"BLOODRAYNE" (2006) (Kristanna Loken, Ben Kingsley) (R)
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QUICK TAKE:
Horror: A half-human, half-vampire tries to avenge her mother's rape and murder by finding and killing the king of vampires whose recent actions have also drawn the interest of vampire hunters who similarly want him dead.
PLOT:
It's 1723 and Rayne (KRISTANNA LOKEN) is a half-human, half-vampire being known as a dhampir. With a taste for blood but not wishing to harm most humans, she's on a quest to find Kagan (BEN KINGSLEY), a powerful vampire leader who raped her mother (thus resulting in Rayne's birth) before killing her later. Accordingly, Rayne wants revenge for both acts, but she's not alone in her quest.
A trio of vampire hunters from the Brimstone Society -- Vladimir (MICHAEL MADSEN), Sebastian (MATT DAVIS) and Katarin (MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ) -- are concerned that Kagan is trying to attain even greater power. It seems that several body parts of a past vampire have been hidden away, and if they're found and brought together, the owner will become invincible. Detesting the thought of that and hating vampires in general, the hunters eventually run into Rayne, and once they realize they have a common goal and that she's not going to hurt them, they join forces.
With Kagan doing everything in his power to get his hands on those pieces, Rayne and the others must contend with that, all while battling his vampire forces led by the dangerous Domastir (WILL SANDERSON).
OUR TAKE: 0 out of 10
It may be quite early in the new year, but we're confident that you won't see a worse film in the next 51 weeks. Based on a video game and directed by Uwe Boll (a filmmaker who should have his DGA card revoked if he even owns one), the film is a disaster from start to finish, top to bottom and side to side. Atrocious writing, ham-fisted direction, awful editing and abysmal acting compete to be the film's worst element in something akin to a cinematic demolition derby. But by the time you've tallied up the various cinematic offenses, you'll have either fallen asleep from boredom or gotten up and left due to the complete and utter ineptitude of this vampire-based, horror flick. Avoid it all costs. Romar did not screen this film in advance for critics (big shock there), so we're still working on the rest of our review once we get over the blunt force trauma that was delivered to our reviewing head by this picture.
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