"THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD" (2009) (Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames) (R) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Minor Extreme Mild Minor Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Heavy Mild None Moderate Extreme Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Extreme Heavy Moderate Moderate Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A team of used car salespeople attempts to sell an entire lot of vehicles in three days to keep the dealership from being sold to an unscrupulous rival. PLOT: Ben Selleck (JAMES BROLIN) operates a struggling car dealership that has been in his family for 40 years, but is now in danger of going out of business. With the approach of a three-day Fourth of July holiday weekend, he decides to hire a team of professional used-car salespeople to give his business a quick sales boost. The team is led by Don Ready (JEREMY PIVEN), a slick, smooth-talking liquidator who doesn't mind skipping from town to town, living in motels, eating fast-food, drinking hard liquor, and getting his kicks at the local strip club. He is joined by Jibby Newsome (VING RHAMES), a salesman who is tired of one-night stands and craves love; Brent Gage (DAVID KOECHNER), a cocksure salesman who isn't above bending the rules to make a sale; and Babs Merrick (KATHRYN HAHN), the lone female on the team who lives and sells just as hard as the boys. What they find at Ben's dealership is a motley crew of unmotivated employees and one very profane, elderly salesman named Dick (CHARLES NAPIER), who routinely attacks customers if they say something he disagrees with or finds personally insulting. Don, meanwhile, falls for the owner's daughter, Ivy (JORDANA SPIRO). But she is engaged to the son, Paxton (ED HELMS), of Stu Harding (ALAN THICKE), Ben's rival. When Ben sells the dealership to Stu, Don wagers that he and his team can stop the sale if they sell every vehicle on the Selleck lot. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? Older teens might be attracted to the R-rated content in the film and the fact that the movie was made by Will Ferrell's production company (and features Ferrell in a cameo role). WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: R For sexual content, nudity, pervasive language and some drug material. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: JEREMY PIVEN plays a used-car liquidator who is hired by a car dealership to turn their holiday weekend sale into a profitable event. He is a crass, profane, promiscuous, yet charismatic salesman who drinks, smokes, and frequents strip clubs. VING RHAMES plays Don's colleague, a used-car salesman who laments that he has never had loving, meaningful sexual relations with a woman. He ultimately settles on a local stripper, but quickly finds conventional sex boring. DAVID KOECHNER plays another colleague of Don's, who is subjected to unwanted homosexual advances by his new boss, Ben. He drinks often. KATHRYN HAHN plays the lone female salesperson of the team. She is a dirty-talking, hard-drinking woman who develops an intense sexual attraction to Ben's adult-looking 10-year-old son. JAMES BROLIN plays the owner of the car dealership in need of Don's help. He is a closet homosexual who lusts after Brent. JORDANA SPIRO plays Ben's straight-laced daughter, who catches Don's eye even though she is engaged to a rival salesman. She succumbs to Don's charms for a one-night stand, but ultimately has to make a choice between the two men. ED HELMS plays the man engaged to Ivy. He dreams of fronting a boy band and gaining fame. ALAN THICKE plays Paxton's father and the snide, money-hungry owner of a rival, European car lot in town who seeks to buy Ben's lot. CHARLES NAPIER plays an elderly employee of Ben's who is prone to angry, profane, and racist outbursts. He snorts cocaine in his office and often physically attacks people who tick him off. ROB RIGGLE plays Ben's 10-year-old son, who suffers from a pituitary gland problem that makes him appear to be an adult male. He attracts the sexual advances of Babs. CRAIG ROBINSON plays a strip-club DJ who refuses to play any song requests out of some odd Zen-like philosophy that he doesn't need to cede control of himself to others' wishes. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this comedy that has been rated R. Profanity consists of at least 54 "f" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered. Some sexually related dialogue is present, along with scenes of simulated sex and nudity, while other sexually related material is also present. Violence consists of a man being beaten to comic effect for his Asian heritage. A riot turns quite violent, too, again for questionable laughs. Bad attitudes are present throughout, as is some potentially imitative behavior and various thematic elements. Drinking is present throughout, as is smoking, while drug use is also present. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Airline passengers are shown drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana. Ben and his wife serve houseguests wine with dinner. Don, Brent, Babs, and Jibby consume beer and other alcoholic beverages at a strip club. Dick snorts cocaine in his office. One stripper is ordered to wipe her nose, insinuating that she has residual cocaine powder showing that people can see. Babs gives Ben's 10-year-old son liquor as part of her attempts to seduce him. Don and his friends drink shots and order cocktails at a club. BLOOD/GORE A salesman is beaten and stomped on for his Asian heritage, causing his left cheek to become red and swollen. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Most of the following is played for intended comedy. By way of introduction to her new employer, Babs boasts that her "rug matches the drapes," meaning that her pubic hair is the same color as the hair on her head. Dick tells a prospective female customer, "Don't be a bitch." Dick regularly curses such groups as Jews, Asians, homosexuals, and even Eskimos. Dick refers to African-Americans as "coloreds." Babs knowingly makes sexual advances to a 10-year-old boy, even though he resembles a thirty-something man due to a pituitary gland problem. Don refers to Japanese people as "Japs." An Asian salesman is beaten by his co-workers for his heritage. A person asks, "Are you retarded?" A scene begins with Don delivering the profane punch line to a dirty joke involving a nun. Don eats fast-food carryout instead of the welcome meal that Don and his wife have prepared for him and his friends. At that same meal, Don and Ivy have sexual banter talk in front of her parents and brother, prompting Don to ask, "Are we talking about p*ssy?" DeeJay steadfastly refuses to play any songs that people request, even though that is what he is paid to do. A man pays for a car with a bag of cash he stole from a bank. Don teaches his sales staff to price certain cars in the $9,000 range, posting price signs to that effect, when their worth is really in the $6,000 price range. But to give them the illusion of a deal, the sales person can manually flip the "9" in the price to a "6" and close the deal. Don teaches a toddler to say, "Shut the f*ck up." Brent criticizes a salesman for having pictures of his overweight kids on his desk. He advises him to display photos of some skinny kids, but to keep the photo of his heavy wife. Brent then seeks to shred the pictures of the man's real kids. Brent has his sales staff chant motivational sayings centered around lying to customers. Don boasts to a Middle Eastern customer that he is giving him a price that is such a steal that if they were in the client's country, he would have his hands cut off for stealing. Jibby tricks a female customer into calling the number of who she thinks is someone selling the same car for a cheaper price. But he really dials Don, who fakes that he is a sexual predator. Ben films a commercial for his car lot in which he lies to customers that he has cancer, so they'll need to come buy a car for him before he dies. A salesman dresses as Abraham Lincoln and boasts that "Just like John Wilkes Booth, our sale prices will sneak up behind you and blow your brains out!" Paxton gives Don the middle-finger gesture after making fun of his inability to do his job properly. FRIGHTENING SCENES Scenes listed under "Violence" may be unsettling and/or suspenseful to younger viewers and/or those with low tolerance levels for such material, but probably few others as most of the material is played for laughs. Two alligators are let loose during an angry mob stampede. GUNS/WEAPONS This is really minor. The production company's logo ("Gary Sanchez Productions") at the beginning of the film features a handgun and the sound effect of the gun being fired. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Shut the f*ck up!" "I'd f*ck him," "You f*cking blow!" "Let's f*cking riot!" "I'ma f*ckin' knock you out!" "He m*ther-f*cked us like a pro," "That mother-f*cker f*cked us!" "10 percent real fruit juice, m*ther-f*ckers!" "I'm a f*cking stallion! I should be owned by a G*d-damned Middle Eastern sheik!" "You f*cking queers!" "He's talking about karaoke, you f*cking queers!" "What's with the sh*t-eating grins?" "I've ripped sh*t up," "I need every swingin' d*ck in that field," "Don't get me wrong, I have an erection," "I didn't have a hat on my Jimmy," "I have hair on my balls, and I sell cars!" "Nice balloons" (referring to a woman's breasts). "The rug matches the drapes," "We're kicking ass!" "The bank is crawling up my ass for back payments," "I paid for it, so it would be disrespectful not to masturbate," "You can suck it!" "Screw everybody!" "What a douche," "Are you retarded?" "You old goat," "Japs," "Coloreds," "James Van Der Beek, my nigga" (said twice by a black character). Don and his crew walk through an airport casually stealing merchandise from the various vendors in the terminal. Don teaches a toddler to say, "Shut the f*ck up." Paxton gives Don the middle-finger gesture. A bank robber peels out of the car lot at high speed after paying for the vehicle with stolen cash. Don and his friends make fun of Paxton's dream of being a pop singer. Brent has his sales staff chant motivational sayings centered around lying to customers. Depressed, Don walks down an open road as cars pass. JUMP SCENES Alligators snap at customers running by them in a crowded parking lot. A salesman opens up a bag of cash that has clearly been stolen from a bank. The dye pack explodes in his face, causing the man to scream: "My eyes!" MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) None. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) A dead colleague of Don's appears to him as an angel, flanked by a chorus of two other angels who sing profane, hymn-like words of advice. Over the closing credits, a mock-boy-band song plays that is titled "I'll Keep Doing It to You" and contains sexually suggestive lyrics. DeeJay plays quite a bit of rap and hip-hop music throughout the film that may have contained some explicit lyrics. But I didn't make out anything overly offensive. PROFANITY At least 54 "f" words (13 used with "mother"), 18 "s" words, 5 slang terms for male genitals ("d*ck," "c*ck," "hard-on," "boner," "my Jimmy"), 1 for female ones ("p*ssy"), 2 slang terms for breasts ("t*ts" and "balloons"), 16 hells, 4 asses (1 used with "hole"), 1 crap, 3 damns, 3 S.O.B.s, 7 uses of "G-damn," 2 uses of "Jesus," and 1 use each of "Christ," "Oh my God," "Oh God," and "I swear to God." Don's business card reads: "I Move Cars, M*therf*cker!" During a flashback sequence, we see Don as a child swindling neighborhood kids and handing out a business card that reads: "I Move Toys, M*therf*cker!" SEX/NUDITY Don rips a female flight attendant's blouse open to reveal her bra. He then buries his face in her exposed cleavage. Babs laments about having to breast-feed an elderly man before she is allowed to board a plane. Babs boasts that her "rug matches the drapes," meaning that her pubic hair is the same color as the hair on her head. Dancers' bare breasts are exposed at a strip club. Don and Brent are given lap dances, with the strippers grinding and simulating intercourse on each man's lap. They then wrap their legs and thighs around each man's face and contort their bodies into ridiculous positions for the men's amusement. Don hires three of the strippers to serve as lures for male customers to visit Ben's car lot. Immediately upon checking into their hotel rooms, Don, Brent and Babs order pay-per-view pornography. While watching her skin flick, Babs screams at the screen for the female performer not to look at her. Several of the porn actresses are topless. Don and Ivy have sexual banter talk during a dinner with her family, prompting Don to ask, "Are we talking about p*ssy?" Ben makes repeated homosexual advances towards Brent, who is not gay. Eventually, a bet is made that requires Don and his team to sell all of the cars on Ben's lot or else Brent will have to have sex with Ben. Ben has a clearly visible erection in his pants that he delights in showing Brent. Jibby laments on several occasions that he has never had loving, meaningful sexual relations with a woman. Jibby brags to Babs all of the sexual escapades he has shared with multiple partners over the years, mentioning such things as "ménage a trois," "threesomes," foursomes," "69," "89," "golden, diamond, and platinum showers," and more. Babs repeatedly propositions Ben's 10-year-old son (who looks like a full-grown man) to sleep with her, but he resists. Babs makes an obscene hand gesture signifying intercourse to Ben. Babs lies to a male customer that she is sexually attracted to women, then proceeds to share a graphic sexual fantasy with him - complete with her making breathless and naughty sounds - that ultimately convinces the man to buy the car she is selling. Jibby tricks a female customer into calling the number of a person she thinks is selling the same car he is trying to sell for a cheaper price. But it's really Don, who fakes that he is a sexual predator. Paxton and his band mates simulate sex thrusts in their dance moves. Don reminisces about sex with a woman years earlier in which he did not use a condom, using the phrase "I didn't have a hat on my Jimmy." In a flashback sequence, Don is shown on top of a woman in a parked car as they are about to have sex. A man plummets to his death when the backpack he thought was a parachute opens to reveal an assortment of sex toys. The various sex toys are seen falling through the air with him and landing on cars below. Don makes reference to those sex toys as including "rubbers, dildos, and weirder stuff" like an executioner's mask and "French ticklers." Jibby has slow, moaning sex with a stripper, who is on top of him. When that proves too conventional, Jibby lets the girl know she can do whatever she wants to his person until he shouts out his "safe word." You see the stripper's bare back from behind, but there is no frontal nudity. Don and Ivy have breathless sex in Don's hotel room while wearing underwear. Don is on top and asks Ivy if she will have intercourse with him in every corner of the room. Afterwards, we see Don's bare buttocks. Babs pledges to give herself oral sex if Don sells the last car on Ben's lot. Jibby makes reference to a pig performing oral sex on a hyena. SMOKING Don lights up a cigarette on an airplane, then convinces the entire crew and passengers to engage in smoking and other debauchery like in "the good ol' days of flying." Subsequently, we see multiple people smoking cigarettes, cigars, and marijuana. In a flashback sequence to Don's childhood, he is shown distributing bubble-gum cigarettes. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Don believes that one of the salesmen on his staff is his son, who he fathered out of wedlock years earlier and abandoned. The salesman knows that Don is not really his father, but plays along anyway. Ben's wife and children respond with sorrow and tears after watching a TV commercial in which he lies that he has cancer. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT The often corrupt tactics of salespeople. The consequences of living a vagabond life where there is no stability. The exploitation of women as strippers and porn actresses. Using sex to sell in advertising. VIOLENCE Dick physically attacks two customers after they offend him, punching the husband and jostling the wife. A car salesman is punched, beaten, stomped on, and generally manhandled by his co-workers for being Asian. Dick incites an angry mob that proceeds to set fire to Ben's dealership and trash several cars. One customer takes a chainsaw to a man dressed as Uncle Sam and walking on stilts, causing him to fall and crash hard atop a car. At one point, Babs tells a violent story that climaxes with the line "I'll cut off your t*ts with a knife, you bitch!" A man plummets to his death out of an airplane. We don't see him hit the ground, but we hear it. Reviewed August 12, 2009/ Posted August 14, 2009

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