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"MISS MARCH" (2009) (Zach Cregger, Trevor Moore) (R) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Heavy *Heavy None None Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Heavy Minor Minor Extreme Extreme Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Extreme Mild Minor Heavy *Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: Waking up from a four-year coma, a young man and his best friend set out on a cross-country road trip headed for the Playboy mansion to find his former girlfriend who's now a Playboy Playmate. PLOT: High school students Eugene Bell (ZACH CREGGER) and Tucker Cleigh (TREVOR MOORE) have been friends since they were little kids. Yet, while Tucker is sexually experienced -- thanks to his early exposure to Playboy magazine -- Eugene is still a virgin. He does have a girlfriend of two and a half years in Cindi Whitehall (RAQUEL ALESSI), and despite them giving abstinence speeches to middle school students, she's ready to have sex with him. But after drinking with Tucker at a post-prom party to get up the nerve to go through with that, Eugene goes through the wrong door, falls down the steps, and is knocked into a coma. Four years later, Tucker manages to rouse him from that, informing his friend that he's now having sex with former classmate Candace (MOLLY STANTON), while Cindi has gone on to become a Playboy Playmate. With Eugene wanting to find her, and Tucker wanting to realize his lifelong dream of meeting Hugh Hefner (HUGH HEFNER), they set out on a cross-country road trip to get to the Playboy mansion, receiving help from the likes of rapper Horsed*ck.MPEG (CRAIG ROBINSON) and two foreign lesbians, Katja (ALEXIS RABEN) and Vonka (EVE MAURO), to get them there. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? Those drawn by the anticipation of sexual material and scantly clad women might be drawn to it. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: R For strong crude and sexual content, nudity, pervasive language and some drug use. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: Considering what occurs in the film (sexual behavior, strong profanity, drinking, drug use, some smoking, and violence) it's doubtful many, if any parents would consider any of the characters as good role models for kids. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here's a quick look at the content found in this R-rated comedy. Profanity consists of at least 71 "f" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered. All sorts of sexually related dialogue and song lyrics (much of that explicit) are present, as are sexual encounters (including female to male oral sex and all sorts of lesbian behavior, played more for comedy rather than eroticism, but some of the latter is present), other sexually related material, nudity (breasts, butts, a man with a scrotum but no penis, etc.), and scantly clad women. Comedy-based violence includes people striking or otherwise manhandling others, with some bloody results from that, as well as some slapstick style material and firemen trying to harm two guys with their axes. Comedy-based bad attitudes are present, as are various instances of crude, gross-out humor. Drug use (pot) is present, as is drinking, while some smoking also occurs. Other behavior might also be enticing for kids to imitate. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those concerned with bright flashes of light on the screen, we briefly see strobe effects from a strobe light, and then some flashing from fire trucks at night. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Cindi's father asks/says there won't be any alcohol referring to Cindi going to the prom with Eugene. Horsed*ck.MPEG and others drink in the limo carrying Eugene and Cindi. Lots of teens drink at a post-prom party, with one guy excitedly stating that one girl is wasted and "blowing" some guy, while we see miscellaneous, clothed making out. Cindi then tells Eugene she's ready (to lose her virginity) and goes upstairs to a bedroom, with Eugene about to join her when Tucker spots him and states, "Shouldn't you be banging her out?" Eugene states they'll be "banging," but is nervous, so the two guys then drink many shots of liquor, with Tucker encouraging that (to lessen sexual sensitivity) as "You'll explode when you get it in there." But that never happens as Eugene drunkenly goes through the wrong door, falls down the steps, and is knocked into a coma. Tucker wears a shirt that has drawings of various drinks on it. About an unheard complaint about him, Tucker states the accuser is on drugs. Tucker orders Yager for Candace and himself on a date. He later states that they got "tanked," drank more liquor later, and did (car driving) donuts in their car (partially seen, from inside the car). We see various advertisement signs for beer in a store. Eugene has a nightmare about Cindi being a sexual tart, dressed in lingerie, holding a drink and a cigarette. During the making of a sexually provocative music video, Horsed*ck.MPEG sprays champagne (held at his crotch) onto the butts of various women as they're bent over. Horsed*ck.MPEG smokes what initially appears to be a cigar, but later must be pot as he makes Eugene join him in sharing that, with Eugene later stating he's starting to feel high. A woman alongside them has a smaller one (that might be pot or a cigar). Horsed*ck.MPEG and some of his groupies drink champagne on his tour bus. When Tucker goes off with one for sex, he tells her he's a little drunk and thus it (getting an erection) might take two or three minutes. Various people drink at a Playboy party. A Playboy models says her small dog has to go to the bathroom, but Tucker offers to take the dog off for that. When he runs into a dimwitted model, she doesn't see the dog he's holding pee into her drink (he's shocked, but says nothing). She then drinks from that, likes its taste (he jokingly asks if it tastes like urine), and asks him to get her another. When he grabs a regular one, she says it "tastes like sh*t" and wants one like the first, so we next see him trying to get the dog to pee into a glass, including trying to get it to drink beer (but it won't). We see more drinking in the mansion, including Tucker and Eugene having at least 2 shots each. BLOOD/GORE Young Eugene and Tucker find a Playboy magazine in one of their brother's belongings, with the boys being both disgusted and amazed (we don't see any of the photos). One asks, "How do they pee?" About a girl's butt, young Tucker states, "You could bounce a quarter off that turd-cutter." We see Eugene and Cindi giving an Abstinence Now seminar at a middle school and after talking of someone who now sits in a cell and eats their own feces, they show a large slide of a close-up of a gross-looking syphilis infection (which shocks and grosses out the young audience). One of Horsed*ck.MPEG's groupies stands up through a limo's sunroof and vomits while holding her hand/arm across her otherwise bare breasts. We don't see the impact, but Tucker uses a baseball bat to try to "wake" Eugene from his coma, hitting him in the face with that (it works). Eugene ends up falling to the floor from his hospital bed with a bloody nose. Having just come out of his coma, Eugene stands up but has no bowel control, with diarrhea splattering onto the floor below him. That's followed by talk of his loose bowels being why he pooped, with a doctor adding that it was 4 years worth of poop. Seeing Cindi in Playboy, Eugene again loses control of his bowels (while standing) and we hear farting and diarrhea sounds. We next see him lying face down on the hospital bed while a nurse uses a large hose to spray his butt (not seen) and then wring out his brown underwear (and she's grossed out by that). About Tucker removing him from the hospital prematurely, Eugene warns, "If I have to take a sh*t in your car..." We see Candace with slightly bloody fork marks on her face (from Tucker trying to stab her off him -- during oral sex -- when she had an epileptic seizure, played for laughs). A woman on Horsed*ck.MPEG's tour bus states, "I gotta take a sh*t" and then complains about not having any toilet paper. Hearing Horsed*ck.MPEG boast that the slept with Cindi, Eugene loses control of his bowels and we hear farting and diarrhea sounds. A Playboy models says her small dog has to go to the bathroom, but Tucker offers to take the dog off for that. When he runs into a dimwitted model, she doesn't see the dog he's holding pee into her drink (he's shocked, but says nothing). She then drinks from that, likes its taste (he jokingly asks if it tastes like urine), and asks him to get her another. When he grabs a regular one, she says it "tastes like sh*t" and wants one like the first, so we next see him trying to get the dog to pee into a glass, including trying to get it to drink beer (but it won't). We see Candace with partially healed fork marks in her face. A bouncer manhandles Eugene, and then has him seated in a chair with his hands tied behind his back. When he doesn't like what Eugene has to say about or to Cindi, the bouncer punches him in the face. This is played for comedy and occurs several times, resulting in Eugene having a bloody lip and some slightly bloody scrapes and bruises on his face. After Cindi alleges that Horsed*ck.MPEG has no "d*ck" as he was born without genitalia and must pee through a straw, we then see a close-up view of Horsed*ck.MPEG with his pants down, showing what looks like his scrotum with no penis, but a straw sticking out of it (and what looks like drops of urine coming out from that). DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Most of the following is played for comedy. From a young age, Tucker views women as sexual objects. Tucker refers to Candace as being a "handicapped chick" due to her epilepsy. We see Eugene and Cindi giving an Abstinence Now seminar at a middle school, with talk of not needing to engage in intercourse to prove one's in love with someone else. They then tell the story of Eugene's brother who went all of the way for the first time, but ended up getting syphilis, while the girl got pregnant. Cindi then adds that the mom smoked cigarettes and thus the baby came out "retarded." There's more talk of that "retarded" child setting a fire that killed several people, while the survivor now sits in a cell and eats his own feces. Later and back home, Cindi states that her sister has sex all of the time and her babies are not "retarded." In another scene, a person uses the comment, "That is so retarded." One of Horsed*ck.MPEG's songs (playing loudly in the limo that Eugene's in to pick up Cindi for prom -- not Eugene's choice) keeps repeating the line, "I'm gonna f*ck a white bitch." Tucker comments to Eugene about Cindi (Eugene's girlfriend) that she's not the prettiest girl in school, but he's lucky since he'll get to have sex with her. We don't see the impact, but Tucker uses a baseball bat to try to "wake" Eugene from his coma, hitting him in the face with that (it works). Eugene ends up falling to the floor from his hospital bed with a bloody nose. Some viewers might not like when Tucker states that Eugene (in his coma) was a "vegetable." While working as a store photographer, Tucker goes over to the mother in the family portrait and tries to sex-up her image, adjusting her hair and then shifting both clothed breasts upward while standing behind her. His manager later complains about Tucker making soft core porn and says the husband complained, prompting Tucker to state that man is on drugs. In telling a story about his date with Candace, Tucker admits that they left without paying the restaurant bill. Rather than apologize to Candace for stabbing her in the face after causing her to have an epileptic seizure while performing oral sex on him, Tucker states he hopes "You're not going to be a d*ck about this" and that he forgives her for what happened. Horsed*ck.MPEG tells Eugene that women will take everything from a man, and thus "You don't give 'em nothing but the d*ck" since they can't take that away. He then boasts about "tagging" various Playboy models, including one who sucked his "d*ck" like an Asian guy eating hot dogs. Tucker and Eugene impersonate firemen to get into a Playboy party. Hugh Hefner shows Tucker a photo of his first love, an unattractive looking woman that disgusts Tucker who says she's the worst looking person he's ever seen. When Hugh Hefner says she died at 18, Tucker states, "Thank God." Horsed*ck.MPEG tells Eugene he'll write Eugene's message to Cindi on his (Horsed*ck.MPEG's) "d*ck" and then make sure she gets it FRIGHTENING SCENES None. GUNS/WEAPONS None. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "What the f*ck did you just say to me?" "M*therf*ckers," "What the f*ck /is wrong with you/is going on?" "What kind of f*cking idiot..?" "F*ck off," "Eat sh*t and die," "Limp d*ck sh*t," "This is my sh*t," "Oh sh*t," "Take a sh*t," "Piece of sh*t," "I gotta take a sh*t," "This tastes like sh*t," "Little sh*ts," "I want her to French kiss my d*ck," "Two hours until you're chode deep," "Horsed*ck.MPEG" (a rapper's name), "You're such a d*ck," "Balls," "Shouldn't you be banging her out?" "I hope you're not going to be a d*ck about this," "Horny goat weed," "You turned me into a whore," "I was thinking about your boobs," "You could bounce a quarter off that turd-cutter," "Jeez," "Bitch" (woman and man), "(That is so) Retarded," "You were a vegetable," "Make's 'em psycho," "Shut up," "Pissed off," "Hell yeah," "Bro," "Crazy ass bitch," "Bitch is crazy," "Wow, that's so weird," "Such an asshole," "That's retarded" and "Dawg." Young Eugene and Tucker slide on pillows on their knees across the floor. Instead of exiting the parking lot like normal, Tucker pulls forward over the curb and grassy area to get to the street. Eugene calls Cindi from up in a tree. We don't see the impact, but Tucker uses a baseball bat to try to "wake" Eugene from his coma, hitting him in the face with that (it works). Tucker orders Yager for Candace and himself on a date. He later states that they got "tanked," drank more liquor later, and did (car driving) donuts in their car (partially seen, from inside the car). In telling a story about his date with Candace, Tucker admits that they left without paying the restaurant bill. Eugene tries to fill Tucker's car with gas, but not having full motor control of his body following his 4-year coma, he ends up spraying gasoline everywhere, including on himself (played for laughs). Tucker states he ate some "horny goat weed" to stay awake while driving at night, but later admits to taking Nyquil to counter that, resulting in him falling asleep while driving. Tucker runs and slides across his car hood to get in and leave as quickly as possible. Tucker and Eugene impersonate firemen to get into a Playboy party. On several occasions, firemen throw axes at Tucker and Eugene. Caught by a model whose dog he's holding, Tucker (who was trying to get the dog to drink beer to produce urine for other reasons) throws the dog over his shoulder off a balcony (we don't see the impact below). Firemen hold down Tucker, with Candace's brother about to behead him with an ax, but that's stopped (played for laughs). Going back to how Tucker got Eugene out of his coma, a doctor says it's his new procedure and whacks a patient two times with a baseball bat (we hear but don't see the impact). The patient then catches the third swing in her hand. JUMP SCENES A rock suddenly blasts through Eugene's hospital room window. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A little bit of comedy-based, suspenseful music plays in the film. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) One of Horsed*ck.MPEG's songs (playing loudly in the limo that Eugene's in to pick up Cindi for prom -- not Eugene's choice) keeps repeating the line, "I'm gonna f*ck a white bitch." The song "I touch myself" has masturbation related lyrics, including, "When I think about you, I touch myself." A song has repeated lyrics (many times) about "suck my d*ck" while "I f*ck that ass." Other songs had lyrics that we couldn't fully hear and/or understand, thus presenting the possibility of them potentially containing something objectionable. PROFANITY At least 71 "f" words (9 used with "mother," 43 used sexually, as are variations of the terms "bang," "bone," "laid," "nailed," "tagged," "get some" and as part of the acronym "MILF," while 2 "f" words are silently mouthed), 13 "s" words, 70 slang terms using male genitals (mostly "d*ck," but also "c*ck," "dong," "junk" and "chode"), 3 for breasts ("t*ts" and "boobs"), 22 asses (4 used with "hole"), 3 damns, 3 hells, 3 S.O.B.s, 17 uses of "Oh my God," 2 of "Jesus," and 1 use each of "G-damn," "My God," "Oh God" and "Oh sweet God." SEX/NUDITY Young Eugene and Tucker find a Playboy magazine in one of their brother's belongings, with the boys being both disgusted and amazed (we don't see any of the photos). One asks, "How do they pee?" We then see them a few days later, ogling teenage girls on the playfield, with Tucker telling Eugene to "look at the ass" on one and that "you could bounce a quarter off that turd-cutter," while adding, "I want her to French kiss my d*ck." That scene transitions to or close to the present, with Tucker commenting on one teen having "t*ts" just like a certain centerfold (we see his POV of the girl's clothed chest), and comments on having heard that Candace is now on birth control. We see Eugene and Cindi giving an Abstinence Now seminar at a middle school, with talk of not needing to engage in intercourse to prove one's in love with someone else. They then tell the story of Eugene's brother who went all of the way for the first time, but ended up getting syphilis, while the girl got pregnant. Eugene calls Cindi (in her bedroom, showing a little cleavage) from up in a tree. She states they've been dating for two and a half years and are ready to have sex. He isn't sure, referring to what happened to his brother, but she states that her sister has sex all of the time and her babies are not "retarded." Eugene then relents and says he'll have sex with her on prom night. About Eugene's pending loss of virginity to Cindi, Tucker tells him, "Two hours until you're chode deep" and that he should shave his "balls" to make his "c*ck" look bigger. He also comments on having slept with 12 girls in 2 years. One of Horsed*ck.MPEG's songs (playing loudly in the limo that Eugene's in to pick up Cindi for prom -- not Eugene's choice) keeps repeating the line, "I'm gonna f*ck a white bitch." We then see Horsed*ck.MPEG slapping a young woman's clothed butt in that limo. One of Horsed*ck.MPEG's groupies stands up through a limo's sunroof and vomits while holding her hand/arm across her otherwise bare breasts. Lots of teens drink at a post-prom party, with one guy excitedly stating that one girl is wasted and "blowing" some guy, while we see miscellaneous, clothed making out. Cindi then tells Eugene she's ready (to lose her virginity) and goes upstairs to a bedroom, with Eugene about to join her when Tucker spots him and states, "Shouldn't you be banging her out?" Eugene states they'll be "banging," while Tucker comments that Eugene is lucky since most guys lose their virginity to strippers or in a one-night stand, but that since Eugene and Cindi are in love, "She might let you do anal." The two guys then drink many shots of liquor, with Tucker encouraging that (to lessen sexual sensitivity) as "You'll explode when you get it in there." But that never happens as Eugene drunkenly goes through the wrong door, falls down the steps, and is knocked into a coma. Tucker informs Eugene that he's now "banging" Candace, refers to her "handicap" (epilepsy) and adds that the latter is hot as she kind of vibrates. While working as a store photographer, Tucker goes over to the mother in the family portrait and tries to sex-up her image, adjusting her hair and then shifting both clothed breasts upward while standing behind her. His manager later complains about Tucker making soft core porn. We see the cover of Playboy featuring a model in small panties and some sort of tight top. When Tucker shows this to Eugene and says Cindi's in it, the latter is shocked and nervously asks if she's still a virgin. Tucker then pulls the magazine in close to his face and examines a photo (that we don't see) and says, "No, 'fraid not." We see Cindi's centerfold shot in Playboy, fully nude, but slightly twisted so that we only see the side of her bare butt, while her arm is across her chest. Tucker and Candace (who wears a low-cut top showing cleavage) celebrate their 13th month anniversary of when they "did each other for the first time." Tucker grabs his own clothed crotch from pain there, and tells Eugene how that happened. We then see a flashback to Tucker revealing his "happy 13th month boning" anniversary gift to Candace -- a stripper pole. She's taken a bit aback, but he says that most romances fail if couples don't spice up the bedroom, so she decides to play along and starts sexually gyrating around the pole (that's in the living room) as the song "I touch myself" plays on the soundtrack. We see a close-up of her clothed butt in her short dress, and then various views (front and rear) of her in her panties and cleavage revealing bra. She then rubs against Tucker's clothed crotch with her butt, comments about performing oral sex on him, and then moves down out of the camera shot (we see his pleasured reaction, and hear him tell Eugene -- in the present -- that it was good with lots of tongue). He then turns on a strobe light, not realizing it will induce an epileptic seizure in her. We hear a crunching sound from her mouth and then see a full body view of him trying to get her off his penis (not directly seen, and he's otherwise fully clothed), but she's locked onto it and her body sways back and forth from his motion. He then states (in the present to Eugene) that he thought she was going to bite his "d*ck" off, so he stabbed her in the face with a fork (played for comedy). Horsed*ck.MPEG states the title of his next release is "Donkey dong." Tucker buys Eugene a t-shirt that displays a cartoon image of a woman's body in a bikini. Tucker looks at a porno magazine in a store with the title "Butt Gals" and a close-up photo of a woman's otherwise bare butt in a tiny thong bottom. The wind catches Eugene's hospital gown and blows it skyward, revealing his full rear nudity. Tucker leaves a message for Candace on the phone, stating that his brain shuts down when he feels like he's close to "getting some." Eugene has a nightmare about Cindi being a sexual tart, dressed in cleavage-revealing lingerie, holding a drink and a cigarette. She tells him she went out and "blew" everyone, and that he turned her into a "whore." Tucker gives Eugene a verbal lesson about the Playboy lifestyle, saying that one can't just ask for sex at the mansion. Tucker and Eugene visit Horsed*ck.MPEG on the set of his latest music video where he sexually cavorts with various scantly clad women. As lyrics are repeated many times about "suck my d*ck" while "I f*ck that ass," we see him doing various bits of mock pelvic thrusting, while also spraying champagne (held at his crotch) onto the butts of various women as they're bent over. We see some scantly clad groupies on Horsed*ck.MPEG's tour bus, and when he hears that Eugene is still a virgin, he tells them to "get your asses in here" and have sex with him. When Eugene declines that, Tucker says he will (while Horsed*ck.MPEG tells Eugene he must choose between smoking pot with him and "f*cking" one of the woman who's just used the bathroom -- and Eugene picks the former). Tucker then goes into the bedroom area with the woman who acts sexually provocative toward him, including sucking on her own finger, revealing her bare breasts, asking him if he likes that, and telling him to come get it. He tells her he's a little drunk and thus it (getting an erection) might take two or three minutes, but the bus hits a bump and she bounces on the bed and then out the open window, disappearing from sight (played for comedy). A guy on Horsed*ck.MPEG's tour buss nuzzles a woman's neck and gropes her clothed butt. Horsed*ck.MPEG tells Eugene that women will take everything from a man, and thus "You don't give 'em nothing but the d*ck" since they can't take that away. He then boasts about "tagging" various Playboy models, including one who sucked his "d*ck" like an Asian guy eating hot dogs. Katja and Vonka pick up the guys on a desert highway, with Katja saying they're lesbians who need to make out and make love as the guys drive their car, adding they'll "suck and f*ck" each other all of the way to Los Angeles. We then see various scenes of the two making out and fooling around in the backseat (the view is from the front seat, so most of that's blocked). That includes one removing the other's panties and then showing a bottle she's going to use to penetrate her (we hear pleasured sexual sounds), all of which distracts Tucker who crashes the car into a pole. No one is hurt, but Katja complains that almost made her bite Vonka's labia. We then see up and down sexual movement (seated upright, with bouncing bare breasts), and then rear entry (presumably with a strap-on), with the one woman leaning over in between the guys in the front seat while the other thrusts from behind her, and another view shows one's bare back as she moves up and down, seated upright. By this time, the guys have experienced this non-stop, and thus are no longer excited by it. We see many scantly clad models (bikinis, etc.) and some with just painted bare breasts at a Playboy party. After stating that firemen never get "laid," Tucker tries to hit on some of the women, but they blow him off (including one who he refers to as a "MILF" despite her being in her twenties), but he ends up talking to one (who's wearing a very low-cut top that shows a lot of cleavage). When she talks about nursing a sick dog back to health, Tucker is amazed, saying he didn't think humans could do that (focusing on the "nursing" part), and when she calls him on that, he admits, "I was thinking about your boobs." Mad at Eugene for losing control of his bowels on his tour bus, Horsed*ck.MPEG says he's going to find him and make him "suck my d*ck." He later states he's going to tear off and "f*ck" his face. Tucker finds Katja and Vonka passionately making out against a wall in the Playboy mansion (clothed, but there's groping, etc.). Needing to get into a locked room, one then uses her tongue to pick the lock, and the two go into another room and close the door. Eugene is unhappy with Cindi being a centerfold, and when she talks of having to work after graduation, he asks as what, "A whore?" He then asks how many guys she's slept with, rattling off numbers in intervals of hundreds, and comments on her flashing her "t*ts" and "blowing" everyone she met. Hugh Hefner shows Tucker a photo of his first love, adds that she died at 18, and that despite having a phenomenal sex life, he'd trade that for one more day with her. We see a flashback of Tucker wrestling with a nurse who's trying to take away his full-sized, nude, blow-up sex doll. Tucker tells Candace that she's the only one he wants to "bang," and that if her "weird mind thing" (epilepsy) means she wants to bite his "junk," so be it. Horsed*ck.MPEG tells Eugene he'll write Eugene's message to Cindi on his (Horsed*ck.MPEG's) "d*ck" and then make sure she gets it. Cindi then says Horsed*ck.MPEG wouldn't know what to do with a blow-up sex doll, adding that he has no "d*ck" as he was born without genitalia and must pee through a straw. Everyone is taken aback by this allegation, with one guy asking what about all of the women he "banged." One then says he wants to see his "d*ck" and we then see a close-up view of Horsed*ck.MPEG with his pants down, showing what looks like his scrotum with no penis, but a straw sticking out of it. Tucker pulls out the front of his pants and has Candace look down there (we don't see anything). When Eugene asks Tucker if he wants to know something crazy, Tucker jokingly replies, "You don't have a d*ck?" Tucker comments that Eugene's first time having sex will be with a Playmate (Cindi) in the Playboy mansion. SMOKING We see Eugene and Cindi giving an Abstinence Now seminar at a middle school, with Cindi saying a pregnant mom smoked cigarettes and thus the baby came out "retarded." Candace gives Tucker a pipe as a gift. Tucker picks up Pipe Aficionado magazine that shows a photo of Hugh Hefner holding a pipe. Eugene has a nightmare about Cindi being a sexual tart, dressed in lingerie, holding a drink and a cigarette. Tucker lights up his pipe, but a spark catches his motel room on fire, and we then see that the place has burned down. Horsed*ck.MPEG smokes what initially appears to be a cigar, but later must be pot as he makes Eugene join him in sharing that, with Eugene later stating he's starting to feel high. A woman alongside them has a smaller one (that might be pot or a cigar). We see Hugh Hefner with his pipe. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Eugene is shocked to learn that his dad moved to another state while Eugene was in a coma, and when they talk on the phone, the dad is happy Eugene came out of that, and says he'll visit in a few weeks, but then has to take another call and hangs up (all of that disappointing Eugene). TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Losing one's virginity. Women who pose for pornography. Hugh Hefner's advice to Tucker that men must see the Playboy bunny that's in all women. Cindi stating she posed for Playboy to earn money to provide for Eugene's hospital care during his coma. VIOLENCE Most of the following is played for comedy. Not liking Tucker's comment about her and birth control, Candace storms over, knees and then grabs him from behind, bending his arm behind him before sending him to the ground. Eugene drunkenly falls down some steps, hits the wall at the bottom, and a toolbox falls onto his head, followed by a bookcase crashing down onto his entire body (leaving him in a 4-year coma -- all played for laughs). We don't see the impact, but Tucker uses a baseball bat to try to "wake" Eugene from his coma, hitting him in the face with that (it works). Eugene ends up falling to the floor from his hospital bed with a bloody nose, and we then hear that Eugene's nose is broken and some facial bones fractured. Tucker throws a magazine that accidentally hits Eugene in the face, causing him some pain. A rock suddenly blasts through Eugene's hospital room window, with Tucker then springing him from there in a wheelchair that he accidentally lets bang into the side of his car (after going down the steps rather than the wheelchair ramp). We see Candace with slightly bloody fork marks on her face (from Tucker trying to stab her off him -- during oral sex -- when she had an epileptic seizure and crunched down on him (heard, but not directly seen, and played for laughs). Candace's brother and other firefighters confront Tucker and Eugene on the road, with the brother upset about Tucker forking Candace in the face. He throws an ax that lands in the car, while others use fire hoses to spray the two in the moving car. The brother then jumps onto the hood of the car, with Tucker slamming on the brakes, sending the man flying off onto the highway as Tucker and Eugene race away. Tucker throws a bag that accidentally hits Eugene in the face, knocking him to the floor. Tucker lights up his pipe, but a spark catches his motel room on fire, and we then see that the place has burned down. Firemen throw axes at Tucker and Eugene's car as its speeds off, with one partially coming through the passenger door and nearly hitting Eugene. Tucker goes to have sex with a woman on Horsed*ck.MPEG's tour bus, but it hits a bump and she bounces on the bed and then out the open window, disappearing from sight (she's later seen coming out of a coma in a hospital bed -- all played for comedy). Tucker and Eugene are thrown to the highway from Horsed*ck.MPEG's moving bus for Eugene losing control of his bowels. Distracted by Katja and Vonka having sex in the backseat, Tucker ends up crashing their car into a pole, and then drives into a sign (no one is hurt). A bouncer throws a guy to the sidewalk at the Playboy mansion. Candace grabs a bouncer's clothed crotch and applies pressure to convince him to let her into a party (to look for Tucker). Caught by a model whose dog he's holding, Tucker (who was trying to get the dog to drink beer to produce urine for other reasons) throws the dog over his shoulder off a balcony (we don't see the impact below). A bouncer manhandles Eugene, and then has him seated in a chair with his hands tied behind his back. When he doesn't like what Eugene has to say about or to Cindi, the bouncer punches him in the face. This is played for comedy and occurs several times, resulting in Eugene having a bloody lip and some slightly bloody scrapes and bruises on his face. A fireman throws an ax at Tucker as he closes a door (it lands in the door). Going back to how Tucker got Eugene out of his coma, a doctor says it's his new procedure and whacks a patient two times with a baseball bat (we hear but don't see the impact). The patient then catches the third swing in her hand. Reviewed March 12, 2009 / Posted March 13, 2009

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