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"THE LONGEST YARD" (2005) (Adam Sandler, Chris Rock) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Heavy Mild Extreme Moderate Heavy Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Heavy Minor Mild *Mild Heavy Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Extreme Moderate None Moderate Heavy QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A recently imprisoned, former NFL quarterback puts together and trains a ragtag group of convicts to play the prison's guards in a game of football. PLOT: Paul "Wrecking" Crewe (ADAM SANDLER) is a former, MVP caliber, professional quarterback who was banned from the league years ago for point shaving. When he goes on a drunken driving spree in his girlfriend's car and causes a huge pileup of police cars, he's sent off to prison. Arriving at the Allenville Federal Penitentiary, he quickly learns -- thanks to a brutal reception by head prison guard Capt. Knauer (WILLIAM FICHTNER) -- that his three-year sentence is not going to be easy. Knauer, who's in charge of the prison's football team, wants to ensure that Paul will turn down an invitation by Warden Hazen (JAMES CROMWELL) to be involved with the team. Yet, when Paul realizes the warden is even more dangerous than the guards, he reluctantly agrees and advises Hazen that the best thing for his team is to scrimmage another. Hazen then orders Paul to put together a team of inmates for that very purpose. Since he's not very popular with the cons, Paul gets his new best friend, Caretaker (CHRIS ROCK), to do the recruiting. Among those who eventually join the team is Switkowski (BOB SAPP), a huge but illiterate man; Cheeseburger Eddie (TERRY ALAN CREWS) who can get burgers for anyone; overweight Big Tony (JOEY "COCO" DIAZ); overeager but untalented Brucie (NICK TURTURRO JR.); mad Torres (LOBO SEBASTIAN); running back Earl Megget (NELLY); and Deacon Moss (MICHAEL IRVIN). When the likes of Joey Battle (BILL GOLDBERG) and 7-footer Turley (DALIP SINGH) learn that they'll be playing guards Lambert (BILL ROMANOWSKI), Dunham (STEVE AUSTIN), Garner (BRIAN BOSWORTH) and Engleheart (KEVIN NASH), they quickly sign up as well. With the help of coach and former Heisman Trophy winner Nate Scarborough (BURT REYNOLDS), the team starts practicing, but must put up with efforts by Hazen, his guards and prison snitch Unger (DAVID PATRICK KELLY) who will do anything to make sure the team loses in the big game between the convicts and guards. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're fans of Sandler and his style of movie comedies, or are fans of anyone else in the cast, they might. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 For crude and sexual humor, violence, language and drug references. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: Considering that most of the characters are imprisoned men and the rest are sadistic and/or racist guards and a corrupt warden, it's doubtful many if any parents would consider any of them as good role models for their kids. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a quick look at the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity consists of at least 1 "f" and 54 "s" words, while other expletives and plenty of colorful phrases are uttered. Sexually related dialogue is present about a variety of topics, while a great deal of gay-based humor is present (gay prisoners in skimpy female cheerleading outfits coming on to other prisoners, the silhouette of brief gay kissing, etc.) and several women are seen in revealing attire (cleavage, while close-up shots of clothed female body parts are present). A middle-aged woman comes on to a prisoner and there's a brief montage showing surveillance footage of them fooling around (played for laughs rather than eroticism, but with an obvious visual joke featuring an implied erection), while male rear nudity is briefly seen. Violence consists of a booby-trap killing an inmate, guards severely beating one inmate, a cafeteria fight, all sorts of severe and brutal football blows (tackles, punching and otherwise hitting or striking) during a game and practice, a guard nearly shoots a prisoner walking away from him and there's a big car accident. The filmed is filled with all sorts of bad attitudes (including but not limited to racism and homophobic material), while all sorts of potentially imitative behavior is present. Various characters smoke or drink, including one who's drunk and then drinks and drives. Some of the above violence has bloody results, while some crude humor is also present. Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those prone to visually induced motion sickness, some of the football game footage might cause that reaction. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Various people drink at a party where Paul's girlfriend finds him upstairs, watching TV and drinking beer (many beer cans are by him). She's mad and refers to him being drunk. While drunk, Paul takes his girlfriend's expensive car and drives off, drinking and driving. When the police later pull him over, he belittles a short cop and then asks if he can hold his open can of beer, showing that he still has 5 in his six-pack. He then backs into their patrol car and then speeds off, swerving and eventually causing a big pile-up. Referring to Paul throwing a game in the past, Caretaker tells him that he could have sold crack and none of the prisoners would have cared (but they do about the point shaving). The warden's middle-aged assistant comes on to Paul, saying that he has to earn his chance to watch past game tapes of the guards. The two then have wine (with Paul asking for more). Paul retrieves a bottle of bagged booze from his toilet (a gift from Caretaker) and he and Caretaker then share some of that after Caretaker jokes, "Shut up and pour me a drink, bitch." BLOOD/GORE We see a little blood on Paul's head from a car accident. We see some bruises and old cuts on Paul's face when he's in solitary confinement (and we see what look like maggots or other worms in his food). We see Turley repeatedly bashing his head against the concrete wall (creating a hole and slightly bloodying his head). Paul says he's going off to "take a piss." We see a small stream of blood down Paul's chin after a rough game of basketball with another inmate. Turley kicks Switkowski down to the field quite hard during practice. We then see the latter with a severely broken nose (very crooked, but played for laughs) and Paul cracks it back into place. Caretaker states that he left a surprise in Paul's toilet, with the latter asking, "You took a sh*t in my toilet?" Caretaker says he did that for someone else, but instead left booze for Paul. Switkowski clotheslines a guard quite hard, reacts to the resultant smell and jokingly states "I made him sh*t himself." DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE The warden and his guards all have bad attitudes, for being corrupt, racist and more toward the prisoners who they occasionally beat or order to be beaten. Some viewers may be offended by the stereotypical effeminate portrayal of gay prisoners. Paul's girlfriend is condescending and very demanding of him. While drunk, Paul makes fun of a short cop with big ears, first commenting on the latter and then asking about Santa (suggesting the guy is an elf) and then makes a comment about the hobbit Frodo. We hear that Paul threw a professional football game in a bit of point shaving. Capt. Knauer warns Paul not to agree to the warden's plan or else face the consequences and says that he, not the warden, runs the prison. Caretaker (who's black) uses the term "nigger" about black people and says that he was so bad at sports that he got picked after the white kids (some might not like that racial joke). Hazen coerces Paul into mounting a team of convicts or else face more time in prison. Some of the inmates, including Caretaker and Nate, do some breaking and entering into prison offices to look through the computer records. A younger guy verbally threatens to slit the throat of an older guy and then watch the dust come out. A black prisoner says that the football team is just an excuse for a bunch of rednecks to grope each other. Paul plays another prisoner in basketball who purposefully elbows Paul in the face quite hard. His next attempt misses and he falls to the court, but he then pushes Paul's face into the pole supporting the backboard. He then punches Paul in the face and throws him to the court by grabbing his shirt (all while they play a game of one on one). An inmate makes a joking gay reference about Brucie and the gay inmates. Unger is an inmate snitch to the guards and gives them various bits of information. In the end, he leaves a booby-trap for one prisoner, but it ends up killing another who goes into the first inmate's cell. Learning that Megget (who's black) might be a problem on the field (since he's so good), a bunch of white guards, including Dunham) surround and try to goad him into attacking them so that they can beat him up. When knocking or dropping his library books don't do any good, one refers to Malcolm X as a "four-eyed nigger" and then they call Megget "nigger" and "boy." Rather than give in to anger, however, he says that the guards are his friends and thus diffuses the situation. Other black inmates, however, see this and are then inspired to join the team to get their revenge on the racist guards. We see that the guards have flooded the inmates' practice field (but it doesn't stop the latter, as they all run out and frolic in the water and mud). Caretaker asks Paul, "You got a lot of ass out there?" (in the free world). When Paul plays that down, Caretaker jokes that O.J. Simpson did even after cutting off his wife's head. A ref in the big game doesn't call any penalties against the guards despite blatant fouls on their part. Dunham makes a racist comment to a black player. Hazen threatens to frame Paul for the death of another inmate if Paul doesn't throw the big game. Paul reluctantly agrees at first, but then changes his mind. Despite making a promise of the contrary to Paul, Hazen tells Capt. Knauer to have his guards inflict as much pain on Paul and his teammates during the game. Brucie makes a promise to stop cheating on his wife with black guys. FRIGHTENING SCENES Scenes where guards beat up Paul might be unsettling to some viewers. Learning that Megget (who's black) might be a problem on the field (since he's so good), a bunch of white guards, including Dunham) surround and try to goad him into attacking them so that they can beat him up. Rather than give in to anger, however, he says that the guards are his friends and thus diffuses the situation. When Hazen thinks that Paul is trying to walk off the field and escape after the big game, he repeatedly orders and yells at Capt. Knauer to shoot Paul. Capt. Knauer then aims a rifle at Paul and nearly fires, but stops when he sees that Paul is just retrieving the game ball. GUNS/WEAPONS Shotguns/Rifles: Carried and/or used by prison guards to threaten or harm convicts (hitting them with the butts) and nearly used to shoot one prisoner. See "Frightening/Tense Scenes" and "Violence" for details. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "You got knocked the f*ck out," "Ah, sh*t," "Sh*t happens," "What a worthless piece of sh*t you are," "Better cut that sh*t out," "Kick the living sh*t out of them," "Bullsh*t," "Sh*t-ass," "Are you sh*tting me?" "Dumb sh*t," "Where does she come up with that sh*t?" "Sh*t happens," "Let's do this sh*t," "Who gives a sh*t?" "You took a sh*t in my toilet?" "Cracker-sh*t," "Sh*t-heads," "I made him sh*t himself," "Sh*tty," "Super d*ck," "Balls ball" (a homosexual comment), "You got hammered by the hammer," "His wife's got the hottest ass," "Got a lot of ass," "Hurry his ass up," "Drag your drunken ass downstairs," "You drunken bastard," "Open this damn door," "I'll be damned," "Lucky son of a bitch," "Tighty-whities," "Punk," "Bitch" (man), "I sucked so bad," "(Four-eyed) Nigger" (said by both black and white people about black people), "You'll end up being somebody's bitch," "Dumb redneck," "You big dumb bitch" (man), "Idiots," "Ran like a little bitch," "Crappy," "Sit down and shut up," "I'll kick your ass," "We're gonna suck," "Dumb ass," "Hell yeah," "Fool," "Freak," "Take a piss," "Ass-wipe," "Hell no," "Baby back bitch," "Big ass robot," "Don't stir up the brothers," "A real McAsshole," "Get your country ass back in the huddle," "Freak show," "Jailhouse boobies," "Maggot," "Pain in the ass," "Coming to kiss my ass," "Greatest ass kicking fiesta," "Shut up and pour me a drink bitch" (said to a man), "What the hell is this?" "We'll kick your ass," "Kick some ass," "That one hurt my marbles" (a man seeing another man hit in the crotch), "Balls" and "McNuggets" (testicles), "Shut up," "What the hell are you doing out there?" "One damn bit," "Bust our ass," "You can do it," "That play is whack" and "Giant ass." Various things some of the inmates do (moving like robots, break dancing, etc.) might be enticing for some kids to imitate. All of the hard hitting, cheap shots and more during the game might be enticing for some kids to imitate. Paul locks his girlfriend in the closet after she badgers him. While drunk, Paul takes his girlfriend's expensive car and drives off, drinking and driving. Various prisoners have varying types of tattoos on various parts of their bodies. Caretaker tells Paul to be careful or he'll "end up being somebody's bitch." When some gay inmates react to hearing that he's recruiting football players, Caretaker mockingly says it's football, not balls ball (or something like that). We briefly see one convict rubbing his own clothed crotch (but it's unclear whether that's just scratching or something sexual in nature). We see Turley repeatedly bashing his head against the concrete wall (creating a hole and slightly bloodying his head). A player known as Cheeseburger Eddie (for his ability to get inmates burgers) pulls one from the crotch of his pants and gives it to a player lying on the field. We see that the guards have flooded the inmates' practice field (but it doesn't stop the latter, as they all run out and frolic in the water and mud). Torres has a Mohawk haircut. The inmates switch prison guard Engleheart's steroids with estrogen. From that point on, he progressively exhibits stereotypical female behavior (rubbing his sore nipples; saying he's having hot flashes; crying; and stating that he likes it when Capt. Knauer is angry. A guard purposefully bashes his head against a locker door, denting the metal. To take care of a ref on the warden's payroll, Paul twice throws a hard pass that strikes the ref in the crotch, doubling him over in pain both times. Slang for testicles including "marbles," "balls" and "McNuggets" are then used about that. Paul gives a ref a "wet willie" (a wet finger in the ear). During a play, a prisoner uses a small electronic device to zap a guard's arm when he tries to wrest the ball from him. JUMP SCENES A booby-trapped radio suddenly explodes and engulfs a prisoner in flames (seen in slow motion). MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A mild amount of suspenseful music plays in the film. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) Some songs had lyrics that we couldn't fully hear and/or understand, thus offering the potential of them possibly containing additional objectionable material. A song has lyrics that are something along the lines of "shake it all...shake your pom-poms" (presumably slang for breasts). PROFANITY At least 1 "f" word, 54 "s" words, 3 slang terms using male genitals ("d*ck" and "hammer"), 1 for breasts ("boobies"), 33 asses (4 used with "hole"), 16 hells, 14 damns, 3 S.O.B.s, 1 crap, 5 uses of "G-damn" and 1 use each of "Jesus," "Jesus Christ," "Oh God" and "Oh my God" as exclamations. SEX/NUDITY We see various brief, underwater shots of a woman in a small bikini swimming in a pool, with the camera focusing in tight on her bikini-covered butt as she exits the pool. We then see other women walking around in bikinis and then Paul's girlfriend (Courtney Cox) showing a tremendous amount of cleavage in her low-cut and quite revealing dress (seen several times). A gay guy tells Paul's girlfriend that he (the gay man) is a fan of Paul's old underwear ads and refers to Paul as a "sexy boy toy." Paul's girlfriend warns that she'll throw him out of her bed, house and life. A miscellaneous TV reporter shows some cleavage. Hazen states that he could run the state like he runs his prison, with Paul chiming in "Hopefully with less sodomy." A middle-aged and sex-crazed female assistant to the warden comes on to Paul, commenting on him earlier posing in his "tighty-whities" (underwear) and that not even her husband could "fill my cracks as well as you." Some gay men in the prison are portrayed as flamboyantly effeminate. They enthusiastically wave at Paul, and are later seen in traditionally female garb, such as a mock halter top and then female cheerleading outfits. Later, some of them rub their own nipples (toward Paul) and a comment is made about "jailhouse boobies." We then see some of them do a group cheer ("Give me a...") in such outfits, starting out with the letters "d" and "i" before using their bodies to form the word "d*ck" (with the last "letter" being formed by contact between a covered crotch and a covered butt of two inmates). Later, when they're jumping around in those same skimpy outfits, one flips over and we briefly see his bare butt as he's only wearing a jock strap under his cheerleader skirt. Even later, they do a cheer about "we'll kick your ass and then kiss you" (or something like that). Caretaker tells Paul to be careful or he'll "end up being somebody's bitch." When some gay inmates react to hearing that he's recruiting football players, Caretaker mockingly says it's football, not balls ball (or something like that). We briefly see one convict rubbing his own clothed crotch (but it's unclear whether that's just scratching or something sexual in nature). Caretaker jokes that he'll get (what sounded like) the strippers to help with the team recruiting efforts. We see the above middle-aged assistant lasciviously looking at the aforementioned underwear ad featuring Paul, with her saying, "What I'd do to you" and then adding, "Meow." The guys go to recruit a big prisoner who's showering (a foreground object blocks our view of his full nudity -- we see his bare chest). One then comments on his "hammer" (penis) and "before you knock somebody out with that." Later, when that guy tackles Paul, Nate jokes, "You got hammered by the hammer" and Paul says he felt it (the "hammer") on his leg. A black prisoner says that the football team is just an excuse for a bunch of rednecks to grope each other. Throughout the film, we see many views of many shirtless and very muscular prisoners. An inmate makes a joking gay reference about Brucie and the gay inmates. A friend of the warden's, while golfing with other non-inmates as well as Paul, tells the latter, "I think you had sex with my wife before I married her." He then adds that if she's hot enough for a one-nighter with Paul, then he (the guy) must be doing all right. Another man then comments on the first man's wife and says that she has "the hottest ass." Caretaker asks Paul, "You got a lot of ass out there?" (in the free world). When Paul plays that down, Caretaker jokes that O.J. Simpson did even after cutting off his wife's head. The above middle-aged assistant comes on to Paul, saying that he has to earn his chance to watch past game tapes of the guards. The two then have wine (with Paul asking for more). We later see surveillance camera footage of the two of them cavorting in the office (both in their underwear), with him having a hat hanging on his apparent erection beneath it, some spanking, the woman leaning back onto a sofa that then turns over, some hiking of a football in the traditional sense but in underwear, etc.). This is all played for laughs rather than eroticism. We see surveillance footage of Brucie and a gay inmate being friendly in a hallway before going behind something where we see the silhouette of them hugging and kissing (played for laughs). As people go through security to attend the game, the camera briefly focuses on a young woman's buxom chest in her tight shirt. We see a very fat inmate in just his jock strap (seen from the front and played for laughs since his big belly hangs down over everything). The players are handed equipment, including a huge jock strap for one big player (and there's a joke that it's not big enough for him -- but we only see it being held up). We see some female cheerleaders in skimpy cheerleading outfits. Brucie makes a promise to stop cheating on his wife with black guys. An inmate in the crowd enthusiastically says something about them all getting to shower that night after winning, but then says "Or not" when others react adversely to that. SMOKING Torres smokes a number of times (even while practicing), Unger smokes several times and Caretaker smokes once (and is seen with an unlit cigar over his ear several times). TENSE FAMILY SCENES None. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT What prison is really like. Racism, gay jokes and other bad attitudes used as humor in the film. Drunk driving. Point shaving in sports. Caretaker tells Switowski that "reading's for rich people." The inmates switch prison guard Engleheart's steroids with estrogen. From that point on, he progressively exhibits stereotypical female behavior (rubbing his sore nipples; saying he's having hot flashes; crying; and stating that he likes it when Capt. Knauer is angry. VIOLENCE While drunk, Paul slams his car in reverse into a police car and then takes off. That results in a big chase that ends with many police cars converging on and smashing into his car and each other. We then see a little blood on Paul's head from that. A guard hits Paul in the gut with the butt of his shotgun and then does the same to knock him off a bus. Once in the prison, Capt. Knauer strikes Paul twice, both times in the gut or crotch. He then strikes him on the neck or back with his billy club. A guard pushes Paul down to a chair. We hear the sounds and see the shadow of at least one guard beating Paul off camera. To prove he won't take anything from the prisoners, Paul takes a larger inmate's food tray and cracks the inmate on the head. A melee breaks out in the cafeteria until a prison guard throws out what looks like a hand grenade that then goes off and shoots out what look like ball bearings in every direction (causing all of the inmates to duck for cover). Capt. Knauer goes to hit Paul on the head with his billy club, but Paul grabs it in flight. We then see Paul's point of view as a prison guard's fist races at his face and knocks him out. A guard football player smashes a table with a water keg. There's a lot of hard physical contact between players during practice, including one jumping into the air and kicking another, and one kicking another in the crotch. We see Turley repeatedly bashing his head against the concrete wall (creating a hole and slightly bloodying his head). There's more hard contact during another practice session, including a very hard tackle. We see more hard physical contact and blows during practice. Paul plays another prisoner in basketball who purposefully elbows Paul in the face quite hard. His next attempt misses and he falls to the court, but he then pushes Paul's face into the pole supporting the backboard. He then punches Paul in the face and throws him to the court by grabbing his shirt (all while they play a game of one on one). Turley kicks Switkowski down to the field quite hard during practice. We then see the latter with a severely broken nose (very crooked, but played for laughs) and Paul cracks it back into place. One player punches another player (both in helmets) in the face. A booby-trapped radio suddenly explodes and engulfs a prisoner in flames (seen in slow motion). We then see the funeral for that inmate. A guard purposefully bashes his head against a locker door, denting the metal. There's a lot of hard and even brutal contact during the prisoners vs. guards game, including a flying kick to two opposing players. Mad at a guard after a play is done, Turley drives a guard player back into a sideline bench. To take care of a ref on the warden's payroll, Paul twice throws a hard pass that strikes the ref in the crotch, doubling him over in pain both times. Slang for testicles including "marbles," "balls" and "McNuggets" are then used about that. Switkowski clotheslines a guard quite hard, reacts to the resultant smell and jokingly states "I made him sh*t himself." We see more hard and even some cheap hits during the game. To get back at Paul for initially starting to throw the big game, his teammates twice allow the huge prison guards to sack him quite hard to the ground. During a play, a prisoner uses a small electronic device to zap a guard's arm when he tries to wrest the ball from him. Two helmet-wearing inmates head-butt each other, with one falling to the ground from the impact. Reviewed May 23, 2005 / Posted May 27, 2005

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