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QUICK TAKE:
Action-comedy: A former assassin's quiet life as a married man in the suburbs is threatened when someone puts out a $20 million bounty on his life.
PLOT:
Spencer (ASHTON KUTCHER) is a government assassin, who hates his job and craves a normal life. He gets his chance when, on assignment in France, he meets a slightly neurotic American woman named Jen (KATHERINE HEIGL), who has just broken up with her boyfriend and is on holiday with her parents, the Kornfeldts (TOM SELLECK and CATHERINE O'HARA). Spencer's boss, Holbrook (MARTIN MULL), tries to convince Spencer to stay, telling him one never really leaves his line of work. But Spencer is adamant.
Flash-forward three years, and Spencer and Jen are happily married, living in a big house, and surrounded by the usual assortment of suburban character types: Lily and Mac, a nerdy, young couple (ALEX BORSTEIN and KEVIN SUSSMAN); Henry, the boorish, overgrown frat boy (ROB RIGGLE); Vivian, his attractive co-worker (KATHERYN WINNICK); Olivia, a flirty housewife (LISA ANN WALTER); Kristen, the cynical best friend (CASEY WILSON); and so forth.
Someone, though, puts out a hit on Spencer's life. He learns that there is a $20 million bounty on his head, and he is forced to tell Jen the truth. On the run, Jen and Spencer soon learn that pretty much all of their former friends and neighbors are "sleeper assassins" placed in close proximity to them just waiting to be "activated." On top of that, Jen is also cranky and nauseous, which can only mean one thing. She's pregnant. Can Mom and Dad help? Or are they assassins, too?
OUR TAKE: 3 out of 10
Our reviewing policy for films that aren't shown in advance to critics is that we'll only provide a paragraph or two about the film's artistic merits.
It's easy to see why Ashton Kutcher would want to produce and star in "Killers." He gets to play shoot-'em-up, pretending to be a government assassin who has become disillusioned with spy games, decides to "quit the life," and settle down with the gorgeous Katherine Heigl in suburbia. The problem is, the Kutch is never once believable in the role. The movie practically cries out for a Tom Cruise or Matt Damon in the lead. Both of those stars crafted smart, on-screen personas early in their careers, playing "best-of-the-best" type characters. Kutcher, by contrast, played the goof Kelso on "That '70s Show" and an equally dimwitted character in "Dude Where's My Car." No comparison.
"Killers" feels like the TV movie version of its story, with its C-list cast (TV vets Tom Selleck, Martin Mull, and "Family Guy"-"MadTV" performer Alex Borstein lend support) and Stephen J. Cannell-esque stunts. It also turns spectacularly dumb in the end, with a twist that the cast and crew should literally break the fourth wall and beg you not to think about. I suspect there is a better chance at this kind of movie actually being watchable later this month with "Knight and Day," starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Save your money and wait 'til then. This one rates a 3 out of 10. (T. Durgin)
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