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"THE HONEYMOONERS"
(2005) (Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps) (PG-13)

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QUICK TAKE:
Comedy: With the aid of his sewer worker buddy, a bus driver tries his hand at his latest get rich quick scheme, much to the chagrin of his long-suffering wife who just wants to buy a house.
PLOT:
City bus driver Ralph Kramden (CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER) and his upstairs best friend, sewer worker Ed Norton (MIKE EPPS), have known each other for a long time and have thus gone through a wide variety of failed entrepreneurial efforts - a.k.a. get rich quick schemes -- over the years. Yet, that doesn't deter Ralph, although it annoys his wife, Alice (GABRIELLE UNION), who works as a waitress at a diner with Ed's wife Trixie (REGINA HALL) but dreams of owning their own place some day.

She thinks she might have a shot to buy an elderly woman's home with Trixie and thus keep real estate developer William Davis (ERIC STOLTZ) from getting his hands on the property, but realizes they don't have enough for a down payment. Thus, she asks her mom (CAROL WOODS) for some financial help, much to Ralph's chagrin. Besides, he's sure one of his latest endeavors -- including purchasing an old train car that's in the subterranean sewer system, and later owning a racing greyhound -- will pay off.

The latter involves getting track owner Kirby (JON POLITO) to allow them to enter a race and then get small-time criminal Dodge (JOHN LEGUIZAMO) to train their dog. As the big race day nears and Alice is unaware of him raiding their savings account to support his latest idea, Ralph hopes he'll score big and thus climb out of his life of mediocrity.

OUR TAKE: 2 out of 10
I'm not sure which film gets the credit for first including its outtakes -- footage where any number of scenes go wrong on purpose or by accident, usually with the cast members cracking up -- in the end credits, but they're now pretty much a staple in most any comedy (or Jackie Chan flick). Although probably not done intentionally, sometimes they're the funniest thing (and sometimes the only such thing) a given film has to offer, making one wish that the proportions of film to outtakes were reversed.

When the outtakes aren't funny, however, you generally know you've just sat through a fiasco. While some may argue that's because the preceding film used up all of the funny material, it usually means there wasn't anything funny to begin with. Such is the case with "The Honeymooners," a painful comedy that fortunately isn't the big screen version of the reality TV show "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica," but is nevertheless empty of any comedic material or moments.

Unfortunately, it's the flat, unwanted and certainly unnecessary big screen adaptation of the classic TV show of the same name. Originally a skit on "The Jackie Gleason Show," the series became its own entity in 1955, was one of the first TV sitcoms, and is generally regarded as a revered classic. Featuring the great Gleason, terrific Art Carney as his whacky sidekick and Audrey Meadows as the "straight man" to their lunacy, the show's episodes were and still are quite funny, sometimes hilarious and showcased the tremendous comedic talent of those involved with it.

Apparently hoping to capitalize on its legendary name and character recognition (despite the target audience's parents only being kids and maybe not even that during the show's time on the air), the powers that be decided to green-light this project. Had they read the script -- penned by the quartet of Danny Jacobson, David Sheffield & Barry Blausten and Don Rhymer -- either before or during production, they should have had the good sense to put an end to it before subjecting the public to its misery.

I know, someone out there apparently thought Cedric the Entertainer ("Be Cool," the "Barbershop" films) would make a great, contemporary version of Gleason's Ralph Kramden character. Unfortunately, they couldn't have been more wrong. In direct comparison, Cedric is a pale imitation of "The Great One's" take on the lowly but aspiring for something greater city bus driver, as he simply doesn't inhabit the role like Gleason did. Even when removed from that context, his performance is flat, forced and barely amusing, let alone funny or hilarious.

And all of that stems from the weak and poorly written screenplay. While the general gist is the same -- Ralph drives his wife crazy with his harebrained, get rich quick schemes that he pursues with his best buddy, sewer worker Norton -- the new details (the contemporary setting, the plot of this particular "episode," the attempted jokes) are where everything goes horribly amiss.

With a seemingly unlimited supply of potential gags and such get rich quick schemes from which to choose, the writers and director John Schultz ("Like Mike," "Drive Me Crazy") have opted for several that aren't remotely funny and certainly aren't clever enough in their initial structure or later ability to generate additional laughs by playing off or with all of the related material).

After a stint with sports merchandising that goes bust and an old rail car found in the sewer system, the filmmakers unwisely choose and then stick with a subplot about the schemers trying to win money through a greyhound at the track. What should have been a one-time joke at best just goes on and on, taking up much of the film and never delivering any laughs.

The rest of the film deals with Gabrielle Union's Alice character trying to buy a residential building for her and the Nortons to live. The complication comes in the form of Eric Stoltz ("The Butterfly Effect," "The Rules of Attraction") inexplicably agreeing to appear in this mess as a real estate developer who will do anything to keep Alice's hands off the property.

Alas, none of that's funny either, which also holds true for Carol Woods ("Brooklyn Babylon," "Sweet and Lowdown") playing Ralph's mother-in-law who obviously clashes with him, but similarly can't deliver the comedic goods. The best the filmmakers can do is having him put cayenne pepper into her food. Then, in true sitcom style, he's forced to eat it when their plates are switched. Boy, that had me in stitches.

Beyond Cedric's poor imitation of Gleason, Mike Epps ("The Fighting Temptations," "Friday After Next") certainly isn't equipped to compete with Art Carney as Norton (but likewise isn't funny when that association is temporarily put aside). Union ("Breakin' all the Rules," "Bad Boys II") doesn't have the comedic timing of Meadows and is otherwise flat as Alice (thanks to the poor script), Regina Hall ("King's Ransom," "Scary Movie 3") is forgettable as Norton's wife Trixie, and John Leguizamo tries to infuse some energy into the proceedings as a low-level criminal and part-time dog trainer, but he's stuck in that unfunny subplot that dominates the film.

I may have chuckled once or twice at some lone gag, but that's it for this flat, boring and decidedly unfunny contemporary update of the classic TV show. If you're looking for such a successful adaptation, check out the old animated TV series "The Flintstones" that got the characterizations down pat but put them into an imaginative and successful setting. Let's just hope these latest "Honeymooners" end up getting divorced so that we don't have to sit through their abysmal comedy offerings or lame outtakes again. The film rates as a 2 out of 10.




Reviewed June 7, 2005 / Posted June 10, 2005


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