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Tell Others About This Page By Using This Button "THE BENCHWARMERS" (2006) (Rob Schneider, David Spade) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Moderate Heavy Minor None Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Heavy None None None Moderate Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Heavy Minor Minor Moderate Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: Three adult friends take on a bunch of little league bullies in baseball games while representing all of the kids who've ever been picked on by others. PLOT: Gus (ROB SCHNEIDER), Richie (DAVID SPADE) and Clark (JON HEDER) are three guys who were once the picked on students at school. Gus, a landscaper, has grown out of his nerdy ways and is married to Liz (MOLLY SIMMS) who wants to get pregnant, but video store clerk Richie and paperboy Clark are still social misfits, much like Richie's reclusive brother Howie (NICK SWARDSON) who lives in a closet at home. When Gus stands up for nerdy kid Nelson (MAX PRADO) who's being abused by some little league bullies, and then takes the field with his less than physically adept friends to play ball against them, little does he know what's in store for him and his buddies. For Nelson's father is nerd turned billionaire Mel (JON LOVITZ) who has come up with an idea. He arranges for Gus and his friends to take on the little league teams -- coached by the likes of Jerry (CRAIG KILBORN), Wayne (TIM MEADOWS), Brad (SEAN SALISBURY) and Karl (BILL ROMANOWSKI) -- in a tournament titled "Mel's Tournament of Little Baseballers and Three Older Guys" where the winners will get a brand new, state of the art baseball stadium. As the tournament begins and the trio starts winning every game, their following grows, including pizza joint salad girl Sarah (ERINN BARTLETT) who takes a liking to Richie. With the championship approaching, the men try to make up for what they missed earlier in their childhoods. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're into baseball or are fans of someone in the cast, they just might. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 For crude and suggestive humor, and for language. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: ROB SCHNEIDER plays a landscaper who hates seeing kids bullied and thus accepts Mel's proposition to head up a small squad to play little league teams while representing all kids who've been bullied in the past. Reluctant to get his wife pregnant, he spends most of his free time playing ball, and uses some profanity. DAVID SPADE plays his friend, a video store clerk who's never matured into a full-fledged adult, but finds himself drawn to Sarah. JON HEDER plays their dimwitted and even less socially developed friend, a newspaper delivery guy who's a spaz at most anything he tries. JON LOVITZ plays a former nerd turned billionaire who convinces the three friends to play for all of the kids who either have served as benchwarmers or been picked on in the past. A bit eccentric, he has all sorts of grown-up toys based on childhood sources. MAX PRADO plays his son who's bullied by other kids. MOLLY SIMMS plays Gus' wife who's obsessed with getting pregnant. ERINN BARTLETT plays the salad girl at the local pizza joint who's attracted to Richie. CRAIG KILBORN plays the father of one of the bullies and coach of their team who's demeaning to the three friends and their quest. TIM MEADOWS plays another coach who bribes an ump to let an adult ringer play on his team. NICK SWARDSON plays Richie's reclusive brother who spends most of his time living in a small closet, afraid of the outdoors and especially sunlight. SEAN SALISBURY and BILL ROMANOWSKI play other coaches who aren't nice to the trio. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here's a brief summary of the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity consists of at least 4 "s" words, while other expletives (including slang using body parts) and many colorful phrases are uttered. Sexually related dialogue is present, including that involving a wife wishing to get pregnant, while a running gag has a gay man (sometimes shirtless or in a small bathing suit) hanging around a coach and others. Violence consists of a great deal of slapstick material (people being hit by various things by accident, falling, etc.), with other physical contact and some bullying taking place. That behavior and other material may be enticing for some kids to imitate, while various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes. All sorts of crude and scatological material is present (including vomiting scenes), an adult has a drinking problem and drinks to the point of intoxication during a game, while some brief smoking occurs. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those prone to visually induced motion sickness, there's some handheld camera work that's shaky and/or moves about. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE A guy has a beer by him. An adult baseball ringer drinks beer and says he needs a refill. Another person says that man needs to go to an AA meeting. After that guy's allowed to play on the little league team, Richie tells his brother to go out and buy beer and tequila for the ringer. Howie does that and we then see many scenes of the ringer drinking beer and hard liquor, including during the game as he's pitching. He then gets progressively intoxicated while doing so. Some men playing poker have beer in front of them. BLOOD/GORE Gross out/Crude material includes the following: Clark picks his nose in various scenes. In one, he asks Gus what he should do with the "booger" and Gus says to flick it away. Instead, Clark bites into and eats half of it. Some boys on a baseball team have bad attitudes toward Nelson and his two friends, bullying them off the field. One kid shoves Nelson to the ground and another then squats over his face (with his pants on) and lets loose a stream of wet-sounding farts (that the other kids refer to and chant out as "beef stew"). When Gus chases those kids away, Nelson says that it didn't taste half as bad as you think and Clark (being oblivious) says he loves beef stew. Clark says he's never had apple pie as his mom said it would cause him to have diarrhea. Gus says he should try it once, with Clark replying, "Diarrhea?" When a kid says it's time for the adults to meet their maker (in a sports way), Clark replies, "Maker of what? Poop?" Nelson squats over a recently stunned bully's face and loudly farts (as payback for the kid earlier doing the same to him). Howie hands a two-liter bottle of yellow liquid to Richie from his closet. Clark wonders if it's apple juice and Richie says no (it's urine). Mel says that his son is quite the fart magnet and that the other kids put animal turds on him. A comment is made about a "t*tty twister" and Mel then pulls up his shirt to reveal his bare chest and purple (bruised) nipples. Richie says he's going to "puke" from accidentally being hit in the crotch and we hear him do just that. We see some sort of excrement on Nelson's face, with Mel wondering if it's dog or cat. Clark then smells it and says it's goat. Referring to what the guys did as nerdy kids, Mel says, "You sat when you peed," and then remembers that it was he who did that. Nelson refers to a website called please stop the sh*t-tossing dot-com. Clark says he destroyed a porta-potty, but adds that he feels better. We then see a guy step out of it, react to the smell and vomit a lot. After ringing a doorbell and running off, Clark tries to hide in some nearby shrubs, but his farting gives away his location. We see Gus in just a towel while shaving, while his wife is in the shower (she peeks out, but we don't see anything). He then joins her, saying to make room since he has to "take a leak." We then hear him doing that, with Liz saying he wasn't kidding. When Mel announces that they must play on the road for a few days, Clark wonders if he needs to get a note from his mother. Richie jokes that he does, but only to change his diaper, saying that it's been several days. A fly ball lands in Clark's glove where he was holding a large insect. He then picks up the ball, notes the smashed bug guts on it, and then eats some of them. An intoxicated adult ringer vomits a lot on Wayne. Gus states that he needs to "take a leak" and we then see and hear him doing that at an automated urinal that tells him it's analyzing his urine (we hear but don't see the urination). DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Some boys on a baseball team have bad attitudes toward Nelson and his two friends, bullying them off the field. One kid shoves Nelson to the ground and another then squats over his face (with his pants on) and lets loose a stream of wet-sounding farts (that the other kids refer to and chant out as "beef stew"). When Gus chases those kids away, Nelson says that it didn't taste half as bad as you think and Clark (being oblivious) says he loves beef stew. Clark says he never played baseball, as other kids would spit loogies on him. Richie tells a chubby kid catcher, "You're still fat." Jerry is demeaning to the three guys, continuing to call them childhood taunt names (as well as terms such as "retards"). To get back at Jerry for calling them names, Gus says, "Nice to meet you, fairy Jerry" and Richie then mentions something about fairy dust. A man refers to the three friends as the "three muskequeers." An opposing coach refers to the three friends with the adjectives "retard," "midget" and "gay." Clark accidentally lets his baseball bat fly and it hits a tree, dropping three squirrels. Another crashes through a coach's windshield, prompting the coach's team to rush, tackle and pile on Clark (with the coach saying, "Snap his femur"). Reggie Jackson shows the guys how to drill for playing baseball, with the first step being running up, ringing someone's doorbell, and then running away. The next is driving along and using a baseball bat to smash people's mailboxes (he does that, as does Gus, but Richie hits a post instead -- causing a strong vibration in the bat -- and Clark ends up hitting himself). We see a guy at Brad's door in just a small bathing suit, thus implying that Brad and that man are gay. Similar running gag material about that homosexuality then occasionally continues through the film. That includes the shirtless gay man in the backseat of a vehicle asking two clothed men in the front who wants to wrestle, the gay guy lying in a kiddie pool, and that gay man and another man making eyes at each other at a pizza joint. Howie chases away some girl scouts (he's just as scared as they are), grabs the cookies they're selling and runs back to the safety of his closet. Gus lies to his wife about why he's going out of town (saying it's work related when it's really to play baseball). Wayne uses an adult ringer to pose as a 12-year-old boy on the team (the ump allows this after receiving a bribe). An adult ringer knocks down a teammate (a kid) to catch a pop fly. An adult ringer purposefully steps down onto Gus's pitching hand to injure it (we see some red marks on it afterwards). We hear that Gus was a bully back when he was a kid (verbal and mental bullying rather than physical). He then goes and apologizes to a small person he formerly taunted years ago in school. A guy calls out "homo" from the stands (toward the players) and when he spots a small person out there, he calls him "Yoda" and "Midget boy." Another comment is made to that person about driving home safely on the "yellow brick road." After seeing Gus pick up a little person, a formerly obnoxious fan says he wants one too. Another man then hands him a small person that he then holds like a baby (then and later). FRIGHTENING SCENES Kids who've been bullied might find similar scenes here unsettling, but they're mostly played for comedy. GUNS/WEAPONS None. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "White sh*t," "You think you're hot sh*t," "Sh*t-tossing," "Oh sh*t," "T*tty twister," "Men t*tties," "God, he's a d*ck," "Losers," "You suck," "Later, fart-face," "Frickin,'" "Awesome," "You're a pig," "Alright, daytime Emmy," "Dangit," "You douche-bags," "So go, ho," "What is this, children of the corn?" "Alright, you cocky jerks," "Sit down spaz," "You're still fat," "You're going down shorty," "Son of Satan," "What an idiot," "Chumps," "You cuckoo," "(Salad) Chick," "Balls" (testicles), "Clark the dork," "Richie bitchy," "Retards," "Dingleberries," "Kick your ass," "Fairy Jerry," "Shut up," "Quite the fart magnet," "Turd," an incomplete "What the..." "Clowns," "Eat me," "You tools," "She men," "Suck it," "Purple nuts" (testicles), "Wussies," "Midget," "Dude," "That was radical," "Holy crap," "Nerd," "Geeks," "Let's kick some hairless ass," "You are nuts," "Who the hell is it?" "Move your ass," "Bring it, dork," "Be-atch," "This is music to my ear hair," "Bad ass," "A bunch of turd nuggets," "I'm freaking awesome," "What the hell is that?" "You're a freak," "Ass kicker" (written), "What a moron," "Kicks ass," "Who the hell's this guy?" "Hell no," "Weird guy," "Can you believe this crap?" "That little puke," "Looney bin," "Gotta take a leak," "Jerk," "If you build it, nerds will come," "Homo," "Midget boy," "Yoda" (for a small person), "Stinkweeds" and "I suck at social studies." Some kids may be enticed to imitate some of the slapstick material listed under "Violence." Clark picks his nose in various scenes. In one, he asks Gus what he should do with the "booger" and Gus says to flick it away. Instead, Clark bites into and eats half of it. Some boys on a baseball team have bad attitudes toward Nelson and his two friends, bullying them off the field. One kid shoves Nelson to the ground and another then squats over his face (with his pants on) and lets loose a stream of wet-sounding farts (that the other kids refer to and chant out as "beef stew"). Richie's senior citizen coworker angrily gives him "the finger." To get back at Jerry for calling them names, Gus says, "Nice to meet you, fairy Jerry" and Richie then mentions something about fairy dust. Throughout the film various men or boys give others or themselves "t*tty twisters" (through their shirts and done with their fingers). A man refers to the three friends as the "three muskequeers." A kid with a bad lisp spits (in spray form) when he talks (he says his name is Sammy Sprinkler). To make him feel better, Gus then spits when he talks to him and then continues that when he talks to his wife. Reggie Jackson breaks a baseball bat over his knee. Reggie Jackson shows the guys how to drill for playing baseball, with the first step being running up, ringing someone's doorbell, and then running away. The next is driving along and using a baseball bat to smash people's mailboxes (he does that, as does Gus, but Richie hits a post instead -- causing a strong vibration in the bat -- and Clark ends up hitting himself). The third is catching hot potatoes straight from the oven. But when Clark catches his, he won't let go, thus burning his hand. He eventually flings it away, causing it to break through a window and hit a robot that's mowing the grass, causing it to run over a sleeping dog (but it only shaves away the fur on one side of its body). Richie races toward home plate, but the catcher stands in his way. Imagining the boy's head as a mailbox, Richie leaps in the air and drives his foot into that box (really the boy's catcher's mask), knocking him backwards. When Sarah surprises him at the store, Richie accidentally spits out whatever beverage is in his mouth (a spit-take). An egg or something similar hits a bus window, followed by one hitting Howie and then another player being pelted with many. As Gus heads from second to third base, an opposing player (a kid) pulls down his pants to slow him down. Gus then does the same to him, hikes up his own and heads for home plate (no nudity for either). We see some shirtless guys with letters painted on their chests (to spell out a word). An adult ringer purposefully steps down onto Gus's pitching hand to injure it (we see some red marks on it afterwards). We see Howie eating sun block from a tube (and then see him doing so again in another scene). An adult ringer belches several times (from drinking). We see two high school students dressed in standard Goth attire. Gus and his friends grab Jerry and attach the top of his underwear to a fence, thus giving him a "wedgie" when they let go. JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) None. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) None. PROFANITY At least 4 "s" words, 2 slang terms using male genitals ("d*ck" and "peepee"), 3 for breasts (variations of "t*tty"), 9 asses, 6 hells, 4 craps, 1 damn and 6 uses of "Oh my God." SEX/NUDITY A woman is mad at Richie for suggesting a video rental that had a lame story and a bunch of lesbian sex scenes. When he then suggests another, she asks if it has lesbian sex scenes and he says it has two. Liz tells Richie that if they conceive this month they could have a January baby. She then tells him that her ovulation peaks at six that night. When Richie mentions steroids, Clark asks what they are. Richie replies they're something that makes your "peepee" smaller, prompting Clark to say they must be in macaroni. A comment is made about a "t*tty twister" and Mel then pulls up his shirt to reveal his bare chest and purple (bruised) nipples. Liz shows some cleavage. Liz is upset that Gus wasn't home at the peak of her ovulation, with him then asking what time zone she was referring to and then asks don't you ovulate from the time zone in which you were born. Gus says that his wife is the only one who gets to twist his "man t*ts." Gus gets into bed wearing just his boxers and his wife (in a sexy nightgown) seems ready for sex (just to get pregnant), but he's not in the mood. She then says she can't do this (get pregnant) by herself. He replies that he hopes not as that would make her a hermaphrodite. We see a guy at Brad's door in just a small bathing suit, thus implying that Brad and that man are gay. Similar running gag material about that homosexuality then occasionally continues through the film. That includes the shirtless gay man in the backseat of a vehicle asking two clothed men in the front who wants to wrestle, the gay guy lying in a kiddie pool, and that gay man and another man making eyes at each other at a pizza joint. A kid taunts Richie that he's probably a 39-year-old virgin, adding that shouldn't he be home blowing up a doll as "that's the only action you'll get." We see Gus in just a towel while shaving, while his wife is in the shower (she peeks out, but we don't see anything). He then joins her, saying to make room since he has to "take a leak." We then hear him doing that, with Liz saying he wasn't kidding. As Gus heads from second to third base, an opposing player (a kid) pulls down his pants to slow him down. Gus then does the same to him, hikes up his own and heads for home plate (no nudity for either). We see some shirtless guys with letters painted on their chests (to spell out a word). We see Clark kissing model/actress Rachel Hunter, while Richie kisses Sarah. Gus hears that Liz is pregnant and he announces that to everyone, adding that the reason she's pregnant is because he went all of the way with her. Howie then asks what that means, and when he's told (whispered in his ear), he reactively squirts sun block out of a tube (like an ejaculation). SMOKING An adult ringer smokes and then puts out the cigarette on his tongue. A guy holds an unlit cigar. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Liz is upset that Gus wasn't home at the peak of her ovulation, with him then asking what time zone she was referring to and then asks don't you ovulate from the time zone in which you were born. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Bullies. Nerdy kids and how others treat them. Couples trying to get pregnant (there's talk of ovulation here). When Liz says she can't get pregnant by herself, Gus replies that he hopes not as that would make her a hermaphrodite. Homosexuality. The comment that life's about learning lessons. The comment that life is too short to harbor hatred. The fact that the bully team allows the "nerdy" kids to score some runs so that they're not shut out. VIOLENCE All of the following is played for juvenile and sophomoric laughs. Some boys on a baseball team have bad attitudes toward Nelson and his two friends, bullying them off the field. One kid shoves Nelson to the ground and another then squats over his face (with his pants on) and lets loose a stream of wet-sounding farts (that the other kids refer to and chant out as "beef stew"). Richie tries to pitch the ball, but it goes up in the air and lands on his head. Clark accidentally hits himself on the head with the bat. Clark jumps up and hits the top of his head on a fence. Gus hits a line drive that whacks a kid in the chest, knocking him to the ground, stunning him. Gus runs around the bases, while Nelson squats over the kid's face and loudly farts (as payback for the kid earlier doing the same to him). Throughout the film various men or boys give others or themselves "t*tty twisters" (through their shirts and done with their fingers). A sporting goods store employee (and baseball coach) is mad and punches the head off a mannequin. Clark throws a rock to try to get Gus's attention while he's mowing. But his mower then goes over the rock and shoots it out to Richie's crotch at high velocity, bending him over in pain. While batting, Clark swings and accidentally lets go of the bat that flies through the air and hits a person. Clark accidentally lets his baseball bat fly and it hits a tree, dropping three squirrels. Another crashes through a coach's windshield, prompting the coach's team to rush, tackle and pile on Clark (with the coach saying, "Snap his femur"). Various hard pitches from Gus knock Richie (as the catcher) back, hit him or otherwise cause him some pain. A hit baseball knocks a kid from the scoreboard stand (we don't see the impact on the ground below). A baseball hits Clark on the head, with another striking him in the gut. When he tries to catch a pop fly, he runs through the outfield fence, knocking down one panel. Reggie Jackson breaks a baseball bat over his knee. After ringing a doorbell and running off, Clark tries to hide in some nearby shrubs, but his farting gives away his location and the owner dives into the bushes to attack him. Reggie Jackson shows the guys how to drill for playing baseball, including driving along and using a baseball bat to smash people's mailboxes (he does that, as does Gus, but Richie hits a post instead -- causing a strong vibration in the bat -- and Clark ends up hitting himself). Another is catching hot potatoes straight from the oven. But when Clark catches his, he won't let go, thus burning his hand. He eventually flings it away, causing it to break through a window and hit a robot that's mowing the grass, causing it to run over a sleeping dog (but it only shaves away the fur on one side of its body). Clark accidentally hits himself with a baseball bat several times. A baseball hits a food cart. Richie races toward home plate, but the catcher stands in his way. Imagining the boy's head as a mailbox, Richie leaps in the air and drives his foot into that box (really the boy's catcher's mask), knocking him backwards. An egg or something similar hits a bus window, followed by one hitting Howie and then another player being pelted with many. A fly ball lands in Clark's glove where he was holding a large insect. He then picks up the ball, notes the smashed bug guts on it, and then eats some of them. During the standard sporting crowd "wave," a few people stand and fall off the side of the bleachers (we don't see the impact). An adult ringer knocks down a teammate (a kid) to catch a pop fly. An adult ringer purposefully steps down onto Gus's pitching hand to injure it (we see some red marks on it afterwards). A pitched baseball hits Howie on the arm/shoulder. A kid is hit on the head with a ball. Gus and his friends grab Jerry and attach the top of his underwear to a fence, thus giving him a "wedgie" when they let go. Reviewed April 7, 2006 / Posted April 7, 2006

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