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"THE GURU"
(2003) (Jimi Mistry, Heather Graham) (R)

Alcohol/
Drugs
Blood/Gore Disrespectful/
Bad Attitude
Frightening/
Tense Scenes
Guns/
Weapons
Heavy Minor Heavy None None
Imitative
Behavior
Jump
Scenes
Music
(Scary/Tense)
Music
(Inappropriate)
Profanity
Mild None None None Heavy
Sex/
Nudity
Smoking Tense Family
Scenes
Topics To
Talk About
Violence
Extreme Minor Minor Moderate Minor


QUICK TAKE:
Comedy: An Indian immigrant arrives in America hoping to live the American dream as an actor, but finds himself mistaken for a revered sex guru.
PLOT:
Ever since he was a kid, dance instructor Ramu (JIMI MISTRY) has been enamored with America and Hollywood movies. Thus, he decides to leave his native India and head to New York to stay with his cousin, Vijay (EMIL MARWA), who's reportedly achieved the American dream. When Ramu arrives in the Big Apple, however, he discovers that Vijay has faired no better than most other immigrants, including roommates Sanjiv (AJAY NAIDU) and Amit (RAAHUL SINGH), and takes a waiter job with him.

When that doesn't work out, he auditions for a movie for filmmaker Dwain (MICHAEL McKEAN), unaware that he makes porno films. Moments after learning that from Peaches (DWIGHT EWELL), the transvestite make-up artist, Ramu finds himself on the set with veteran porn actress Sharonna (HEATHER GRAHAM) who's yet to let her fireman fiancé, Rusty (DASH MIHOK), know about her line of work.

The fact that Ramu can't perform on cue doesn't bode well for his future in that industry, but he ends up using Sharonna's personal advice about sex when he's called upon to stand in for a drunken swami at the birthday party for socialite Lexi (MARISA TOMEI). Her snobby mother, Chantal (CHRISTINE BARANSKI), isn't so sure about him, but he becomes the hit of the party and convinces Lexi that he's a sex guru.

Accordingly, Ramu offers to buy Sharonna's expensive wedding cake in exchange for more sex lessons from her, although she's unaware of what he's really doing with her material. As he becomes a bigger celebrity, he must decide whether to continue with his ruse and subsequent fame, or risk everything by letting Sharonna know the truth as well as how he really feels about her.

WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT?
If they're fans of someone in the cast or are interested in Indian characters or related stories, they just might.
WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: R
For strong sexual content including dialogue, and for language.
CAST AS ROLE MODELS:
  • JIMI MISTRY plays an immigrant from India who's always dreamed of coming to America and being a Hollywood star. After a brief bout as a porn actor, having sex with Lexi and posing a sex guru, he suddenly becomes a star and uses Sharonna's sexual lessons as the basis for his advice. He uses strong profanity and must decide between fame, celebrity, and letting Sharonna know the truth about what he's doing and how he really feels about her.
  • HEATHER GRAHAM plays a porn actress who lies to her fiancé about her profession but teaches Ramu her secrets about sex that he then uses to earn money (without her knowledge).
  • MARISA TOMEI plays a spoiled socialite who's into Eastern philosophies and has never held down a steady job. After having sex with Ramu, she suddenly becomes his promoter/groupie. She also briefly uses strong profanity.
  • MICHAEL McKEAN plays a filmmaker of porno films who sees promise in Ramu. He uses profanity.
  • DASH MIHOK plays Sharonna's fireman fiancé who wants to save himself until they're married, but turns out to be gay.
  • EMIL MARWA plays Ramu's cousin who misled him and others about his success in America. When Ramu suddenly makes it big, he jumps on his bandwagon. He also uses profanity.
  • AJAY NAIDU plays another immigrant roommate who's excited about Ramu's success in the sex business.
  • DWIGHT EWELL plays a transvestite makeup artist who works for Dwain.
  • CHRISTINE BARANSKI plays Lexi's snobbish, socialite mother.
  • CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO

    HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE


    Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit?
    Then read OUR TAKE of this film.


    (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below).


    OUR WORD TO PARENTS:
    Here's a brief summary of the content found in this R-rated comedy. Profanity consists of at least 5 "f" words, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered. A great deal of sexually related dialogue - some of it explicit - occurs throughout the film.

    Off-screen sex is implied, some on-screen fooling around is present, while one of the main characters in the film is a porn actress. There's material regarding a shoot between her and the main male character who can't "perform" on camera, as well as some brief, S&M related material.

    Nudity (bare breasts and butts) is occasionally present, while various scantily clad women and men are seen in person and/or in photos/posters. Some same sex material is present, including a kiss between two men. Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes, while various characters smoke and more drink, some to the point of being drunk. One person punches another person.

    Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content.


    ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE
  • Ramu's new roommates cheer him on as he takes a long swig from a large bottle.
  • Some people drink beer in a restaurant.
  • Various rich people have champagne, while a Swami drinks so much that he passes out.
  • Lexi passionately kisses Ramu while seemingly intoxicated.
  • People drink in a club, including Lexi who has champagne.
  • Ramu and his friends have beer.
  • One of the guys wheels in several cases of beer.
  • Various people drink wine.
  • Chantal downs a drink.
  • Ramu's friends have beer.
  • Ramu and his friends have champagne.
  • Sharonna, Rusty and others have drinks.
  • BLOOD/GORE
  • Ramu has a tiny bit of a bloody nose (with some blood on a tissue) after being punched there.
  • DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE
  • A restaurant customer is mean and disrespectful to Ramu who's his waiter. He has a bad attitude and mockingly imitates Ramu's accent and tells him to take his "skinny brown ass back down to the kitchen." As a result, Ramu dumps food on this man's head and he then punches Ramu.
  • Some viewers might not like Sharonna bringing God into her helpful advice to Ramu about making porn. During that, she says that your body is your costume and that there's always somebody watching (meaning God, but adding that He's not a big old "perv"). She then says that the same God who made the rose and ocean, also made her. She then adds, "My body is made to have sex" and that like the rosebud, it's made to open. The same holds true for a later scene where a businessman says they love the Guru's God connection and that "We want to be in bed with God."
  • We learn that Sharonna is lying to Rusty about what she does for a living.
  • Ramu uses Sharonna's personal information and techniques to make money for himself (without telling her or giving her credit).
  • Lexi passionately makes out with Ramu at the dinner table in front of others.
  • Chantal has a condescending attitude toward Lexi, her lifestyle, and anyone of a class lower than hers.
  • Several characters densely confuse Indians (from India) with Native Americans.
  • Some guys act like jerks by saying they recognize Sharonna from a video (while she has dinner with others, including a priest).
  • A person uses the term "homo" for a gay person.
  • FRIGHTENING SCENES
  • None.
  • GUNS/WEAPONS
  • None.
  • IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR
  • Phrases: "Shut the f*ck up," "What the f*ck are you talking about?" "We don't have Jack sh*t," "Pencil d*ck," "Wood" (erection), "You're a real bastard, you know that?" "Skinny brown ass," "Piss off," "Shut up," "Chicks" (women), "I gotta take a leak" and "You bastards."
  • Various characters, including Sharonna, occasionally wear midriff-revealing tops (particularly during Bollywood style dance numbers).
  • JUMP SCENES
  • None.
  • MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE)
  • None.
  • MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE)
  • None.
  • PROFANITY
  • At least 5 "f" words, 7 "s" words, 8 slang terms for sex ("do it" and "screw"), 7 slang terms for male genitals ("Johnson," "d*ck," "wand," "sword," "baloney pony" and "Dolphin"), 5 slang terms for female genitals ("p*ssy," "sn*tch," and "poontang"), 1 ass, 1 damn and 1 use each of "God," "My God," "Oh God" and "Oh my God" as exclamations.
  • SEX/NUDITY
  • The camera briefly focuses on Ramu's clothed crotch as he dances and teaches the Macarena.
  • We see posters of various scantily clad women in Vijay and his friends' place and see that one of them is reading Penthouse Magazine (but don't see anything explicit).
  • We see the exterior of an adult store that advertises adult videos, leather and lace and has a neon sign in the shape of a reclining woman. We also see a sign for Ramrod Productions that says "Cum Inside."
  • Once inside there, we see various posters of buxom women showing cleavage and Ramu doesn't realize it's a porno production house. Dwain doesn't realize he doesn't realize that, and thus asks, "How big are you hard?" Ramu misunderstands him and Dwain asks, "How big is your Johnson?" He then uses the terms "wand," "sword" and "baloney pony" and Ramu then asks if he wants to see his Macarena (which Dwain thinks his Ramu's slang).
  • Ramu begins to do the dance and Dwain wonders if he can lose the pants. Dwain wonders if that will be part of the movie and Dwain says it could be. Ramu then dances like Tom Cruise in "Risky Business" (a dress shirt and his small briefs) and does all of the playful pelvic thrusting that goes along with that. When he's done, Dwain is impressed and says that most guys just come in and "wax the dolphin" and that's it.
  • Ramu (nicknamed "Rammy" by Dwain) shows up for his first day of shooting, still unaware that he's making a porno film. The male transvestite makeup "woman" then reaches down to Ramu's crotch in his grass skirt and says that he's giving "Mr. happy a shine. He gets more screen time than your face."
  • Ramu now realizes he's on a porno set and tries to do a scene with Sharonna who he's just met. Dwain explains the motivation that Ramu is an islander and that "you beat your meat your whole life." He then makes a double entendre about his "native tongue." Her character's name is "Senator Snatch" and she suddenly whips off her business suit to reveal herself in a skimpy and lacy bra, panties and garters. He's then supposed to reach out and grab her breasts, but he can't. After a stop in the action, they try again with Dwain saying that he sees her, "screws" her and they go home. He then passionately kisses her, but she stops and says that there's no "wood" (erection). Various people then comment that they're waiting "for wood." Dwain asks if he has an erection problem and says, "Get hard or get going." Sharonna tells him, "It's just sex, silly." She then gives more advice, saying that your body is your costume and that there's always somebody watching (meaning God, but adding that He's not a big old "perv"). She then says that the same God who made the rose and ocean, also made her. She then adds, "My body is made to have sex" and that like the rosebud, it's made to open. She continues that the most powerful sexual organ is our brain.
  • We hear a porno title, "The Prime of Miss Jean's Booty."
  • A Swami states that all some people want is sex and money. He then states that if they have the money they can't afford the sex and vice-versa. Later, Ramu repeats a variation of the same thing (after the Swami passes out only to briefly recover long enough to state that he thought "she was sixteen"). He also repeats what Sharonna earlier said about God and sex (including the bit about the brain being the most sexual organ). Ramu then asks an older woman about her state and she replies that her whole body is about to think. He also tells Lexi that she should open her rosebud.
  • Lexi passionately kisses Ramu while seemingly intoxicated. She then lies down on top of him on a bed back at her place. She then says that they can't have spiritual sex without candles and then asks him to undress her slowly and spiritually. She then eventually pulls off her dress (while standing), revealing her in her bra and lace panties (which we see - along with part of her lower butt when she slightly bends over away from the camera). She then starts doing her own form of suggestive dancing and then states that it feels "like we're doing it" and begins to writhe about while standing. He then says it's better over with him and she wonders what the most sacred position is. He replies that where he comes from sex is very fast like wild monkeys at sundown. She then makes some monkey sounds and sex is implied.
  • We see Sharonna and Rusty passionately kissing but he then stops, saying he wants to wait until they're married and she says that she's proud to save herself for him (although she's a porn actress). He then wonders, however, how a good Catholic girl like herself knows how to make "sexy girl sounds." She then states that she and her girlfriends used to practice kissing, and then amends that to kissing their hands (and she then does that in an exaggerated fashion).
  • We see Ramu in just a towel after sex with Lexi who we see getting acupuncture in her bare back (with just a towel over her rear end).
  • Vijay asks Ramu if he's tried the Kama Sutra. Ramu says he hasn't and asks Vijay the same. He replies that he has a little, but by himself. He then comments that gurus don't just put on turbans and "screw chicks."
  • Lexi and a reporter ask Ramu when he had his epiphany about being a sex guru and he replies when he said, "I'll touch yours, you'll touch mine."
  • Lexi passionately kisses Ramu. An older female friend of Lexi's asks if he does "privates" (meaning sessions, but a double entendre) and Lexi says, "Does he ever."
  • Sharonna tells Ramu on the subway not to worry since a lot of guys "can't get it up" (which causes others to stare at him).
  • Sharonna lays down the ground rules for her "teaching lessons" to Ramu, including that there's not to be any touching, groping or anything that would be a turn on for him. She then starts her first lesson by stating that people hold fear in their genitals and that's why sex is a release. She adds, "When we come, we let go of our fears" and that leads to our soul. She continues, "The way I look at it is, my p*ssy is the door to my soul."
  • We then see him giving a guru lesson to an older woman where he repeats most of what Sharonna told him, including the same language. That woman then starts to run her hand down toward her crotch and asks that if she touches herself there, she won't be afraid. She then leaves in a hurry saying that she needs to be by herself.
  • During another lesson with Sharonna, Ramu finally loses his inhibitions and drops the towel around him (he faces her and we see his bare butt). We then see him sitting nude in front of her (and see the side of his bare butt, but nothing else).
  • During a montage, we hear a person repeating that they're a good lover; another shows the inside of her bare breast; two lesbians are there; as are two women and one man; and then a couple sits nude in front of Ramu (we see her bare breasts).
  • Lexi passionately makes out with Ramu at the dinner table in front of others. When she and her mom return to the table after a brief talk, they discover that everyone there has shed their clothes and are now nude (we see one woman's bare breasts, the side of a man's bare butt, and another completely nude man standing with just his napkin blocking our view of his crotch).
  • Later that night, Chantal tells her husband that he hasn't been up to her bedroom since the Reagan administration. He then takes off his robe (we see him in small briefs) and says it's "bush" or "push" time.
  • We see Ramu in small briefs (after he gets up out of bed with Lexi).
  • Sharonna gives Ramu another lesson, this time telling him how she makes something mechanical (porn sex) seem romantic. She then lies on the floor next to him (in a tight tank-top and small shorts) and then begins to writhe around (arching her back, etc.) while singing a Billy Joel song and saying that it sends love through one's loins. She then says that she can really feel Billy Joel between her legs, but then adds not the person, but rather the romance of his words. She then gets Ramu to try it, but then tells him that he needs to get on top of her, as it's the only way he's going to learn. He then lies down on top of her on the floor (both are dressed) and she does more writhing while singing. The two nearly kiss, but are interrupted before anything else happens.
  • Ramu's friends watch one of Sharonna's porno films on TV and we see the camera focus on her butt in her short skirt. One does some pelvic thrusting in the air when Ramu returns home and we hear the titles, "Good Will Humping," "Star Whores" and "Charlie's Anus." We then hear sexual sounds coming from the TV and one of the friends asks, "You couldn't get it up with her?" Ramu then says he couldn't have sex with twenty people around, while Vijay makes it sound like that's not unusual. One of them then is happy to report that he talked to a real porn star on the phone (Sharonna) and that she sounded naked. After we hear her tell Ramu that he doesn't have to "do it" with anyone in another film, the one friend yells out, "I'll do it."
  • Sharonna shows cleavage.
  • We then see Ramu and Sharonna on the set of "Glad-he-ate-her" where he's dressed up like a Roman slave (with occasional views of his bare butt) and she's dressed like an S&M dominatrix in a high and low-cut black leather teddy (with garters and a whip). We briefly see some other partial nudity (sides of bare butts).
  • Lexi states that Ramu is about to be the Mother Theresa of sex and she's upset that he left her out.
  • Sharonna starts to remove her shirt for another lesson with Ramu, but he wants to walk with her in the park. There, they briefly but passionately kiss.
  • Some guys act like jerks by saying they recognize Sharonna from a porn video (while she has dinner with others, including a priest who then figures out that's where he knows her face from). One of them says, "You're the chick from Star Whores, episode 69."
  • Ramu tells others at a conference/show to feel Billy Joel between your legs and "feel your genitals come alive." A comment is also made about send love "through your loins," it being the gateway to your soul and "When we make love, we release our fears." Vijay then gets up and says, "Sex is good for you."
  • A porn guy explains his profession at a wedding by saying that he's in the "meat packing industry."
  • A comment is made about Ramu talking about "sexual intercourse" on a TV show.
  • We see Chantal in a leather maid's outfit and her husband in some sort of leather attire who then gets on top of her on the bed, but they then watch a TV show where Ramu appears.
  • During that TV interview, a man states that the only way he can get a woman is on the computer. Ramu answers that perhaps he should try another location.
  • A man calls into a sex advice show and states that his heart beats for another man rather than his fiancée. Later, a priest states that they also knew that he "swam upstream" and the two male lovers then kiss.
  • SMOKING
  • We see Olivia Newton-John smoke in "Grease," while a few miscellaneous characters smoke.
  • TENSE FAMILY SCENES
  • Lexi and her mother don't always see eye to eye, while a mother faints when she learns that her son is gay.
  • TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT
  • The experience of immigrants in the United States.
  • The porn industry.
  • Bollywood - the Indian "Hollywood."
  • Vijay states, "You know why it's called the American dream? Because it only happens when you are asleep."
  • One minor character is a transvestite.
  • VIOLENCE
  • An angry patron punches Ramu in the face (seen from Ramu's point of view).



  • Reviewed February 14, 2003 / Posted February 14, 2003

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