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"I ♥ HUCKABEES" (2004) (Jason Schwartzman, Mark Wahlberg) (R) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons *Mild Minor Moderate Minor None Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Mild None None None Extreme Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Extreme None Moderate Moderate Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: A radical environmentalist hires a team of existential detectives to help him get to the source of the various crises and odd occurrences in his life. PLOT: Albert Markovski (JASON SCHWARTZMAN) is a young man facing several crises. First is the fact that the members of his environmentally friendly Open Spaces Coalition -- of which he formed the local chapter -- are now being swayed by the far more slick and charismatic Brad Stand (JUDE LAW). The fact that he works for the ever-expanding Huckabees retail store corporation doesn't seem to bother anyone but Albert. Then there are the various coincidences in his life -- some of which involve repeatedly seeing the same lanky Nigerian man -- that are about to drive him crazy. Thus, and after happening to find their business card in a borrowed jacket, he calls Bernard (DUSTIN HOFFMAN) and Vivian Jaffe (LILY TOMLIN), a team of married existential detectives who agree to take on and discover the cause of his dilemma. Following various experiments, they team him up with fireman Tommy Corn (MARK WAHLBERG) who's facing his own existential crisis regarding anything related to petroleum. It's gotten so bad for him that his wife has taken the kids and moved out, but the Jaffes are more concerned with their archrival, the ever pessimistic Caterine Vauban (ISABELLE HUPPERT), influencing the two men. When Brad gets wind of the Jaffes, he decides to hire them for himself, all of which occurs as his live-in girlfriend and current model face of Huckabees, Dawn Campbell (NAOMI WATTS), has decided to forgo any sort of beauty regimen. As the detectives try to do their work, their subjects attempt to understand and do something about all of the strange things happening in their lives. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're fans of someone in the cast or the previous films by the director they might, but this one otherwise probably looks too heady and/or weird to interest many other kids. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: R For language and a sex scene. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: JASON SCHWARTZMAN plays the head of a pro-environment coalition who's not happy with the direction it's taking or with the confusing coincidences in his life. He thus hires the Jaffes in hopes of them solving his crises. He uses strong profanity, has sex with Caterine and basically tries to stop Brad from taking over his organization. DUSTIN HOFFMAN plays one half of the married, existential detective team who tries to help Albert and Tommy. LILY TOMLIN plays his wife, a fellow existential detective who does the same but is also suspicious of Caterine. JUDE LAW plays a Huckabees executive who joins Albert's group to undermine his environmental agenda, but then becomes entranced by the existential detectives. He uses some profanity. NAOMI WATTS plays his live-in girlfriend, the model for Huckabees who adopts a frumpy look and uses some strong profanity. MARK WAHLBERG plays a firefighter who's so upset with all thing petroleum-related that his wife and kids move out due to his strong beliefs. He uses strong profanity and briefly gets physical with some people. ISABELLE HUPPERT plays the gloom and doom counterpart to the Jaffes who tries to sway Tommy and Albert (the latter of with whom she has sex) over to her side. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here's a brief summary of the content found in this R-rated comedy. Profanity consists of at least 29 "f" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are uttered. Sexually related dialogue is present, as is a sexual encounter (featuring rear entry intercourse, movement, sounds and related action leading up to that) and other sexual activity may be occurring just off camera (what appears to be manual stimulation). Several women are seen in various forms of skimpy attire while a surreal bit has a man breastfeeding a miniature version of an adult man and we see the realistic bare breast. Some characters have bad attitudes while some of them and others drink (while one may have pot in front of him on a table but it's never identified). A few characters hit or otherwise strike others and a surreal bit has some body parts being cut off (which isn't remotely realistic). Thematic elements of existentialism, nihilism and other "isms" are present, some behavior may be imitated, and a man's wife and children leave him, while another scene briefly features other tense family material. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE Bernard may have a large amount of pot on the table in front of him in his office, but it's never identified. Brad has a martini. Tommy and others have drinks. Brad has a drink. Brad mentions having pina coladas in the future. We see champagne in Brad's office. Miscellaneous people have drinks. BLOOD/GORE Brad partially vomits into his own hand. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Brad volunteers for Open Spaces but only to further his career at Huckabees by derailing Albert and his cause. Some workers throw food on Albert to mock him. Tommy tells a religious family that Jesus is not happy with them for the way they lead their lives. Some people heckle Albert as he reads his latest poem. Brad isn't happy anymore with Dawn once she adopts a frumpy look. Huckabees decides to use a new model for their ads when Dawn adopts a frumpy look. We see that Brad has a bad attitude toward his overweight brother (whom we only see in a photo). Albert admits to setting a fire in a person's house (the act isn't seen). FRIGHTENING SCENES Tommy rushes into a fire where he finds Dawn unconscious on the floor. GUNS/WEAPONS None. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "I'm f*cked," "Rat f*cking bastard," "F*cked up," "F*ck trust," "F*ck-abees," "What the f*ck was that?" "F*ck him," "I'm not going to bullsh*t you," "(You're) Full of sh*t," "That's bullsh*t," "Magic blanket bullsh*t," "Doesn't give a sh*t," "You little p*ssy," "D*ckhead," "D*ckweed," "Crazy bastard," "You're an asshole," "You're pissing people off," "What the hell are you talking about?" "I suck," "That really sucked," "Wise ass," "Who the hell are you?" "Don't be a jerk," "My bad," "Nut" (crazy person), "Bitch," "Crappy," "Freaking out," "All this and a brain too," "What in God's name is happening to you?" "So long, suckers," "Screw all you bastards," "A bitch ass thing to do" and "Hell no." A miscellaneous person has tattoos. As part of a sensory deprivation procedure, Albert is under the water in a bathtub with a mask across his eyes. Some workers throw food on Albert to mock him. We see Vivian run and dive into the backseat of another woman's car. We see posters showing women wearing midriff-revealing tops. Dawn wears a midriff-revealing top. As part of their therapy, Albert takes a huge, inflatable ball and smacks Tommy in the face with it (as a means of clearing one's mind via distraction). He does this repeatedly and they then switch off with Tommy hitting Albert so hard that it knocks him backwards the first time. Dawn gives "the finger" to Brad. JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) None. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) None. PROFANITY At least 29 "f" words (8 used with "mother"), 19 "s" words, 11 slang terms using male genitals ("d*ck," "c*cks*cker" and "pr*ck"), 2 using female ones ("p*ssy"), 7 hells, 5 asses (2 used with "hole"), 2 craps, 2 damns, 2 S.O.B.s, 6 uses of "Oh my God," 2 uses each of "G-damn" and "God" and 1 use each of "Jesus" and "Oh God." SEX/NUDITY Vivian tells Albert that observing him flossing or masturbating might be the key to answering his problem. Bernard and Vivian do some brief but passionate kissing in their office. As Bernard does a demonstration with Albert (who's under a blanket as a means of some sensory isolation), Bernard states that all things (a verbal list includes orgasm) are the same. We briefly see a young woman in a bikini. We see Dawn in a bikini or similar attire that shows cleavage. We see Albert in his boxers. Tommy's wife shows some cleavage. We see Dawn in a bra and small panties while doing a commercial shoot for Huckabees. We also see a poster shot of her in low-cut pants and showing cleavage. Vivian shows some cleavage. We see Dawn in a bikini top. We see an old photo of Jessica Lange in a bathing suit. Vivian shows a lot of cleavage in an outfit that has an opening across that part of her body. We see a surreal bit where Brad is breastfeeding a miniature version of Albert. We see the bare breast and some milk on it. Caterine shows a little cleavage. Vivian asks Dawn and Brad how the sex is, stating that it's infrequent and short, and mentions 8 to 9 minutes. Dawn asks if they watch them (Vivian says they just listen) and then jokes about it being quantity and not quality (realizing it should be the opposite) and she then says that they're private about our "seven minutes of heaven." Caterine runs her foot up to Albert's clothed crotch under the table. They then excuse themselves from Tommy, walk off together and then get into a bit of mud play. He rubs mud up her legs and under her skirt as she rubs her hands over her clothed breasts and makes pleasured sounds. During this, both dunk the other's head into the mud puddle and then passionately kiss. We then see two views (sideways and from behind) of him having rear entry intercourse with her as he's standing and she's bent over something outdoors. There's movement and sounds, but no explicit nudity. Later, we see the two in a hotel room where she's dressed in just a towel and Albert is in his boxers. Tommy then arrives and comments on their "sick sex dance." We see a new Huckabees model in small shorts and a top that shows cleavage (and she says, "All this and a brain too"). Tommy and Dawn briefly do some passionate kissing before passing out from smoke fumes (in a house fire). It's possible that Albert is manually stimulating Caterine as both lie on the ground, side by side and her body appears to be slightly moving in a somewhat rhythmic fashion (the lower halves of their bodies are below the camera shot so we can't tell for sure). We see a video of a TV commercial showing a woman in small shorts. Albert states that he hasn't been with many women (sexually). SMOKING None. TENSE FAMILY SCENES We hear that Tommy's wife is leaving him and then see her packing up her belonging with the kids as she's moving out. There's a suggested tense family relationship between Albert and his parents and Caterine says he was orphaned by indifference from them. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Existentialism. Environmentalists. The question of why people only pose deep questions when something bad happens to them. Socialism. Huckabees decides to use a new model for their ads when Dawn adopts a frumpy look. VIOLENCE We see a security guard blast through the camera shot in a parking lot and tackle Albert out of the shot (for planting a tree in the parking lot and it's played for comedy). Tommy's wife hits him with a stuffed toy while upset and moving out. Tommy punches a man in the face. In a surreal fantasy bit, Brad pushes a person out of a tree and then chops off Albert's head (no blood and not remotely realistic), followed by Albert chopping off Brad's legs in the same fashion. Tommy pushes Brad backwards as a distraction to allow Albert to get into an office. A kid pushes Tommy to the ground while playing basketball. Tommy pushes Brad down. As part of their therapy, Albert takes a huge, inflatable ball and smacks Tommy in the face with it (as a means of clearing one's mind via distraction). He does this repeatedly and they then switch off with Tommy hitting Albert so hard that it knocks him backwards the first time. Dawn grabs a model (who's replaced her as the face of their company) by the hair. Tommy punches a hotel lamp in anger. A woman slaps Brad. Albert and Brad get into a tiff and struggle on elevator (including holding the other's face) where they accidentally bang into some older women on it with them. A famous singer repeatedly slaps Brad's face for lies he told about her. Reviewed September 13, 2004 / Posted October 8, 2004