Follow @screenit

"BLADES OF GLORY" (2007) (Will Ferrell, Jon Heder) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Heavy Heavy Minor Mild Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Heavy None Minor Mild Moderate Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Heavy *None Mild Moderate *Heavy QUICK TAKE: Comedy: After being banned for life from the sport, two former ice skating rivals join forces as the first male-male pairs team in hopes of skating competitively again. PLOT: Chazz Michael Michaels (WILL FERRELL) and Jimmy MacElroy (JON HEDER) couldn't be more different from one another, but both are at the top of their game in the world of competitive ice skating. A self-proclaimed sex addict, Chazz is all brash ego, while Jimmy -- adopted at a young age and then trained to excellence by billionaire Darren MacElroy (WILLIAM FICHTNER) -- is a pretty boy, drawing legions of fans such as stalker Hector (NICK SWARDSON). When the two end up sharing a gold medal and thus get into a fight over, it, they're banned from the sport forever. Several years later, they're both washed up has-beens, but Hector hasn't given up hope with Jimmy. Finding a loophole in the rules, he informs Jimmy that the ban only pertains to male singles competition, not pairs. Accordingly, Jimmy approaches his former coach (CRAIG T. NELSON) who reluctantly signs on -- along with choreographer Jesse (ROMANY MALCO) -- and soon Jimmy and Chazz are skating again, this time as a team. That doesn't sit well with current pairs champions, siblings Stranz (WILL ARNETT) and Fairchild Van Waldenberg (AMY POEHLER), who coerce their younger sister Katie (JENNA FISCHER) into trying to sabotage the first male-male pairing in the sport. From that point on, Chazz and Jimmy must deal with that as try to put their differences aside and work together as a team. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're fans of Ferrell, Heder, goofy comedies, or even ice skating, they might be interested in it. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 For crude and sexual humor, language, a comic violent image and some drug references. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: WILL FERRELL plays a brash and egotistical champion skater who, due to a fight with Jimmy, is banned for life from males singles competitions. A self-proclaimed sex addict, he becomes an alcoholic has-been after that, but eventually puts aside his differences with Jimmy and joins him as the first male-male, ice skating pairs team. He uses profanity and drinks. JON HEDER plays his main competitor, a pretty boy who similarly is banned, but then joins his former rival. Something of a nerd, he awkwardly falls for Katie. WILL ARNETT and AMY POEHLER play sibling skating partners who are upset with Chazz and Jimmy entering their field, and will do anything to undermine their efforts. They also put a guilt trip on Katie (over their parents' deaths in a car accident) to make her do things for them, including attempting to sleep with Chazz (although that doesn't happen). JENNA FISCHER plays that sister who's coerced by them - through guilt -- into doing various nefarious things for them, including acting as if she's a sex addict to try to lure in Chazz and thus destroy Jimmy's heart after he falls for her. WILLIAM FICHTNER plays Jimmy's billionaire, adoptive father who disowns him once he realizes he can't attain additional fame or fortune from him following his skating ban. CRAIG T. NELSON plays Jimmy's coach who reluctantly agrees to coach him and Chazz as a pairs team. He uses profanity. ROMANY MALCO plays the flamboyant choreographer hired by the Coach to whip Chazz and Jimmy into a competitive team. NICK SWARDSON plays Jimmy's number one fan, a stalker who comes up with the idea regarding how to get his idol back into skating. His obsession with Jimmy has sexual undertones. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here's a quick look at the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity consists of at least 7 "s" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered. All sorts of comedy-based sexually related dialogue and humor are present, including various gestures and other such behavior, and material involving sexual addiction. Scantly clad men and women are seen, while a man briefly fondles a woman's covered breasts. Violence includes an accidental decapitation via an ice skate blade (seen from a distance and played for laughs, but we still see the head come off), various instances of comedy-based fighting, a person shooting a crossbow into a costumed character (later seen alive), and some slapstick style material. Beyond that decapitation, some of the other violence has bloody results, while various instances of crude humor also occur. Various characters drink, and one is noted as being an alcoholic in one sequence, while some drug-related comments are also made. All sorts of potentially imitative behavior is present, as are various comedy-based bad attitudes, including some related to tense family material. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those prone to visually induced motion sickness, there are varying amounts of camera movement in the film, including various spin-around camera shots (such as where the person seems stationary and the background spins around behind them). ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE About something Jimmy brings up, Chazz says he was on Quaaludes and doesn't remember anything. About something non-drug related Jimmy has said, Chazz tells him, "You're high." Darren has a drink. Years after being banned from the sport, Chazz works as a costumed character (in an ice skating show for families), but he's disgruntled and has become an alcoholic. We see him drink before performing and throw his bottle down. Later, his assistant accuses him of getting stoned with the woodland fairies (other characters in the show). He drinks then, and then again straight from a liquor bottle after being asked if he's drunk (with him stating, "This will do it"). When someone tells Chazz he doesn't see what's so funny, Chazz replies he would if they were drunk like him. Chazz repeats lyrics from a Black Eyed Peas' song including the woman's part of saying she'll get a person drunk, drunk off her lady humps, adding, "My hump, my humps, my lovely lady lumps." After a skating routine, Chazz grabs a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket. When Chazz shows Jimmy his latest tattoo (of Jimmy), the latter asks if the former was drunk when he got it, and Chazz replies, "Absolutely." BLOOD/GORE Chazz and Jimmy have little bits of blood on their faces following a fight. While an alcoholic, Chazz is told he smells like urine, and he asks, "A lot?" Chazz is drunk while performing in his costume and drinks inside it, but then vomits. We hear but don't see the act, although we do see some vomit around his mouth. He then vomits again (heard) and then a third time (partially seen). We see an inmate pull down his pants and sit on a toilet in a jail's holding cell (we don't see or hear any related activity, but do briefly see the side of his bare butt). Jimmy has some dried blood on his face from a previous fight with Chazz. Among the things Coach says Chazz and Jimmy are going to do together, one of them is pee (never seen). Jimmy's chest is a little bloody after sliding bare-chested across some ice. We see videotape of Coach's revolutionary skating move that ends with the male skater accidentally decapitating his female partner with his skate. This is seen from a distance, but we see the head come off and then be on the ice, along with some blood. Chazz states that his urine smelled like marshmallows. Acting as a cabbie, Stranz turns and whacks Chazz on the head, knocking him out, and leaving a bruise on his forehead. Fairchild drags Jimmy into a public restroom and handcuffs him to a bar in a stall. Desperate to free himself and seeing the key to the cuffs on a roll of now unrolled toilet paper, he uses his head and then mouth to pull that roll near him (with all sorts of nasty things on the paper, such as a used bandage, cigarette butt, and such). About a performance he's just witnessed, an announcer states that he's just wet his pants (not seen). DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE All of the following is played for intended comedy. Chazz is brash, egotistical, and condescending toward Jimmy (and others). About something, Chazz states, "That is retarded." Realizing he can no longer attain additional fame or fortune through his adoptive son, Darren disowns Jimmy, making him get out of the limo in the middle of snowy nowhere. Years after being banned from the sport, Chazz works as a costumed character (in an ice skating show for families), but he's disgruntled and has become an alcoholic. Despite giving him helpful advice, Hector the stalker tells Jimmy (upon leaving), "I'm still going to kill you some day." About her new competition, Fairchild states that she wants to hold them down and skate over their throats. Fairchild lays a guilt trip on Katie about their parents' earlier deaths, saying they were Katie's fault. Stranz and Fairchild want to cheat any way possible to win and undermine Chazz and Jimmy's efforts. Chazz says his treasured hairbrush is made from illegal whale bone. Under pressure from her siblings, Katie secretly videotapes Chazz and Jimmy's practice sessions. About the men appearing as the first male-male pair, a person asks if figure skating wasn't gay enough already, while a male hot dog vendor shows two hot dogs in one bun, asking if that looks right. Chazz playfully slaps a woman on her clothed behind. Coach uses the term "ladies" in a coaching fashion toward Chazz and Jimmy. Fairchild tells Katie they just want her to have sex with Chazz (to ruin his pairing with Jimmy), but Katie says she won't (she eventually relents based on their pressure, although she ultimately doesn't sleep with him). Fairchild drags Jimmy into a public restroom and handcuffs him to a bar in a stall. Stranz pushes a little girl aside and then fires a crossbow at Chazz. The arrow misses him, but strikes a costumed mascot in his oversized head, sending him to the floor, seemingly dead (he's later seen alive). Stranz and Fairchild do a skating bit dressed as JFK and Marilyn Monroe, with the latter taking many overdose pills during the routine (some viewers might not like the film playing that as comedy). Fairchild purposefully spills her necklace beads onto the ice during Chazz and Jimmy's performance, thus causing Chazz to run over one and apparently break his ankle (or so he says and reacts accordingly). FRIGHTENING SCENES During a performance, Jimmy and Chazz do a dangerous move (that previously resulted in a decapitation with another skating pair) where Jimmy's skate blade barely misses Chazz's neck (played for laughs). GUNS/WEAPONS Chazz gestures with his hands as if they're guns that he holsters (during a performance). Stranz fires a crossbow at Chazz. The arrow misses him, but strikes a costumed mascot in his oversized head, sending him to the floor, seemingly dead (he's later seen alive). Moments later, he nearly shoots at Chazz again. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Bullsh*t," "I don't share sh*t," "It scared the sh*t out of..." "Bat-sh*t," "He is sex on ice," "Sex tornado," "That, young man, is how babies are made," "You have officially given me a boner," "I'm the rug master," "I'm stronger and don't have a vagina," "You're flat in the front like Ken," "You tapped that?" "Snow bone," "Carve up any ice with your wiener?" "Nothing breaks up a team faster than...herpes," "You sex demon," "You sex fiend," "Think of it like a boob handshake," "Somebody got busy in a big way," "They put the bone in Zamboni," "She is not a whore," "Circ-du-so-lame," "Shut up," "Step aside, home-school," "That is retarded," "That sucks," "Who the hell is..." "Your hair rocks," "It's embarrassing stalking a has-been," "Ball" (testicle), "Like a cruel bitch mother," "Are you trying to skater poach?" "Zip it," "You douche," "In your crap-lousy face," "Princess" (for a guy), "Bring it on" (followed by "It is on"), "Mind-bottling," "You know damn well," "Freaks," "Moron," "You're gonna pee together," "You bet your ass it does," "Chick," "Fat ass," "What the hell?" (written), "Bitch" (man), "Straight from hell," "Me likey," "Ice blows," "Ass-crack," "Turd face," "Hell-bent," "You ass," "Crazy bastard," "Oh crap," "A real asshole," "Time for a little Chazzle-dazzle," "Get his ass down here," "Where the hell you been?" "Let's kick some ice" and "What the hell are they doing?" The various skating moves (including sexually-based ones), goofy behavior, and more may be enticing for some kids to try to imitate. About something non-drug related Jimmy has said, Chazz tells him, "You're high." Chazz sports various tattoos, as do some miscellaneous characters. To prove how tough he is, Chazz slides barefoot across the ice. To counter that, Jimmy strips down to just his briefs and ice skates, and then slides across the ice face-down. After crashing into some boxes, he gets up and has little bloody cuts on his chest and belly from the ice friction. Jimmy and Chazz each give "the finger" to the other. Chazz playfully slaps a woman on her clothed behind. Chazz gives "the finger" to Stranz. Stranz chases Chazz on ice skates, but when the two get off the ice, they struggle to maneuver on those blades (played for big laughs, thus potentially making it even more enticing to emulate). To get down to the ice before a disqualification deadline, Chazz whips his jockstrap out of his pants, puts it over a taut line, and then zips down from an upper deck, with his ice skates hitting many people on the head, etc. on the way down. Fairchild purposefully spills her necklace beads onto the ice during Chazz and Jimmy's performance, thus causing Chazz to run over one and apparently break his ankle (or so he says and reacts accordingly). JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A tiny bit of comedy-based suspenseful music plays in the film. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) Chazz repeats lyrics from a Black Eyed Peas' song including the woman's part of saying she'll get a person drunk, drunk off her lady humps, adding, "My hump, my humps, my lovely lady lumps." A song repeats use of the word "sucker." PROFANITY At least 7 "s" words, 4 slang terms for sex ("bone," "get busy" and "tapped"), 3 using male genitals ("bone," "dongs" and "wiener"), 2 for breasts ("boob" and "jugs"), 12 asses (1 used with "hole"), 9 damns, 7 hells (1 written), 2 craps, 1 S.O.B., 4 uses of "Oh my God," 2 of "God" and 1 use each of "G-damn," "For God's sakes," "Oh God," "Swear to God" and "Sweet Jesus." SEX/NUDITY All of the following is played for intended comedy. Chazz does various sexually related moves on the ice while competing, including grabbing his clothed crotch, and doing various pelvic thrusts (including moving his arms back and forth). A commentator states that Chazz is sex on ice and that he wants to make love to the crowd. We see a woman in her bra or bikini top as she throws her shirt to him. About Chazz, it's then said that something is like a stack of Europorn, that he's a sex tornado, and that he won an adult film award (we briefly see the cover of the DVD showing him with several women -- nothing explicit, but we didn't note the title or related wording). He then makes a comment about having been a 9-year-old with a 35-year-old woman, and that he wrote poetry, including the title of "Let me put my poem in you" (or something close to that). When he comes off the ice (after the above sexually tinged performance), he tells Jimmy, "That, young man, is how babies are made." He then asks the crowd if it was good for them, says it was for him, and the invites them to have a smoke (we don't see any of the latter). Chazz asks Nancy Kerrigan if she's an official, adding that she's "officially given me a boner." He then adds that he's a sex addict, and that it's his cross to bear. Backstage, we see Chazz with his arms around two women on a sofa, one of whom he passionately kisses, while we see other miscellaneous making out in the same room. While intoxicated, Chazz talks of some man who had a "third ball." Chazz admits again that he's a sex addict. We see an inmate pull down his pants and sit on a toilet in a jail's holding cell (we don't see or hear any related activity, but do briefly see the side of his bare butt). Coach sarcastically asks Chazz if he's satisfied with those $15 hookers (not seen), with Chazz replying he's never satisfied. Fairchild shows some cleavage. Stranz lies provocatively (clothed) on a bear skin rug. Commenting on regular carpet and to counter what Jimmy has just stated, Chazz says, "I'm the rug master" (presumed innuendo). About who's going to be the "female" in their skating pairing, Chazz says he should be the man because he's stronger and doesn't have a vagina. He then says that Jimmy is flat in the front (meaning his crotch) just like Ken (the doll). To prove how tough he is, Jimmy strips down to just his briefs and ice skates, and then slides across the ice face-down. Chazz repeats lyrics from a Black Eyed Peas' song including the woman's part of saying she'll get a person drunk, drunk off her lady humps, adding, "My hump, my humps, my lovely lady lumps." About the men appearing as the first male-male pair, a person asks if figure skating wasn't gay enough already, while a male hot dog vendor shows two hot dogs in one bun, asking if that looks right. During their ice skating routine, Jimmy and Chazz adversely react to the following: Chazz having his hand on Jimmy's crotch while lifting him in the air; both having the other's crotch in their face during a "69" hold; and Chazz having his crotch to Jimmy's butt while holding and spinning him around. The two end the routine by sliding and crashing into each other, crotch first. Chazz playfully slaps a woman on her clothed behind. We see Chazz in just a low-riding towel, showing off his less than toned body. While showing Jimmy his tattoos (all based on past sexual experiences with female skaters), he lowers that towel even more, although we don't ever see anything explicit. About one involving Michelle Kwan, Jimmy asks, "You tapped that?" and Chazz replies, "Sure did." About another skater, Chazz says she was colder than dry ice. Chazz places a call to Katie from a hesitant Jimmy, and then coaches Jimmy about what to say, while Stranz and Fairchild do the same to Katie (for the same end result -- sex -- but for different reasons). Katie says she just came out of the shower, and when Jimmy repeats that to Chazz, he says, "Me likey." All sorts of innuendo then follows, including bits about squat thrusts (with Chazz doing some clothed pelvic thrusts), burning thighs, putting cream on them, and Fairchild repeating "snow bone" when Katie and Jimmy agree to meet for snow cones. Katie then says something will give her time "to get my jugs waxed." When asked what they have that other pairs teams don't, Chazz says, "Twin dongs." Jimmy's skate accidentally slices Chazz's pants along his inner thigh. Chazz comments on his "nut sack" and tells Jimmy to be careful because, unlike him, "I use these things." Katie wears a short skirt on a date with Jimmy where they eventually but awkwardly make out. Before that, he tells her that he was circumcised at the age of nine to reduce wind resistance. About his date with Katie, Chazz asks Jimmy, "Carve up any ice with your wiener?" When Fairchild starts to say, "Nothing breaks up a team faster than..." Stranz chimes in "herpes." She then tells Katie they just want her to have sex with Chazz, but Katie says she won't (she eventually relents based on their pressure, although she ultimately doesn't sleep with him). We see a woman (sporting lots of cleavage) becoming aroused by Chazz at a sex addicts anonymous meeting (where the scene starts with a close-up of a basket of condoms in their packaging), including when he talks of nakedness, canola oil, and a monkey trained to run a video camera. Katie then shows up, awkwardly states that she's a sex addict, and was late because she was having sex (adding "a lot" - but reluctantly lying on both counts). This draws Chazz's interest. After class, the instructor tells various couples to break it up (one couple is making out, while a guy pops up from behind some bushes and zips up). Later, as Chazz walks toward Katie's place, he repeats sex addicts anonymous motivational sayings, including that he won't sleep with another man's girlfriend and that masturbation is the most sensible solution. Katie then answers the door wearing lingerie (sporting cleavage, garters, fishnet stockings, and such). She awkwardly encourages him to join her on the bed and he reluctantly does so (since he's torn between finding her alluring and knowing that Jimmy is interested in her). He then suddenly cups her clothed breasts with his hands, but nothing else happens. However, Jimmy arrives right then and sees that, accusing Chazz of being a "sex demon" and a "sex fiend" before rushing off. Later, as Chazz tries to explain to Jimmy what happened (over the phone), he says to think of what Jimmy saw as being "like a boob handshake." We see Chazz in just a shirt and his briefs. Referring to his belief that Katie slept with Chazz, Stranz says, "Somebody got busy in a big way," referring to her bed as the scene of the crime. She says she didn't have sex with him, with Stranz then referring to it as "made love." While cuffing Jimmy to a bathroom stall, Fairchild complains that if Katie had done her job, she would have slept with Chazz. We briefly see Fairchild's leotard-covered crotch during a performance (not in close-up). Chazz yells out to Jimmy (in front of a large audience) that he didn't sleep with Katie (and thus she isn't a "whore"), and that they didn't even get to second base (although, after thinking about it for a moment, he guesses they actually did). He then comments that what he felt in his pants was weird and wrong. Real-life skater Sasha Cohen picks up Chazz's discarded jockstrap and takes a big, appreciate whiff of it. Finally feeling lose, Jimmy improvises on the ice and does a few pelvic thrusts and flicks of his tongue during a routine. Referring to their on-ice sexuality, a commentator states that Chazz and Jimmy "put the bone in Zamboni." Tending to Chazz's apparently broken ankle, a buxom paramedic (who shows a lot of cleavage) says she'll have to take off his pants, with him replying to start at the crotch as that's a better access point (his pants don't come off in the scene). Jimmy and Katie do some passionate kissing and she says he's been practicing. Jimmy then says that Chazz taught him things, making Katie give him a second look (a gay-related joke regarding the inference). Stranz and Fairchild slap each other, and then suddenly and passionately kiss (they're siblings). Hector announces that he wants to wear Jimmy's gold medal, adding "Naked." SMOKING There isn't any actual use, but after a sexually tinged performance on the ice, Chazz asks the crowd if it was good for them, says it was for him, and the invites them to have a smoke (we don't see any of the latter). There's also talk of Chazz running cigarettes or something along those lines during his younger days. TENSE FAMILY SCENES All of the following is played for intended comedy. We hear that Stranz and Fairchild's parents died in a car wreck in the past (we briefly see a photo of the smashed car). Realizing he can no longer attain additional fame or fortune through his adoptive son, Darren disowns Jimmy, making him get out of the limo in the middle of snowy nowhere. Fairchild lays a guilt trip on Katie about their parents' earlier deaths, saying they were Katie's fault. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Ice skating. How the public and press would react to such a male-male pairing. Sex addiction. Alcoholism (played here for laughs). VIOLENCE All of the following is played for intended comedy. A guard grabs Hector around the neck to get him away from Jimmy. While standing on the medal platform, Chazz and Jimmy start bumping and slightly pushing each other, resulting in Chazz falling off. He then trips Jimmy, the two struggle, a punch or two is thrown, and a free-standing torch is knocked over and catches a costumed character on fire. Chazz and Jimmy get into another fight where they struggle and then end up tossing each other aside. To prove how tough he is, Jimmy strips down to just his briefs and ice skates, and then slides across the ice face-down. After crashing into some boxes, he gets up and has little bloody cuts on his chest and belly from the ice friction. During practice, Jimmy accidentally goes flying off into some crates. Later, while stretching foot to foot with their legs spread, Jimmy accidentally kicks Chazz in the crotch. Later, Chazz purposefully does the same back to Jimmy. During their ice skating routine, Chazz accidentally tosses Jimmy too hard, sending him crashing hard into the rink wall. Chazz and Jimmy end an ice skating routine by sliding and crashing into each other, crotch first. We see videotape of Coach's revolutionary skating move that ends with the male skater accidentally decapitating his female partner with his skate. This is seen from a distance, but we see the head come off and then be on the ice, along with some blood. Jimmy's skate accidentally slices Chazz's pants along his inner thigh. While practicing Coach's dangerous skate move, Chazz accidentally lops off many mannequin heads with his skate. Acting as a cabbie, Stranz turns and whacks Chazz on the head, knocking him out, and leaving a bruise on his forehead. Fairchild drags Jimmy into a public restroom and handcuffs him to a bar in a stall. Stranz pushes a little girl aside and then fires a crossbow at Chazz. The arrow misses him, but strikes a costumed mascot in his oversized head, sending him to the floor, seemingly dead (he's later seen alive). Chazz falls down some outside steps to the snow and then dives over something to avoid Stranz shooting him with a crossbow from behind (we see that he's landed on and broken through a frozen body of water -- but is later seen okay). To get down to the ice before a disqualification deadline, Chazz whips his jockstrap out of his pants, puts it over a taut line, and then zips down from an upper deck, with his ice skates hitting many people on the head, etc. on the way down. Fairchild purposefully spills her necklace beads onto the ice during Chazz and Jimmy's performance, thus causing Chazz to run over one and apparently break his ankle (or so he says and reacts accordingly). Stranz and Fairchild slap each other, and then suddenly and passionately kiss (they're siblings). Reviewed March 27, 2007 / Posted March 30, 2007

Other new and recent reviews include:

Privacy Statement and Terms of Use and Disclaimer
By entering this site you acknowledge to having read and agreed to the above conditions.

All Rights Reserved,
©1996-2016 Screen It, Inc.