Follow @screenit

"THE HEARTBREAK KID" (2007) (Ben Stiller, Malin Akerman) (R) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Mild Heavy Minor Mild Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Mild None None Moderate Extreme Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Extreme Minor Moderate Moderate Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A newlywed falls for another woman on his honeymoon when he discovers the true nature of his new bride. PLOT: Eddie Cantrow (BEN STILLER) is the 40-year-old owner of a sporting goods store in San Francisco. He's yet to find true love, however, much to the dismay of his father, Doc (JERRY STILLER), and best friend, Mac (ROB CORDDRY). That is, until he meets Lila (MALIN AKERMAN), an attractive environmental researcher. The two immediately hit it off, but she then gets word that her company is going to transfer her overseas. Hearing that they wouldn't if she were married, Eddie decides to take the plunge. The two get hitched, and then head off to Cabo for their honeymoon, where Eddie is to deliver a package to resort worker Uncle Tito (CARLOS MENCIA). It's there, however, that he learns of her sordid past -- including a coke habit -- as well as her wild nature in bed, massive mood swings, and the general ability to irritate him to no end. During one of their breaks away from each other, Eddie ends up meeting lacrosse coach Miranda (MICHELLE MONAGHAN) who's there vacationing with her family. Sensing she's the true woman for him, but unable to tell Miranda he's married, Eddie then tries to figure out how to spend time with her away from Lila, and get up the nerve to break up with his wife, all while Miranda's cousin, Martin (DANNY R. McBRIDE), becomes increasingly suspicious of Eddie. From that point on, a series of comedic misunderstandings complicate matters for him. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? Fans of Stiller, the Farrelly brothers (who directed "There's Something About Mary"), or sex comedies probably will. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: R For strong sexual content, crude humor and language. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: BEN STILLER plays a 40-year-old sporting goods store owner who realizes on his honeymoon that he married the wrong woman. While he doesn't cheat on her with Miranda, he does emotionally, and he lies to Lila about that. He also uses strong profanity, drinks heavily, and shares a joint with Miranda. MALIN AKERMAN plays his new wife who becomes a different woman, and sex maniac, after their marriage. She drinks, uses strong profanity, and goes through wild mood swings. MICHELLE MONAGHAN plays a lacrosse coach who ends up falling for Eddie while on vacation with her family, unaware of his marital state. She drinks heavily and briefly smokes pot with him. JERRY STILLER plays Eddie's father who thinks his son is missing out on both sex and marriage. He uses strong profanity, briefly smokes, and shares a hot tub with a bare-breasted woman. CARLOS MENCIA plays a resort worker who's constantly pulling Eddie's chain and apparently put Lila's hand on his penis when she thought he was Eddie. ROB CORDDRY plays Eddie's friend who badmouths his wife behind her back, but kisses up to her in her presence. He drinks and uses some profanity. DANNY R. McBRIDE plays Miranda's cousin who's constantly suspicious of Eddie, uses profanity, and eventually hits him with a bat. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here's a brief summary of the content found in this R-rated comedy. Profanity consists of at least 12 "f" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also heard. All sorts of sexually related dialogue is present, as are several sexual encounters (with movement, nudity and related sounds, all played for comedy), while partially obscured photos of sexual acts are seen on a porno tape case. Other sexually related material (including two visual jokes about separate women and a donkey) is also present, as is a close-up of a woman's pubic hair and a piercing ring in that, and a bare-breasted woman in a hot tub. Comedy-based violence includes people striking others (sometimes rather hard), as well as a bit of slapstick style material. Some behavior might be enticing to imitate, while various comedy-based bad attitudes are present, including by newlyweds toward each other. That leads to tense family material (also comedy-based), while crude humor is also present. Various characters drink (some a lot), while drug use (pot and cocaine) briefly occurs. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Eddie has a beer and others have drinks at a wedding, including Mac who orders a cosmopolitan, but his wife then takes it for herself. Miscellaneous people drink in a restaurant. Eddie holds a beer. Eddie and Mac have beer at the former's wedding reception. Miscellaneous people drink. Lila holds a drink she says is a Minderaser. Lila playfully aims a champagne cork at Eddie and it hits him upon popping off. She then drinks some of that. Miscellaneous people have drinks. Eddie learns that Lila has a debt of $26,000 due to her previous cocaine habit, saying that's how she got her deviated septum. We see Doc with a cigar and drink in a hot tub. Eddie has a beer and others drink. An older couple buys shots for Eddie, Miranda and her family, and we then see them having even more. Eddie and Miranda share a joint, with Martin later commenting on the smell of "the devil's lettuce." He also comments on everyone else in the family being passed out in their hotel rooms. Eddie, Miranda, and others drink shots. The Davie Bowie song "Ashes to Ashes" contains the lyrics, "We know Major Tom's a junkie. Strung out in heaven's high, hitting an all-time low." Miranda and her family have drinks with Eddie. About how they're behaving (but not from drugs), Eddie asks Martin and another man if they're snorting peyote. We see Eddie drunk in a hammock with a bottle in his hand. He then drinks more. Miranda asks Eddie about getting a drink at the hotel. We see a flashback to a young boy snorting lines of cocaine (a joke about how a person got a deviated septum in the past). BLOOD/GORE Mac says that his wife's Aunt Flo has arrived, but when they realize he's talking about her menstrual period ("Aunt Flow"). After sex, Lila gets up to pee and we hear her urinating in the bathroom. We then hear a farting sound, with her saying that wasn't what Eddie thought, and he says he didn't hear anything, followed by her saying that's good as she just "queefed big time" (a fart sound from her vagina). When Lila drinks orange juice, it immediately pours out of her nose, she says from a deviated septum. About being stung by jellyfish on the job, Lila states that others had to pee on her to lessen the sting. Lila refuses to use sunscreen and instead uses oil in the sun. As a result, she gets a very bad sunburn, where her skin is first extremely red and then has boils and blisters all over it (especially her arms and face). Martin comments on an older family relative who's "pissing" in the hallway. Using tweezers, Eddie must remove a large pill from Lila's nose that's lodged there due to her deviated septum. Locked out of the bathroom, Eddie tells Lila he has to pee, but she tells him to go pee somewhere else. As Lila cries, something hangs down from inside her nose. When Eddie comes out of the water, he and others panic when they realize he has a Portuguese man of war on his back (played for comedy). Miranda manages to knock it off, and Lila then undoes her pants and urinates on him as he lies on his stomach (we see the stream hit his back, to negate the sting). DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE All of the following is played for comedy. When Eddie stops a man at a party and asks about the wedding coordinator, the man takes offense, referring to himself as a "homo" and angry that Eddie would think in such stereotypical ways. The effeminate male wedding coordinator then walks up. Two twin boys grill Eddie about his sexuality, first asking if he's gay and then if he's "bi." More such talk continues, with them continuing to accuse him of being gay. Eddie stops a man on a bicycle who's just stolen Lila's purse. Eddie tries to prevent him from continuing, so the man sprays perfume into Eddie's eyes and rides off. Doc says you can tell a lot about a woman by her panties, and later shows that he's carrying Lila's with him, stating that it's nice to a put a face to the panties. Fat-based humor is present as Eddie reacts in shock to the size of Lila's mom, and the comment that the wedding dress Lila is wearing was originally her mom's (suggesting, in Eddie's mind, that Lila will get fat like her). The twin boys from the wedding spot Eddie in Cabo, refer to him as "that fruit" from the wedding, and sarcastically ask if he thought this was a gays only resort. They then wonder if he tucks his testicles under or pulls them up, prompting Eddie to refer to them as "homophobic hobbits." Eddie develops a bad attitude toward Lila when he learns that she's an unpaid volunteer at work, and that leads to some tension between them. When refusing to hit Lila during sex, she tries to bait him by asking if he has a "little p*ssy" and if he's a "faggot." Lila alternates between being nice to Eddie and being a raving lunatic, cussing at him, etc. Some viewers might not like the use of terms such as "nut case," "looney bird" and "loco." Despite her acting like a raving lunatic at times, Eddie emotionally cheats on her by hanging out with and longing for Miranda. About women, both Doc and Mac state, "Bitches be crazy." Eddie lies to Lila about where he's been and where he's now going (all involving Miranda), saying it's a business deal and that it took seven hours to play golf because they got behind a Korean couple. About an earlier incident when she mistook Uncle Tito for Eddie (when she was hiding in the bathroom and didn't look out), Miranda says, "After you put my hand on your schlong." Eddie then confronts Uncle Tito about that (as the latter walks as if pained in the crotch), and he admits that he placed his penis in her hand, but she smacked it away. He then says that he acted that way from what else he had seen, thinking Eddie was an "anything goes" kind of guy. Various Mexicans sneak across the border into America. Eddie breaks into Miranda's house and bedroom at night to talk to her. Mac makes the comment "Bros before hoes." Eddie lies to his new wife so that he can see Miranda again. FRIGHTENING SCENES For those scared of such rodents, Eddie realizes he's holding and petting a rat rather than a dog like everyone else in a Mexican village (played for laughs, and the rat scampers away when dropped). Miranda accidentally falls over a wall and into the water far below. Eddie then jumps in and rescues her. When Eddie comes out of the water, he and others panic when they realize he has a Portuguese man of war on his back (played for comedy). GUNS/WEAPONS Thinking he's an illegal immigrant like others with him, men hold guns on Eddie and others, with one hitting Eddie with his rifle butt (played for comedy). IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "I'll cut your f*cking head off," "Why don't we go find a room and f*ck?" "Sh*t-f*ck," "F*ck me like a black guy," "You f*cking c*nt," "F-O" (said just like that), "F*cking awesome," "Get your ass in the f*cking car now," "F*ck me" (nonsexual), "You piece of sh*t," "I will mess your sh*t up," "You been crushing any p*ssy?" "Maybe we'll get lucky and tag-team a couple of broads," "Hey p*ssy d*ck," "Kitty ring," "C*ck me" (sexual), "You sick pr*ck," "You little gringo p*ssy," "Homo," "He's full of it," "A total asshole," "No way in hell," "You wimped out," "Ass floss," "Screwing" (nonsexual), "Are you out of your mind?" "I just queefed big time," "That fruit from the wedding," "Homophobic hobbits," "Screw off," "Are you a little faggot?" "Grouchy Marx," "She is banging," "Nut case," "Oh, hell yeah," "Dude," "A big, wet, flapping douche bag," "Where the hell have you been?" "The devil's lettuce" (marijuana), "Crappy," "What the hell /are you talking about/is going on?" "Bitches be crazy," "Oh crap," "Screw it," "I didn't want you to freak out," "It sucks," "I'm such a sucky wife," "Looney bird," "Freaking," "What, are you snorting peyote?" "Busting my balls," "Chick," "Loco," "Get off your ass and do it," "Moron," "Stay the hell away from her," "Are you crazy?" "You son of a bitch," "Bros before hoes" and "Hello, asshole." Some of Eddie's exaggerated behavior might be enticing for some kids to imitate. Lila enthusiastically sings along to various songs on the radio (and some kids may do so in order to annoy others, as inadvertently occurs here). Lila playfully aims a champagne cork at Eddie and it hits him upon popping off. Lila purposefully squirts tanning oil into Eddie's face. JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) None. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) A song has a line about "Don't you want to lay in bed with me?" (or something close to that). The Davie Bowie song "Ashes to Ashes" contains the lyrics, "We know Major Tom's a junkie. Strung out in heaven's high, hitting an all-time low." The David Bowie song "Suffragette City" has what are presumably sexually related lyrics such as "This mellow thighed chick just put my spine out of place," "Hey man, well she's a total blam-blam. She said she had to squeeze it, but she... then she..." and "Wham bam, thank you ma'am." PROFANITY At least 12 "f" words (2 used sexually, as are 9 uses of "c*ck," while terms such as "booming," "tag team," "nailed," "jackhammer," "pile drive" and "double teamed" are also used), 15 "s" words, 13 slang terms using female genitals ("p*ssy," "c*nt," "snatch" and "kitty"), 5 using male ones ("d*ck," "c*ck," "pr*ck" and "schlong"), 9 hells, 6 asses (2 used with "hole"), 2 craps, 1 S.O.B., 8 uses of "Oh my God," 5 of "G-damn," and 1 use each of "God," "Oh God" and "Swear to God." SEX/NUDITY All of the following is played for comedy. Doc asks Eddie if he's been "crushing any p*ssy" and "Who are you booming?" Doc tells Eddie that maybe "we'll get lucky and tag-team a couple of broads" (with Eddie saying he doesn't want to do that with his dad). We see miscellaneous cleavage at a wedding. Two twin boys grill Eddie about his sexuality, first asking if he's gay and then if he's "bi." More such talk continues, with them continuing to accuse him of being gay. Some songs have sexually related lyrics (see that category for more information). Helping Lila pick up her things off the street, Eddie picks up a pair of her panties and is awkward about the protocol of that situation. Later, Eddie has another pair of hers at his place, and he, Doc and Mac discuss them (with Doc saying you can tell a lot about a woman by her panties -- and these have a David Bowie emblem on them). Even later, when Eddie and Doc spot Lila in Eddie's store, Doc shows that he's carrying her panties, stating that it's nice to a put a face to them (and he refers to them as "ass floss"). We see several scenes of Eddie and Lila passionately kissing while clothed. She later states that it's not like she's a virgin or anything, but adds that sleeping together too soon can ruin a relationship. Mac states that a woman has a "great ass." When Eddie isn't sure about marrying Lila as he'd be choosing her above all other women, his dad sarcastically says that Eddie hasn't "nailed" most of them or "crushed p*ssy," followed by uses of that word again as well as "snatch." Eddie and Lila do more passionate kissing. Lila shows a little cleavage. On their way to Cabo, Lila tells Eddie, "Why don't we go find a room and f*ck?" We then see views of them having sex in a motel (his strained face in a head and shoulders shot with suggested thrusting, her head and shoulders view as she's hanging off the bed, down toward the floor, and then a brief view of their sideways position of him on the bed and her partly off it). She does various bits of sexual talk, including asking if he likes what they're doing, commenting on the inverted corkscrew, and telling him to "just jackhammer me." Saying he has a cramp, he asks if they can try a different position, such as the missionary one. She sits up and faces him while still having sex (we see her bare breasts and her leg up over his shoulder, with continued movement), and asks what that is. He explains it's when the man is on top of the woman, and she asks if he can "pile drive me" in that position. We see them afterward in bed, her head on his bare chest where she repeatedly plays with his nipple, eventually irritating him. She then gets up, saying she has to pee, and we see her bare breast. We then hear her urinating, and then what sounds like a fart, but she says she just "queefed big time" (a fart sound from her vagina). The next day, she asks if he thought she was too hairy down there, saying she isn't into shaving everything and thus looking like a little girl. However, she adds that she can trim it some so that he can better see her "kitty ring" (a piercing down there), with him awkwardly saying he could see it just fine. The twin boys from the wedding spot Eddie in Cabo, refer to him as "that fruit" from the wedding, and sarcastically ask if he thought this was a gays only resort. They then wonder if he tucks his testicles under or pulls them up, prompting Eddie to refer to them as "homophobic hobbits." When Eddie asks a man where he can find Uncle Tito, the man (really Tito just messing around with Eddie), tells him that he was arrested for cock fighting, and then adds that it's not the kind with roosters. Eddie delivers a package to Uncle Tito from Mac, but it turns out to be a porno VHS tape titled "Remember the Tight Ones." We see the cover that shows standing rear entry intercourse (with stars over genital contact and the woman's nipples), while smaller photos of sexual contact are seen on the back cover. Miranda and Martin then walk up and see the tape that Uncle Tito tries to pass off as Eddie's. Miranda mentions a bumper sticker she saw that read "Born Hard." We see Lila on top of Eddie, having vigorous sex (a view of her, with bare breasts and movement, as well as a side view, mostly silhouetted, also showing movement). She tells him "c*ck me," asks if he likes what she's doing, and then tells him to hit her, adding that she's been a bad girl. He refuses, she gets mad and asks if he has a "p*ssy," and then starts wailing on him while still having sex on top of him (he tries to block the slaps and such with his hands and arms). She again tells him to "c*ck me" and then "F*ck me like a black guy." Eddie then rolls over on top of her and has missionary sex (seen from the silhouetted side view, but with vigorous thrusting), but she then complains that he isn't filling it (or feeling it). We see Lila in a bikini and Eddie shirtless as they sunbathe, while Miranda frolics in the surf in a tankini (which includes a bikini bottom). We see a bare-breasted woman in a hot tub with Doc, and her huge bare breasts float on top of the water. Eddie complains to his dad over the phone about Lila's wild sexual behavior, but Doc thinks a newly married woman wanting sex on her honeymoon is normal. He then adds that when your wife asks you "to c*ck her, you c*ck her good." Uncle Tito jokingly asks Eddie if he wore out Lila (meaning sexually). When Miranda sees Eddie, she jokingly asks if his VCR broke (referring to the porno tape above), and he jokingly replies that he was starting to chafe (a masturbation reference). An older couple thinks that Eddie and Miranda are newlyweds, and ask why they aren't up in their room (having sex). Eddie jokes with Miranda and her family that he lost his virginity on a baseball field to a guy, with one family member asking about him making a joke about anal sex (but everyone then laughs about that). In a Mexican village, Eddie and Miranda pay to see what they think is Mexican folk dancing, but Miranda storms out in shock, followed by Eddie. We then see why -- it was a male donkey and female human sex show (and we see the donkey's enormous penis near the woman). About an earlier incident when she mistook Uncle Tito for Eddie (when she was hiding in the bathroom and didn't look out), Miranda says, "After you put my hand on your schlong." Eddie then confronts Uncle Tito about that (as the latter walks as if pained in the crotch), and he admits that he placed his penis in her hand, but she smacked it away. He then says that he acted that way from what else he had seen, thinking Eddie was an "anything goes" kind of guy. As Eddie rescues Miranda from some water, and her dress rides up, we see a distant view of her in her panties. When Eddie comes out of the water, he and others panic when they realize he has a Portuguese man of war on his back. Miranda manages to knock it off, and Lila then undoes her pants to urinate on him. We then see a close-up of her crotch area as her pubic hair suddenly pops out and we see a piercing ring in that hair. About his misfortune, Eddie says he should have gone with his dad and "double teamed those girls." Eddie breaks into Miranda's house and bedroom at night to talk to her. Her husband then rolls over and places his hand on her clothed breast (while asleep), and Eddie gingerly removes that man's hand from there. We see a few women in bikinis, one of which shows cleavage. We hear Lila's pleasured sexual sounds (such as "Yes!" "C*ck me" and "You're finally doing it"), and we then see her asleep in bed while the donkey from above stands in the bedroom smoking a cigarette. SMOKING We see Doc with a cigar and drink in a hot tub. After hearing sexual sounds, we see Lila asleep in bed while the donkey from above stands in the bedroom smoking a cigarette. TENSE FAMILY SCENES All of the following is played for comedy. Eddie develops a bad attitude toward Lila when he learns that she's an unpaid volunteer at work, and that leads to some tension between them. Lila alternates between being nice to Eddie and being a raving lunatic, cussing at him, etc., putting an additional strain on their new marriage. It eventually ends as he's had enough of her and falls for Miranda. We hear that Miranda and her husband split up. Eddie lies to his new wife so that he can see Miranda again. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Learning that one's spouse or significant other isn't the right person. Lila states that it's not like she's a virgin or anything, but adds that sleeping together too soon can ruin a relationship. Affairs of the heart. Eddie learns that Lila has a debt of $26,000 due to her previous cocaine habit, saying that's how she got her deviated septum. Lila refuses to use sunscreen and instead uses oil in the sun. As a result, she gets a very bad sunburn, where her skin is first extremely red and then has boils and blisters all over it (especially her arms and face). In a Mexican village, Eddie and Miranda pay to see what they think is Mexican folk dancing, but Miranda storms out in shock, followed by Eddie. We then see why -- it was a male donkey and female human sex show (and we see the donkey's enormous penis near the woman). VIOLENCE All of the following is played for comedy. Eddie stops a man on a bicycle who's just stolen Lila's purse. Eddie tries to prevent him from continuing, so the man sprays perfume into Eddie's eyes and rides off. While riding bikes and trying to kiss, Lila accidentally runs into something in the way and flips over it, landing hard on the road, but she's okay and laughs about that. While having sex, Lila wants Eddie to hit her, and when he refuses, she starts wailing on him while still having sex on top of him (he tries to block the slaps and such with his hands and arms). Martin grabs Eddie in a headlock, hits him, and stuffs a hot pepper up his nose. Thinking he's an illegal immigrant like others with him, men hold guns on Eddie and others, with one hitting Eddie with his rifle butt. Later, we see an aerial view of a net catching Eddie. Later, and after helping him jump onto a moving train, men inside the train car punch him in the gut and face, one hits him with a crutch, and they then throw him from the moving train onto the side of the tracks. Eddie breaks into Miranda's house and bedroom at night to talk to her. Martin then shows up and hits Eddie with a bat, and then strikes him on the leg moments later. Reviewed October 2, 2007 / Posted October 5, 2007

Other new and recent reviews include:

Privacy Statement and Terms of Use and Disclaimer
By entering this site you acknowledge to having read and agreed to the above conditions.

All Rights Reserved,
©1996-2016 Screen It, Inc.