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(About Our Ads) "WITLESS PROTECTION" (2008) (Larry the Cable Guy, Ivana Milicevic) (PG-13) If you've come from our parental review of this film and wish to return to it, simply click on your browser's BACK button. Otherwise, use the following link to read our complete Parental Review of this film. QUICK TAKE: Comedy: Believing she's in trouble, a small town deputy rescues a woman from a group of men, unaware that she's a witness to a crime and they're FBI agents assigned to protect her. PLOT: Larry Stalder (LARRY THE CABLE GUY) is a small-town deputy who enjoys hanging out with his buddies and waitress girlfriend, Connie (JENNY McCARTHY). Yet, he dreams of becoming something bigger and better in the law enforcement arena, such as a full-fledged FBI agent. He thinks he might have the chance to prove his worth when some dark-suited men, led by Alonzo Mosely (YAPHET KOTTO), enter the local diner escorting the none-too-happy Madeleine (IVANA MILICEVIC). Working from a gut feeling that they're not really FBI agents, Larry takes it upon himself to rescue her from them, but does so by kidnapping her. In reality, she's a witness set to testify in Chicago against her former boss, the wealthy Arthur Grimsley (PETER STORMARE). It seems she has the key to some incriminating evidence, and he's none too happy about that. Accordingly, he has his tenacious head of security, Wilford Duvall (ERIC ROBERTS), out looking for her, a task shared by Mosely and his three agents who similarly want to find her. Thinking he's doing the right thing and trying to get to the bottom of what's occurring, Larry keeps Madeleine as his rescued hostage, with their decidedly different lifestyles, demeanor and more constantly clashing along the way. OUR TAKE: 0 out of 10 Our new reviewing policy for films that aren't shown in advance to critics is that we'll only provide a paragraph or two about the film's artistic merits or, more accurately, lack thereof. After all, life is too short to spend any more effort than that on a movie that even the releasing studio knows isn't any good (which is why they hid it from reviewers before its release). Living up to its titular adjective is the least of this lame comedy's problems. Unless you're a fan of Larry the Cable guy and his redneck brand of comedy, you should give him and this piece of dreck a wide berth. Battling "Strange Wilderness" for bragging rights as the worst film of the year (and beyond), "Witless Protection" rates as a 0 out of 10. Reviewed February 22, 2008 / Posted February 22, 2008