Have you ever thought about how your lawn feels when you mow it? Is it a relief to go from shaggy and unkempt to perfectly styled? Or is it more like a painful reduction? And speaking of cutting, how about when you remove live branches from trees? Are they happy to have some of that extra weight removed, or is it akin to a Civil War era surgeon hacking off a soldier's limb with a rusty saw and no anesthesia? I won't even get into weed killer or the overall impact of global warming.
Now before you peg me as an ultra liberal tree hugger who thinks everything should remain pristine, I mowed the lawn today and have recently removed some fairly large and still healthy limbs from one of our trees because we thought it would look better to us (and no, I didn't wince at the severing of literal limbs).
I only bring all of that up as it's bound to cross one's mind while watching "The Happening," the latest intended spook fest from M. Night Shyamalan. And that's not just because it's related in a way to what occurs in the pic, but also due to the fact that it's so over-the-top awful, boring, and dreadfully slow that your mind will have to come up with something to think about during the 90 or so minute ordeal.
Continuing his downward trend from the zenith of his career ("The Sixth Sense") to what had been the nadir up to this point ("Lady in the Water"), the writer/director/producer had sunk even lower than that last abomination and may have delivered the cinematic stake for fans, critics and studio heads to drive through his once bright and promising career.
Yes, it's that bad, but the fact that the bane is spread evenly throughout the film (at least in terms of the acting, directing and writing -- the tech credits, as with his other films, is good) makes one ponder if it's possible it has all been done intentionally.
After all, it does have more than a passing resemblance to those atrocious (but now so dated they're actually funny) paranoia films of the 1950s. You know, those featuring space aliens, any sort of radioactive monsters and yes, even triffids invading Earth. The latter will certainly come to one's mind while watching this pic, as might "Little Shop of Horrors" or even the recently released "The Ruins" and its late-in-the-game botanical twist.
Speaking of that, the filmmaker eschews his best-known but increasingly tiresome trait by dropping "the big surprise" somewhere around the midway mark. Yet, it really isn't much of a shock (your socks are safe) and while it may have some basis in scientific fact, that doesn't temper the overall ridiculousness that permeates and thus overwhelms the revelation.
**Begin Spoiler Alert**
Yes, it's the plants that are sending out neurotoxins that are causing everyday humans to go zombie-like and off themselves rather than others. While the pic starts off in a somewhat creepy and certainly disturbing vein (the sights and sounds of falling bodies in New York City will surely dredge up unsavory 9/11 memories), it's all downhill from there.
And that's not just from the preposterous conclusion reached by a few of the characters. It's also due to the fact that you simply can't make rooted trees that scary (okay, it has been done in "The Wizard of Oz" and "Poltergeist"), at least when shown in the daylight in their normal setting and "behavior." The score and shots of wind blowing through the trees are supposed to evoke fear, but Shyamalan (who's usually so good at least in terms of generating suspense) drops the ball here.
**End Spoiler Alert**
It certainly doesn't help that the acting is likely the worst you'll see in any mainstream Hollywood production this year, particularly from Mark Wahlberg. With the right director, the actor can shine (there are numerous examples to prove that point, including an Oscar nomination for "The Departed"), but something seriously derailed here.
Again, one can only hope it's all done intentionally (as homage or a parody of sorts of those old paranoia flicks), but the result is akin to nails down the chalkboard rather than possibly intended nostalgia or parody. While not quite in the same league of bad, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo and Betty Buckley as a crazy recluse (with unexplained thespian motivation) will certainly be on the minds of those who vote for the annual Razzie awards.
With a pace that drags and is boring rather than deliberately suspenseful, and featuring stupid and/or unbelievable actions and reactions by nearly all of the characters (why don't they seek out the desert, ocean, an airtight room, ventilators, herbicide, napalm, chainsaws and such is never explained) the film misfires in just about every way imaginable.
Then again, maybe a triffid has taken over Shyamalan's body and is slowly but surely trying to kill the human race by subjecting it to progressively worse movies from a once promising filmmaker whose storytelling abilities are shrinking faster than the world's rain forests. "Timber!" indeed. "The Happening" rates as a 2 out of 10.
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