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(About Our Ads) "ARE WE THERE YET?" (2005) (Ice Cube, Nia Long) (PG) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Minor Mild Heavy Mild Minor Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Heavy Minor Minor Mild *Minor Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence *Mild *None Moderate Moderate *Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A ladies man, who generally doesn't like children, reluctantly agrees to drive his girlfriend's bratty kids several hundred miles on a journey likely to test his will and patience. PLOT: Nick Persons (ICE CUBE) is a ladies man style bachelor who runs a Portland sports memorabilia shop with his friend Marty (JAY MOHR). He's instantly taken with attractive businesswoman Suzanne Kingston (NIA LONG), but when he sees that she has kids, he writes her off since he can't stand any rugrats. Yet, when he reluctantly stops to assist her with her broken down car, the two hit it off and start seeing each other. That doesn't sit will with Lindsey (ALEISHA ALLEN) and Kevin (PHILIP BOLDEN), Suzanne's bratty kids who hope that their divorced mom and dad will get back together, and thus do everything in their power to chase away any of Suzanne's suitors, including Nick. He likes her so much, however, that he's willing to put up with them and then does the unthinkable. When Suzanne has to go out of town on business and her ex won't take the kids, Nick reluctantly agrees to get them from Portland to Vancouver where Suzanne will be working. Of course, he doesn't realize that the kids' actions will rule out planes and trains, meaning he'll have to drive them several hundred miles in his brand new, decked-out SUV. As their trek commences, and with a small, bobble-head doll of Satchel Paige (voice of JOHN WITHERSPOON) serving as Nick's bachelor conscience, the unlikely threesome must deal with their antagonistic relationship and various comedic complications that arise, all while they learn a thing or two about each other. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? Since it features kids giving an adult a hard time, it's a good bet many will. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG For language and rude humor. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: ICE CUBE plays a self-proclaimed ladies man who reluctantly agrees to drive Suzanne's bratty kids several hundred miles to meet up with her. Along the way, he must put up with the kids' behavior and actions that test his will and patience, all while eventually learning and growing to like the kids. He uses a bit of profanity. NIA LONG plays his divorced, single mom who starts seeing Nick and allows him to transport her kids several hundred miles. ALEISHA ALLEN plays her first-born, a girl who wants her parents to get back together and isn't happy that Nick is in the picture. She sets out to make his life and their trip a living hell for him. PHILIP BOLDEN plays her bratty younger brother who has the same agenda. JAY MOHR plays Nick's business associate. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this PG-rated comedy. Profanity consists of various minor expletives (and a possible slang term using male genitalia), while some colorful phrases are also uttered. Some non-explicit, sexually related dialogue and/or song lyrics are present in several scenes, while some male characters ogle women. Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes, including two bratty kids who aren't respectful of adults and try to irritate, annoy and drive away their mom's suitors. Since that's played for comedy, such behavior and other material may be enticing for some kids to imitate. Some of that results in various instances of slapstick style humor, while some brief fighting is present and some male characters are struck in the crotch (played for laughs). A few moments (such as trucks smashing into each other, a trucker taking the kids, etc.) may be unsettling or suspenseful for younger viewers. Several instances of crude humor (including projectile vomiting and a boy accidentally urinating in a woman's face) are present, the two kids hope that their divorced parents will get back together again (but then realize they won't and feel guilty about that), and some brief drinking occurs. Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Miscellaneous people have drinks at a reception. BLOOD/GORE A comment is made about an older woman continually farting and we then see that sleeping woman and hear one such fart. Kevin states that he has to pee and then wants Nick to accompany him into the bathroom, but Nick says he's not touching anything. Later, Kevin states that he has to pee again, with Nick telling him to hold it (the boy writhes about in pain while asking if he can use a bottle or ashtray in the SUV). Nick then rushes him into a public restroom, but finds a disgusting looking toilet (seen from an underwater POV shot out of the toilet). Thus, he rushes the boy into the women's room, but the stall is occupied. Thus, he gets the boy to urinate in the sink. When the woman comes out and complains, Nick spins around (while holding the boy) and the boy's urine stream hits the woman in the face. Kevin announces that he doesn't feel well and then proceeds to do some projectile vomiting onto the inside of the windshield. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Nick admits that he doesn't like kids. A kid tries to shoplift from Nick's store, prompting Nick to hit the kid with a football or something similar. That kid and his friend then taunt Nick and Marty by licking the storefront's glass. Knowing she has kids, Nick doesn't initially stop for Suzanne and her broken down car at night in the rain, but he eventually changes his mind. Kevin and Lindsey have bad attitudes for the way they behave and treat their mom's suitors, including Nick. Mad about a juice box squirting his SUV's ceiling, Nick throws it out the window (littering). Kevin fakes an asthma attack so that they can lock Nick out of his SUV (while they're inside). Some viewers may be offended by the stereotypical portrayal of a Chinese man. A local pharmacist (who's off duty) isn't very concerned about Kevin upon hearing that the unseen boy is having an asthma attack. Another kid has a bad attitude toward Kevin, taking his sweets away until Kevin gives him a menacing scowl that makes the bully change his mind. Suzanne suddenly has a bad attitude toward Nick for being just a few minutes late in delivering her kids. FRIGHTENING SCENES We see some dead deer tied onto a hood (some younger viewers might not like that sight). A trucker purposefully swerves over and smashes Nick's SUV against the guardrail (causing sparks to fly) when he thinks that Nick has kidnapped the kids. Nick then tries to get around him, but loses control, goes against traffic on the other side of the road, careens through the woods and then flies through the air and lands hard on the ground (Nick and the kids are fine, but the SUV is badly damaged). That scene is played for comical adventure, but may be unsettling and/or suspenseful to younger kids. After Kevin vomits in his SUV, Nick briefly loses control of the vehicle that spins around on the road. A tractor trailer and smaller delivery truck take turns smashing into the side of the other (as Nick tries to rescue the kids from a trucker who's taken them -- thinking he's saving them from Nick). Kevin has an asthma attack, with Nick racing to save him and yelling at him to breathe (he does and is fine). Some of the other comically adventurous material that occurs in the film (including the above) might be suspenseful to very young kids. GUNS/WEAPONS During a montage showing Nick and Suzanne doing things together, we see an arrow land in a tree near Nick (played for laughs and fired by one of the kids). IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Horny" (sexual), "Merry Christmas sucker," "Sucker," "Keep driving fool," "She's so fine," "She's a breeder," "Holy moly," "Hubba-hubba," "Shut up, girl," "Clown," "Losers," "I don't make trash, I bury it," "You're damn right," "Bring your butt back here," "We're cool," "Are you crazy?" "You're not the boss of me," "Am not -- Are to" (argued back and forth between kids), "We're not ghetto," "Suck up," "You little bugger," "Open this damn door," "But my butt," "Idiot," "Like hell I will," "Get your butts on this horse," "You little snot-nosed runts," "Player," "I have bling-age," "That's a bad mother...shut your mouth," "You little gangsters," "Maggots," "Get your tail out of here," "You two little demons," "You animal," "You hillbilly" and "Jerk." As one of Suzanne's dates arrives at her house, he encounters various bobby traps the kids have left for him. He trips over a wire that sends what looks like fruit flying at him; he slips in a pratfall fashion on marbles that roll his way; and he's hit with various balloons filled with white glue. A kid blows a raspberry at Nick. A kid tries to shoplift from Nick's store, prompting Nick to hit the kid with a football or something similar. That kid and his friend then taunt Nick and Marty by licking the storefront's glass. After Kevin asks Nick if he wants some "Chinese," the boy kicks him in the leg or crotch, and then hits him in the face (in a martial arts fashion). Kevin opens the back door of Nick's SUV into a pole (accidentally, but it damages it). After Lindsey informs him that the corkscrew that Nick gave him will get him sent to jail if he brings it through airport security, Kevin secretly places it in Nick's pocket. When Nick then goes through security, that corkscrew is discovered and guards rush and tackle him, with a third then jumping and landing on him. Nick, Kevin and Lindsey each stick their tongues at each other. Mad about a juice box squirting his SUV's ceiling, Nick throws it out the window (littering). Kevin mocks Nick by putting his lips on the SUV window in an exaggerated kissing fashion. Lindsey accidentally ends up driving Nick's SUV. Nick then dives head-first into his SUV's sunroof in an attempt to get control of it while Lindsey drives. We see some dead deer tied onto a hood. When Nick sees that, he imagines seeing the kids tied to the hood of his SUV. Upset at Nick while in his SUV, Lindsey holds up a "Help us" sign to a passing trucker. The kids catch a ride on a train to try to get away from Nick. Lindsey tells Nick that her mom says that if a guy isn't married by the time he's 35, that means he's damaged or gay. Nick shows Kevin how to do "the look" (a menacing scowl meant to make others back down). A kid kicks Nick in the leg. Moments later (at a party), many kids tackle and jump on Nick on the floor. Nick tries to hotwire his SUV after losing the keys. JUMP SCENES Nick suddenly shows up at the car window, scaring Kevin. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A tiny bit of suspenseful music plays in the film. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) A song has the line, "I want to be your lover." Another song has a line about "make love to you." Nick's talking bobble-head sings the first few lines from a song that include "I'm just a gigolo. And everywhere I go, people know the part I'm playing." PROFANITY At least 1 possible use of "p*cker," 4 damns, 1 hell and 1 use of "For God's sakes." SEX/NUDITY Some viewers may find the following material as more "moderate" than "mild," particularly since it occurs in a kids' film. Nick stares at a woman in a short skirt as she walks by. We see Suzanne walking along in slow-motion (shot to make her look sexy, including some visible cleavage), with Nick or Marty stating that she's "fine" and Nick saying, "I got to get with that." When he sees that she has two kids, however, he's turned off and refers to her as a "breeder." When Suzanne takes off her coat in Nick's SUV, we see her clothed buxom figure that prompts the bobble-head to react by stating "Holy moly" and "Hubba-hubba." After Nick volunteers to get Suzanne's kids to Vancouver, she asks how she can ever repay him, prompting a smug (and presumably sexual) smile from him. The kids' older babysitter, who likes the looks of the much younger Nick, suggestively says that she can take him on a guided tour of Sin City. Lindsey refers to Nick as "a dirty, horny man." Lindsey tells Nick that her mom says that if a guy isn't married by the time he's 35, that means he's damaged or gay. In response, Nick's bobble-head figure sarcastically states that would explain Nick's earrings. The girl then says that Nick has intimacy issues, with him angrily denying that (but the definition of that term is not made clear). Nick's talking bobble-head comments on the "foxy ladies" in the city's clubs and then states that Vancouver produces more playmates (as in Playboy) than any other city. He then sings the first few lines from a song that includes, "I'm just a gigolo. And everywhere I go, people know the part I'm playing." Suzanne shows some cleavage. SMOKING Nick states that one of his SUV rules is no smoking. Kevin says that he doesn't, with Nick telling him not to start in his vehicle. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Kevin asks if their parents are getting back together and Lindsey says she thinks so. Suzanne complains about her ex-husband being an absentee father to their kids (and he says he can't take them when she has to go out of town on business). The kids see their father with what are presumably his new wife and new child (and the kids are disappointed by this). Nick tells the kids that his father walked out on him when he was a kid. Kevin states that they're a lot of trouble and that's why their father doesn't want to be with them (Nick says that's not true). TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT How to behave on long road trips. Nick tells the kids that his father walked out on him when he was a kid. Lindsey tells Nick that her mom says that if a guy isn't married by the time he's 35, that means he's damaged or gay. Divorced parents. Asthma. Kevin states that they're a lot of trouble and that's why their father doesn't want to be with them (Nick says that's not true). VIOLENCE Much of the following is presented in a slapstick fashion and is all played for laughs. As one of Suzanne's dates arrives at her house, he encounters various bobby traps the kids have left for him. He trips over a wire that sends what looks like fruit flying at him; he slips in a pratfall fashion on marbles that roll his way; and he's hit with various balloons filled with white glue. A kid tries to shoplift from Nick's store, prompting Nick to hit the kid with a football or something similar. While trying to jump-start Suzanne's car, Nick receives a jolt that throws him through the air (played as slapstick). During a montage showing Nick and Suzanne doing things together, we see an arrow land in a tree near Nick (played for laughs and fired by one of the kids). Nick and Suzanne accidentally bump heads. The kids repeatedly push each other. After Kevin asks Nick if he wants some "Chinese," the boy kicks him in the leg or crotch, and then hits him in the face (in a martial arts fashion). Kevin opens the back door of Nick's SUV into a pole (accidentally, but it damages it). After Lindsey informs him that the corkscrew that Nick gave him will get him sent to jail if he brings it through airport security, Kevin secretly places it in Nick's pocket. When Nick then goes through security, that corkscrew is discovered and guards rush and tackle him, with a third then jumping and landing on him. Realizing the kids are off the train that's now moving down the platform, Nick runs through the various trains, knocking over people in the process. He then jumps from the moving train, hoping to hit some luggage, but appears to land hard on the platform instead (all played for laughs). We briefly see some video game violence where a character slices monsters with a sword. Lindsey accidentally ends up driving Nick's SUV, with the latter running into the back while chasing it and she slams on the brakes. An enormous prop ax from a huge Paul Bunyan statue slams down into Nick's crotch (while he's stuck headfirst through his SUV's sunroof). A trucker purposefully swerves over and smashes Nick's SUV against the guardrail (causing sparks to fly) when he thinks that Nick has kidnapped the kids. Nick then tries to get around him, but loses control, goes against traffic on the other side of the road, careens through the woods and then flies through the air and lands hard on the ground (Nick and the kids are fine, but the SUV is badly damaged). The kids catch a ride on a train to try to get away from Nick. In turn, he rides on horseback to catch up with and then ride alongside them. After a moment, the horse suddenly stops and Nick flies off and lands hard on the ground. A kid kicks Nick in the leg. Moments later (at a party), many kids tackle and jump on Nick on the floor. After being passive, a deer responds to a camera flash and attacks Nick (mostly seen in the resultant still photos of the stand-up attack -- and all played for laughs). Nick accidentally sets his SUV on fire and it explodes moments later. While trying to rescue the kids from a trucker (who thinks he's rescuing them from Nick), Nick falls off the moving truck to the road. A tractor trailer and smaller delivery truck take turns smashing into the side of the other (as Nick tries to rescue the kids from a trucker), resulting in the delivery truck running over some newspaper boxes on the sidewalk. Once the bigger truck stops, the kids hit and hood the trucker to escape, with the guy's CB radio handset then snapping back and hitting the trucker (possibly in the crotch). As Nick and a trucker go after each other, some people are knocked aside or down (in a slapstick fashion). The trucker throws some punches at Nick and there's more struggling until they're eventually separated and arrested. Reviewed January 5, 2005/ Posted January 21, 2005