Parents are often on the lookout for any sort of bargain when it comes to toys for their children. After all, many kids will quickly outgrown the latest game, gadget or gizmo in just a few years, meaning some of those expensive items don't end up with a lot of bang for your buck shelf life.
Thus, many a parental unit was pleased with the arrival of the Transformer toys. If you don't remember them, the TV show, comic book or animated movie they spawned back in the 1980s, they were toys that "transformed" (via manipulating their various parts in one direction or another) from some sort of vehicle or such into a number of different robots. While the process wasn't as brain taxing as say, manipulating that era's Rubik's Cube, the units did give, in essence, kids two toys for the price of one.
I suppose it's appropriate then, that director Michael Bay has taken that two-for-one approach with his live-action film, "Transformers." Known for big-budget action offerings such as the "Bad Boys" films, "Pearl Harbor" and "Armageddon," this film is part sci-fi action (including a nearly relentless concluding sequence where the mayhem goes on for minutes if not what feels like days), and part goofy comedy.
All of which means if you're a 12-year-old boy or still have that sort of mentality, you'll probably eat up this special effects laden picture that, if anything, can't be accused of ever being sedate. That's not to say, however, that it isn't wooden at times, particularly in regards to some of the acting, or that it can stand up to any sort of critical scrutiny.
Then again, any film that features gargantuan extraterrestrial robots searching for and battling over a huge cube of power, constantly shape-shifting along the way, and with the balance of humankind hanging in the balance, probably isn't trying to achieve anything resembling scientific accuracy and/or any sense of realism. And yes, I understand this sort of film is designed as nothing more than diversionary, escapist entertainment where one is supposed to just sit back, raise their arms above their heads, and let the summer amusement park ride whip them around in a frenzy with its combination of giddy laughs and edge of your seat thrills.
The problem is, the script -- penned by Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman -- isn't really that funny (although it clearly tries, and will deliver for said 12-year-old minds) and the thrills simply aren't that thrilling (even if the mayhem certainly fills up most every square inch of the screen during the far too long 140+ minute runtime). Then there's the way in which Bay orchestrates all of that.
He's always done that faux profundity and macho honor thing like few others (with the patriotic sounding score, slow motion shots, and pumped up bravado expressions on the faces of his leading men). Here, however, and especially in relation to all of that occurring regarding big, transforming robots, it feels exceptionally silly (far more than what we've grown accustomed to), mainly because, well, we're talking about cartoon style robots.
While they've been given some "humorous" lines (a la the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles") and do some "funny" things (such as trying to hide from the main character's parents -- despite nearly being as big as the house with which they're trying to blend), there's little if anything present to make us care about them. It's also surprising that the filmmakers have made a huge marketing and subsequent toy tie-in blunder by not having a girl, Hispanic, Asian, or other ethnic Transformer to draw in those demographics to the fold.
Perhaps most disappointing, however, is that little effort has been made to use their transforming abilities as smartly and/or creatively as possible. The extent of that is having one of the mean little robots turn into a boombox (otherwise, he just comes off as a lame combination of the mechanical critter in "Short Circuit" and one of those title characters from "Gremlins"). Of course, if you're an executive at General Motors or the manager of any related dealership, you'll just love that the good transformers have an apparent exclusive contract to turn into any number of GM cars or trucks.
Of course, they're far more interesting than their human counterparts that, in true blockbuster fashion, eventually come together at the end of their otherwise disparate journeys to do battle with the villains. Proving once more that Shia LaBeouf is the latest young face chosen for stardom, the up and coming actor gets the lead role. While he gives it his best, the lackluster material unfortunately undermines his talents.
That said, he fares better than Megan Fox as the token female eye candy (although she succeeds marvelously at just that physical task, especially for the target audience) or Jon Voight as the Secretary of Defense, who employs both Rachael Taylor and Anthony Anderson as computer expert advisors. Halfway around the world, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson play soldiers who are the first to encounter the bad Transformers. Beyond providing for much of the film's apparently expensive special effects, however, their contribution to the plot is minimal. All told, there are too many characters who don't have enough to do, and their individual and collective efforts don't ultimately amount to much.
I guess I'm expecting and/or asking for too much from a film like this. When I think of offerings such as "The Iron Giant," however, I remember that one can make engaging, smart, and highly entertaining films about extraterrestrial robots, without relying solely on goofy humor and frenetic mayhem, where the action is so busy and poorly choreographed that it's often difficult to discern who's doing what and to whom.
With a smarter script and less of Bay's trademark touch, this might have been a film that could have transcended the core demographic range of young boys. Frenetic but ultimately dull and likely to give many a parent a headache from all of the noise and inanity, "Transformers" rates as a 4 out of 10.
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