Jackie Chan may be the most likable performer in cinema today. He's this violent, little imp from the Far East who in one moment makes you giggle at his struggles with the English language, then makes you thrill to his martial arts acrobatics which he has displayed on screens worldwide for more than three decades now.
When the man is using pots, pans, chairs, ladders, refrigerator doors and other common, everyday items to bash the stuffing out of Russian bad guys, it's hard not to thrill to his exploits even though it's clear Chan at age 55 can no longer do many of his most difficult moves. The body doubles and CGI trickery are on full display here for the most sharp-eyed viewers.
For American audiences, Chan's shtick works best when he has someone to play off of who can carry the heavy comedy lifting load. Chris Tucker in the "Rush Hour" flicks was the perfect counterpoint to Jackie with his motor-mouth mugging. Ditto Owen Wilson in "Shanghai Noon" and "Shanghai Knights" with his more laid-back, folksy ad-libs and nice-guy cowpoke routine. When Chan doesn't have that help, the result is such watered-down, charm-deprived efforts as "The Tuxedo" (opposite Jennifer Love Hewitt … yikes) and now "The Spy Next Door."
This is Jackie Chan's "The Pacifier," his "Kindergarten Cop." In this one, he is paired opposite three children (snotty Madeline Carroll, grating Will Shadley, and precocious Alina Foley). Chan plays Bob Ho, a Chinese spy on loan to the CIA who is looking to retire and settle down with his girlfriend, a hot divorced mom named Gillian (Amber Valletta). When Gillian is forced to leave town to take care of her ailing father, she leaves them in the care of Bob who has yet to win their favor.
It's not long before one of the terrorists he sent to jail -- an escaped Russian terrorist (Magnus Scheving) named Poldark -- has tracked Bob down in search of a computer file Ian accidentally downloaded that contains the formula for a special oil-eating substance. On the run and unable to trust anyone, Gillian's kids come to respect and even love Bob as they face danger with him at every turn.
Chan is a living legend, and the best thing "The Spy Next Door" has going for it is it's a fairly harmless introduction for many U.S. kids -- I'd say in the 8-12 range -- of the man's ballet-like, martial arts comedy. As a longtime fan of the man, it's a little depressing to see Chan now relying more heavily than ever on stuntmen and body doubles to take his place in the fights and other stunts. In some instances, clearly some computer-animated trickery has been employed in order to make Chan look like a butt-whooper still in his 30s.
What ultimately trips up the picture, though is the casting. Again, because Chan's English is so limited, he can only carry so much of the picture. I have no idea why they paired him with the statuesque former model Amber Valletta as his love interest. The two have zero chemistry together. She's like the poor-woman's Cameron Diaz, too. Casting someone with comic timing who wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous might have really benefited the film.
Probably the worst casting is Billy Ray Cyrus as Bob's good-hearted CIA buddy, Colton. Were it not for his mega-popular daughter Miley, the former "Achy Breaky Heart" crooner would probably be making a decent living playing county fairs and such, not acting in major Hollywood productions. Yikes, is he bad in this movie! So, too, is George Lopez as another CIA colleague who is called on late in the film to flip sides. When Lopez's Glaze shows his true colors, I thought for at least a couple of minutes it was some kind of strange comedy bit I wasn't getting. But, no, it was Lopez playing a baddie.
The film's plot is only so-so, some junk about rogue Russian terrorists trying to corrupt the world's oil supply in order to corner the market and hold the good gas-guzzling consumers of Earth hostage. I have to say that it was kind of fun to see Eurotrash villains back amongst the walking despised on the big screen. Cutting my teeth on '80s-era James Bond and John Rambo, it's still entertaining to see some Russkies getting kicks to the face, neck and groin. But, uh, couldn't they have found people who could do less comical Russian accents?!
Chan make the whole thing watchable, because you're never more than 10 minutes away from the guy doing his thing. For that alone, the film warrants a 5 out of 10. (T. Durgin)
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