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QUICK TAKE:
Action/Fantasy: A young man and others race against time to collect a set of seven magical orbs -- that collectively will give their possessor one perfect wish -- before an evil warlord gets his hands on them and destroys Earth.
PLOT:
Thousands of years ago, an evil warlord, Piccolo (JAMES MARSTERS), and his monstrous disciple, Oozaru, attempted to destroy Earth during a solar eclipse but were thwarted by monks who defeated them and imprisoned Piccolo.
Now in the present and with another eclipse approaching, Piccolo has escaped. Along with his new accomplice, the shape-shifting Mai (ERIKO TAMURA), he wants to collect seven mystical "dragon balls" that, when combined together, will grant their possessor a powerful wish. His, once again, is to destroy Earth.
One of the dragon balls is now in the hands of 18-year-old high school student Goku (JUSTIN CHATWIN), given to him by his grandfather, Gohan (RANDALL DUK KIM), who's raised the boy and trained him in the ways of the martial and mystical arts. Taught by him not to use his powers to fight bullies such as Carey Fuller (TEXAS BATTLE), Goku would much rather use them to help fellow student and martial arts follower, Chi Chi (JAMIE CHUNG).
But while he's at her party, Piccolo and Mai come looking for the dragon ball and attack his grandfather, whose dying words are for him to find martial arts master Roshi (CHOW YUN-FAT). With scientist and gadget expert Bulma (EMMY ROSSUM) and later thief Yamcha (JOON PARK) joining their quest, Goku and his new companions set out to find the remaining dragon balls before Piccolo collects them and unleashes Oozaru on the world.
OUR TAKE: 1 out of 10
Our reviewing policy for films that aren't shown in advance to critics is that we'll only provide a paragraph or two about the film's artistic merits or, more accurately, lack thereof. After all, life is too short to spend any more effort than that on a movie that even the releasing studio knows isn't any good (which is why they hid it from reviewers before its release).
This adaptation of part of the Japanese Dragon Ball manga empire (anime, video games, etc.) wasn't originally screened for critics before it opened and for good reason. It's bad just about every way one can imagine (from the dialogue, acting, and effects to the less than engaging pacing from a writing and/or directing standpoint), but never in a way that would allow it to exist as a guilty pleasure. Instead, it simply exists as cinematic pablum aimed at game-boys, yet unable to entertain even them over its (thankfully) short sub-90 minute runtime. It rates as a 1 out of 10.
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