[Screen It]
    

 

"TRANSYLMANIA"
(2009) (Oren Skoog, Patrick Cavanaugh) (R)

Alcohol/
Drugs
Blood/Gore Disrespectful/
Bad Attitude
Frightening/
Tense Scenes
Guns/
Weapons
Extreme Extreme Extreme Mild Extreme
Imitative
Behavior
Jump
Scenes
Music
(Scary/Tense)
Music
(Inappropriate)
Profanity
Heavy None Mild Heavy Extreme
Sex/
Nudity
Smoking Tense Family
Scenes
Topics To
Talk About
Violence
Extreme Mild Minor Heavy Heavy


NOTE:
The following is an unedited version of our final review that may contain spelling, grammatical, and/or factual errors. Full Circle Releasing did not screen this film in advance for reviewers.
QUICK TAKE:
Comedy: A group of college students head to Romania for a semester and must contend with a number of blood-suckers and the vampire killer who's after them.
PLOT:
A small group of students has decided to study abroad at Razvan University in Transylmania, Romania. Rusty (OREN SKOOG) is headed there to meet Draguta (IRENA A. HOFFMAN), a young woman he's met on the Internet and who's eager to have sex with him. Roommates Pete (PATRICK CAVANAUGH) and Wang (PAUL HANSEN KIM) are smuggling a bunch of drugs so they can keep up their habit uninterrupted, which is just fine with Danni (NICOLE GARZA) but not her more square twin sister Lia (NATALIE GARZA) who just so happens to be dating Pete.

Newmar (TONY DENMAN) and Lynne (JENNIFER LYONS) are another couple who are along for the trip and hoping to spice up their sex lives. Then there's nerdy Brady (WORM MILLER), Mike (PATRICK CASEY) who habitually can't seem to tell women and men apart to embarrassing results, and Cliff (JAMES DeBELLO) who's briefly delayed after a delivery of sex toys to some Asian men goes awry.

Little do they know, however, that they're headed straight into a centuries old battle between vampires, led by Count Radu (OREN SKOOG), and the latest in the line of a family who hunts them down, Teodora van Sloan (MUSETTA VANDER). She's also a professor at the university, but its leader, Dean Floca (DAVID STEINBERG) -- who just so happens to be Draguta's father -- constantly discredits her allegations.

But vampire activity is clearly afoot, what with Count Radu and his trio of vamps trying to resurrect his former lover whose soul has long been hidden away in a music box thanks to the work of Teodora's ancestor. All sorts of comedic chaos then ensues when that vampire's soul ends up in Lynne's body and Rusty ends up unknowingly dressed exactly like Count Radu for a party while also trying to avoid the physically deformed Draguta and her diminutive but crazed father.

WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT?
It's possible the goofy comedy angle might entice some, but this is probably flying quite low on the radar of things kids want to see.
WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: R
For crude and sexual content, nudity, drug use, language and some violence.
CAST AS ROLE MODELS:
  • OREN SKOOG plays a college student who's headed to the Romanian university in hopes of having sex with Draguta, but is then repulsed to learn she's physically deformed. He then tries to avoid her and her protective father, all while ending up having to deal with the consequences of unintentionally dressing like Count Radu for a party.
  • PATRICK CAVANAUGH plays another student who enjoys smoking pot and ends up cheating on his girlfriend, Lia, with her twin sister.
  • PAUL HANSEN KIM plays his roommate who's also quite the druggie and aspiring plastic surgeon.
  • JAMES DeBELLO plays another student who's delayed joining the group due to sex faulty sex toys to some Asian men, and then ends up pretending to be a vampire hunter as a way to try to bed Teodora. He uses a lot of strong profanity.
  • MUSETTA VANDER plays the latest in a long line of vampire hunters who's determined to kill Radu and his kind. She's also a professor at the university who's always wearing formfitting leather attire.
  • JENNIFER LYONS plays a coed who enjoys having sex with her boyfriend Newmar, but then ends up possessed by the sexually aggressive spirit of Radu's long-absent mate.
  • TONY DENMAN plays her boyfriend who hopes that a Kama Sutra type sex manual will help spice up their love life, but misinterprets her possession as an aftereffect of that book.
  • NATALIE GARZA plays the good girl of the group who doesn't party hard or do drugs like her twin sister or boyfriend. She ends up as just a severed head (but still alive) due to Dean Floca's nefarious plan.
  • NICOLE GARZA plays her twin sister who has no such reservations, smokes pot and ends up fooling around with her sister's boyfriend.
  • OREN SKOOG plays the vampire leader who's longed for the return of his long-absent mate and doesn't appreciate Teodora's attempts at ruining their reunion.
  • DAVID STEINBERG plays the diminutive dean of the university who pretends not to be believe in Teodora's allegations, but is secretly planning on surgically altering his daughter's deformed body by using Lia's. He's also quite over-protective and crazed regarding any boyfriend of hers who wants to stop seeing her.
  • IRENA A. HOFFMAN plays his daughter who's afflicted with a severely deformed back but doesn't let that stop her sexually aggressive pursuit of Rusty.
  • PATRICK CASEY plays another student who has a hard time distinguishing men from women.
  • WORM MILLER plays the nerdy guy in the group who has a thing for Lia.
  • CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO

    HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE


    Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit?
    Then read OUR TAKE of this film.


    (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below).


    OUR WORD TO PARENTS:
    The following is a quick look at the content found in this R-rated comedy. Profanity consists of at least 24 "f" words, while many other expletives and colorful phrases are uttered. Sexually related dialogue is present in many scenes (some of it explicit), as are views of sexual encounters (nudity and movement), related drawings, various bare-breasted and otherwise scantly clad women, while other sexually related comedy material is also present.

    Violence includes standard vampire material, hand-to-hand as well as sword fighting, comedy-based injuries and slapstick style material. Varying degrees of bloody and gory results stem from that, while other gory visuals (including severed body parts and such) are present. Although it's all played for goofy comedy, it's possible some of that might be unsettling and/or suspenseful to some viewers.

    Bad attitudes are present, as is behavior some kids might want to imitate. That includes all sorts of drug use (mostly pot, but there's also a pill-induced drug trip), some drug smuggling, drinking and brief smoking. Crude humor occurs in several scenes.

    If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content.

    For those concerned with bright flashes of light on the screen, there are partial strobe effects at a party.

    For those prone to visually induced motion sickness, there are some bouncy camera shots from time to time in the film, including at the very end.



    ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE
  • Pete and Wang have huge joints and Wang then shows Pete a lubed condom full of drugs that they're going to smuggle overseas in Pete's rectum (and vice-versa).
  • We see pot smoke in a cartoon segment.
  • Wang indicates he has pot in a shampoo bottle, with Pete and Danni saying they'll join him, but Danni ends up not doing that due to her sister who doesn't want to partake.
  • A miscellaneous person smokes pot or a cigarette.
  • One student says that drinking occurs at a vampire party.
  • Pete tells Wang they should get "deeply wasted," with Danni saying she wants to as well, but Lia doesn't join them.
  • Pete, Wang and Danni have drinks in a strip club.
  • Wang smokes pot, followed by Danni taking that.
  • Mike admits he accidentally slept with a guy he thought was a girl when he was drunk.
  • Pete, Wang and Danni all smoke pot from a pipe.
  • Wang takes a hit off a pot pipe.
  • Miscellaneous people have beer.
  • Rusty asks Pete for some of his "boner pills" and then downs some before Pete informs him he's out of Viagra and he just took a combination of ecstasy, speed and horse tranquilizers. That prompts Rusty to tell Pete, "You totally blow as a drug dealer." We then see Rusty on a drug trip (with distorted visuals) as lyrics from "Go Ask Alice" play ("One pill makes you larger, And one pill makes you small. And the ones that mother gives you, Don't do anything at all").
  • People drink at a party.
  • Wang smokes more pot, prompting Lia to ask, "Aren't you stoned enough?" and he indicates no.
  • People drink at a party, including Mike and, separately, Wang.
  • Pete and Wang smoke more pot.
  • BLOOD/GORE
  • Pete and Wang have huge joints and Wang then shows Pete a lubed condom full of drugs that they're going to smuggle overseas in Pete's rectum. As Pete faces the camera, Wang stands behind him and shoves that up there (we don't see the insertion, but do see the pained expression on Pete's face). When that's over, Pete shows Wang an even more stretched out and fuller condom with the same for Wang. Pete then tells him it's just like pooping in reverse.
  • Teodora hits a man with a crossbow arrow (with bloody results). He then eludes her and breaks off the front of the arrow, but the rest is still sticking out of his clothed back (with a little bit more blood seen).
  • The horses pulling a carriage repeatedly fart (heard many times) whenever the name of the university is spoken. Due to that smell, one of the girls says she's going to "puke" but doesn't.
  • Pete and Wang are informed that they're eating sheep testicles and goat "balls."
  • We hear a vampire (in a casket, along with others in their own on a carriage) ask if they're there yet, as she has to use the bathroom.
  • We see a bad looking hump/growth that's sticking out from the back of Draguta's top.
  • Lynne barely cuts her finger, and we see a tiny drop of blood from that.
  • We see a dead guy with two slightly bloody vampire bite marks on his neck.
  • We see human skulls in walls.
  • We see just Lia's severed head in some sort of mechanical device, but she's still alive. We then see her headless body nearby, with various large, crude and bloody stitches along various parts of her body. After Wang accidentally snags the lone thread through all of those stitches and pulls that away, all of her body parts (including arms, legs and breasts) fall away.
  • About Lia being no fun, a comment is made about a stick being in her butt.
  • Cliff accidentally shoots himself in the leg with a crossbow arrow, thus attaching himself to a bench. Rusty then comes to help him and yanks it out, with a lot of blood spurting upwards. Cliff yells for him to put it back in, but Rusty gets the wrong leg, thus impaling him there. When Cliff then pulls that out from there, more blood spurts out.
  • As Wang is putting Lia's body back together, we see a grisly view of her arm, as does Pete. He then vomits into a bucket and states that it's full. Danni then takes that, but vomits from the sight and/or smell, prompting him to vomit again, followed by her again and so on.
  • One of the vampires taps some blood from a guy into a glass and then gives that to Rusty. He drinks from it, not having seen where it came from, and then spits that out.
  • We see a decomposed corpse in a casket.
  • Count Radu belches after drinking blood from a transfusion pouch.
  • We see just a little blood at the point of impact of Teodora stabbing a vampire in the chest.
  • Draguta has a new body and when she drinks something, liquid sprays from some of the connection points. Moments later, when someone tugs on her arm, it comes off, with blood spurting out and we then see more at the shoulder and on the stump of the severed limb as Dean Floca holds that.
  • A vampire's corpse disintegrates and blows away.
  • DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE
  • Pete and Wang smuggle drugs overseas in their rectums.
  • One of the guys refers to a local student as "Euro-trash."
  • A cloaked figure grabs and wraps his cloak around Lia, kidnapping her.
  • Some viewers might not like jokes at the expense of a young woman with a physical deformity (a hump back), and Rusty being repulsed by the sight of that.
  • We see that Dean Floca had one of his daughter's former suitors chained up for a long time for trying to leave her in the past.
  • The vampires all have bad attitudes.
  • Danni passionately kisses Pete (both clothed), her sister's boyfriend.
  • Seeing Draguta and her hump-back, the others make fun of her and Rusty after she leaves, including asking if Rusty "humped" her.
  • We learn that Dean Floca has removed Lia's head from her body that she's going to use to give his daughter a new, hump-free body.
  • Rusty tells Newmar "I don't want people knowing I boned such a freak-show" (referring to Draguta), but Newmar thinks he's talking about Lynne and thus punches Rusty to the floor.
  • With Wang standing in as Lia's body (just her head is exposed, along with his arms pretending to be hers), Lia jokes to Brady about Wang being so gay. Other homophobic material is present, including terms such as "fudge-packer" and Mike always coming on to women who turn out to be guys.
  • Some viewers might not like a joke about Rusty and Draguta's new baby having a partial beard and a hump on the back.
  • FRIGHTENING SCENES
  • Scenes listed under "Violence," "Blood/Gore" and "Jump Scenes" may be unsettling, suspenseful or scary to younger viewers and/or those with low tolerance levels for such material.
  • For those sensitive to such matters, a bird is sucked into a jet engine in a cartoon segment, thus causing the plane difficulties and everyone parachutes out (all played quickly and lightly).
  • GUNS/WEAPONS
  • Crossbow Arrows/Handguns/Swords/Knives: Carried and/or used to threaten, wound or kill others. See "Violence" for details.
  • We see Pete and Wang armed with hunting guns as an animal is about to be let out of a crate, but that turns out to be Cliff. Others aim their guns at him, while the leader pops open a switchblade, but then uses some sort of electric prod on him.
  • We see Teodora's future as a cop who raids a trailer with her handgun drawn. We then hear some shots being fired.
  • IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR
  • Phrases: "What kind of f*cking moron..?" "So f*cking cute," "What did they f*ck you with, a toboggan?" "M*therf*cker," "Somebody f*cking help me," "F*ck you," "Pull the f*cking thing out," "What the f*ck /are you thinking?" "Where the f*ck are you going?" "M*therf*cking bastard," "Holy sh*t," "Oh sh*t," "That's such bullsh*t," "This is bullsh*t," "That is one fine-ass, dead girl," "Tw*t-orama," "Nympho," "Think of that next time you're spanking your pud," "Fudge packer," "Get freaky," "Boner pill," "I don't want people knowing I boned such a freak-show," "Whore," "Chick," "Dude," "Euro-trash," "Losers," "How the hell did you get here?" "Douche-bag," "You son of a bitch," "Holy skulls, batman," "Sweet," "You totally blow as a drug dealer," "That jerk," "You moron," "Cretin," "Will you shut up?" "You crazy perv," "Let's boogie, bitch," "Troll" and "Are you a moron?"
  • The action, stunts and such might be enticing for some kids to imitate.
  • Pete and Wang smuggle drugs overseas in their rectums.
  • Pete playfully gives "the finger" to others in the group.
  • A man narrowly crosses a railroad track on horseback right in front of a moving train.
  • Wang has spiked hair with two streaks of white in that.
  • Danni wears a midriff-revealing top.
  • Count Radu belches.
  • Wang belches after drinking.
  • A miscellaneous person has some tattoos.
  • JUMP SCENES
  • None.
  • MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE)
  • A little bit of suspenseful and ominous music plays in the film.
  • MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE)
  • A song repeats the lyric, "One way ticket to Hell."
  • A song lyric has something about being the best lover the singer ever had as well as "give me sugar."
  • A song has a line about putting "t*ts" in one's face.
  • We hear the lyrics from "Go Ask Alice" play during a drug trip ("One pill makes you larger, And one pill makes you small. And the ones that mother gives you, Don't do anything at all").
  • A song has a line about "bring out the killer in me."
  • Other songs had lyrics that we couldn't fully understand and/or hear, thus presenting the possibility of them potentially containing something objectionable.
  • PROFANITY
  • At least 24 "f" words (2 used with "mother" and 1 used sexually, as are several uses of "hook up" as well as "boned," "hump" and "pumped"), 11 "s" words, 1 slang term using female genitals ("tw*t"), 2 for breasts ("t*ts"), 4 asses, 1 damn, 1 hell, 1 S.O.B., 3 uses of "Newmar-damn" and 1 use each of "Christ," "God," "Oh God" and "Oh my God."
  • SEX/NUDITY
  • Rusty sends an email or instant message to Draguta, referring to her as sexy and saying he can't wait until they hook up and then do dirty and nasty things together.
  • Pete and Wang have huge joints and Wang then shows Pete a lubed condom full of drugs that they're going to smuggle overseas in Pete's rectum. As Pete faces the camera, Wang stands behind him and shoves that up there (we don't see the insertion, but do see the pained expression on Pete's face). When that's over, Pete shows Wang an even more stretched out and fuller condom with the same for Wang. Pete then tells him it's just like pooping in reverse.
  • We see Lynne and Newmar doing some sexual role playing, with her dressed like a sexy cheerleader and him in full football gear. We hear that Rusty is worried about her being out of his league in the sex department, and he comments about a past problem and it apparently occurs again (premature ejaculation) after he says he's going to give it to her and climbs on top of her (both still clothed) where they make out on the field (but then stop when he apparently quickly climaxes).
  • Mike comments on the legs on a biker and how he'd like to ride her (or vice-versa), but then realizes the woman is actually a long-haired guy.
  • Cliff sells some Asian men blow-up sex dolls (standard look, bare breasts, open mouths, etc.) and one takes one off to give it a try. We then see him holding and thrusting away on one from behind while his pants are around his ankles, but the inflatable doll pops and flies away.
  • We see and hear streaming video and audio of Draguta's face as Rusty chats with her. She comments about getting turned on as he drops his pants and shows her his bare butt (we only partially see it, mostly blocked by the laptop screen). He then says that's not the only part of him that's been waxed and turns around to show her his penis that he whips around (again, our view is blocked). When some people walk in, he quickly slams the laptop lid closed as she comments on wanting that U.S. penis, but accidentally does so on his penis (which isn't seen).
  • Rusty lies to the others and says that he and Draguta have sex twice a day (although he's never met her in person). Others then note dried semen on his laptop screen and that grosses out some of the girls.
  • In a flashback, we see Count Radu's lover on top of him, having sex (bare breasts and movement).
  • Count Radu's lover shows cleavage in the past.
  • We see scantly clad female vampires.
  • Spotting the scantly clad body of Count Radu's lover, one of the guys states, "That is one fine-ass, dead girl."
  • We see Pete and Wang riding by on a motorcycle and sidecar with their shirts on but in just their underwear after trading their jeans for that vehicle.
  • We see bare breasts on a clothing mannequin.
  • About a party, Lynne says she has nothing to wear, with a male student playfully saying he doesn't think anyone would complain about that (a nudity joke).
  • Teodora is always seen in a form-fitting, cleavage-revealing outfit.
  • We see the scantly clad female vampires again.
  • Rusty states that in hours he'll have sex with an actual, live person.
  • Newmar worries about Lynne and other guys. Rusty says he has nothing to worry about unless he's lousy in the sack. He then states Newmar needs to be so great that she forgets the other guys who have "pumped" her. He adds that girls don't always like it hard (simulating that with his hands) and sometimes prefer a softer motion. He then gives Newmar a Kama Sutra type book of sexual positions (we see some illustrations) as well as his own hand-drawn erotic comic book (including a drawing of a nude woman). He then adds that he was told at the "Tw*t-orama" that the book can turn a woman into a raging "nympho."
  • A song lyric has something about being the best lover the singer ever had as well as "give me sugar."
  • We see movement under the propped-up sheets as Newmar and Lynne try out a position from the Kama Sutra type sex guide. We hear related sounds and note some movement, but nothing is seen. During this, we also briefly see some illustrations of sexual positions from the book.
  • Walking by himself to meet Draguta, Rusty talks to himself as if talking to her, saying, "I will have sex with you now."
  • A song has a line about putting "t*ts" in one's face. That plays at a strip joint where one of the guys fondles a stripper's bare breast as she does her thing in small panties.
  • Lynne shows lots of cleavage while Newmar is in bed, shirtless, after they've had sex. Unbeknownst to him, she's just been possessed by the soul of Count Radu's lover, so she wants nothing to do with him when he tells her they should go back to bed. Nothing the aggressive change in her, he thinks the sexual manual has turned her into a different person.
  • Danni passionately kisses Pete (both clothed), her sister's boyfriend.
  • We see a bare-breasted stripper in the background of the strip club scene.
  • Cliff tells the others he'll "shack up" with some girl.
  • A local student confuses a previous vampire attack on him for being what he thinks was an orgy. Rusty comments that the guy is as white as a sheet and wonders, "What did they f*ck you with, a toboggan?"
  • Seeing Draguta and her hump-back, the others make fun of her and Rusty after she leaves, including asking if Rusty "humped" her.
  • Mike admits he accidentally slept with a guy he thought was a girl when he was drunk.
  • Rusty tells the other to think of something they've been talking about the "next time you're spanking your pud," while the term "fudge-packer" is also used.
  • Draguta shows cleavage.
  • We see bare breasts and panties on the headless body of Lia.
  • Mike taunts Rusty with an invite ticket for an orgy, telling him after he barters for it to take his clothes off when he gets there and then get "freaky."
  • Lynne shows lots of cleavage.
  • Rusty asks Pete for some of his "boner pills" and then downs some before Pete informs him he's out of Viagra and he just took a combination of ecstasy, speed and horse tranquilizers.
  • Cliff suggestively asks Teodora that isn't it customary for a little bit of the "in-out, in-out" before battling vampires. She doesn't get the implication and says they should split up. He then asks how he's going to get any "action" if they split up.
  • Count Radu and Lynne kiss (while she's possessed by the soul of his lover).
  • While possessed by the soul of Count Radu's lover, Lynne uses a lot of tongue while kissing Rusty, thinking he's Count Radu.
  • Newmar writes a letter to Rusty about that, saying he hopes Rusty enjoys having sex with his girlfriend.
  • Following Mike's earlier advice, Rusty pulls down his pants at a party to reveal his underwear.
  • Rusty is horrified when he wakes up shirtless in bed with his hand on Draguta's deformed back. She's in a sheer nightie through which we can see her thong-type panties (and most of her bare butt) as she asks if he's ready for another round. He asks what happened and she says they had sex and lots of it, and that the way he stroked her hump drove her wild.
  • Rusty tells Newmar "I don't want people knowing I boned such a freak-show" (referring to Draguta), but Newmar thinks he's talking about Lynne and thus punches Rusty to the floor.
  • Lynne shows more cleavage.
  • While possessed with the soul of Count Radu's lover, Lynne states they should begin with the sexual ecstasy, shocking Rusty who looks like Count Radu. We then see the three female vampires topless (bare breasts), and Lynne states that they'll make love to such a degree that the ground will tremble. She then again talks about the sexual ecstasy.
  • Pete and Danni passionately kiss (clothed and standing).
  • With Wang standing in as Lia's body (just her head is exposed, along with his arms pretending to be hers), Lia jokes to Brady about Wang being so gay. She then asks Brady if he wants to dirty dance, tells him to grab her "ass" (which would really be Wang's) and take advantage of her. Brady then tells her they should get naughty and runs his hand inside the robe at the crotch area, but is then surprised by what he apparently finds. Wang then punches him in the gut.
  • Pete admits to Lia that he "hooked up" with Danni.
  • Mike thinks he's with a woman who's really a transvestite who then shows him an extra large condom.
  • We see Wang's future as a plastic surgeon on a TV show where a woman flashes her bare breasts to him (they're pixelated out in that shot). Later, however, we see the full results of his surgery where that woman now has just one giant breast in the center of her chest.
  • We see illustrations of sexual positions in the Kama Sutra type manual, with Lynne and Newmar as the instructors dressed in full body suits. As three other couples in various positions look on, Lynne and Newmar summersault toward each other until we hear the contact and penetration of her body, followed by a view of them in their new position (still in their body suits and nothing explicit is seen).
  • SMOKING
  • A few miscellaneous characters smoke, including one with what appeared to be a hookah (in the background of a shot).
  • TENSE FAMILY SCENES
  • Hearing a music box that she mistakes for the one holding the soul of Count Radu's lover, Teodora takes and smashes that. The distraught young woman then says that was her grandmother's given to her mother before she went into her coma.
  • TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT
  • Some viewers might not like jokes at the expense of a young woman with a physical deformity (a hump back), and Rusty being repulsed by the sight of that.
  • The various genre elements used in this comedy.
  • All of the drug use that takes place (including smuggling some in one's rectum).
  • Casual sex.
  • VIOLENCE
  • Most of the following is played for comedy or action-comedy rather than graphic realism.
  • While sexual role playing as a football player and cheerleader, Newmar spikes the ball that accidentally hits Lynne, followed by him accidentally knocking her to the ground.
  • We see and hear streaming video and audio of Draguta's face as Rusty chats with her. He shows her his penis that he whips around (our view is blocked), but when some people walk in, he quickly slams the laptop lid closed, accidentally on his penis (which isn't seen).
  • In a cartoon segment, a bird is sucked into a jet engine.
  • In a flashback, Count Radu's lover bites someone (non-graphically).
  • In a flashback, Count Radu's lover uses some sort of energy blast to knock Teodora's ancestor backwards. Later, as Count Radu comes after that man, the vampire's hand briefly burns in the sunlight. The vampire hunter then jumps from the window, but misses the carriage and lands on the ground, splayed out.
  • Teodora chases after a man on horseback. He shoots at her repeatedly with a gun but misses, while she hits him with a crossbow arrow (with bloody results). He then eludes her and breaks off the front of the arrow, but the rest is still sticking out of his clothed back (with a little bit more blood seen).
  • Newmar accidentally knocks a man (working for Count Radu) off a moving train, but doesn't realize it.
  • The female vampires attack a man (heard, not seen).
  • During weapons practice, Teodora knocks down one of the guys and then does a mock killing and beheading of him.
  • A cloaked figure grabs and wraps his cloak around Lia, kidnapping her.
  • Hearing a music box that she mistakes for the one holding the soul of Count Radu's lover, Teodora takes and smashes that.
  • We see the shadows of the female vampires attacking a guy.
  • Lynne, possessed by Count Radu's lover, pushes Newmar back onto a bed (non-sexually).
  • A man zaps Cliff with some sort of electric prod.
  • We see a dead guy with two slightly bloody vampire bite marks on his neck (the result of unseen violence).
  • We learn that Dean Floca has removed Lia's head from her body that she's going to use to give his daughter a new, hump-free body.
  • Count Radu blasts Newmar backwards.
  • Cliff accidentally shoots himself in the leg with a crossbow arrow, thus attaching himself to a bench. Rusty then comes to help him and yanks it out, with a lot of blood spurting upwards. Cliff yells for him to put it back in, but Rusty gets the wrong leg, thus impaling him there. When Cliff then pulls that out from there, more blood spurts out.
  • Teodora fires darts filled with holy water into Count Radu's clothed back, and later fires the same into Rusty (thinking he's Count Radu).
  • Thinking he's Count Radu, Teodora attacks Rusty and nearly stabs him, but is caught just in time. She then fights off several men (hitting, kicking, etc.) before escaping.
  • When Count Radu emerges from a coffin, various people there start beating him.
  • Rusty tells Newmar "I don't want people knowing I boned such a freak-show" (referring to Draguta), but Newmar thinks he's talking about Lynne and thus punches Rusty to the floor.
  • Newmar punches Rusty in another scene.
  • With Wang standing in as Lia's body (just her head is exposed, along with his arms pretending to be hers), Wang kicks Brady in the leg and, moments later, punches him in the gut.
  • Teodora fires a crossbow arrow at Rusty but misses, and then fights the three female vampires, with punches, kicks and such. She then stabs one (no impact seen) and then another, with a view this time of her knife going into the chest (just a little blood).
  • Count Radu gets into a swordfight with Newmar who thinks the former is Rusty.
  • Draguta has a new body but when someone tugs on her arm, it comes off, with blood spurting out and we then see more at the shoulder and on the stump of the severed limb as Dean Floca holds that.
  • Draguta and Lynne (possessed by the soul of Count Radu's lover) slap each other repeatedly.
  • Rusty and Count Radu fight with swords, with Cliff accidentally shooting Count Radu with a crossbow arrow. Later, we see Cliff's fabricated version of purposefully shooting Count Radu to kill him.



  • Reviewed December 4, 2009 / Posted December 4, 2009

    Other new reviews available this week include:

    [Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)] [John Wick] [Ouija] [23 Blast]

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