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"LITTLE MAN" (2006) (Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Moderate Mild *Extreme Minor Moderate Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Moderate None Minor Minor Moderate Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Heavy Minor Minor Moderate *Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A diminutive criminal poses as an abandoned infant to try to retrieve a stolen diamond from a couple who unknowingly possess the valuable gem. PLOT: Calvin Sims (MARLON WAYANS) is a little person who's just been released from prison and reunited with his somewhat dimwitted partner in crime, Percy (TRACY MORGAN). The two have an offer from crime lord Walken (CHAZZ PALMINTERI) to steal a valuable diamond, but during the subsequent heist the police arrive and Calvin ditches the gem in a woman's purse. Following Darryl (SHAWN WAYANS) and Vanessa Edwards (KERRY WASHINGTON) back to their suburban Chicago house, the two criminals come up with a plan. Since Calvin is so small and Darryl is desirous of having a family, they'll pose the con as an abandoned infant so that the childless couple will take him in, thus allowing him access to the house to retrieve the diamond. But that's easier said than done, as Calvin must not only cope with being treated as an infant, but he must also deal with Vanessa's suspicious and self-centered father, Pops (JOHN WITHERSPOON), as well as outings with the couple's married friends, Greg (LOCHLYN MUNRO) & Brittany (BRITTANY DANIEL) and Richard (FRED STROLLER) & Janet (ALEX BORSTEIN). With Walken giving them twenty-four hours to deliver the stone, Calvin and Percy do what they can to get their hands on it, all while Calvin contends with the indignities of childhood as well as some unexpected bonding of being Darryl and Vanessa's surprise son. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're fans of the Wayans or lowbrow comedy, they might, and the "baby" angle might lure in others. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 For crude and sexual humor throughout, language and brief drug references. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: MARLON WAYANS plays a diminutive criminal who poses as an infant (and thus suffers the indignities of childhood, but also the love) in order to infiltrate the unknowing couple's house and retrieve the stolen diamond. He roughs up some people and acts sexually around Vanessa who's serving as his surrogate mom (it's implied that he had sex with her, with her thinking it was Darryl). SHAWN WAYANS plays a married man who's excited about being a father and gets the chance when Calvin is left on his doorstep. Despite various comedic mishaps, he tries to be the best father he can to Calvin. KERRY WASHINGTON plays his wife who's in less of a hurry to become a mom, but accepts that role and eventually has her maternal instincts tapped upon Calvin's arrival. TRACY MORGAN plays Calvin's dimwitted partner in crime. LOCHLYN MUNRO plays the couple's friend who turns out to be ultra-competitive and mean when it comes to sports and his kid. BRITTANY DANIEL plays his buxom and sexy wife who wears revealing attire. FRED STROLLER plays their milquetoast friend who thinks Greg is a jerk. ALEX BORSTEIN plays his wife who tries to give support and advice to Vanessa. JOHN WITHERSPOON plays Vanessa's self-involved father who lives with them and doesn't like Calvin or his presence in the home. CHAZZ PALMINTERI plays a crime lord who wants the stolen diamond and seems prepared to do most anything to get it. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity consists of a slang term using genitalia, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered. Sexually related dialogue is present, as is related material and humor including jokes about a "baby's" penis size, and a married couple fooling around with the implication that the man posing as an infant also had sex with the woman the night before (while earlier trying to put that woman's head down to his crotch and wanting to "breast feed" from a buxom woman), etc. Various women are seen in revealing attire (showing varying amounts of cleavage). Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitude, including various criminal types (some played for comedy, others more seriously). Various instances of comedy-based violence are present (both slapstick - including many men being hit in the crotch - as well as people purposefully hitting others in a variety of ways including a hockey player repeatedly kicking what he thinks is a baby who's attacked him), while some threatening with guns occurs. Various instances of crude humor are present, as are drug-related comments and some drinking. Meanwhile, some of the behavior may be enticing for some kids to imitate. Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Percy talks about Calvin getting booze and cheap hookers. Trying to act "urban," a middle-aged white woman asks Percy if he wants some gin and juice. Darryl says that Calvin's parents are probably crack-heads, and that when they get out of rehab they'll probably sell him for a bag of "rocks." We see a sign in a doctor's office or hospital that says don't drink while breastfeeding. Walken and others drink. Thinking Pops has lost it, Darryl says he's like "Fred Sanford on crack." Calvin guzzles another person's beer at a hockey match and a young woman serves beer to Darryl, Greg and Richard, while the man seated next to Calvin orders another (and Calvin proceeds to drink that as well). When the young vendor thinks Darryl made a sexual remark to her, she pours beer on him. A man in a children's animal costume states he just got out of rehab. When Darryl asks Calvin if he wants to join him for some milk (now knowing he's not a baby), Darryl offers to put some liquor in it, with Calvin saying how about they go to a bar. BLOOD/GORE Crude humor includes some of the following: While Calvin poses as a baby in a basket on Darryl & Vanessa's doorstep, a dog comes up, raises its leg and urinates all over him, including into his mouth. Later, Darryl, Vanessa, and Pops react to the resultant smell. We see a healed scar on Calvin's body (a doctor says it's from his appendix being removed). When Pops won't let Calvin have a cookie, Calvin takes one, and without anyone noticing, rubs it under both underarms and then down both sides of his diaper (inside it) before putting it back on the plate. Pops then takes a bite and comments on the odd taste, but keeps eating it. Vanessa shows some cleavage as she enters the bathroom where Calvin is sitting in a bubble bath (nothing seen). She then playfully asks (as a mother type) if he wants someone to join him. Calvin lasciviously nods that he does, but it's Darryl who does so, stripping down nude (we don't see anything) and then getting into the water where he jokes about what they can do, including farting. Darryl then proceeds to do a lot of that in an exaggerated fashion, grossing out Calvin (no visible bubbles). There's a bit where Darryl has to take Calvin's temperature and Vanessa informs him that it's a rectal thermometer. Calvin tries to prevent that and bends Darryl's fingers, but Darryl then pins him down and inserts the thermometer (we don't see the insertion, but do see Calvin's pained facial reaction). Some kids in a van state that another in there farted. Percy delivers a diaper bag to Walken, thinking the stolen diamond is in it. It's not, but Walken smells a diaper that turns out to be used (and reacts adversely), with Percy then smelling it and saying the baby had lasagna the night before. Referring to having swallowed the huge diamond, Calvin states his colon is backed up like rush hour. A man has a slightly bloody lip after Calvin hits him. Seeing Janet give her son a spoonful of castor oil (saying he'll poop soon), Calvin (who needs to pass the huge diamond he earlier swallowed), downs the entire bottle of castor oil. We immediately hear sounds of intestinal distress (with Darryl asking Calvin if he has to poop), followed by him straining and then lots of faring and excrement sounds in his diaper. Darryl tells Vanessa she's going to change that, and while we don't see it, she then returns with the (now cleaned) diamond and thinks it was a gift from Darryl. A thug has a slightly bloody lip, while another has bruises and red marks on his face from where Calvin hit him. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Calvin and Percy have bad attitudes for stealing the diamond and then having Calvin pose as an abandoned baby to take advantage of Darryl and Vanessa (but that's all played for comedy on the part of the film). Walken and his goons have bad attitudes for being criminals. Trying to act "urban," a middle-aged white woman asks Percy (who's black) if he wants some gin and juice. There's some comedy-based racial material (that some viewers might not like) where a black cop differentiates between the different look of black people's skin color (mocha vs. caramel) and then beats one innocent guy (with his nightstick or similar wand) while thinking he's a suspect. He then strikes that man one more time. Pops meanly jokes about Darryl not getting Vanessa pregnant, using various euphemisms, such as shooting blanks, cooking with a wet noodle, and falling and not being able to get up. About the poorly written baby abandonment note that Percy wrote and left with Calvin posing as a baby, Darryl says that the parents must be "retarded." Darryl & Vanessa don't report the abandoned baby to the police. Pops is suspicious of and doesn't like Calvin from the get-go. Upon seeing Calvin for the first time, Janet says it's a gift from God, but that sometimes He wraps in a hurry (referring to Calvin's non-cute looks). While at a park, Greg boastfully bets that his kid could "beat the crap out of" Darryl and Richard's kids with a hand tied behind his back. We see Calvin playing dice with some young kids at the park. He then tells them to bring their money and he'll show them pictures of naked women (with all of the boys then running away in disgust -- since they're too young to be interested in that). After Calvin stole the car, we see that Darryl has the "baby" taped to a chair. Greg then says they should bring "the little son of a bitch" to the hockey game with him, so they do. Darryl and others do a standard Indian war chant sound (hand to the mouth repeatedly) during a hockey match. A hockey player exchanges verbal unpleasantries with Darryl and other fans. Calvin then throws a cup of ice that hits the player who uses his stick to break the glass behind the penalty box to come up through the stands after Darryl who he thinks threw the cup. But Calvin jumps on the player and bites his ear (not seen), latching onto that area until the player gets him off and repeatedly kicks him on the floor in the stands (no impact seen, and played for laughs). As a beer vendor (a woman in a short skirt) bends over near Calvin, he says "Nice ass" and later "tramp," prompting the woman to think Darryl said it. Greg is ultra competitive when it comes to his kid as well as touch football. He taunts Richard, "Your son frequently squats to pee" and he tackles Darryl quite hard during the game, followed by asking, "Did you hurt your vagina?" He then tackles Richard quite hard and later knocks over many young kids while racing across the field, including clotheslining one. He then knocks down Darryl again, followed by one boy running over his son, prompting Greg to pick up his son by his facemask in a mean fashion. Calvin then runs down the field and flips over Greg by driving his head into his crotch. Greg's son then comes over and kicks his father. There's a joke about Darryl & Vanessa thinking Pops has gone senile and having him taken away (with the sound of a taser being used on him by others -- not seen). FRIGHTENING SCENES It's possible the ending scenes where Walken threatens Darryl with a gun could be unsettling, or suspenseful to younger viewers, but it's all played for comedy. Darryl ends up in a van with an easily preoccupied mother who doesn't pay attention to driving (putting on her makeup, leaning around into the backseat, etc.), thus causing them to have some close calls with oncoming traffic (played for laughs). GUNS/WEAPONS A prison guard carries an automatic weapon. Percy pulls out a handgun to rob a place, but Calvin doesn't even let him start. Some cops pull their handguns while trying to find the diamond thieves. Hearing someone in the house, Pops comes out and holds a shotgun on Calvin who's on the phone, but quickly goes back into his baby routine. Walken looks for Darryl with his handgun drawn, and the two end up aiming it at each other (separately). IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Do the nasty," "Get up, you p*ssy," "Where the hell is this guy?" "I'm gonna hurt him," "I'm gonna show you some shiznit right now," "Holy crap," "Bum," "Retarded," "What the hell?" "It smells like piss," "One hell of a knife fight," "For a moment, I thought you were Chucky" (what Pops says upon seeing Calvin), "Pumpkin butt," "Idiot," "Beat the crap out of," "Let's go get that son of a bitch," "Watch the road, moron," "Screw the car," "Like Fred Sanford on crack," "The world is going to hell and a hand cart," "Sucker," "Nuts" (testicles), "Nice ass," "Pig," "Tramp," "What the hell was that for?" "You suck," "Shove it, you losers," "I'll kick you in your furry little balls," "I'd kick your ass," "Get your ass kicked," "Your son frequently squats to pee," "Did you hurt your vagina?" (said as a taunt by one man to another after a hard tackle), "Shut your pie hole," "Eat lightning and crap thunder," "You crapped thunder," "Get the hell out of here," "You little punk," "You're a real pain in my butt," "It's time to dance old man," "Idiot," "Moron" and "Get your ass up." Some kids may be enticed to imitate some of the action and/or comedy that occurs in the film (including all of the crotch shots). Pregnant teens or new mothers might be enticed to abandon their babies with strangers. We see a prisoner with an exaggerated amount of tattoos all over his body. A middle-aged white woman tries to act and sound "urban" while interacting with Percy and thinking he's in the rap music business. Calvin has a large tattoo on his arm. When Pops won't let Calvin have a cookie, Calvin takes one, and without anyone noticing, rubs it under both underarms and then down both sides of his diaper (inside it) before putting it back on the plate. Pops then takes a bite and comments on the odd taste, but keeps eating it. Brittany wears various midriff and cleavage revealing tops that are very tight and reveal her ample bust. We see Calvin playing dice with some young kids at the park. He then tells them to bring their money and he'll show them pictures of naked women (with all of the boys then running away in disgust -- since they're too young to be interested in that). Calvin gives "the finger" to Pops. Darryl and Calvin share some milk, with Vanessa seeing this and laughing that they're drinking Janet's breast milk, which causes the two to do a spit-take (spraying the milk out from their mouths). After Calvin stole the car, we see that Darryl has the "baby" taped to a chair. Darryl and others do a standard Indian war chant sound (hand to the mouth repeatedly) during a hockey match. One of Walken's thugs has gold-capped teeth. JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A little comedy-based suspenseful music plays in the film. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) Percy sings a rap song about "trying to catch me ridin' dirty." PROFANITY At least 1 variation of the "s" word ("shiznit"), 1 slang term for sex ("do the nasty"), 1 slang term using female genitals ("p*ssy"), 10 hells, 8 damns, 6 craps, 4 asses, 2 S.O.B.s, 3 uses each of "God" and "Oh my God" and 1 use each of "My God," "Oh God" and "Sweet B. Jesus." SEX/NUDITY Percy talks about Calvin getting booze and cheap hookers. A singer does a clothed pelvic thrust while singing a congratulatory song about Vanessa being pregnant (although she really isn't). When Darryl says he wants a baby, Vanessa says it will change their lives, including no more "afternoon quickies." He then says they haven't had that since her father moved in with them. Darryl then talks about going to some place that even has Viagra vending machines. Percy mentions some woman who says he got her pregnant (or something along those lines). Calvin jokes that he's going to "do the nasty" with one actress while another strokes his butt (using the names Jennifer Lopez and Halle Berry). Pops meanly jokes about Darryl not getting Vanessa pregnant, using various euphemisms, such as shooting blanks, cooking with a wet noodle, and falling and not being able to get up. When changing Calvin's diaper, Darryl, Pops and then Vanessa all stare in amazement at his penis (we don't see it), with Pops saying that this isn't a baby, but instead is a "porn star." We see Calvin shirtless while a doctor examines him. Brittany wears various midriff and cleavage revealing tops that are very tight and reveal her ample bust. Calvin spots Brittany's buxom chest in her tight and low-cut top (that shows her ample cleavage) and we see his POV in close-up. Acting like the baby everyone thinks he is, Calvin starts groping at her breasts (she takes it as just a kid thing), eventually causing her to ask if he wants to breastfeed (after saying she had to promise Greg she'd give them -- her breasts -- to him). Calvin lasciviously nods his head, but it turns out to be Janet (a regular looking woman) who puts him under a blanket over her breast. He then apparently bites her there and then rushes off. When Brittany bends down to say goodbye to Calvin, he grabs and French kisses her (much to her surprise as she tells Greg that Calvin put his tongue in her mouth). Vanessa shows some cleavage as she enters the bathroom where Calvin is sitting in a bubble bath (nothing seen). She then playfully asks (as a mother type) if he wants someone to join him. Calvin lasciviously nods that he does, but it's Darryl who does so, stripping down nude (we don't see anything) and then getting into the water. As Vanessa does the usual motherly thing of blowing playful raspberries on Calvin's bare chest (he's wearing a diaper), he grabs her head and lasciviously (and repeatedly) pulls it down toward his crotch (but she doesn't get what he's doing). We see Percy in his boxers in bed. We see Calvin playing dice with some young kids at the park. He then tells them to bring their money and he'll show them pictures of naked women (with all of the boys then running away in disgust -- since they're too young to be interested in that). Darryl and Calvin share some milk, with Vanessa seeing this and laughing that they're drinking Janet's breast milk, which causes the two to do a spit-take (spraying the milk out from their mouths). Vanessa wears a sexy nightgown in bed, with Darryl saying that the nice thing about her not being pregnant yet is that they can keep trying. They then start passionately kissing, but she gets self-conscious that Calvin is watching them from his crib (and the man is enjoying the show). Darryl says he's just a baby and doesn't know what they're doing, and the two eventually pull the covers over them and continue (we see movement under the covers, but can't exactly tell what's happening). The next morning, she looks pleased and satisfied in a ravished sort of way (still acting aroused), with her telling Darryl (who's reentered the room and asked how she slept) who could sleep as he was an animal last night. She then says "twice in one night," with Darryl looking confused, but the covers then come down and we see Calvin sleeping next to Vanessa (with the implication being he was the one who had sex with her the second time). As a beer vendor (a woman in a short skirt) bends over near Calvin, he says "Nice ass" and later "tramp," prompting the woman to think Darryl said it. Brittany does some suggestive cheering during a game of touch football (while wearing another tight, midriff-revealing top), including one bit with the repeated line "Put it in." When Darryl makes some sort of comment questioning Percy's manhood, Percy says something about being able to go two or three times a day (or something like that). Vanessa shows some cleavage. After a thug walks out with the police wearing a chair attached to his clothed butt, he says, "Get this off me." The cop then jokingly says that where he's going (prison) he might want to leave it on (a gay anal rape joke). Calvin suggests that he and Darryl go to a strip club. SMOKING We see a miscellaneous person with a cigar. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Greg is ultra competitive when it comes to his kid as well as touch football. After a boy runs over his son, Greg picks him up by his facemask in a mean fashion. Later, after Greg is knocked down, his son then comes over and kicks his father. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Small people. Abandoning babies and the fact that the couple here doesn't notify the police of their find. Career criminals. Over competitive parents. Distracted drivers. The behavior here that the "baby" (a diminutive man posing as a baby) does, including drinking, etc. VIOLENCE All of the following is played for comedy. Percy accidentally opens the car door into Calvin. Calvin punches Percy in the face. Calvin slaps Percy. A small dog gets into a small duffel bag with Calvin and they apparently tangle before Calvin later tosses the dog out the car window (the pooch is okay). A cop beats one innocent guy (with his nightstick or similar wand) while thinking he's a suspect. He then strikes that man one more time. Calvin smacks Percy. Calvin slaps Greg's hand very hard and then grabs Richard's nose and twists it (with cracking sounds) when the latter does a game of "got your nose" with him. Calvin apparently bites Janet while "breastfeeding" under a blanket and then rushes off. There's a bit where Darryl has to take Calvin's temperature and Vanessa informs him that it's a rectal thermometer. Calvin tries to prevent that and bends Darryl's fingers, but Darryl then pins him down and inserts the thermometer (we don't see the insertion, but do see Calvin's pained facial reaction). Percy grabs a diaper bag he believes carries the diamond, but a bunch of parents give chase, eventually catch, and then start wailing on him (played for laughs). Wanting the car keys, Calvin twice kicks Darryl in the shin. He then takes off in the car, eventually driving over a tire puncture strip, smashes through two parked cop cars and then crashes into some water-filled barrels (but is okay). One of Walken's goons pushes Percy down onto a table to intimidate him for Walken. Tired of Darryl playing "peek-a-boo" with him, Calvin hits Darryl on the head with a skillet, knocking him out. There's a montage of Calvin and Darryl in the park where the former causes the latter to be hit in the crotch by a t-ball, air rocket and toy glider plane (the first and last by accident, the middle one on purpose). There's some standard hockey violence (hard checking) during a game. A hockey player exchanges verbal unpleasantries with Darryl and other fans. Calvin then throws a cup of ice that hits the player who uses his stick to break the glass behind the penalty box to come up through the stands after Darryl who he thinks threw the cup. But Calvin jumps on the player and bites his ear (not seen), latching onto that area until the player gets him off and repeatedly kicks him on the floor in the stands (no impact seen, and played for laughs). Calvin gets into it with a costumed character at a birthday party. Calvin ends up inside the large costume and the two fight inside it, with a bunch of young kids then jumping on the man in his costume. Greg is ultra competitive when it comes to his kid as well as touch football. He taunts Richard, "Your son frequently squats to pee" and he tackles Darryl quite hard during the game, followed by asking, "Did you hurt your vagina?" He then tackles Richard quite hard and later knocks over many young kids while racing across the field, including clotheslining one. He then knocks down Darryl again, followed by one boy running over his son, prompting Greg to pick up his son by his facemask in a mean fashion. Calvin then runs down the field and flips over Greg by driving his head into his crotch. Greg's son then comes over and kicks his father. When Percy shows up and says that Calvin is his son, Darryl is upset over the abandonment and starts pushing Percy backyards with several finger thumps to the chest. Darryl finally hits Percy on the head with a metal trash can lid. Knowing who Calvin is, Pops grabs him, throws him up against the ceiling and watches the man fall to the floor. Calvin then hits Pops in the crotch, flooring him, followed by pushing Pops back down to the floor. When Darryl & Vanessa return, they find Pops trying to choke Calvin on the floor. There's a joke about Darryl & Vanessa thinking Pops has gone senile and having him taken away (with the sound of a taser being used on him by others -- not seen). Calvin throws Percy from a moving car (we see him hit the road). Calvin repeatedly hits a thug with an oversized plastic t-ball bat in the dark of his bedroom (seen in silhouette several times). Walken twice punches Darryl in the gut. Darryl then elbows one of his thugs and kicks the other. Calvin fires an air rocket into one thug's crotch and then hits him with a golf club, sending the thug tumbling down the steps. Walken looks for Darryl with his handgun drawn, but Darryl repeatedly smacks him on the face with some large sports fan "hands" that he wears over his own. He then uses them to hold the gun on Walken, but Walken takes it back when Darryl can't shoot him, followed by Walken hitting Darryl again. Using a ceiling mounting baby bounce apparatus, Calvin bounces up and smacks two thugs' heads together, kicks them in the crotch, and then kicks them backwards. Calvin then bounces up and kicks one thug, while smacking into another, sending him sliding into a panty where various cans fall and hit him on the head. Walken holds his handgun on Darryl, but Calvin throws a toy airplane glider that swings around the room and hits Walken in the crotch. Reviewed July 12, 2006 / Posted July 14, 2006

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