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(About Our Ads) "THE COMEBACKS" (2007) (David Koechner, Matthew Lawrence) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Minor *Heavy None Heavy Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Heavy Minor None *Minor Moderate Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Extreme Minor *Mild Mild *Heavy QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A perpetually losing coach tries to take a college football team to the championships in this spoof of inspirational sports films. PLOT: Lambeau "Coach" Fields (DAVID KOECHNER) has never been successful at any sport he's tried to coach, and thus is surprised when his friend, Freddie Wiseman (CARL WEATHERS), talks him into the head position for the Heartland State football team. Coach's wife, Barb (MELORA HARDIN), isn't that excited since it means he'll once again essentially ignore her and their rebellious teenage daughter, Michelle (BROOKE NEVIN), but she agrees since she knows it's in his blood. Accordingly, he takes over for The Comebacks, and starts assembling the talent for his team. While he relegates the nerdy and small Randy Randinger (MARTIN SPANJERS) to being the water boy and the seemingly mentally challenged IPod (JERMAINE WILLIAMS) as an assistant, he sees promise in running back Aseel Tare (ROCHARD RI'CHARD), despite always calling him "ACL Tear." Wide receiver Trotter (JACKIE LONG) turns out to be a flashy egomaniac who just so happens to be dating Michelle, while Jorge Juanson (JESSE GARCIA) acts like a gang banger but really grew up in the average 'burbs, and hulking lineman Buddy Boy (GEORGE BACK) turns out to be an emotionally sensitive pussycat at heart. Needing to fill other positions, Coach recruits talented soccer player Jizminder Featherfoot (NOUREEN DeWULF) to be his placekicker and only girl on the team, while it takes a little more convincing to get Lance Truman (MATTHEW LAWRENCE) to give up being a baseball pitcher in favor of running the team as its quarterback. That's mainly due to his tendency to fumble the football, a point his cross-dressing celebrity impersonator dad, Mr. Truman (NICK SEARCY), won't let him forget. Coach then tries to whip his team into shape, hoping to take them to the championships, and as they make their run, the film spoofs scenes and general genre material from many well-known sports movies. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? They might if they're into spoof films and/or fans of anyone in the movie. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 On appeal (from the original R) for crude and sexual content throughout and some drug material. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: DAVID KOECHNER plays the perpetually losing coach who tries to put together a winning team, but doesn't know what he's doing and motivates them in all of the wrong ways, such as getting bad grades, drinking and doing drugs, and more. He uses some profanity. MELORA HARDIN plays his wife who tires, once again, of him neglecting her (including sexually) and their kids in favor of his coaching. MATTHEW LAWRENCE plays the baseball pitcher who Coach recruits as their quarterback, despite his history of and tendency to fumble the ball. He fools around a bit with Michelle. BROOKE NEVIN plays Coach's rebellious daughter who first dates Trotter and then Lance, allowing the latter to fondle her bra-covered breasts. NICK SEARCY plays Lance's dad who still belittles him for past fumbles, and works as a celebrity impersonator in drag. GEORGE BACK plays the large but emotionally sensitive lineman. NOUREEN DeWULF plays the talented soccer player turned placekicker for the team. JESSE GARCIA plays an apparent gang banger whose act is just a facade covering his average middle-class-ness. JACKIE LONG plays the conceited, flashy, and egotistical wide receiver who's upset when Michelle dumps him for Lance. ROCHARD RI'CHARD plays the running back who's worried about Coach always referring to him as "ACL Tear." MARTIN SPANJERS plays the nerdy water boy who desperately wants to play. He uses some profanity and makes some sexual gestures toward Michelle after thinking she left him a dirty note. JERMAINE WILLIAMS plays the seemingly mentally challenged assistant. CARL WEATHERS plays Coach's supposed friend who talks him into coaching football, only to use that to his own advantage. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here's a brief summary of the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity consists of at least 6 "s" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are uttered. All sorts of sexually related dialogue, innuendo, and comedy-based material is present throughout the film, covering a variety of topics including homosexuality (gay and lesbian). A woman's bra-covered breasts are groped several times, scantly clad women and men are seen in several scenes, while a male horse is "milked" for its semen, and a guy repeatedly humps other people's legs. Comedy-based violence is present, ranging from traditional (if exaggerated) slapstick to material such as a convict football player shooting an opposing player, while another is threatened at knifepoint. Exaggerated football violence and other related contact is also present, some of it with briefly bloody results. Comedy-based bad attitudes are present, as is similarly themed tense family material. A man spits out tobacco juice, while drinking and some drug use also occur. Some kids may be enticed to copy, imitate, or replicate some of the jokes and gags that are seen, while some crude humor is also present. Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those prone to visually induced motion sickness, there is some bouncy hand-held camerawork from time to time in the film. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE All of the following is played for intended humor. We see a homeless man holding a brown paper bag, presumably with something alcoholic inside it. Barb tries to convince Coach that winning is in his blood, just like hepatitis C and traces of cocaine. A walk-on player briefly mentions his alcoholic father who passed away. We see Lance's father drinking from a very large container of beer, and he makes a comment about starting drinking at the age of 12. Coach is mad at his players for having good grades, saying that as athletes they need to have bad ones. He also says that he wants to hear about criminal activity, sexual harassment allegations, and wants to smell reefer. About a picnic, Michelle says that she and Lance would have wine. Various students drink at a party, but not those on Coach's team. He then shows up and says that after a game they should be consuming alcohol, popping pills, and doing other drugs. During this, we see him drinking beer, popping pills, and doing a bong hit. Coach talks about someone on another team "falling off the wagon." Coach pulls out a bottle of booze from his desk, but when he gets mad that his students are still getting good grades, he throws that aside, and it hits IPod on the head. BLOOD/GORE After Coach challenges Jorge to punch him, the young man head-butts him instead, leaving Coach with a bloody mouth, and one player hands him a tooth that popped out. We see a drumstick sticking out of a person's eye after it has landed there (no blood). The football championship is referred to as the "toilet bowl." Coach says that he had better take care of business, but we see that he was really referring to heading into the bathroom. Two players butt their helmets together, and then one does the same to Coach who isn't wearing a helmet, thus slightly bloodying his forehead. Barb realizes that Coach loves her, like the smell of his own burps. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE All of the following is played for intended humor. Some viewers might not like jockeys being represented as having very high-pitched voices. Coach uses the term "ladies" to refer to his male players. When IPod crashes his motorized scooter into a table on the field and flies over that, Randy refers to him as a "retarded ass retard." Coach than reprimands Randy on that, saying they won't use such terms, but as he does so, he uses his own such as "cretin," "spaz ass simpleton," and others. Trotter is a conceited and egotistical player. Lance's father is still upset about his son having a problem fumbling the football in various games in the past. Coach is mad at his players for having good grades, saying that as athletes they need to have bad ones. He also says that he wants to hear about criminal activity, sexual harassment allegations, and wants to smell reefer. Some viewers might be offended by the cultural stereotypes regarding Jizminder being Indian and Jorge being a standard Mexican gang banger (although some of those stereotypes are turned on their head). Trotter refers to Buddy Boy as a "fat ass." Some viewers may be offended by a racial bits where the lone white player is not allowed onto the field, and the black ones all have stereotypical "black" last names (Johnson, Washington, etc.). Coach learns that Freddie set him up as the coach of the team because Freddie is coaching his own team and figures that with Coach's bad luck, he would easily be able to beat his team. While in prison, Coach goes to get a basketball that went over the wall, but he then escapes in a waiting cab. Later, another prisoner makes a run for it during a football game. Coach talks about someone on another team cheating on someone. Barb shows some cleavage, and we then see that she is in bed with a shirtless young man who she claims is a foreign exchange student. Coach also sees this and asks what country that young man is from, and the latter makes up various sexual sounding names that include "making love" and "your wife's fine ass." Barb then gets up, says she is in her sexual prime, and that she has finally found someone who gives her what she needs. We see several prisoners, who were also football players, handling or hiding various weapons before a game. One then holds a knife on Jorge, while another shoots another football player on the field. Mad that Lance is now dating his former girlfriend, Trotter doesn't block an opposing player, thus allowing him to tackle Lance quite hard. When Coach asked if the referees are blind (after they don't call a penalty on an opposing player shooting one of his own), we see those referees in dark glasses with guide dogs. Coach throws his wife aside when he hears about a job offer at another university. FRIGHTENING SCENES None. GUNS/WEAPONS All of the following is played for intended humor. Coach throws a wrench at his players in a gymnasium to prove that if they can avoid that they can avoid opposing players. To up the ante, he then pulls out a handgun and fires it repeatedly, hitting Randy many times, knocking him to the floor (the kid is apparently wearing a bulletproof vest). We see a rifle mounted on the wall in Lance's place. A prison guard carries a rifle. We see several prisoners, who were also football players, handling or hiding various weapons before a game. A football player, who is also a prisoner, holds a knife on Jorge as we hear that the latter is being mugged (meant in reference to the football game). Another pulls out his handgun and shoots an opposing player who is running down the field toward a touchdown. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "You gotta be sh*tting me," "I will not stand for this bullsh*t," "That is some good sh*t," "Get that sh*t out of here," "You miserable piece of sh*t," "I'll steam up your wiener and stick it between my buns," "She could stick me" (sexual), "I got a chubby" (erection), "Podunkadunk" (woman's butt), "Zip it," "Hag," "What the hell /was that/is this?" "Ladies" (men), "Anyone worth a damn," "Big, mean son of a bitch," "Retarded ass retard," "Cretin," "Spaz ass simpleton," "Give 'em hell," "Hike the damn ball," "Knuckleballs" and "Walnuts" (testicles), "Bitch" (man), "(You) Fat ass," "Sure as hell," "Where the hell you think you're going?" "Sit your marshmallow ass back down," "My bad," "You bastard," "Be-atch," "Suck" (written), "Shut up," "Dawg," "Oh jeez" and "Athletic ass." Some kids may be enticed to copy, imitate, or replicate some of the jokes and gags found in the film. We see a miscellaneous person with pink colored hair. We see Coach spitting out lots of tobacco juice. We see Coach and Lance separately adjusting their clothed crotches in an exaggerated manner while waiting for the latter to pitch to the former. Lance's father lets out a loud belch. Lance's father dresses in drag as a female celebrity impersonator. Michelle wears a midriff revealing top. We see flashbacks to Lance's father trying to make his son get over his hand coordination problems, including taping his hands to the handlebars of a bicycle and then sending him off that way. We see a flashback to Coach pouring a large bucket of Gatorade onto young Michelle when she brings home a good report card. Former professional basketball player Dennis Rodman has various tattoos and piercings, while we see a miscellaneous person with tattoos. We see Trotter doing a variation of the old spin the bottle routine, this time spinning a football and then kissing a cheerleader it points to. During this, we also see two female cheerleaders who willing kiss due to the same thing. We see various exaggerated and choreographed comedy bits of end zone celebrations. We see two football fans with painted faces. Some cheerleaders show cleavage and one has a pierced navel. JUMP SCENES A bus suddenly hits Aseel on the field. A bus suddenly hits Coach on the football field. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) None. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) A song has a line of "let me put it to you" (possible innuendo). Various songs had lyrics that we couldn't fully hear or understand, thus presenting the possibility of them potentially containing objectionable material. PROFANITY At least 6 "s" words, 5 slang terms for sex ("do it"), 1 slang term using male genitals ("wiener"), 11 asses, 9 damns, 7 hells, 1 S.O.B., 3 uses of "G-damn," 2 of "God" and 1 use each of "For Christ's sakes," "For God's sakes," "Jesus," "My God," "Oh my God," "Oh Sweet Jesus" and "Swear to God." SEX/NUDITY All of the following is played for intended humor. We see Coach "milking" a male horse for its semen. We don't see the actual contact, but we do see the motion of his arm, and when he stops to talk to Freddie, the horse looks back at him wanting him to continue. As he does, the horse puts one of its legs up over his shoulder, but he tells it he previously told it not to do that. He then goes to shake Freddie's hand, but Freddie doesn't want to do that (Coach is wearing a glove). Muscular "Venus Williams" hits a serve so hard that it knocks the tennis outfit off "Maria Sharapova," leaving her in her bra and panties, with many photographers than rushing up to get shots of her. Barb shows cleavage. In a courtroom, we hear that Michelle has been charged with doing naked jumping jacks, and she says that has been popular on an Internet site. When Randy says he will buff anyone's helmet, Coach takes it the wrong way, thinking it's meant sexually, until he realizes the error of his interpretation. We see IPod humping Coach's clothed leg. Trotter arrives with a posse of scantily clad women, most of which show cleavage. Michelle shows some cleavage. Coach misinterprets Randy when he says, "I'll steam up your wiener and stick it between my buns" and then sees the young man holding a hot dog. When Coach challenges Lance to pitch his best pitch to him, Lance asks if he has any "wood" (meaning a baseball bat). Coach misunderstands that, and states that he doesn't, but did on the way over there, referring to the coffee he had between his legs, and the steam that was hitting his "knuckleballs." We see Coach and Lance separately adjusting their clothed crotches in an exaggerated manner while waiting for the latter to pitch to the former. We see Lance's father in drag (he's a celebrity singer impersonator). We see various female soccer players in their sports bras that are wet due to water from a sprinkler. The soccer player turned kicker's first name is Jizminder, and she states that a woman's place in her culture is in cooking, cleaning, and pleasing with her mouth, which prompts various men to flock to her. When Randy holds up an athletic cup and wonders what it is, the other guys joke that it's something you put on your nose. Randy then says that he thought perhaps it was just a smaller version of the large athletic cup (with a long appendage for a penis) that he pulls from the front of his pants. Jizminder shows some cleavage. We see a line of female gymnasts with their legs spread, as well as Michelle in a small, formfitting leotard. One of the girls there is attracted to Michelle, and there are various bits of lesbian innuendo such as "God, she could stick me." Michelle also shows cleavage in her outfit, and while doing a handstand, her tongue drops down in an exaggerated fashion, and she eventually balances herself on just that. We see a fantasy bit about Lance's view of the perks of being on the football team. That includes him and other male players running around and frolicking in just their underwear, as the song "It's raining men" plays on the soundtrack. Jizminder shows cleavage. We see Coach's bare, fat belly sticking out from his football uniform. Various cheerleaders show cleavage. The team plays the Trojans, with a line about that team being that they are "playing for your pleasure." As the team rushes out onto the field and blasts through their team sign, we see that they are in a huge condom. Coach says that if they are in a groove, they could score all night long. We see Lance's father in drag again, including most of his bare butt in a small bottom, and it allows us to see tattoos on his butt. We see that Coach is watching recorded footage of girls playing football in shoulder pads and their panties. We see Lance dressed in a ballerina outfit, but hear that this is for practicing his footwork (although it adds on to the gay reference stated with the locker room scene above). Lance and Michelle passionately kiss, and she unzips her top, revealing her football themed bra that shows a great deal of cleavage. Lance comments that they look just like a football, and he tries to hold onto those breasts, but he fumbles and bumbles his way through that, essentially knocking and slapping her breasts about. When Trotter and Lance get into a shoving match, Buddy Boy asks why don't they go upstairs and have makeup sex like his parents. During a brawl in the locker room, we see IPod humping one of the guy's legs. During a montage, we see Jizminder in a small bikini, Trotter shirtless, and three male players dancing about in the shower, seen from the hips up. We also see various dancers in sequined bikinis, dancing about. We see a close-up of Lance feeling around his center's clothed crotch, before the ball is hiked to him. Buddy Boy tells opposing female cheerleaders that he likes the look of their "podunkadunk" (butts). We see a miscellaneous couple making out at a party, while some women show some cleavage, and there is some sexy dancing. We see Michelle in a bikini when she has come back from surfing. We see Trotter shirtless in a hot tub, surrounded by bikini-clad women who show cleavage. After Lance tells Michelle that he "bobbled your boobies," she imagines their future, saying that they'd "do it, "do it" and "do it" some more, saying it would be every day and in different positions, and that they would never tire of their bodies or lessen the frequency of sex. He says that sounds good to him, especially the "doing it" part. He then says that under her veneer, there is something pink, and that it probably doesn't smell too much. To prove to his players what should happen after a football game and consuming beer and drugs, Coach strips down to just his briefs, and then runs away from the police dressed just like that. One of them then fires a taser that hits him on the crotch in those briefs, with him saying he was hit right in the "pigskin." An older and shirtless male prisoner asks Coach if he's sure he doesn't want to cuddle. We see Trotter doing a variation of the old spin the bottle routine, this time spinning a football and then kissing a cheerleader it points to. During this, we also see two female cheerleaders who willing kiss due to the same thing. Barb shows some cleavage, and we then see that she is in bed with a shirtless young man who she claims is a foreign exchange student. Coach also sees this and asks what country that young man is from, and the latter makes up various sexual sounding names that include "making love" and "your wife's fine ass." Barb then gets up, says she is in her sexual prime, and that she has finally found someone who gives her what she needs. One of those four-picture filmstrips shows a sequence where Barb's head goes down toward Coach's crotch (we don't see that contact). When Michelle talks about having found the right man for her, Coach misinterprets that she is talking about him, and tells her that he is her father. She then says that she wants what he and her mom have, with Coach interjecting "herpes," and Michelle says no. When someone tells Coach that there used to be a big man inside him (referring to him being confident), he replies that's because he was in prison, and had no choice. Michelle tells Lance that she left something for him in the locker room, and he states that he found the bra and crotchless panties and is now wearing them under his football uniform, even pulling out the waistband of the thong panties to prove so. She states that she was actually referring to a note that she left on his locker, but the two of them then passionately kiss. Randy then walks up saying he got Michelle's note and then enthusiastically says that after the game they will have sex, but he demonstrates the latter by doing some mock, rear-entry pelvic thrusting and spanking in midair. In a spoof of the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction at the Super Bowl, we see a halftime show that initially appears wholesome, but then turns risqué when the woman's clothes are torn off to reveal her in some sexy lingerie and she does a little dancing and prancing around in that. About all that, a TV announcer says that he got a "chubby." Coach tells his team that his family treated him like a girl until his "walnuts" dropped, and that he didn't lose his virginity until he was in his 20s, and that it was by accident, with him thinking it was a date that he had to pay for. Barb shows some cleavage, and she looks at a photo of Coach in just his underwear from a scene listed above. Some cheerleaders show cleavage and one has a pierced navel. To give him confidence that he won't fumble the ball at the end of the game, Michelle unzips her top to reveal the same football themed bra from before. She then puts his hands on her breasts in that, and when he turns to go back onto the field, we see his helmet hanging on his apparent erection in his pants. When he is out on the field, he imagines the football as that bra with fleshy parts in it. We later see him sucking on the real football, imagining it's her breasts. Coach and Barb briefly but passionately kiss. In the closing credits, we see footage again of various male football players dancing about in the locker room in just their underwear. We also see varying amounts of cleavage, and Freddie states that he got into a polygamous relationship with two women, and we see those two buxom women standing next to him. SMOKING We see Coach spitting out lots of tobacco juice. TENSE FAMILY SCENES All of the following is played for intended humor. Barb complains that Coach is never around for her and their kids. A walk-on player briefly mentions his alcoholic father who passed away. Lance's father is still upset about his son having a problem fumbling the football in various games in the past. Barb shows some cleavage, and we then see that she is in bed with a shirtless young man who she claims is a foreign exchange student. Coach also sees this and asks what country that young man is from, and the latter makes up various sexual sounding names that include "making love" and "your wife's fine ass." Barb then gets up, says she is in her sexual prime, and that she has finally found someone who gives her what she needs. In the closing credits, we see Lance's father slap him. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT The film's attempts at humor. Coaches and their attempts at inspiring their players. Michele repeatedly points out to her father that her boyfriend, Trotter, is a black guy. We see Lance's father in drag (he's a celebrity singer impersonator). VIOLENCE All of the following is played for intended humor. Coach absentmindedly throws a banana peel out on the racetrack, causing a bad car crash during a race. A soccer player head-butts another player to the ground. IPod crashes his motorized scooter into a table on the field and flies over that. Lance pitches a fastball toward Coach, but the latter catches that in his hand. After Lance leaves, Coach shows a very swollen hand that has the baseball embedded in the palm. After Coach challenges Jorge to punch him, the young man head-butts him instead, leaving Coach with a bloody mouth, and one player hands him a tooth that popped out. Coach accidentally knocks Randy down the rows of seats in the football stands. We see various football players wiping out and falling on the ice while dressed in hockey gear. Coach throws a wrench at his players in a gymnasium to prove that if they can avoid that they can avoid opposing players. To up the ante, he then pulls out a handgun and fires it repeatedly hitting Randy many times, knocking him to the floor (the kid is apparently wearing a bulletproof vest). Coach challenges anyone to try to knock him down, prompting Jizminder to rush up and blast him backwards across the field. In a spoof of the Rocky movies, a boxer punches a very old version of Rocky, vaporizing him. Male cheerleaders toss a female one up into the air and she lands hard in the stands. There are various hard tackles in a football game, including players piling on top of one tackled person. We then see various players piling on top of Barb who is sitting in the stands. A bus suddenly hits Aseel on the field. Aseel trips on a sunflower seed, and breaks his lower leg the wrong direction. When he gets up, it breaks in another direction. Trotter pushes Lance backwards, followed by the same back to him, resulting in a locker room brawl among many players. This includes Jizminder kicking a male player in the crotch and gut, and various cheerleaders fighting amongst themselves. Coach then comes in and bangs on something to get everyone's attention, but we then see that he is banging Randy's head against the lockers. We see a drumstick sticking out of a person's eye after it has landed there (no blood). Male cheerleaders toss a female one up through the air and she lands down through the top of a convertible. When a person comments that a player is on fire, we literally see that, as the person runs down the field covered in flames. To prove to his players what should happen after a football game and consuming beer and drugs, Coach strips down to just his briefs, and then runs away from the police dressed just like that. One of them then fires a taser that hits him on the crotch in those briefs, with him saying he was hit right in the "pigskin." Former professional basketball player Dennis Rodman plays a game of one-on-one against Coach, and knocks him around a bit during that. Coach pulls out a bottle of booze from his desk, but when he gets mad that his students are still getting good grades, he throws that aside, and it hits IPod on the head. Mad that Lance is now dating his former girlfriend, Trotter doesn't block an opposing player, thus allowing him to tackle Lance quite hard. A football player, who is also a prisoner, holds a knife on Jorge as we hear that the latter is being mugged (meant in reference to the football game). Another pulls out his handgun and shoots an opposing player who is running down the field toward a touchdown. Two players butt their helmets together, and then one does the same to Coach who isn't wearing a helmet, thus slightly bloodying his forehead. As she tries to get her way to Coach, Barb is accidentally knocked over a railing, and then trampled by others. Determined, she then elbows and hits other people to get to Coach, and the two of them briefly but passionately kiss. Coach throws his wife aside when he hears about a job offer at another university. A bus suddenly hits Coach on the football field. In the closing credits, we see Lance's father slap him. In the closing credits, we see a person hit by a bus, as well as a car crashing into another. Reviewed October 19, 2007/ Posted October 19, 2007