They say that politics makes for strange bedfellows. The rumors - true or not - of a possible Kerry-McCain ticket are proof positive of that. Of course, politics don't have a stranglehold on such unlikely arrangements, what with various people and companies in other industries ending up teamed together.
The movie biz isn't exempt, as there have been peculiar and even unbelievable pairings in the past. That said, I never thought I'd live to see the day when Judi Dench and Vin Diesel would appear together in the same film.
After all, he's known for being the muscle-bound baritone star of films such as "A Man Apart" and "The Fast and the Furious." She, meanwhile, is the Oscar-winning actress found in austere pictures such as "Shakespeare in Love" and "Mrs. Brown." Heck, she even comes with the regal title "Dame Judi Dench."
Of course, I could see one of Diesel's characters calling a broad, I mean a skirt, um, a woman a dame, but this isn't one of those films. Instead, "The Chronicles of Riddick" is the unlikely and quite dissimilar sequel to "Pitch Black," the 2000 film that helped put Diesel on the map and road to stardom.
That picture pitted his renegade outlaw character against hordes of night-dwelling monsters in a "Starship Troopers" meets "Aliens" rip-off. While I commend returning writer/director David Twohy ("Below," "The Arrival") for not re-treading the original film note for note, his change in direction - literally and figuratively - isn't a turn for the better.
I wasn't a huge fan of the first film due to its derivative nature, but it seems golden compared to this mess. Diesel reprises his role as Riddick, the standard-issue movie anti-hero who drops sarcastic one-liners as easily as the bad guys.
It's a role that would have been played by Schwarzenegger or Stallone in the past. While Diesel looks the part and has the right attitude for it, everything else about the movie is so wrong. And that has nothing to do with the Diesel-Dench pairing or the hokey science and physics problems (such as 700 degree solar rays hot enough to melt anything in their path, but adjacent shade is enough to protect you), although the latter only adds insult to injury.
Instead, it's Twohy's script about a superior race of beings killing or enslaving others. Quite weak when not lame, goofy and featuring profound dialogue that comes off as silly, the film is the epitome of bad science fiction and feels like one of those poor sci-fi series that no one watches on cable and/or satellite TV.
That's nothing, however, compared to the direction and especially the editing that make a standard-issue music video look like Masterpiece Theater in comparison. Over-edited and utilizing a multitude of strobe effects to cover presumed deficiencies and problems with stunt work and effects, the film is all empty flash.
It does appear that more money went into the production budget this time around, but all of the effects in the world don't mean squat if we don't care about the characters, their plight and the overall story. That's always been a problem with films featuring unbeatable anti-heroes since we don't ultimately worry about their safety.
That only leaves the cathartic "kick butt" angle that obviously appeals to some viewers. Yet, even that part is wasted and rather lame. Much of that's due to the weak story, but also the substandard villains. While Karl Urban ("Ghost Ships," the "Lord of the Rings" movies) has the right look, whoever cast Colm Feore ("Paycheck," "Chicago") as the main heavy needs to have their eyes and/or sensibilities checked before the next casting call.
Of course, Diesel's anti-hero character is really the villain, but even he - with such copious animal magnetism - can't do anything with the character (although he's marginally about the only thing worthwhile in the film).
Dench, who's apparently branching out with the Bond films and now this effort, befalls a similar fate, but thankfully isn't around enough to embarrass and/or tarnish her reputation too much. Thandie Newton ("The Truth About Charlie," "Beloved") plays the power-hungry vamp with gusto, but is likewise abandoned by the script and direction, just like Alexa Davalos (who makes her feature debut). Keith David ("Barbershop," "Agent Cody Banks") briefly reprises his role from the first film, while Nick Chinlund ("Below," "Tears of the Sun") plays another character who's after Riddick.
Yet another effort that's rather atrocious but not quite bad enough to turn into enjoyable camp, "The Chronicles of Riddick" is a waste of both celluloid and your time. It rates as a 2 out of 10.
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