[Screen It]


(2003) (Cuba Gooding, Jr., Horatio Sanz) (R)

Blood/Gore Disrespectful/
Bad Attitude
Tense Scenes
Extreme Moderate Extreme None Minor
Mild None Minor Mild Extreme
Smoking Tense Family
Topics To
Talk About
Extreme Mild Minor Moderate *Mild

Comedy: Two straight men inadvertently end up on a gay cruise where they have to act gay to try to get in with the few straight women onboard.
It's been six months since Felicia (VIVICA A. FOX) dumped Jerry (CUBA GOODING, JR.) and he still hasn't gotten over her. Thus, Jerry's friend, Nick (HORATIO SANZ), convinces him to come along on a singles cruise where they'll meet attractive, young women.

A contentious meeting with a travel agent, however, results in the two men unknowingly being booked on a gay cruise. They don't realize this until they're well out to see and a predatory gay man, Lloyd (ROGER MOORE), informs them of such.

Things look up for the two, however, when they meet the few straight women onboard. Nick is instantly smitten with Inga (VICTORIA SILVESTDT) of the Swedish sun tanning team, but must contend with her fiercely protective but also amorous coach, Sonja (LIN SHAYE).

Jerry, on the other hand, has fallen hard for Gabriella (ROSELYN SANCHEZ), the ship's dance instructor. The only problem is that she thinks he's gay. When he realizes that might actually turn out to be to his advantage since she's tired of straight men always hitting on her, Jerry enlists the aid of Hector (MAURICE GODIN) to teach him the finer points of acting gay.

From that point on, and with Felicia also ending up onboard, it's only a matter of time before Jerry and Nick will have to come out of the closet and admit that they're not really gay.

Those who are fans of someone in the cast or goody comedies might want to see it.
For strong sexual content, language and some drug material.
  • CUBA GOODING, JR. plays a guy who agrees to go on a cruise to meet women to try to get over his girlfriend dumping him. He isn't pleased to learn it's a gay cruise and gets drunk in response (he later smokes pot). He also then acts gay since he realizes that Gabriella appears ready and willing to have sex with a gay man.
  • HORATIO SANZ plays his best friend who talks him into the cruise so that he can have sex with women. He uses strong profanity, get drunk, smokes pot and is initially homophobic, but then acts gay (and even thinks he might be gay) after befriending some gay men.
  • ROSELYN SANCHEZ plays the ship's straight dance instructor who wants to have sex with a gay man and ends up falling for Jerry (thinking he's gay).
  • VIVICA A. FOX plays Jerry's mean girlfriend who dumps him and then wants him back.
  • MAURICE GODIN plays a flamboyant gay man who gives Jerry lessons on how to appear gay.
  • LIN SHAYE plays the coach of the Swedish suntan team who tries to keep them in line and then likes Nick after he mistakenly performs oral sex on her.
  • VICTORIA SILVESTDT plays a member of the Swedish suntan team who wants to have sex with Nick.
  • ROGER MOORE plays an older predatory gay man who keeps coming on to and after Nick. He briefly uses strong profanity and uses some sexual innuendo.
  • ZEN GESNER plays a gay man who becomes one of Nick's poker buddies. He gets drunk in one scene.


    Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit?
    Then read OUR TAKE of this film.

    (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below).

    Here's a brief summary of the content found in this R-rated comedy. Profanity consists of at least 9 "f" words, along with various other expletives and colorful phrases. All sorts of sexually related dialogue and comedy-style material (some of it being explicit) are present, with a great deal of it revolving around two straight men pretending to be gay on a gay cruise (where many men act gay in stereotypical ways and phallic images are seen, etc.). Other sexually based humor (including some contact implying oral sex and an oral sex lesson with a banana, etc.) is also present.

    Some bare-breasted women are seen, while a great deal of cleavage is on display throughout the film. Some other partial nudity (bare butts) is also present and both men and women are seen in skimpy bathing suits. Brief crude humor involves vomit and semen landing on people in separate scenes.

    Various characters smoke or drink (some to the point of varying degrees of intoxication), two smoke joints, and some drug references are made. Violence consists of various instances of punching, tussling and other physical contact. Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes, while viewers may also find the film and its attempted comedic portrayal of gays and women as offensive.

    Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content.

  • Various people drink in a club.
  • A travel agent indicates that one of his employees has drug and drinking problems and makes gestures for cocaine use, drinking and heroine use.
  • Nick and Jerry have beer.
  • Jerry has a beer, appears drunk, and asks, "Who do have to screw to get a drink around here?"
  • Various people have drinks.
  • Nick drinks.
  • Jerry has a drink.
  • Jerry and Gabriella have champagne.
  • Various people have drinks.
  • Nick and his gay poker buddies are drunk. One of them comments on having an expensive bottle of cognac in his room and Nick accompanies him there to get it (the man pours some for himself and Nick takes a long swig from the bottle).
  • Felicia has a drink and later states that years ago, she and her roommate were drinking and things got hot between them.
  • Various people have drinks.
  • Jerry and Nick smoke joints up on a church's roof before a wedding. Later, when Nick plants a kiss on Jerry to make them appear gay, Jerry yells out, "How much of that pot did you smoke?"
  • Jerry gets motion sick while in a hot air balloon with Felicia and then projectile vomits onto her (we see the act and the vomit on her clothes and in her cleavage).
  • After being aroused by Gabriella, we Jerry standing at a porthole with his pants down (we see his bare butt), the ship's horn blows, and we then see ejaculate land on another man's face (who's with Lloyd).
  • The overall film, save for a few scenes, is derogatory towards gays and women in that it portrays the former in purely stereotypical and offensive ways (including straight men posing as stereotypical gay men) while the latter are portrayed as nothing more than sexual objects (who are all buxom and dressed in next to nothing) or mean and catty.
  • Felicia announces to Jerry that she's found another man.
  • A person uses the term "retarded" to describe another person who's not mentally challenged. Later, Nick uses the term "homo."
  • A man steals Nick's parking spot and the two then exchange crude remarks and insults.
  • Both Jerry and Nick mislead others into thinking they're gay so that they can hopefully sleep with some straight women onboard. At the same time, Nick has various degrees and forms of bad attitudes about gay men.
  • Some viewers may not like a gag revolving around a priest no longer believing in God since his wife ran off with another man.
  • None.
  • Nick inadvertently shoots down a helicopter with a flare gun.
  • Phrases: "F*ck you," "F*ck you right back," "Bad ass m*therf*cker," "Baloney pony," "P*cker face," "Clubs," "Trouser snakes," "Little Nicky," "Foxholes," "Balls" and "Nuts" (testicles), "Pick up now or I'm going to fart into the phone," "What the hell /are you doing/was that?/is that/happened to you/is wrong with you?" "Shank," "Bite me," "Jerk," "Idiot," "Chick," "Devil in a d-cup," "Bitch," "Screw (it)" (nonsexual), "Hotties" and "Heinees" (rear ends).
  • It's possible the film could inspire kids to dress up and/or act like stereotypical gay men.
  • Felicia has a small tattoo on her arm.
  • Gabriella wears various midriff-revealing tops, while various women and some men are seen in various states of revealing attire through the film.
  • None.
  • A tiny bit of comically suspenseful music plays in the film.
  • Various songs are played or sung for their gay-sounding lyrics such as from "Maneater" ("Watch out boy, he'll chew you up"), "Blow the Man Down" and "I'm Coming Out."
  • At least 9 "f" words (1 used with "mother," 4 used sexually as are the terms "Get my freak on," "Screw," "Screw my brains out," "Hook up" and "Scored"), 2 "s" words, 5 slang terms using male genitals ("p*cker," "c*cks*cker" and "d*ck"), 1 slang term using female genitals ("p*ssy"), 1 slang term for breast ("knocker"), 11 asses (1 used with "hole"), 9 damns, 7 hells, 2 S.O.B.s, 3 uses of "My God," 2 each of "G-damn" and "Jesus" and 1 use each of "Good Lord," "Oh God" and "Oh my God" as exclamations.
  • Most every woman shows abundant amounts of cleavage throughout the film.
  • For those concerned about seeing homosexual related activity, there are many shots of gay men holding hands, hugging, kissing, seen in S&M type garb (one with a leash and collar around another's masked head/neck), repeatedly coming on to and or lasciviously leering at Jerry and Nick, etc.
  • Jerry laments over losing Felicia by telling his dog that he knows he doesn't care since "you can lick your own balls."
  • Nick tells Jerry that they're going out tonight, to saddle up the "baloney pony" and talks about storming the "fox holes" and "penetrating" the enemy.
  • Nick spots a woman awaiting a massage with just a towel across her butt (as she lies face down). She thinks he's the masseur and she keeps telling him to "give it to me harder" and he then proceeds to spank her covered butt.
  • An older man informs Nick about meeting a young and buxom woman on a cruise ship. That woman states the other man is "a wonderful lover" and then heads off for the bathroom stating she's going to "trim the landing strip." The man then says that they had sex the very first night and makes a finger gesture for intercourse (poking one finger through others making a hole). That woman then comes back and states that she wants to skip dinner since he got her in the mood for takeout in bed (she then kisses him and grabs his clothed butt).
  • Nick and a miscellaneous man exchange angry crude remarks, with the man saying "F*ck your mother" and Nick saying, "No one would want to f*ck my mother because she's too ugly."
  • Nick tells Jerry that they're not going on the cruise for the discourse but rather the intercourse. Jerry then complains that all Nick thinks about is "sex, sex, sex" but then says that they'll take the cruise.
  • A travel agent indicates that one of his employees has various problems, and makes a gesture of pelvic thrusting for one of them.
  • Nick indicates there will be a lot of "ass" on their cruise.
  • We see many gay men in small swimsuits who lasciviously stare at Nick and Jerry when they're on the ship (with the camera focusing on Jerry's clothed butt as he walks away). We then see some men's bare butt cheeks in the chaps or seat-less pants they're wearing.
  • Jerry notes that there's only one bed in their room and Nick says that's because one of them will always be sleeping out. They then note that there's a mirror on the ceiling and Nick says that way "the babes can watch me get my freak on."
  • Jerry and Nick meet Lloyd (still unaware they're on a gay cruise) and Lloyd mentions that there will be lots of sex. Nick replies, "Hear that Jerry? All the sex a man could want." Lloyd then says that they must visit the "Hole-In-One" room. Jerry thinks it's a driving range and Lloyd says that some of the members have been known to swing "very large clubs." The two then panic when they realize they're on a gay cruise and ask a passerby if they know where they can get off (the ship) quick. The man then suggests the "Hole-In-One" room.
  • Jerry and Nick briefly tussle in a fight on their bed (which is played as a gay joke when a gay man spots them doing that).
  • A mock game show asks, "What's the most unusual place you've made love." A gay man replies, "Inside a woman."
  • Jerry has a beer, appears drunk, and asks, "Who do have to screw to get a drink around here?"
  • Jerry (who's wet from falling into a swimming pool) lands on top of Nick on the bed. Nick states that Jerry's getting him all wet which Gabrielle mistakes for sexual banter between the two men.
  • After one of the guys asks how gay a brunch buffet can be, we see ice sculptures shaped like huge penises (with water coming out of the tip of one). Lloyd then joins them and suggestively asks Nick if he'd care for a bite of his sausage (while holding a small sausage that he suggestively licks).
  • We see various buxom women in skimpy bathing suits on a raft and several of the women are bare-breasted. A crewmember then states, "All hands on d*ck." Later, Nick spots all of these women sunbathing in a row (in skimpy bikinis) and states for someone to pinch him since he must be dreaming (a gay man pinches him on the butt). Nick then meets Inga (who gets out of the pool in slow motion) who states it's nice that they're on a boat of gay men so that the women can work on their tan lines without being ogled (she then lowers her top to reveal a great deal of her bare breasts). Nick then acts like he's gay to hang around with them. Moments later, we see a shot of just him where he's making what sound like sexual sounds and looks like an orgasmic experience and we then see a great deal of white, gooey liquid squirt onto one of the model's bare backs (we then see that it's suntan lotion). He spreads it and we see various models in small, thong bottoms (that show most of their bare butts). The coach then accuses him of being straight and points out the visible erection in his pants. Later, Nick refers to his penis as "Little Nicky."
  • Nick spots Inga suggestively but supposedly innocently licking an ice cream cone and she comments on herself being "oral." She then states that it's too bad he's gay and he sees his chance to move on her. He thus asks about her country's stance on premarital sex and he starts to ask another question about his sexual orientation, but she interrupts him by asking, "If you're asking if I'd sleep with you if you were straight, the answer is yah." He then says he is straight, she's excited and they agree to meet in her cabin in 5 minutes. Moments later, he asks a clerk if there are any condoms on the ship and various gay men display their various packaged condoms. We then see Inga awaiting Nick while lying suggestively on her bed in her small lingerie. Her coach, however, moves her to another room and takes her place (after patting and grabbing her butt in her small panties while commenting on it being disgustingly fat). A few moments later, Nick then enters the room and immediately goes under the covers and up what he thinks is Inga's body. Sonja is asleep but reacts pleasurably to the unseen oral sex and then awakens, commenting on "knocking at my drawers." She then screams and locks her thighs around his head (so that his head is at her crotch) and we see a shot of part of her butt as they roll around like that. He then stands with her crotch still in his face and her acting orgasmic. He then falls to the floor where she does pelvic thrusting on top of him until he blows her off him and onto the bed with a fire extinguisher (leaving some "smoke"). The models then come in and one says that the coach's "p*ssy just blew up."
  • Meanwhile, Gabrielle states that she imagines men coming on to Jerry all of the time due to him having a "hot ass." She later complains about straight men wanting to "get into my pants" and then adds, "Maybe I can even find a gay guy and he can do me the favor" (have sex with her, which she later defines as "screw my brains out"). While saying that, she suggestively lifts up her leg. Jerry then acts as if he's gay so that he can hopefully have sex with her.
  • Felicia walks out onto a balcony in an open robe that shows her in some lingerie (for her new boyfriend to see).
  • Jerry asks Nick at the buffet, "Can you hand me one of those cheese-flavored penises." Nick is disgusted by the mistaken oral sex above and says, "Let's just say I had some bad shellfish and leave it at that." Jerry then tries to get Nick to act like they're homosexual lovers in front of Gabriella and then states that they're into S&M.
  • We see a shot of the various suntan models jogging and doing stretches in sports bras and small bikini bottoms.
  • A comment is made about guys just wanting to have sex with Gabriella.
  • As Lloyd dances behind Nick, Nick says that he hopes it's his belt buckle he feels back there.
  • We see phallic set decorations at some sort of gay revue.
  • Sonja finds Nick and calls him "Mr. Tongue" (from above) and that says if they ever hook up, she wants to show that she can reciprocate. Accordingly, she then proceeds to perform simulated oral sex on the end of a baseball bat (we see her moving it in and out of her mouth).
  • Jerry and Gabrielle do some sexual-like moves while dancing together. Later, she says she has to get out of her clothes (and he says he couldn't agree more). We then see her in a small bra and panties (we see part of her bare butt) and she then removes her top (we see her from behind her) and asks him to spend the night for cuddling. We later see her in those same panties and a tight tank-top. She then tells him to get ready to have an orgasm, but is referring to some sort of chocolate. She then says, "Do me" (meaning for him to put a piece in her mouth). He does and she makes pleasurable sounds. She then asks him, "How do you do it?" He wonders what she's talking about and she then says sex and adds, "A blowjob." She then wonders where he starts (at the tip of the penis, do you stroke it when you use your mouth, do you something the balls, etc.) and figures he must know the perfect way. She then wants him to show her and hands him a banana. He's uncomfortable with that and never puts it in his mouth. He then tells her to show him her technique and he'll critique it. She then peels the banana and says that she licks the tip with her tongue (we see her doing this to the banana) and then swirls her tongue all the way around it (this is getting him worked up). She then speaks in Spanish as she gets worked up and he's then gone. We then see him standing at a porthole with his pants down (we see his bare butt), the ship's horn blows and we then see ejaculate land on another man's face (he's with Lloyd). That man then tells Lloyd to at least kiss him first.
  • It's implied that Nick had sex with a gay poker friend (as both wake up in bed together), but we later learn that nothing happened between them (although it makes Nick think he's gay). Nick then runs in horror down the hallway and says he has a horrible taste in his mouth (with Jerry asking if he ate something weird and Nick saying he did).
  • Nick admits that he hasn't "scored" with a woman since high school.
  • We see two groups of women in very skimpy bathing suits.
  • At various times when Inga talks to Nick, we see her covered breast in the corner foreground of the shot.
  • Jerry and Gabrielle briefly kiss and then both agree to have sex (with her telling him she'll be his guide to heterosexual sex). He then suddenly grabs and lifts her up and we see a torso shot of the two of them with implied movement and exaggerated sexual sounds. We then see all sorts of fruit falling from a tree as their sexual actions shake the tree and we then see the two of them buried (still standing and sweaty) in a pile of fruit. He then says that's enough foreplay.
  • We see a man's bare butt cheeks while he's wearing chaps or seat-less pants.
  • Felicia states that years ago, she and her roommate were drinking and things got hot between them.
  • We see various men, including Jerry, in skimpy, drag outfits during a musical number. We see various glimpses of their partially bare butts and then see Jerry from behind in a thong bottom (as well as him doing some pelvic thrusting). When Felicia sees him, she yells out, "C*cks*cker!" which makes all of the men turn around and look at her (she tells them she was talking to Jerry). She then asks him if he was thinking about cabana boys when they were making love.
  • Nick plants a kiss on Jerry to make them appear gay.
  • We see Gabrielle teaching dance lessons on a lesbian cruise.
  • Lloyd tells Jerry that he's more than a little excited himself while strapped behind Jerry as they parachute from a plane.
  • We see another woman in small bikini with lots of ample cleavage.
  • Some miscellaneous characters smoke (including cigars) in several scenes.
  • A miscellaneous man learns that his mother has died (played for laughs).
  • A priest no longer believes in God since his wife ran off with another man.
  • The disparaging stereotypes and attitudes towards gays and women on display here.
  • How straight people often view gay people.
  • The men's sexual appetites driving their actions and clouding their judgment.
  • Everything listed here is played for laughs.
  • Jerry and Nick briefly tussle in a fight on their bed.
  • Jerry trips while drunk, accidentally hits his head on a swimming pool ladder and then falls into the pool unconscious (but is quickly saved).
  • Nick shoots a flare into the air to try to signal a helicopter, but instead hits it (not seen) and sends it crashing into the sea (also not seen, and all played for laughs).
  • The suntan coach lifts Nick off the ground. She then throws him backwards and we hear him hit something, but don't see the impact.
  • After a mistaken sexual encounter, Sonja has her thighs locked around Nick's head and the two stumble about the room until he blows her off him and back onto the bed with a fire extinguisher.
  • Jerry squeezes Nick's thumb to make him go along with their homosexual ruse in front of Gabriella. Later, he head-butts Nick for the same reason.
  • Two groups of suntan models briefly get into a pushing and struggling match.
  • Gabrielle punches Nick in the face, causing him to fall into the pool.

  • Reviewed February 24, 2003 / Posted March 21, 2003

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