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"CLERKS II" (2006) (Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson) (R) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy *Mild Extreme Minor None Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Moderate None None Minor Extreme Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Extreme Extreme Minor Moderate Mild QUICK TAKE: Comedy: As one of them prepares to move away, two thirty-something men try to sort out their friendship and their interaction with their boss while working at a fast food joint. PLOT: It's been more than a decade since we last saw clerk Dante Hicks (BRIAN O'HALLORAN) and next door video store worker Randal Graves (JEFF ANDERSON) hanging out at the Quick Stop convenience store, but things have now changed. For starters, the convenience store has closed due to a fire, resulting in them being employed at the fast food joint Mooby's where they work alongside 19-year-old geek Elias (TREVOR FEHRMAN) for the beautiful Becky (ROSARIO DAWSON). She's keeping the place open while her owner uncle battles cancer, and she gets along fabulously with Dante. However, it's his last day working there, as he's now engaged to the domineering Emma (JENNIFER SCHWALBACH) who's convinced him to move to her parents' Florida home with her. This has resulted in some tension between Dante, who realizes he finally needs to grow up, and Randal who still lives and behaves like an adolescent. With drug dealers Jay (JASON MEWES) and Silent Bob (KEVIN SMITH) having followed the two to the burger joint where the latter continue to peddle their goods outside the building, Dante must resolve his relationships with Randal, Becky and Emma. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're fans of the first film, they probably will. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: R For pervasive sexual and crude content including aberrant sexuality, strong language and some drug material. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: Considering how the major characters act (and speak), it's doubtful parents would consider any of them as good role models for kids. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this R-rated comedy. Profanity consists of at least 133 "f" words, while many other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered. Seemingly nonstop sexually related dialogue is present, covering a variety of graphic topics, including a long discussion about a mouth to anus act, as well as regarding a bestiality act (between a man and a male donkey that occurs just off camera, but includes him performing oral sex and then having rear entry sex with the animal). An unseen sexual encounter is discussed (which led to a pregnancy), there's some making out, a man moons others (and shows full frontal nudity in another scene with his penis tucked down between his legs), and another man's bare butt is briefly and partially seen. Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes (including racial and homophobic material), while some behavior may be enticing for some kids to imitate. Crude verbal humor is present, as is some drinking, while two minor characters are drug dealers and we briefly see one such transaction (other related talk also occurs). One character smokes throughout the film, while a woman knees her cheating fiancé in the crotch, other brief contact occurs, and some slapstick style material is briefly present. Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those prone to visually induced motion sickness, there's some bouncy, handheld camerawork from time to time. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Silent Bob gives Jay a beer and there's talk of them selling "weed." Two guys then approach them, there's talk of Jay and Silent Bob being caught with drugs in their car and then going through rehab or jail for 6 months, and the men want to buy a nickel bag and we then see the end of the transaction. Dante opens the bathroom door to yell at Randal and we see him sitting on the toilet (as does a father and his kid, with the father saying, "Don't look at his wee-wee" -- but we don't see anything). About their earlier, unseen tryst, Becky tells Dante they were drunk. All of the guys drink beer while awaiting a bestiality show and Elias appears drunk, blurting out "We're all gonna get drunk and get f*cked." Jay talks about selling joints. BLOOD/GORE Randal says that women like "when you go ass to mouth." Dante and Becky disagree (using that term many times), but Randal then asks if she's given a "blow job" and if Dante has "gone down" on a woman, saying that's not that far away, etc. followed by more such related talk. Later, and thinking Randal is out of earshot, Becky says that sometimes in the heat of the moment it's okay to go "ass to mouth," with Randal saying he knew it. After Randal jokes about some character defecating in another's mouth, the customer he's been taunting vomits (we see him bend over and then hear, but don't see the act). There's more talk of the "ass to mouth" sexual technique and when asked if he'd do that with Emma, Dante says no. Randal calls a former classmate "pickle f*cker" and then reminds him of a school hazing bit where the classmate had to put a pickle up his "ass" and walk a certain distance. He then goes on to say that if the pickle fell out, the participant had to take a bite from it, reinsert it, and then continue. He then says that the classmate got to the finish line after four such bites. After that classmate makes fun of Randal and Dante working in the fast food place, Randal scoops up ice from a urinal for the guy's soda and then puts flies on his burger. The guy gets wise and doesn't take it, but Jay and Silent Bob do, with both reacting to the taste but continuing to eat and drink both. We see Jay trying to urinate against the side of a building (from behind), but he's having a hard time, especially when the door next to him is twice accidentally opened onto him, slamming him against the wall. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Randal refers to Emma as Dante's "old lady." Jay and Silent Bob deal drugs outside the fast food joint. Jay wears a t-shirt that shows a picture of Jesus and reads "Got Christ?" (Some viewers might not like that). A drug buyer refers to Jay as a "Jesus Freak" and refers to the Bible as the "f*cking Bible" with Jay saying it's the "holy f*cking Bible." Randal is upset after having interacted online with a wheelchair bound person, saying he's not handicapped, and using phrases such as "crippled," "gimped out" and "crippy boy sh*t." He then confuses Anne Frank for Helen Keller, thinking the former was someone who was handicapped. Randal doesn't like Emma. Randal flings small pieces of paper or something else at Elias as they talk. He also constantly belittles him over various things, including being a virgin. Randal and Jay taunt Elias about the devil and something about the master of abortions. Disparaging phrases such as "You mook," "Faggot" (and other homophobic related talk by Randal) and other terms are used in the film. Randal makes fun of Elias and another fan of "The Lord of the Rings," saying things such as "Look at you two whipping out your preciouses" (meaning genitals), referring to the hobbits as being gay, etc. and making comments such as "Suck his f*cking c*ck." A former classmate enters the fast food joint and makes fun of Randal and Dante working in such a place when he's made millions selling his Internet company. After that, Randal scoops up ice from a urinal for the guy's soda and then puts flies on his burger. Not believing it to carry racial connotations, Randal generically uses the term "porch monkey" (not about anyone or any race in particular). Everyone (coworkers, boss and customers) get upset over that, with Randal saying that's what his grandmother used to call him and that other terms (including "nigger," "coon" and more) are racist. A black woman then uses the term "crackers," Dante wonders how Randal would feel if he was called a "kike," and then Randal says his grandmother used to use the term "sheenie" (for Jewish people). Once he adds that she also used "nigger knife" for a broken bottle, he starts to realize that she was racist. Later, however, he decides he's going to reclaim that phrase to innocence and thus wears a shirt that reads "Porch monkey for life" on the back of it. We learn that Dante cheated on Emma with Becky. A man has sex (oral and rear entry) with a male donkey as part of a paid show. A comment is made about "ass-wipe conservatives" who can't enjoy sexual exploration (by the male bestiality performer). FRIGHTENING SCENES Dante goes to open the convenience store, but when he slides up the metal shutter, he finds the place inside engulfed in fire (played for comedy). GUNS/WEAPONS None. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Get the f*ck out of here," "What the f*ck's (does) that mean?" "(Holy) f*cking Bible," "F*cking stupid," "Mind f*ck," "F*cking freak," "Who the f*ck's Anne Frank?" "F*cking mouth-breathers," "What the f*ck /was that/is going on (here)?" "You're f*cking around with the boss," "Shut the f*ck up, Go-bot," "I'm f*cking bored," "I wouldn't f*ck that with the torch of Gondor," "F*cking A," "F*ck you," "Fuggly" ("f*cking ugly"), "I'll f*ck your brains out," "Because it's f*cked up," "Pickle-f*cker," "F*ck this," "F*ck him," "Where the f*ck did you guys go?" "Are you out of your f*cking mind?" "I f*cking knew it," "You f*cking snitch," "Born to f*ck" (seen as a tattoo), "Hey f*cko," "Freddie f*cking Mercury," "Who the f*ck's gonna blow the donkey?" "Sick f*ck," "You f*cking whore," "Deja-f*cking-vu," "Now I know you're f*cking nuts," "Pretty f*cking good," "You're a f*cking drone," "Why don't you two just f*ck and get it over with?" "Jesus f*cking Christ," "Pretty f*cking sweet," "Holy sh*t," "Weird sh*t," "Crippy boy sh*t," "Sh*tting on you all the time," "Sh*t-load," "Sh*tty," "Open up and tell me sh*t," "Bullsh*t," "Give a sh*t," "Got my sh*t together," "Sh*t or get off the pot," "Count Cockula" (seen on a t-shirt), "Eat p*ssy" (said and seen written), "Don't look at his wee-wee," "Go ass to mouth" (sexual), "You didn't get mayo in your cootch," "We should probably cross d*cks too," "A crack at her crack," "P*ssy troll," "Jerking/Jerked off," "C*ck-stain," "Boner" (erection), "Corn-hole that ass with his wiener," "Old lady" (fiancée), "Hell-hole," "Jesus Freak," "Jackass," "Crippled," "Gimped out," "Avert your eyes, you perv," "Nazi douche bag," "You jerk," "Balls," "Loser," "Chick," "Morons," "You're crazy," "Crap shack," "You mook," "Nerds," "One ring to rule them all," "Dude," "Geek," "Boring as hell," "I'm gonna kick your ass," "You big prude," "Bust your balls," "Piss," "Turd," "I'll be damned," "Porch monkey (for life)," "Crackers," "Nigger," "Coon," "Shut up," "Kike," "Sheenie," "Nigger knife" (a broken bottle), "Hey 12-step," "You do really suck," "You nut," "Ass-wipe conservatives," "Knocked up" (get pregnant), "You are chaos incarnate," "Flake on me," "Faggots" and "Nuts" (crazy). Randal wears a t-shirt that reads "Count Cockula." Randal walks over the hood of Dante's car to get to the other side. Randal refers to Emma as Dante's "old lady." We see miscellaneous graffiti. A miscellaneous couple sports various tattoos on their bodies. We see that Randal has put a sign that reads "I eat c*ck" next to Elias' photo at work. He then puts up a cutout sketch of an erect penis and ejaculate near that photo. Jay gives the devil sign with his raised index and pinkie fingers. Jay has a tattoo on his arm. After a former classmate makes fun of Randal and Dante working in the fast food place, Randal scoops up ice from a urinal for the guy's soda and then puts flies on his burger. We see some miscellaneous bare midriffs. Randal jokingly rolls a wet paint roller on the back of Dante's shirt. Some kids may want to imitate Jay, his vocal delivery and his various antics. JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) None. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) A song has the repeated lyric, "Naughty girls need love too." PROFANITY At least 133 "f" words (2 used with "mother," 18 used sexually as are the terms "diddle" and "corn-hole"), 41 "s" words, 19 slang terms using female genitals ("p*ssy," "pooter," "cootch" and "crack"), 19 using male ones ("c*ck," "d*ck," "wee-wee," "wiener" and "thing"), 30 asses (6 used with "hole"), 2 damns, 2 hells, 1 crap, 9 uses of "Jesus," 4 of "Oh my God," 3 of "God," 2 each of "Christ" and "Oh God" and 1 use each of "G-damn," "For Christ's sakes," "Jesus Christ," "Oh Jesus" and "Swear to God." SEX/NUDITY Learning that the convenience store has burned down, Randal asks where he's now going to bring "chicks to f*ck" when his parents are home. Randal tells Dante he should put up a sign that reads "eat p*ssy." We then see graffiti of that phrase on the outside of the fast food building. Later, when Emma walks up and sees Jay and Silent Bob standing by that wording, Jay says, "Oh, we totally do." Jay talks about hypothetically discovering an alien and then "f*cking" it. Emma passionately kisses Dante. She isn't happy when Randal interrupts them, prompting him to ask if she's this way because she has an "abnormally huge clit." He then goes on that it's just like a small "c*ck," causing Dante to ask Randal if he'd have sex with a woman with that sort of anatomy, with Randal saying he wouldn't because it would be like a guy with an undersized "d*ck." Later, Emma and Dante kiss, with her sitting on his lap and commenting on him being "hard." There's a comment about "diddling your pooter" (have sex), and when Randal jokes that Emma is a guy (due to her large "clit"), Emma pulls up her shirt to reveal her bra-covered breasts (we see the shape of her nipples in the cups). She then says she'll show him her "pooter" if he still doesn't believe her (but he does). Dante then says such behavior will make Randal think they want to do a "three-way" with him, and Randal later asks about just that. We see that Randal has put a sign that reads "I eat c*ck" next to Elias' photo at work. He then puts up a cutout sketch of an erect penis and ejaculate near that photo. Seeing Elias kiss his mom good-bye when she drops him off at work, Randal jokes about her slipping Elias the tongue. Randal sarcastically jokes that Elias will be "rolling in p*ssy" based on his nerdy behavior. Dante opens the bathroom door to yell at Randal and we see him sitting on the toilet (as does a father and his kid, with the father saying, "Don't look at his wee-wee" -- but we don't see anything). We see Jay bouncing his bare butt against the store window (while mooning those inside). Randal playfully accuses Dante of "f*cking around with the boss" (referring to Becky) and then talks of her sowing her wild oats. He then says the best part of his job is the barely legal "p*ssy" that comes in, followed by him comparing women his age and those young women. He then says that they even like "when you go ass to mouth." Dante and Becky disagree (using that term many times), but Randal then asks if she's given a "blow job" and if Dante has "gone down" on a woman, saying that's not that far away, etc. followed by more such related talk. Later, and thinking Randal is out of earshot, Becky says that sometimes in the heat of the moment it's okay to go "ass to mouth," with Randal saying he knew it. Jay says "Would you f*ck me" and "I'd f*ck you hard" while dancing by himself. About Elias being geeky, Randal says, "You wonder why no chick will let you stick your c*ck in her." When Elias says he gets plenty of chicks, Randal jokingly says Elias' chicks "are your left and right (hands)." Randal makes fun of Elias and another fan of "The Lord of the Rings," saying things such as "Look at you two whipping out your preciouses" (meaning genitals), referring to the hobbits as being gay, etc. and making comments such as "Suck his f*cking c*ck." There's more talk of the "ass to mouth" sexual technique and when asked if he'd do that with Emma, Dante says no. Becky and Dante chat about relationships, with her saying she doesn't believe in romantic love or marriage, adding that the latter conflicts with the primal urge to "f*ck as much as possible." She then jokingly imitates Emma talking to Dante, "I'll f*ck your brains out," and then says about herself, "I f*ck ugly and undesirable losers in the kitchen" (jokingly referring to her unseen earlier tryst with Dante on a prep table - prompting her to say, "You didn't get mayo in your cootch"). We briefly see Jay standing outside the burger place, holding open a robe and standing there nude with his penis tucked down between his legs to give him a female look - sans any breasts). Randal tells Elias that his going away present for Dante will be a "chick" will who give a donkey a "blow job (he hires "Kinky Kelly and the Stud"). There's related talk about that, including Randal wondering if the "chick" will swallow the donkey ejaculate (he uses a crude term for that). When Elias crosses his fingers for something to happen, Randal sarcastically says, "We should probably cross d*cks too" and Elias starts to make the motion to undo his pants, but Randal stops him. There's additional talk about "sucking off" the donkey. Randal tells Elias that the Internet is good for the viewing of sexual behavior he (Elias) will never have. He then realizes Elias is a virgin and asks him if he is and whether Elias and his girlfriend Myra have had sex yet. Elias is embarrassed and says he doesn't talk about such matters, but Randal prods him, saying that he let Elias smell his fingers after he "f*cked" some girl (Elias reminds him that he made him smell his fingers). Randal wonders if Elias has had "a crack at her crack" and after use of terms such as "p*ssy" and "c*ck," Randal asks him, "Why haven't you f*cked Myra yet?" Elias then sheepishly comments on the "troll who lives in her p*ssy," that Myra wants to have sex with him, but if he puts his "thing" in there, the troll will bite it off. There's more talk of that troll in that part of her body, including that it will eventually be peed out. Randal and Dante talk about their place in the world, which leads to talk of "jerking off" at work. Randal says he does so not to center himself, but "to come," adding that "coming" centers him. He then says that he doesn't do that in the bathroom as some guy might come in and the scene could turn gay. When Dante says he still doesn't feel right about his place in the world, Randal suggests the aforementioned, but Dante replies, "I don't want to jerk off in the bathroom." Randal uses the phrase "c*ck-stain," prompting some customers to wonder what that means, with one man then asking a woman if she wants to try that. Wondering where Randal and Dante have been, Becky complains that she had to serve (as in fast food) some guy she "blew" back in high school. Seeing Becky up on the roof (to show Dante how to dance), Jay yells up, "If you're gonna jump, give me a crack at that p*ssy first." During a musical montage, we see a guy (from behind) moving to the beat while standing at a urinal, and when the shot returns to him, his pants have now partially fallen down and we see most of his bare butt. Becky shows some cleavage. In mid-dance and during a dip up on the roof, Dante tells Becky he loves her and she replies that she's pregnant (by him), prompting him to let go (accidentally) and she falls a few feet to the roof but is okay. When Dante tells Randal he's having second thoughts (about marrying Emma), Randal jokingly asks, "About your sexuality?" When Randal hears that Becky is pregnant by Dante, he says he knew it, that she got pregnant from the toilet seat after Dante "jerked off" on it. All of the guys drink beer while awaiting a bestiality show and Elias appears drunk, blurting out "We're all gonna get drunk and get f*cked." A burly looking man arrives with a donkey for the "Kinky Kelly and the Stud" show, and he sports a tattoo on his arm that reads "Born to f*ck." Randal wants to meet Kelly, but the guy says for an extra $500 after the show, "You can f*ck Kelly." He then refers to his act as interspecies erotica. Later, the guys assemble for the show, see a large can of Crisco, and then see that same man bring out the donkey. Randal promises the "chick" will show up at any minute, but that burly man then starts dancing around, flashes that he's wearing leather underwear and chaps, and then removes his outer clothing to reveal himself in tight leather underwear that sports a large bulge in the front (that the man grabs). The guys then realize no woman is involved and that the donkey is "Kelly." Jay blurts out, "Who the f*ck's gonna blow the donkey?" with Elias chiming in that he has a "huge boner" from watching this. We then see the man drop down out of the camera shot to perform oral sex on the donkey (not seen) and everyone (including Becky who's arrived) reacts in shock and amazement at the sight. Becky then comments that she's repulsed but can't look away and then adds, "Did you see the size of that c*ck?" We then see the performer stand up, wipe off his mouth, put his hand down into the pouch in the front of his leather shorts, and spit in the other. He then apparently has rear entry sex with the donkey (we see the donkey's surprised reaction as well as that of the spectators, but don't see the actual act). Elias says that if that man is going "to jerk off, I am too." Jay then comments on watching the man "corn-hole that ass with his wiener." A comment is made about "watching a guy f*ck a donkey" and Elias then says, "I'm sorry Jesus" as we see the motion of him masturbating (but not the actual act) to the sight of the bestiality. When the cops and fire engines arrive, the male performer says, "Gotta finish" as he hurries up to climax. We then see Elias run through in his boxers with his pants down. Having discovered the Dante cheated on her with Becky, Emma says to her, "You f*cking whore." We see Elias sleeping in jail in his boxers with his butt sticking up in the air. A comment is made about "ass-wipe conservatives" who can't enjoy sexual exploration (by the male bestiality performer). Seeing Randal and Dante argue about their lives but knowing they'll make up, Jay tells them, "Why don't you two just f*ck and get it over with?" After Jay offers to fund Randal and Dante's next business venture, he jokingly says that one of the conditions is that the two "have to blow each other," that he and Silent Bob get to watch, and then they have to do "ass to mouth." SMOKING Silent Bob smokes at least 10 times. A person buys a pack of cigarettes from a convenience store. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Emma breaks up her engagement with Dante after she learns he cheated on her with Becky. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Randal's comment that riding around in go-carts reminds him of a better time in life, and then there's a comment about the world having left them (him and Dante) behind. We hear that Becky's uncle (who runs the fast food joint) has cancer, and that's why she's acting as the boss. What constitutes racism. Bestiality. We see a pregnant Becky drive up to a women's clinic (suggesting she's there for an abortion), but we later see her even more pregnant and happy. Friendship through good and bad times. Growing up and leaving the adolescent state of mind. VIOLENCE Elias is yanked backwards and falls to the floor when his corded headset snaps him back (played for laughs). In mid-dance and during a dip up on the roof, Dante tells Becky he loves her and she replies that she's pregnant (by him), prompting him to let go (accidentally) and she falls a few feet to the roof but is okay. Some playing cards shoot out of one person's hand and knock another person across a table (played for exaggerated comedy). We see Jay trying to urinate against the side of a building (from behind), but he's having a hard time, especially when the door next to him is twice accidentally opened onto him, slamming him against the wall. Dante tries to punch Randal while mad at him, but instead hits his hand on something, hurting him. Having discovered the Dante cheated on her with Becky, Emma knees him in the crotch and then smashes a cake she brought into his face. Mad at Randal for ruining his life, Dante drives him back against some metal cell bars in their jail cell. Reviewed July 14, 2006 / Posted July 21, 2006

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