"STUCK ON YOU" (2003) (Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Moderate Minor Heavy None Mild Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Moderate None None None Heavy Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Heavy Moderate Mild Moderate Moderate QUICK TAKE: Comedy: Conjoined twins try not to get in each other's way as they head to Hollywood for one to pursue an acting career and the other his Internet girlfriend. PLOT: Bob (MATT DAMON) and Walt Tenor (GREG KINNEAR) are conjoined twins who've grown up on Martha's Vineyard doing everything together. While Walt is an aspiring actor, Bob is content with running their burger joint and dreaming of his California Internet girlfriend who he's known for years but has never met. Despite the shared liver and nine inches of flesh on their sides that keep them together, the two have long agreed not to old each other back, and surgery is out of the question since it could be dangerous to Walt. Thus, Bob agrees to move to Hollywood with Walt so that he can try to make it in the movies. After repeated rejections, they run into lingerie model and aspiring actress April Mercedes (EVA MENDES) who introduces the two to her agent, Morty O'Reilly (SEYMOUR CASSEL), who takes on Walt as his client. The first job he finds for Walt is a bust, but he and Bob accidentally run into Cher (CHER) who isn't happy with her new TV show. With final say on who's cast as her co-star, she chooses Walt knowing full well that the network will cancel the show when they learn about his condition. They don't, however, and the show becomes a surprise hit, propelling Walt into stardom. Bob, however, feels like little more than a gimmick, a point he tries to keep secret from May Fong (WEN YANN SHIH), his Internet girlfriend who lives nearby. With their physical condition increasingly getting in their way, Bob and Walt must decide whether to go on living as they always have or take the physical and emotional risk of being surgically separated. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? If they're fans of anyone in the cast or the comedy offerings of the Farrelly Brothers ("There's Something About Mary," "Dumb and Dumber) they just might. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 For crude and sexual humor, and some language. CAST AS ROLE MODELS: MATT DAMON plays a young, reserved man who's relatively happy with his life despite being joined at the side of the body to his twin brother. He accompanies him to Hollywood where he ends up feeling like an extra appendage and tries to keep his condition secret from May. GREG KINNEAR plays his twin brother, an aspiring actor who's more confident and outgoing than his sibling. He has sex with an unseen woman, briefly smokes and drinks some (once to the point of inebriation). EVA MENDES plays a lingerie model and aspiring actress who befriends the twins and wears revealing attire. WEN YANN SHIH plays Bob's longstanding Internet girlfriend who eventually gets to meet him and initially reacts adversely upon learning of his condition (but is later okay with it). SEYMOUR CASSEL plays Walt's veteran Hollywood agent who smokes cigars and gets Walt an acting gig in a porno movie. CHER plays herself as a demanding and annoyed actress who briefly uses strong profanity and drinks with Walt. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity consists of at least 1 use of the "f" word, while other expletives and a great deal of colorful phrases are uttered. Various instances of sexually related dialogue are present, and one of the twins has sex with a woman (behind a vertical sheet with just sounds and bed movement) while the other works. Various women reveal varying amounts of cleavage (including some hookers outside a porn theater and some lap dancers) and squeaking sounds are heard from the set of a porno movie. Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes (while some viewers might not like the film using conjoined twins as its source for comedy), some smoke and/or drink (one to the point of inebriation), while some imitative behavior is present. Some fake guns are seen in a TV show and stage play, while several instances of fighting (played for laughs), other hitting and some slapstick style material occurs. If you're still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content. For those concerned with bright flashing lights on the screen, some of that briefly occurs in a scene set in a bar. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE A woman tells Walt that they should have drinks again together sometime. Walt and others have beer in a bar where Bob is acting as the designated driver (although we hear it's mostly his liver that will bear the brunt). A miscellaneous woman has wine in front of her in a bar. Walt pours a drink while playing a character in a play. We see a big beer ad on the side of a building (prominently shown on camera). Walt has a beer. Meryl Streep has wine with two men. People have drinks in a club. A guy approaches May in a bar where she, Bob, Walt and April have champagne. He claims she's his girlfriend. When she says she's not, he starts to say, "Then what was that when you sucked..." but is momentarily interrupted before continuing "down a 6-pack and..." People have champagne, drinks and beer in a club. Walt has a shot of liquor and a beer and we later see him drinking again on that same night (and he appears intoxicated). He and Bob are then arrested and Bob is charged with drunk driving (although he didn't have any, but due to him having most of their shared liver). April has a beer and we see more bottles on a table (presumably from others who are there). Cher and Walt have margaritas and he comments about boozing with Cher as we see a pitcher of margaritas by them as well. BLOOD/GORE Some viewers may be unsettled by sight of the skin joining Bob and Walt at the torso. Jesse Ventura asks the twins on the Jay Leno show about going to the bathroom and one says it's easier when both have to go at the same time. A scene being shot from Cher's TV show has a bad guy saying that he wants what sounded like "smegma." DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE Some viewers may take offense at the overall premise (and related physical comedy and sight gags) of using conjoined twins as the subject of a comedy. A patron in Walt and Bob's diner is rude and disrespectful to their older busboy (who's a bit mentally slow) and refers to him as a freak. Some kids chase (but don't catch) and call young Bob and Walt "freaks" (in a flashback). A motel owner refers to his unseen wife as "that psycho midget." A Hollywood director laughs at Walt (and Bob) auditioning for a Robin Hood role. Bob doesn't tell May on their first or subsequent dates that he and Walt are conjoined twins (he's ashamed of doing so). Cher initially has a bad attitude toward Walt and Bob (while mad about her TV show). She then hires Walt to be her co-star just so that the network will cancel the show upon seeing him and his condition. A guy approaches May in a bar, claiming she's his girlfriend. When she says she's not, he starts to get belligerent and picks on Bob (calling him a "p*ssy"). Moment later, he pushes Bob, calls him a "circus freak" and he and his buddies laugh at the two. A TV tech guy digitally makes Cher's clothed butt appear bigger in the shot (and a comment is made about "put some junk in her trunk"). Other prisoners and the cops make fun of Walt and Bob's condition in jail. Bob jokingly says, "You fag" in response to Walt's song selection on the jukebox. FRIGHTENING SCENES None. GUNS/WEAPONS We see a villain holding a gun in Cher's TV show and later see some actors holding guns during a scene that's being shot. We see the picture of a Tommy gun in a banner for a stage play and then see actors carrying fake ones during the show. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "I'm a f*cking Oscar winner," "You dumb sh*t," "Cut the bullsh*t," "Holy sh*t," "Ah, sh*t," "Dipsh*ts," "You're sh*tting me," "What's her name? Poontang?" "You haven't been laid in five years," "D*ckwads," "Me so horny," "Pavlov's dong," "You're a p*ssy," "He banged them, he banged them all" (sexual), "Keep it moving floppy," "Fat saggy ass," "Freaking," "You're a smart ass," "You idiot," "You cheap bastards," "Chicky-poo," "Skanky whore," "I'd be crapping myself," "You suck(ed)," "Hell of a team," "Oh jeez," "Freaked out," "That psycho midget has been riding my ass," "Colostomy bag" (adjective), "Zip the lip," "We're not Siamese, we're American," "Busting his nuts," "Hell of a block," "We're gonna freak her out," "You're a hottie," "Lame ass," "Cut the crap," "Busted my nut," "Bastard," "What, are you friggin' nuts?" "Bitch" (what Cher says about herself), "Don't be pissed," "What the hell is wrong with you?" "Freak me out," "Circus freak," "Sucky," "This script sucks," "Who the hell /do you think you are/is this?" "Squaw" (woman, said in a TV show), "You got farts in your head," "Son of a gun," "Who asked you tootsie?" "Chickadee" (woman), "The hell with her," "We're going to go for a hell of a ride," "Pisses me off," "What are they bitching about?" "Up yours," "Get the lead out of your ass," "I was a total bitch with a capital C" (what Cher says about herself), "You fag" (what Bob jokingly calls Walt about his musical choice) and "Don't screw up." Bob slices a tomato at rapid speed, flinging each slice on different buns as he goes. We see a man who's asleep at his desk, but has eyeballs painted on his closed eyelids so that it looks like he's awake. A few miscellaneous characters have tattoos. A miscellaneous guy has multiple piercings in his face. We see a guy trying to hang a spoon off his nose. JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) None. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) None. PROFANITY At least 1 "f" word, 8 "s" words, 3 slang terms for sex ("banged" and "laid"), 3 using female genitals ("p*ssy," "poontang" and "snatch"), 2 using male genitals ("d*ckwads" and "dong"), 1 for breast ("t*t"), 8 asses, 7 hells, 3 craps, 1 damn, 1 incomplete "S.O.B.," 8 uses of "Oh my God," 4 of "Oh God," 2 of "My God" and 1 use of "For God's sakes." SEX/NUDITY A woman tells Walt that they should have drinks again together sometime. Bob then asks if he put a move on her, but Walt complains that he couldn't get her alone (and not meaning Bob being there). Walt jokingly asks, "What's her name? Poontang?" when referring to Bob's internet girlfriend that he's never physically met. Walt then jokingly adds that she could really be a he with a "hairy pair of walnuts" (testicles). Later, Walt jokingly says, "Me so horny" about her. Bob talks to a woman in a bar, fumbles his words and ends up saying he's not trying to suggest that she's a "skanky whore." We see Bob sitting on the bed working on his laptop with a sheet positioned vertically next to him. From behind there, we hear Walt having sex with a woman and see the bed and thus Bob rhythmically moving. We hear the young woman say that she's starting to cramp up, so Walt partially pops out behind the sheet and asks Bob if he minds typing on his knees. Bob says that's fine and Walt then tells the woman (who we don't see) to turn around. Walt is doing a crossword puzzle and asks Bob if he knows a four-letter word for "snatch." Bob replies, "Grab" and Walt then sheepishly erases the answer he put in (we don't see it but it's implied to be slang for female genitalia). Walt states that Bob "hasn't been laid in five years," prompting Bob to ask, "How would you know?" Upon arriving in Hollywood, Walt and Bob walk past various hookers (who come on to them and others and show their abundant cleavage) and pass by a theater with the marquee listing a film titled "Catch Me in the Can." April shows abundant cleavage in most every scene in which she appears, including the first one where she wears a bra-like top and small, tight-fitting shorts. We overhear a miscellaneous man with apparent permanent leg problems saying that he took Viagra, but didn't get an erection although he could walk for three hours. We see April lying face down at the beach in a bikini. April asks Walt if she can ask him a personal question. Before she can, he replies, "Nine inches." She starts to say that's not what she was asking about, but then replies, "Is it nine inches?" He then says that's the amount of skin between him and Bob. She then asks if they've thought about going to a plastic surgeon and then says, "Look at these" when referring to her own breasts (in a bikini). Cher shows a little cleavage in several scenes. Walt learns that the film he's in, "Pavlov's Dog" is really "Pavlov's Dong" featuring an actor named "Fill-her-up." We then see them on the set with Walt in some small shorts (Bob is fully dressed) and we hear bed squeaking sounds. Bob then escorts Walt off the set. A guy approaches May in a bar and claims she's his girlfriend. When she says she's not, he starts to say, "Then what was that when you sucked..." but is momentarily interrupted before continuing "down a 6-pack and..." In the opening title sequence for Cher's TV show, we see her character slap Walt's after he stares at her clothed butt. A TV tech guy digitally makes Cher's clothed butt appear bigger in the shot (and a comment is made about "put some junk in her trunk"). May walks in on Walt in bed (nothing seen) and then sees Bob come out from under the covers (making her think they're gay). We see Cher in bed with Frankie Muniz (who's shirtless) as both watch TV. We see two women in small bikinis in a TV commercial. Trying to talk Bob into having their separation surgery, Walt tells him, "Imagine masturbating in private the way the Good Lord intended." When Bob acts as if he doesn't know what he's talking about, Walt says, "Last night was like sleeping next to a paint shaker." We see Walt and another man enjoying the sights in a strip club where shapely women in small bikinis dance suggestively directly in front of them. As Walt listens to a book on tape, he suddenly blurts out, "That Robert Evans. He banged them. He banged them all." Excited to be separated from Walt, Bob proudly tells a passing man that he's alone, prompting the man to look at him funny and say that he's going to stay that way. Walt does a crossword puzzle and asks April what a three letter word is for man's best friend. She quickly says, "T*t," but he says he already tried that. A miscellaneous woman with Walt's agent shows cleavage. SMOKING Morty smokes cigars at least 5 times, while Walt smokes twice and a miscellaneous person smokes. A miscellaneous woman has a pack of cigarettes in front of her in a bar. TENSE FAMILY SCENES Bob and Walt sometimes don't get along (even fighting in one scene) and can't get away from each other. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Conjoined twins and living in such a state. Bob has panic attacks at various points in the film. Bob doesn't tell May on their first or subsequent dates that he and Walt are conjoined twins (he's ashamed of doing so). VIOLENCE We see Bob's point of view as he and Walt accidentally run into a street pole. We briefly see some hockey violence (a player being checked into the Plexiglas and wall, etc.). When one of the twins spins around to look at a pretty girl in a bar, he knocks off the other's aim with a dart, resulting in it landing in a guy's head (no blood and no fatality). We see a flashback to Halloween when young Bob and Walt (in one costume) accidentally knock down some other kids. We briefly see Bob screaming and hanging on the outer part of closed bus doors as it drives down the road (Walt is on the other side). After a bully pushes Bob, he and Walt use their collective resources/abilities to beat up him and some punks who've picked a fight with them. They punch, kick, elbow and even flip over one of the punks in a sort of martial arts fashion (played for action comedy). In the opening title sequence for Cher's TV show, we see her character slap Walt's after he stares at her clothed butt. A woman sprays self-defense spray into Bob's eyes when Walt acts drunkenly toward her and her friend. Bob backhands Walt and the two struggle and then repeatedly punch each other. Walt then hits Bob in the gut and they end up on the ground where each repeatedly elbows the other. April shoves a doctor backwards after he inadvertently made it sound like the twins died. Bob gets something into his eyes at his diner (that causes pain). A man slaps a younger man while watching a stage play. Reviewed December 10, 2003 / Posted December 12, 2003

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