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"HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY" (2008) (Ron Perlman, Selma Blair) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Moderate Extreme *Moderate Extreme Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Moderate None Moderate None Moderate Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Moderate Mild Mild Moderate Extreme QUICK TAKE: Action/Adventure: A mutant superhero from the dark side and his comrades at a special FBI unit must contend with an ancient prince who wants to unleash an indestructible army of mechanical warriors against the human world. PLOT: Ever since a powerful king established a truce eons ago between the beings of his mythical world and that of the humans, the two worlds have coexisted peacefully, even if the latter doesn't believe in the former save for nightmares and children's stories. That's about to change when the king's son, Prince Nuada (LUKE GOSS), has had enough of the humans laying waste to the natural world and is determined to get rid of them once and for all. Thus, and despite the objections of his twin sister Princess Nuala (ANNA WALTON) and their father, Nuada sets out to resurrect an ancient but indestructible golden army of mechanical soldiers to do the job. The only problem is that he needs to reassemble three pieces of a magical crown that will give him control of the army. By Forcibly collecting part of that from a Manhattan antiquities auction, he draws the attention of the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD), a covert branch of the FBI comprised of both humans and various mutants. Things aren't peachy keen there, however, as Head of Special Operations agent Tom Manning (JEFFREY TAMBOR) is concerned that less than covert public appearances by Hellboy (RON PERLMAN), a mutant and devilish superhero spawned by the occult but raised with humans to battle evil, will blow their cover. That's particularly true since Hellboy (with his filed down devilish horns, tail and gargantuan concrete-like fist) doesn't seem to care, especially when he's trying to figure out why his coworker and fire-starter girlfriend, Liz Sherman (SELMA BLAIR), seems to want to break up with him, unaware of what psychic fish-man Abe Sapien (DOUG JONES) knows is in store for them. After their cover is blown, protoplasmic entity Johann Krauss (voice of SETH MacFARLANE) is brought in to run the division, a development that doesn't sit well with Hellboy for a number of reasons, the least of which is that he doesn't trust Germans (due to his own origins associated with WWII era Nazis). As Prince Nuada continues on his quest to reassemble the magical crown and thus resurrect the Golden Army, and Princess Nuala goes on the lam to try to prevent that from happening, Hellboy and his comrades must battle him and the various otherworldly beasts and creatures he deploys. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're fans of the first film, they probably will. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 For sequences of sci-fi action and violence, and some language. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: RON PERLMAN plays a mutant and devilish superhero spawned by the occult but raised with humans to battle evil. He smokes cigars, is confused by his relationship with Liz, has a sarcastic attitude toward most everything (including his superiors), drinks (including a lot in one scene) and battles various villains. He also uses some profanity. SELMA BLAIR plays his girlfriend and coworker, a fire-starter who's decided she can't live with him anymore, but then discovers she's pregnant (by him). She also battles various villains. DOUG JONES plays their fellow mutant comrade, a psychic fish-man who takes a liking to the princess and drinks a lot in one scene. JOHANN KRAUSS is the new, no-nonsense leader of the BPRD, a faceless protoplasmic entity that usually resides in something akin to an old diving bell suit. LUKE GOSS plays a mythic prince who's had enough of humans laying waste to the natural world and thus breaks a long-standing truce between them and his kind. After killing his father, he then sets out to reassemble a magical crown that will allow him to control an army of indestructible mechanical warriors. He's responsible for the deaths of many humans. ANNA WALTON plays his twin sister who's against his plan and thus goes on the run in hopes of preventing him from reassembling that crown. JEFFREY TAMBOR plays the leader of the BPRD who's concerned about Hellboy blowing their covert cover and thus must contend with that, as well as becoming a subordinate to Johann. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this PG-13 rated action flick. Profanity consists of at least 1 slang term for male genitals, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered. An unmarried woman is pregnant by her boyfriend (the act of conception is not seen), the male hero is often seen shirtless, and there's a crude, sexually related put-down. Violence consists of sci-fi based, comic book style fighting among fantastic creatures and monsters, with lots of hard hitting, attempts on others' lives, various deaths, and all sorts of property damage. Some of that has bloody and/or gory results, and those scenes, moments of potential peril, and the sight of various monsters and such might be unsettling, suspenseful and/or scary for younger viewers. Bad attitudes are present, and the action and stunts might be enticing for some kids to imitate, while two characters drink and end up intoxicated. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those concerned with bright flashes of light on the screen, there's some of that from lightning early in the film. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE A miscellaneous guy on the street carries a can of beer. Hellboy has a beer in the shower, and we then see he has many cans stored in his locker. Hellboy has another beer, stumbles a bit, and carries a string of cans. He then meets up with Abe, realizes the latter likes Prince Nuala, and tells Abe, "You're in love, have a beer." About the Barry Manilow song Abe is listening to, Hellboy adds, "Yep, I'm gonna need a beer too." Later, Abe appears intoxicated as he gets the last beer out of the fridge (Hellboy also appears intoxicated). BLOOD/GORE We see various scars on Prince Nuada's bare torso as he does some martial arts training. Abe identities little creatures as carnivorous tooth fairies, saying all they do is eat and poop. Hellboy lifts up his boot and gooey fecal matter is attached to it, prompting him to say "Oh crap," with Abe replying, "Precisely." A small but carnivorous tooth fairy scurries into a human agent's clothing, with Hellboy grabbing and then squishing it (with goo squirting out). A swarm of those fairies then attacks Hellboy, Liz, Abe and some human agents, with them shooting many of them (also with miniscule gory results), while Abe appears to have a slightly bloody cut on his arm. One human is covered and is quickly eaten (we see some skeletal remains beneath the cover of fairies), while Liz burns those on her by catching on fire, and Hellboy rolls a huge stone statue through a wall and over many of the fairies, squishing them. During a battle, both Prince Nuada and Prince Nuala have bloody noses (caused by them being twins who experience everything together). As a monster is pulled between two huge rollers, we hear squishy sounds and see the brief ejection of some blood or other similar material. Hellboy's nose is a bit bloody after battling a monster. Hellboy shoots an enormous plant monster several times, with all sorts of resultant green goo and splatter. An unseen bystander throws something that hits Hellboy on the cheek, slightly bloodying that. To keep Hellboy and Abe at bay, Prince Nuada holds a knife to Prince Nuala's face and nicks her cheek, drawing a little blood. We see some blood on Hellboy's chest where Prince Nuada broke off his spear blade in him. Later, we see blood soaked through the bandage that's wrapped around Hellboy's chest. We see a mummified corpse with an anguished look on its face (in a cave). Hellboy and Prince Nuada get into a sword battle with various close calls with the blades, including Hellboy slicing Prince Nuada's arm, thus causing Prince Nuala's arm to bleed as well (through her clothing) due to their twin connection. A person stabs themselves and there's some blood on their clothing. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Tired of humans laying waste to the natural world, Prince Nuada knowingly breaks a long-standing truce between them and those of the mythical world, and hopes to unleash the Golden Army on them. To do so, he kills humans as well as his father. Hellboy has a caustic and sarcastic attitude about many things, particularly his superiors, and doesn't care about blowing his and his unit's covert cover. Tom offers Hellboy some smuggled Cuban cigars as a bribe for him to remain discreet. Prince Nuada disobeys his father and then kills him. A passerby makes a disparaging remark about Hellboy. We see a mutant carrying what appears to be a baby, but the latter then states, "I'm not a baby, I'm a tumor" (played for laughs on the part of the film, but those dealing with cancer might not find that funny). An unseen bystander throws something that hits Hellboy on the cheek, slightly bloodying that. Abe, Liz, Hellboy and Johann take a company plane without clearance. Abe lies to Tom about finding the last piece of the crown, and he later gives it to Prince Nuada, knowing full well the consequences (but does so in the belief that he's saving Prince Nuala's life). FRIGHTENING SCENES Scenes listed under "Violence" and/or "Blood/Gore" may be unsettling, suspenseful or scary to younger viewers and/or those with low tolerance levels for such material. Likewise, the various monsters, otherworldly critters and such might have the same effect. Hellboy and Liz slowly walk through a wrecked auction house with their guns drawn where we see creatures scurrying through holes in the walls. Hellboy and the others spot an old lady who's really an ugly, bulbous troll in disguise that's ready to eat some cats. Using special visual devices, the group sees her for what she really is, and just as she's about to bite a cat's head, Hellboy stops her. He then ends up punching her hard enough to send her flying down an alley. Abe tries to remove Prince Nuada's broken-off spear blade that's in Hellboy's chest, but every attempt causes it to move closer to Hellboy's heart. An angel of death type of character has no eyes on its face, but plenty on its wings. GUNS/WEAPONS Handguns (regular and enhanced)/Swords/Spears/Knives: Carried and/or used to threaten, wound and kill others. See "Violence" for details. We hear the sound of machine gun fire under the opening credits. We see a flashback to young Hellboy with a toy gun. Unsure of his motives, Prince Nuala holds a knife on Abe. Various police officers hold their guns on Hellboy, thinking he's a criminal. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Suck my ectoplasmic schwanshtucker (or something close to that German sounding word for penis)," "Let this remind you why you once feared the dark," "God, I hate YouTube," "Fish stick," "Oh damn," "Like a shadow in the night," "Jeez," "Babe," "Oh crap," "Get your damn hand away from the door," "It made me feel like a freak," "What an idiot," "Oh, screw this," "Lucy, I'm home," "Give it up, nasty," "I'm not a baby, I'm a tumor," "Now you're pissing me off," "You got that, gas-bag," "Are we gonna talk all night? Cuz I'm really sleepy," "What the hell..?" "You freak," "I didn't want you to freak out," "Shut up," "Fock-used" ("focused" said with a German accent, making the first part sound like the "f" word), "Gas-hole," "Your royal ass-ness," "Screw the clearance," "Listen to me, you big ape," "What the hell are you doing?" "Indestructible, my ass," "I'm not gonna kill him...but I'm gonna kick his ass" and "You jumpy, slippery bastard." The fighting (including martial arts moves), stunts and other action might be enticing for some kids to imitate. The same holds true for Hellboy's attitude and demeanor. JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A moderate amount of suspenseful music plays in the film. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) None. PROFANITY At least 1 slang term using male genitals (what sounded like "schwanshtucker"), 6 damns, 5 craps, 3 asses (with another said as "Gas-hole"), 2 hells, 4 uses of "Oh my God" and 1 use each of "God," "Jesus" and "Oh Jesus." The word "focused" in said with a thick German accent, thus making the first part sound like the "f" word (it's said that way two times). SEX/NUDITY We see Prince Nuada shirtless while doing some martial arts training. At an antiquities auction, we see a huge, ancient stone statue of a fertility goddess with exaggerated breasts. Abe reads that Liz is pregnant (from an earlier and unseen sexual encounter with Hellboy). On several occasions, we see Hellboy shirtless or with his shirt open (showing his muscular, red skin). We see Liz in her panties (and top) while awaiting the results of her pregnancy test (the panties are standard-issue, nothing revealing). We see Hellboy's bare back and chest as he showers. We see Liz in her panties (and a top) in bed, but like before they're standard issue and nothing revealing is seen. Meant as a put-down and not a sexual come-on, Johann tells Tom, "Suck by ectoplasmic schwanshtucker" (or something close to that). SMOKING Hellboy smokes cigars a few times. Tom offers Hellboy some smuggled Cuban cigars as a bribe for him to remain discreet. Hellboy takes one, and then another, but doesn't light either at this moment. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Prince Nuada disobeys his father and then kills him. SPOILER ALERT: Prince Nuada nearly stabs Hellboy from behind, but stops when he realizes he's been wounded by Prince Nuala stabbing herself in the gut with a knife (from their twin connection, with some bloody results on her clothing). TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Secret government agencies. The film's ecological message. Liz is occasionally seen engulfed in flames, but that's in her nature and she's never harmed from that. Abe reads that Liz is pregnant (from an earlier and unseen sexual encounter with Hellboy). Liz agrees to save Hellboy despite being told one day he will lay waste to humans. VIOLENCE We see a flashback to young Hellboy visualizing a bedtime story his adoptive father tells him of a battle between humans (represented as wooden puppets) and otherworldly beings, and then that of those humans vs. the Golden Army. Brief battle scenes are represented, with the striking and killing of others, but there's no blood or gore. Prince Nuada slices a man on the face or neck with his sword, but we don't see the full impact of the presumably fatal blow (no blood). Prince Nuada's monster associate throws two men crashing through a door, while Prince Nuada tosses some sort of squid-like creature onto another man's face, causing him to fall to the floor in pain. Prince Nuada and the monster then unleash what are later described as carnivorous tooth fairies, and they kill all of the humans there, but we don't see any of that carnage. Later, we see a great deal of property damage in the auction house, as well as fecal goo on the floor from those small fairies. In the BPRD headquarters, we see miscellaneous human workers struggling with various monsters and beasts, including one human being thrown aside (in the background of the shot, all played lightly). A huge metal door explodes from its frame and flies down a hallway, barely missing Abe and Tom (caused by Hellboy being angry). A small but carnivorous tooth fairy scurries into a human agent's clothing, with Hellboy grabbing and then squishing it (with goo squirting out). A swarm of those fairies then attacks Hellboy, Liz, Abe and some human agents, with them shooting many of them (also with miniscule gory results), while Abe appears to have a slightly bloody cut on his arm. One human is covered and is quickly eaten (we see some skeletal remains beneath the cover of fairies), while Liz burns those on her by catching on fire, and Hellboy rolls a huge stone statue through a wall and over many of the fairies, squishing them. Another agent is covered and dragged down the steps by the fairies, while Liz causes a massive, fiery explosion throughout the auction house. That blows Hellboy out the window and down to a vehicle below (he smashes it to the street). Two fairies try to escape, but Hellboy shoots both of them dead. After the King condemns Prince Nuada to death for his actions, Prince Nuada battles many of the King's guards, slicing, stabbing and otherwise striking them (including decapitating or dismembering one, we briefly see the bloodless body part). The monstrous beast working with Prince Nuada also strikes many guards, including with a retractable metal fist attached to a chain that he sends flying through the air to hit others. Prince Nuada then kills two more, followed by stabbing his father, the King, to death (the King immediately turns to stone). Hellboy and the others spot an old lady who's really an ugly, bulbous troll in disguise that's ready to eat some cats. Using special visual devices, the group sees her for what she really is, and just as she's about to bite a cat's head, Hellboy stops her. He then ends up punching her hard enough to send her flying down an alley. Hellboy punches a mutant creature back against a wall and then repeatedly slaps another. Prince Nuada's monster associate hits Abe and then thrashes him about a place before throwing him out a window. Abe then avoids additional blows, with Hellboy then showing up and shooting this beast's retractable metal hand. The beast uses that to punch Hellboy off his feet, but Hellboy rebounds and repeatedly punches the monster in the gut to no effect. The two then exchange hard-hitting blows, including the monster knocking Hellboy back through a stone structure of some sort. More punches and hitting continue, with the monster then getting his retractable metal hand stuck and then pulled between two huge rollers. The creature is then pulled between them, with squishy sounds, the brief ejection of some blood or other similar material, and a brief view of his legs and feet being the last thing pulled through those two huge rollers. Prince Nuada throws a bean out that bounces across the street and then down into a storm water grate. Once it hits the water, it quickly erupts into a massive plant monster that blasts out through the street, damaging it and various nearby cars. Hellboy yanks a door off one car to rescue an infant just as the creature grabs that car, crushes it, and throws it into a nearby helicopter, causing both to explode in midair. The gargantuan plant creature causes all sorts of damage trying to strike Hellboy who ends up balancing on a sign hanging on a building, all while holding the infant in his arms and tail. Hellboy then tosses that baby up into the air so that he can load his huge gun. He then catches the baby and fires two shots into the creature, wounding it (with all sorts of green goo splattering and pouring from it). With Prince Nuada telling him it's the last of its kind and Johann yelling at him to shoot it, Hellboy does the latter, delivering a kill shot to the enormous plant head (resulting in more green goo and such). An unseen bystander throws something that hits Hellboy on the cheek, slightly bloodying that. Tired of Johann bothering him, Hellboy punches him in the helmet, breaking that and letting a visible gas escape. The body in the suit then deflates and Hellboy worries that he's killed his boss. However, Johann in gas form then opens various locker doors into various parts of Hellboy's body and head, knocking him silly (played for laughs). We see several dead or at least unconscious guards/agents on the ground (the result of Prince Nuada doing something to them -- not seen). To keep Hellboy and Abe at bay, Prince Nuada holds a knife to Prince Nuala's face and nicks her cheek, drawing a little blood. He then comes at Hellboy with his spear, with the latter avoiding those jabs when not deflecting them with his huge hand. Several times, Prince Nuada holds that spear blade at Hellboy's throat, but does nothing, but as the fight continues, he knocks Hellboy around before impaling him with that spear and breaking off the blade in his chest. The huge mechanical warriors of the Golden Army are reactivated and surround Hellboy and the others. Hellboy uses his big gun to shoot many of them (including in their mechanical heads), seemingly destroying them, while Johann turns into gas form to "possess" one of them to be used to attack the other robots. Hellboy then uses a severed robot arm and the blade it holds to destroy even more, while Johann causes the one he's in to stab and destroy itself. Just when they think they're done, however, all of those robots start reassembling themselves back into their original fighting condition. Hellboy and Prince Nuada get into a sword battle with various close calls with the blades, including Hellboy slicing Prince Nuada's arm, thus causing Prince Nuala's arm to bleed as well (through her clothing) due to their twin connection. Hellboy then realizes he can't kill Prince Nuada since that will also mean Prince Nuala's death, but that doesn't prevent him from attempting to knock him around, and vice-versa. This battle continues for a while, including bits where Hellboy is dangling from a huge mechanical structure and its slowly rotating cogwheels. Hellboy avoids repeated spear jabs, but eventually disarms Prince Nuada. SPOILER ALERT: Prince Nuada nearly stabs Hellboy from behind, but stops when he realizes he's been wounded by Prince Nuala stabbing herself in the gut with a knife (from their twin connection, with some bloody results on her clothing). After a few moments of being wounded, Prince Nuada dies, turns to stone, and then crumbles away. Reviewed July 8, 2008/ Posted July 11, 2008

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