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(About Our Ads) "IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE" (2008) (Jason Statham, Ray Liotta) (PG-13) If you've come from our parental review of this film and wish to return to it, simply click on your browser's BACK button. Otherwise, use the following link to read our complete Parental Review of this film. QUICK TAKE: Action: A man sets out to rescue his kidnapped wife and avenge their son's death at the hands of animalistic brutes controlled by an evil sorcerer. PLOT: In the medieval Kingdom of Ehb, King Konreid (BURT REYNOLDS) is the longstanding monarch, but things are underfoot that threaten his rule, something his sorcerer, Merick (JOHN RHYS-DAVIES), can sense. It seems his counterpart, Gallian (RAY LIOTTA), has turned to the dark side, and not only is secretly romancing Merick's daughter, Muriella (LEELEE SOBIESKI), but is also conspiring with the King's good-for-nothing nephew, Duke Fallow (MATTHEW LILLARD), to overthrow him. To do so, he and Gallian have employed some humanoid, but beastly warriors known as the krug, with Gallian using his sorcery to control the brutes. That includes attacking the village of Stonebridge where Solana (CLAIRE FORLANI) and her young son, Zeph (COLIN FORD), have arrived to visit her family, including her parents and adult brother, Bastian (WILL SANDERSON). Solana's appropriately named husband, Farmer (JASON STATHAM), has stayed behind, but is the first to encounter the krug attack that then makes its way to the farm of his neighbor, Norick (RON PERLMAN), and then Stonebridge. Farmer and Norick fight valiantly, but when they arrive in the village, they discover that Solana is missing and Zeph has been murdered. Upset that the king's army, led by Commander Tarish (BRIAN J. WHITE), wasn't around to protect them, Farmer and the others don't join them, but instead head off on their own in hopes of finding Solana. Unbeknownst to them, the krug have kidnapped her and others who are being transported back to Gallian's immense mining operation to be used as slave labor. From that point on, and as King Konreid and his army must contend with Gallian and Duke Fallow's combined megalomaniacal desires and efforts, Farmer and the others, with some help from woods tree dweller Elora (KRISTANNA LOKEN), set out to find and rescue Solana and avenge their son's death. OUR TAKE: 2 out of 10 Our new reviewing policy for films that aren't shown in advance to critics is that we'll only provide a paragraph or two about the film's artistic merits or, more accurately, lack thereof. After all, life is too short to spend any more effort than that on a movie that even the releasing studio knows isn't any good (which is why they hid it from reviewers before its release). Beyond being unable to miss the bad direction, writing, editing and more, about the only thing viewers will ponder-- if they're unfortunate enough to stumble across this "Lord of the Rings" wannabe - is what possibly drove the many recognizable faces to sign on to appear in this stinker. After all, it comes from the ham-fisted hands of Uwe Boll, the schoolyard bully of movies who, unable to stomach criticism of his awful work, challenged some of his critics to a boxing match. Hey Uwe - stop making dreck like "House of the Dead," "Alone in the Dark," "BloodRayne" and this and people will stop hurting your feelings. Sporting a title as clumsy as most everything about it, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" rates as a 2 out of 10, simply for being a cinematic sideshow that teeters enough toward being a minor league guilty pleasure that it can't possibly be the worst thing released in 2008. Reviewed January 11, 2008 / Posted January 11, 2008