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"THE LOVE GURU" (2008) (Mike Myers, Jessica Alba) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Moderate *Heavy None Minor Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Heavy None Minor Minor Moderate Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Heavy Minor Moderate Moderate *Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A motivational guru hopes that by reconciling a professional hockey player and his estranged wife he'll land a spot on Oprah and thus no longer be second fiddle to his longtime rival. PLOT: Guru Pitka (MIKE MYERS) is an American motivational philosopher who was orphaned and then raised in India by Guru Tugginmypudha (BEN KINGSLEY) whose other pupil, Deepak Chopra, has long since eclipsed Pitka in terms of fame. Thus, when Toronto Maples Leafs owner Jane Bullard (JESSICA ALBA) asks for his help with one of her players, Pitka, his personal assistant Rajneesh (MANU NARAYAN), and especially his agent Dick Pants (JOHN OLIVER) all jump at the chance. After all, there's a promise of an appearance on Oprah if Pitka can get professional hockey player Darren Roanoke (ROMANY MALCO) back together with his estranged wife Prudence (MEAGAN GOOD). The only problem is that she's now seeing Jacques "Le Coq" Grande (JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE), the well-endowed goalie for the opposing team the Leafs are facing in the Stanley Cup Finals. As noted by TV announcers Jay Kell (STEPHEN COLBERT) and Trent Lueders (JIM GAFFIGAN), not to mention diminutive Coach Cherkov (VERNE TROYER), Darren's game has fallen to pieces after the breakup, a condition further worsened by his inability to stand up to his opinionated choir director mother, Lillian (TELMA HOPKINS). With little time to spare, Pitka tries to work his philosophical magic on Darren, all while falling for Jane. That's a development that has him flummoxed due to the chastity belt Guru Tugginmypudha has made him wear until he learns to love himself. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're fans of Myers, anyone else in the cast, or goofy comedies, they might. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 For crude and sexual content throughout, language, some comic violence and drug references. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: MIKE MYERS plays a motivational guru who's always lived in the shadow of his more famous and former classmate, Deepak Chopra. While successful and having celebrity clients, he longs to be number one in his field and desires an appearance on Oprah. Unable to get involved with a woman until he learns to love himself (he's worn a chastity belt since the age of 12), he finds himself drawn to Jane, but can't do anything about it. His sayings, mannerisms and other behavior (including much that's sexually related) could be enticing for some kids to imitate. He also uses some profanity. JESSICA ALBA plays the owner of a professional hockey team who feels as if she and her team are cursed to not win the championship and thus hires Pitka to try and help her star player. She ends up falling for Pitka and uses a bit of profanity. ROMANY MALCO plays her star player who's fallen into a slump due to his wife leaving him for Jacques, as well as long-standing, unresolved issues with his mom. He uses some profanity and fights with Jacques. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE plays his well-endowed, Celine Dion loving rival, not only for Prudence, but also the Stanley Cup. MEAGAN GOOD plays Darren's wife who's left him for Jacques with whom it's suggested she has sex. VERNE TROYER plays the teams' diminutive but fiery coach who's prone to outbursts, profanity and hitting Pitka. MANU NARAYAN plays Pitka's personal assistant who isn't pleased when his boss takes a short-cut with Darren's treatment. JOHN OLIVER plays Pitka's agent who pushes him to succeed so that he'll get on Oprah (and thus make more money for him). STEPHEN COLBERT plays a sportscaster prone to outrageous behavior on and off the air, and he admits to past and current drug use. JIM GAFFIGAN plays his straight-laced, on-the-air broadcasting partner who can't believe what Jay does and says. BEN KINGSLEY plays Pitka's cross-eyed mentor back in India who uses unorthodox measures to train his student in the past. TELMA HOPKINS plays Darren's fiery and opinionated mom who dominates him and doesn't like Pitka. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity consists of at least 3 "s" words, along with various slang terms for male genitalia. Sexually related dialogue, innuendo and double entendres/acronyms are present, as is the sight of two elephants mating, while a well-endowed man lets out his penis several times for others to see (they do, we don't). Scantly clad women are seen, and all sorts of visual and verbally-based sexual humor is present. Comedy-based violence occurs, including hard hits in hockey games, several fights, people striking others, a man fighting with and killing a rooster, as well as various bits of slapstick style material. Some of that has bloody results, while all sorts of crude humor is present. Various characters drink, one is noted as being a drug addict, and another may be smoking something stronger than tobacco or herbs from a hookah. Various bad attitudes are present (although everything is played for comedy), and some viewers may be offended by caricatures and other related material present in the film. All sorts of behavior might be enticing for some kids to imitate, while tense family material is also present. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those concerned with bright flashes of light on the screen, there are some partial strobe effects in a club. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Jay admits that he's addicted to peyote buttons and frangelico. We see Darren accompanied by two scantly clad women holding drinks. Jay talks of shiving someone who was trying to "Bogart" some hooch. Miscellaneous people have drinks in a bar where Darren has a beer. Pitka then tosses that beer into the air as a distraction. Prudence orders a martini and Pitka and Rajneesh quickly make one for her. Dick opens some champagne to celebrate, and we then see various people holding some glasses of that. Dick tells Jane to give them a call if any of her other players develop problems, including drug addiction. Trent asks Jay, "You're back on drugs, aren't you?" Jay replies he is and then struggles with some guards as they drag him away. Miscellaneous people have beer in a bar, while a bartender lets beer overflow while distracted by a sight on the TV. We see a person with a bottle of beer in a locker room celebration. A song includes the line "I'm a midnight toker." We see Coach Cherkov with what appears to be a hookah, but when he takes a hit from it, he falls backwards (as if high from that). BLOOD/GORE There's a side view visual gag where Pitka and Rajneesh tug on dental floss, with one end in Pitka's mouth, and the other apparently coming out of his butt (no nudity). We then see Pitka doing some contortionist moves with his limber legs that result in the visual gag of his head being up his own butt (fully clothed). Guru Tugginmypudha pours tea through one nostril and out the other into a cup for young Pitka. The latter then finds a nostril hair with a booger on it and nearly retches from doing so. Pitka comments that after a guru contracted syphilis, he made comments such as did it smell as bad going in (presumably a fart joke). Pitka asks Rajneesh if there are any "bears in the cave" (boogers in his nose), and Rajneesh spots one. Pitka then comments on that causing his nose to whistle. Pitka comments that something "scared the crap out of me" and then sheepishly says he might have something back there (referring to his pants, but we don't see anything). In the background of a shot, we see Pitka struggling and fighting with an "attack rooster" on Jacques' property. Feathers fly and we then see Pitka covered in feathers, with some bloody scrapes on his face, and he spits the rooster's severed head from his mouth (while holding the headless bird's body). We see dung drop out from the backside of an elephant. Pitka avoids some punches that Darren throws at him in anger and then places his thumb to Darren's forehead, telling him, "I can make you crap yourself" if he moves that finger. He later does, and tells Darren he should get some Depends (sanitary underwear) and check for "coins" (or something sounding like that, meaning excrement). In a flashback, Guru Tugginmypudha urinates into a bucket, farts, and mops are then placed into that and other buckets for some combat training (where the urine soaked material is meant to serve as a distraction). Pitka ducks and avoids one such mop, but the urine on it sprays those behind him. Another wet mop blow hits him in the face, however, and Guru Tugginmypudha comments on a "mouthful of whiz." A bloody tooth flies out of Jacques' mouth and lands on the ice while Darren is repeatedly punching him. Pitka makes exaggerated diarrhea sounds into a cup with his mouth in a bar (to make Darren laugh). After a barroom brawl has Pitka, Darren and two other men thrown through a closed window to the street outside, one man has a shard of glass sticking out of his forehead (it's pulled out, revealing a deep and bloody gash), while Pitka pulls a broken cue stick from his clothed butt (and then smells the end of it). Pitka says he's so hungry he could eat a skunk's bottom. Coach Cherkov belches, farts, and then blows some snot into a trashcan. There's a running gag where the hockey teams' mascot symbols are seen battling as animated TV graphics, with some brief, animated bloody results. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Some viewers may take offense to the Indian stereotypes on display in the film. That includes everything Mike Myers does with his character, as well as Rajneesh later answering his cell phone as customer support for a computer company (saying he took an extra job). Pitka repeatedly uses demeaning diminutive terms regarding Coach Cherkov who's a small person. They include calling him a shrimp and gnome, and telling him "Those are big words for a little man," "Take it easy, Frodo," a comment about him belonging to the "Lollipop guild" and "I'll kick your ass all the way back to the Keebler factory." At another point, he picks up and holds Coach Cherkov, pretending he's an award trophy, saying it's heavier than it looks, and then there's a visual gag of Pitka, Jane and others in Coach Cherkov's office that's proportioned to his size, thus making the others look like giants. Pitka is jealous of Deepak being more famous than he is. Some viewers might not like the reference that Darren is the Tiger Woods of hockey (a black player in a predominantly white sport). Pitka comments on Darren's clothes looking gay. After previously commenting on having attacked Judi Dench (we see an "after" photo that shows her bandaged face), Jay talks of shiving someone who was trying to "Bogart" some hooch. We hear that Darren won't let his mom watch him play hockey, and then see why as she's a domineering person who belittles him and others. She also has a bad attitude toward Pitka and punches Darren. Some guys have a bad attitude toward Darren in a bar, resulting in a brawl there. For those opposed to fur, we see Jacques dancing in one in a club. Some viewers might take offense to the comedic use of elephants in the film. Irate fans throw stuff at Jane at a game (this occurred earlier with one concession, but we never see who threw that). Some viewers might take offense with a cut-away shot an overweight couple getting all lovey-dovey at a hockey game after witnessing two large elephants mating. FRIGHTENING SCENES None. GUNS/WEAPONS There's a running gag where the hockey teams' mascot symbols are seen battling as animated TV graphics. That includes hitting, some blood, a blow dart into one, and a flamethrower blasting one. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Or some such bullsh*t," "Put that sh*t on a T-shirt," "I'm scared sh*t-less," "That looks like a penis, only smaller," "Le Coq" (said to sound like "c*ck"), "Big Coq" (seen on a license plate), "I'll pop my d*ck-bag," "Liquor up front, poker in back," "Who's this prick?" "The joke is in your hands" (a saying from a bathroom wall), "He has an enormous hog," "It looks like he's smuggling a schnauzer" (followed by "down boy" -- referring to the bulge in Jacques' pants), "Would you help your uncle Jack off an elephant?" "I would not want to be his nut-sack," "You totally caught me in a ball-gaze" (looking at another man's clothed crotch), "Nuts in a sling," "You pr*ck," "Get off my t*ts" (said by a man), "I think I made a happy wee-wee" (a possible ejaculation term), "That's a lot of cheese," "That sucks," "Mariska Hargitay" (repeatedly said as a salutation), "Scared the crap out of me," "The man's an ass," "The kitten's got a whip" (accompanied by a whip gesture and sound), "Crappy," "I can make you crap yourself," "Mouthful of wiz," "Bogarting," "What a freaking idiot," "What the hell are you doing?" "Put me down, you asshole," "Oh hell no," "Oh hell yes," "You're like the poor man's Deepak Chopra," "You're like prison bitch jumpy," "You son of a bitch," "I'd like alligator soup and make it snappy," "Bitch" (man), "Let's make like a baby and head out," "Not now, Cato," "Stick a fork in them, they're done," "Just etch-a-sketch everything I was saying," "Freaking out," "You suck," "You can just kiss my Canadian ass" and "What the hell happened to you?" Some/all of Pitka's mugging, sayings, gestures and more might be enticing for some kids to imitate. We see Prudence in a very small bikini that shows a lot of cleavage. Some kids may imitate Guru Tugginmypudha's cross-eyed look. Jacques has a tattoo. In a flashback, Guru Tugginmypudha urinates into a bucket, farts, and mops are then placed into that and other buckets for some combat training (where the urine soaked material is meant to serve as a distraction). Pitka ducks and avoids one such mop, but the urine on it sprays those behind him. Another wet mop blow hits him in the face, however, and Guru Tugginmypudha comments on a "mouthful of whiz." Pitka does some exaggerated sloppy eating of popcorn and cotton candy. Coach Cherkov gives "the finger" to Pitka. Pitka makes exaggerated diarrhea sounds into a cup with his mouth in a bar (to make Darren laugh). Pitka has a ring in his nostril. Pitka licks his fingers and then uses that to wipe his eyebrows. Coach Cherkov belches, farts, and then blows some snot into a trashcan. We see a tattoo being applied to the top of a woman's breast (she has a on a top, and no nipple is seen). There's a running gag where the hockey teams' mascot symbols are seen battling as animated TV graphics. During that, one makes the arm and hand gesture for "F-You." JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A tiny bit of playfully portrayed suspenseful music occurs in one scene. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) There's a Bollywood musical joke where Pitka imagines Jane singing that she's in repose awaiting his love desire. A song had lyrics we couldn't fully hear and/or understand, thus presenting the potential of it possibly containing something objectionable. A song includes the line "I'm a midnight toker." PROFANITY At least 3 "s" words, 5 slang terms for male genitals ("d*ck," "hog," "pr*ck" and "wiener," along with various sound-alike words such as "Coq," "Bangkok," "Dick Pants" - a character's name -- "Pudha and "Knoba"), 2 for breasts ("tits" and "rack"), 12 damns, 9 asses (2 used with hole), 4 hells, 3 craps, 1 S.O.B. and 2 uses of "Oh my God." SEX/NUDITY Pitka talks of intimacy and make an analogy with a wiener that looks like a penis, only smaller (or something along those lines). We see Darren shirtless. We see Darren accompanied by two scantly clad women holding drinks. It's noted various times that Jacques is well-endowed, and that his nickname is "Le Coq" (pronounced to sound like "c*ck"). We see him in just a towel in the locker room and note a tattoo on his belly that reads "The man" (with an arrow pointing up) and "The Legend" (with an arrow pointing down). He then drops that towel and his teammates and a female reporter all stare in shock and awe as his penis apparently drops out and hits the floor with a loud thump (we don't see it, but hear the sound and see the reaction). We see Prudence in a very small bikini that shows a lot of cleavage. We see Pitka's female work staff, all dressed in crop-tops (or the equivalent, showing cleavage), and one playfully blows up the skirt of another with a leaf blower (revealing her small panties underneath). We see a bumper sticker on an elephant that reads "Cash, gas or ass. No one rides for free." We see various paparazzi shots of real-life female celebrities with black boxes superimposed over their apparently bare crotches. We then see a similar one of Pitka, but his black box is long and rectangular. Pitka's agent's name is Richard Pants, with Pitka calling him "Dick Pants." Young Pitka comments on his late parents being missionaries, and before that, dog stylists. Guru Tugginmypudha then drives home the sexual joke by repeating a variation of them being involved with "doggy style" before their "missionary position." In a flashback, Guru Tugginmypudha makes young Pitka wear a chastity belt and tells him he can't love a woman until he loves himself. Young Pitka then asks if he can't be with women, can he still (he doesn't finish his question about masturbation), but Guru Tugginmypudha replies, "You'll go" and then points to his own crossed eyes. About sitting cross-legged, Coach Cherkov complains that he's going to "pop my d*ck-bag." There are sexual pronunciation jokes about the names of gurus such as Tugginmypudha and Satchabigknoba. Pitka comments that after a guru contracted syphilis, he made comments such as "Liquor up front, poker in back." Jessica Simpson shows cleavage. There's a Bollywood musical joke where Pitka imagines Jane singing that she's in repose awaiting his love desire. Referring to Jane, Pitka playfully/suggestively says, "This kitten's got a whip" and he makes a whipping gesture with accompanying sound. Pitka wonders if Jane has a husband (no), boyfriend (no) or girlfriend (she says "there was that one time in college"). With the latter, we hear the sound of something hitting metal (his unseen erection in his chastity belt). He then comments on her appearance, including her "rack" and "ass." Pitka tells Jane that he once read a saying in the bathroom of "The joke is in your hands." He suddenly now realizes what that means, and then says that the joke was in Rajneesh's hands. Pitka tells Darren that Jacques has an enormous "hog" (penis) and that Prudence has "had it up to here" (holding his hand up) with Jacques. Jacques' license plate reads "Big Coq." We see an overhead view of Prudence swimming in a very small bikini and then a straight view of her out of the pool in the same. We also see Jacques in a swimsuit with an enormous bulge in the crotch area. We see a close-up of that and Pitka comments on it looking like he's smuggling a schnauzer in there, adding "Down boy." Pitka offers to get Prudence a Quebec pizza (ketchup on a pop-tart) and when he returns with that, he asks who wants some, and says that sounded like something from a porno movie. Pitka tells a story of his uncle Jack helping him off an elephant, and he then asks Darren, "Would you help your uncle Jack off an elephant?" Pitka shows various sayings where the first-letter acronyms end up spelling "C*ck" and "Blow me." With the latter, he makes the simulated motion of a woman moving her hair out of the way to perform such an act. Guru Tugginmypudha briefly mentions something about humping. Pitka is handed a corn dog and then appears to wonder if it's a similar looking part of a male dog's anatomy. After telling Darren he can't fight with anyone on the rink for any reason (as part of his motivational therapy), Pitka goes to the opposing players and lies to them that Darren said they were all his "bitches" who can "suck his big greasy" (but the stadium horn blows at that moment, thus drowning out his genitalia term). The enraged men then hit the ice and proceed to check Darren quite hard. We see Darren and Pitka shirtless as they shower side by side in the locker room (and Darren has what look like tassels hanging from his nipples). There's a running joke where Pitka and Darren separately get the other to look at their clothed crotch (often by putting their own hands there -- seen in close-up) and thus be guilty of "ball gazing." As we see a flashback of Darren and Prudence lying facing each other in bed (a head and shoulders shot), he comments on making love and then falling asleep in each other's arms. About wearing a chastity belt, Pitka says he does have experience with three "Ann's," listing them as "Ann-visibie," "Ann-flatable" and "Ann-job" (hand job). There's talk of a Daffy Duck tattoo with a lawn mower in one's pubic hair. Jane shows some cleavage. Two round food objects are placed in a pastry pouch, with the result loosely resembling a scrotum. There are verbal jokes about that being "nuts in a sling," etc. while Rajneesh holds that up and says "cough." He then asks Pitka if he'd like his nuts crushed, and Pitka replies, "Doesn't everyone?" They're then dipped down into some hot oil, with Pitka reacting as if it's his own scrotum touching some hot bath water. A pickle is then placed on the plate with that to complete the phallic imagery. Jane leans in to kiss Pitka, with the immediate sound of his unseen erection hitting his unseen metal chastity belt. After Pitka answers "Bangkok" to Coach Cherkov's question about the capital of Thailand, Coach Cherkov punches Pitka in the crotch, doubling him over. Prudence shows cleavage. We see a tattoo being applied to the top of a woman's breast (she has a on a top, and no nipple is seen). Jay illustrates (using a TV telestrator) the various potential holes in a goalie's defense. That results in him drawing testicles and then a penis over a still photo of a goalie. Prudence shows some cleavage. Irate fans throw stuff at Jane at a game, with her replying, "You can just kiss my Canadian ass." Coach Cherkov then lustfully asks her if she's as turned on as he is, but she's only disgusted by that notion. Pitka pulls up his robe to show the metal chastity belt he's wearing. He then points down to that and says he thinks he made a "happy wee-wee" (possibly meaning he ejaculated). We see a flashback to Prudence in bed telling a shirtless Jacques, "Show it to me." He then apparently lets out his penis (she sees it, we don't, and exclaims, "Damn!") as we hear it thump to the floor. To distract Darren from his issues, Pitka brings out two elephants onto the hockey rink ice. As he rides on the back of the male, it mounts and mates with the female (in front of the shocked crowd -- we never see the penis, but do see movement as well as the apparent orgasmic reaction of both elephants). Jay then comments, "I think they're doing it, and they're doing it hard" and then adds that after the ejaculation, the tip of the penis retracts and you've got a baby pachyderm. During this, the Chris Isaak song "Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing" plays (nothing explicit, but the repeated lyric of "You did a bad, bad thing" drives home the point of the scene). Guru Tugginmypudha informs Pitka that the latter's chastity belt (which Pitka exposes again) was never locked, and thus it then drops to the ground (Pitka is still in his robe). Jane then asks what Pitka wants to do, and he replies that he's been in that thing since he was 12 and "What do you think I want to do?" Various Indian women wear midriff-revealing tops, while Jane is partially seen in a bikini top (half of her chest is exposed in her Bollywood garb). SMOKING We see Coach Cherkov with what appears to be a hookah, but when he takes a hit from it, he falls backwards (as if high from that). TENSE FAMILY SCENES We hear that Prudence left Darren and that's affected him, particularly in regards to his hockey play. Young Pitka briefly comments on his parents being dead. Jane briefly mentions her father being dead. We hear that Darren won't let his mom watch him play hockey, and then see why as she's a domineering person who belittles him and others. She also has a bad attitude toward Pitka and punches Darren. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Self-help gurus, such as Deepak Chopra. Cultural and ethnic stereotypes, as well as making fun of people who are physically different than others. We hear that Prudence left Darren and that's affected him, particularly in regards to his hockey play. Jane (and the city's fans) thinking there's a curse on the team ever since she took over as owner from her dad. Professional hockey. VIOLENCE All of the following is played for comedy. At various points in the film, there's standard, hard-hitting hockey violence (violent checking, etc.). Pitka does some contortionist moves with his limber legs and ends up fighting with and biting one that's out of control. Darren hits a hockey puck that accidentally hits a Zamboni driver on the head, knocking him off the machine. Moments later, Darren throws his hockey stick aside and it accidentally hits that same man. In the background of a shot, we see Pitka struggling and fighting with an "attack rooster" on Jacques' property. Feathers fly and we then see Pitka covered in feathers, with some bloody scrapes on his face, and he spits the rooster's severed head from his mouth (while holding the headless bird's body). Pitka avoids some punches that Darren throws at him in anger and then places his thumb to Darren's forehead, telling him, "I can make you crap yourself" if he moves that finger. In a flashback, Guru Tugginmypudha urinates into a bucket, farts, and mops are then placed into that and other buckets for some combat training (where the urine soaked material is meant to serve as a distraction). Pitka ducks and avoids one such mop, but the urine on it sprays those behind him. Another wet mop blow hits him in the face. After previously commenting on having attacked Judi Dench (we see an "after" photo that shows her bandaged face), Jay talks of shiving someone who was trying to "Bogart" some hooch. After telling Darren he can't fight with anyone on the rink for any reason (as part of his motivational therapy), Pitka goes to the opposing players and lies to them that Darren said they were all his "bitches" who can "suck his big greasy" (but the stadium horn blows at that moment, thus drowning out his genitalia term). The enraged men then hit the ice and proceed to check Darren quite hard, knocking him about, including a hard elbow to the face that knocks him off his feet. Pitka then tells Darren he can fight anyone for any reason, so the latter jumps out onto the ice and slams into Jacques, prompting a brawl between the teams with punches, etc. Pitka repeatedly slams Jacques' head to the metal hockey goal and then repeatedly punches him, with a bloody tooth flying out and landing on the ice. Darren then tries to hit Pitka with a hockey puck shot, but the disc hits Coach Cherkov instead, knocking him to the floor. After Pitka picks him up, Coach Cherkov yells at him to put him down, so Pitka drops him (with Coach Cherkov landing hard out of the camera view). Coach Cherkov throws something at Pitka in his office, with the latter later standing up and accidentally driving his head through the ceiling tile of the very low ceiling. Darren's mom punches him in the face. Some guys have a bad attitude toward Darren in a bar. As a result, Pitka throws a beer bottle into the air as a distraction and then punches one of them. Darren punches the other, resulting a big bar brawl where many punches are thrown (including more by Pitka and Darren), chairs are bashed over heads and bodies, one kid holds Pitka while another repeatedly punches him, and he and Darren are then tossed through a closed window to the street outside, as are the two initial instigators. One has a shard of glass sticking out of his forehead (it's pulled out, revealing a deep and bloody gash), while Pitka pulls a broken cue stick from his clothed butt (and then smells the end of it). After Pitka answers "Bangkok" to Coach Cherkov's question about the capital of Thailand, Coach Cherkov punches Pitka in the crotch, doubling him over. There's a running gag where the hockey teams' mascot symbols are seen battling as animated TV graphics. That includes hitting, some blood, a blow dart into one, and a flamethrower blasting one. Players pour a water jug over Coach Cherkov, and then let that fall completely over the diminutive man. He stumbles about, bounces off a wall, and then falls off the hockey rink ledge (we don't see the impact on the floor just a few feet below that). Trent asks Jay, "You're back on drugs, aren't you?" Jay replies he is and then struggles with some guards as they drag him away. Pitka hits Dick's hand to make him let go of a suitcase. Irate fans throw stuff at Jane at a game (this occurred earlier with one concession, but we never see who threw that). Coach Cherkov fakes a heart attack to cause a delay of the game. A paramedic then zaps him with defibrillator paddles, thus shocking and blasting him across the hockey rink ice, leaving him looking a bit charred. After feigning wanting a hug, Pitka punches Coach Cherkov (for earlier punching him). Reviewed June 17, 2008 / Posted June 20, 2008

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