completely unknown to her boyfriend of several weeks, Jason (TOPHER GRACE), who works in the mailroom in her office. While they've consummated their relationship, high school students Grace (EMMA ROBERTS) and Alex (CARTER JENKINS) are planning on doing the same for the first time, unlike their best friends, Willy (TAYLOR LAUTNER) and Felicia (TAYLOR SWIFT), who are also a mad-in-love couple but are holding off.
Grace is the babysitter for Edison (BRYCE ROBINSON), a 5th grader in Julia's class and who's paid Reed to deliver flowers to his secret valentine. He lives with his grandparents, Edgar (HECTOR ELIZONDO) and Estelle (SHIRLEY MACLAINE), who've been married for 51 years but are about to hit a bump in their long-term relationship.
Meanwhile, headed toward L.A. on a long flight is Holden (BRADLEY COOPER), a handsome man who strikes up a conversation with the woman in the seat next to him, U.S. Army Capt. Kate Hazeltine (JULIA ROBERTS) who's headed home for a quick visit to see the most important guy in her life. As the day plays out, they and everyone else must deal with the pleasures and pressures that Valentine's Day brings for them and those they love.
OUR TAKE: 3 out of 10
While some people enjoy watching professional "all star" sporting events, there's a reason most of them are barely memorable and certainly never stack up against the real championship NFL, NBA, MLB and other such pairings. And that's because those athletes, as good as they might be individually or when performing with their own team, aren't really giving it their all. Instead, they're usually holding back as they know the game doesn't really count and are participating just for the exposure and paycheck.
One gets that exact impression while watching "Valentine's Day," the latest lame romantic comedy to arrive not just courtesy of the usual Hollywood machine, but in particular from the hands of "coach" Garry Marshall who has his share of winning and losing efforts. Here, he's doing the all-star thing with not one, not two and not three recognizable performers, but -- count 'em -- at least 16 generally identifiable faces.
From big names such as Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine, Kathy Bates, Patrick Dempsey and Hector Elizondo to newer stars such as Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Bradley Cooper and even the "Taylor Twins" (Lautner of "Twilight" fame and Swift the country music performer), the film is teaming with one person after another. To no one's surprise, Marshall and screenwriter Katherine Fugate have a hard team juggling all of them and their separate but varyingly connected storylines.
In fact, the effort -- that takes place on just the titular date -- ends up feeling like multiple episodes of the old TV show "The Love Boat" strung and piled together, sans the recurring familiar cast, the cruise ship, or the well-known (at least back in the day) title song. Yet, it has fewer laughs (the best come in the end credit outtakes -- although they're lackluster compared to the usual such moments) and less convincing romance (which is saying something because Capt. Stubing, his crew and their guest passengers never really got anyone's heart to go aflutter).
The film this one's most trying to emulate, though, is "Love Actually," the 2003 flick that did manage to herd its plethora of characters and plotlines in a satisfying, entertaining and sometimes heartfelt direction. Alas, Marshall is no Richard Curtis, and the newer film comes off as a pale imitator of its far better (in every way imaginable) predecessor.
Judging from afar, I'd be inclined to say the problem would be the old mantra of being unable to see the forest for the trees, meaning too much focus placed on too many individuals and their stories thus stymied the overall vision. The opposite, however, is the truth, as not enough attention is paid to anyone, thus robbing the overall effort of the necessary ingredients to make it work from a collective standpoint. That, the general lack of wit, warmth, heart and genuine romance, longing, lust and what have you leaves the offering as a lackluster and fragmented experience.
The fun, I'm guessing, is presumably supposed to come from seeing how the characters and their stories interact in the moment and then at the end, with some "surprise" revelations. The only problem is that such surprises are not hard to predict, and even if they do manage to catch some viewers off guard, most of them will have lost interest long before everything comes together.
That's not to say that everyone involved is bad, and some of the stories do manage to hold part of one's attention. Julia Roberts and Bradley Cooper are okay as unintentional travel companions, and Ashton Kutcher does manage to bring a modicum of believable emotion to his character. That also holds true for Jennifer Garner, while Eric Dane is decent as a quarterback facing the end of his football career and a longing to be truthful about his life.
But the running gag featuring Anne Hathaway as a moonlighting sex phone operator gets old and repetitive quickly, the young boy bit featuring Bryce Robinson feels like a knockoff of something quite similar in "Love Actually," and Swift is really bad trying to play ditzy (while Lautner gets one decent laugh about his rampant bare-chested nature in those tween vampire flicks). Everyone else simply doesn't have enough time or material to generate any sort of interest in their characters.
Considering it's being released in theaters around the time of its titular event, it will likely be the go to date movie for the weekend and should score big. Yet, while some may enjoy the "all star" experience and recognizing one famous face after another (and another and another), the overall experience ends up like dealing with the title as just its abbreviated letters -- you'll want to avoid it at all costs, and if you manage to get it, you'll hope that it goes away quickly. "Valentine's Day" is a movie that's purportedly about heart, but ends up without a believably beating one anywhere in its multi-headed body. Accordingly, this not particularly funny or romantic offering rates as just a 3 out of 10.
Reviewed February 8, 2010 / Posted February 12, 2010
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