"DIAMONDS" (1999) (Kirk Douglas, Dan Aykroyd) (PG-13) Alcohol/ Drugs Blood/Gore Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude Frightening/ Tense Scenes Guns/ Weapons Moderate Mild Heavy Mild Mild Imitative Behavior Jump Scenes Music (Scary/Tense) Music (Inappropriate) Profanity Mild None Minor None Heavy Sex/ Nudity Smoking Tense Family Scenes Topics To Talk About Violence Heavy Mild Moderate Moderate Moderate QUICK TAKE: Drama: A proud, older man, a former boxing champion who's still coping with the aftereffects of a stroke, persuades his son and teenage grandson to take him to Reno in a quest to find some "magic diamonds" that he believes will enable him to stay out of a nursing home. PLOT: During his heyday, Harry Agensky (KIRK DOUGLAS) was once known as the "Polish Prince," the welterweight champion of the world. But that was many years ago, and Harry now finds himself living with his son, Moses (KURT FULLER), and daughter-in-law, Roseanne (JUNE CHADWICK), in their Canadian home. Harry has recently suffered a stroke, and despite a strong recovery and his dedication to his vocal therapy exercises, he fears that his family will soon put him into a nursing home. Wanting to retain his independence, Harry often talks about some "magic diamonds" a Reno mobster named "Duff the Muff" left for him after throwing a fight. Of course his family thinks he's crazy, but he gets the chance to prove his sanity when Lance (DAN AYKROYD) his other divorced, newspaper columnist son, and eighteen-year-old grandson, Michael (CORBIN ALLRED), show up to take Harry on a weekend trip. Although they're reluctant to believe him, Lance and Michael, who get along with each about as well as Lance does with his stubborn father, finally agree to secretly drive Harry back to Reno in search of the diamonds. During their travel, the three generations of Agensky men try to understand each other. Finally arriving in Reno and still searching for "Duff" and those diamonds, they make a pit stop at local brothel. There, Michael gets his first taste of sex with a buxom hooker by the name of Sugar (JENNY McCARTHY), while Harry meets the madam of the house, Sin-Dee (LAUREN BACALL), an older woman who sympathizes with him. As the grandfather, father and son continue on their quest, they begin to understand and better appreciate each other. WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT? Unless they're fans of someone in the cast, it's not very likely. WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13 For sexual content, drug use and language (on appeal from a previous R-rating). CAST AS ROLE MODELS: KIRK DOUGLAS plays a proud and occasionally cantankerous older man who wants to maintain his dignity and independence after having a stroke. He also briefly uses strong profanity and wishes to visit a brothel for one last fling. DAN AYKROYD plays his divorced newspaper columnist son who doesn't want his relationship with his son to turn out like his did with his dad. He also visits the brothel (to try to improve his relationship with both his son and father), has sex with a hooker, and then shares a joint with her. CORBIN ALLRED plays Lance's eighteen-year-old son who wants to visit the brothel so that he can lose his virginity. He also briefly uses profanity and tries to smoke several times. LAUREN BACALL plays the madam of a local brothel who befriends and commiserates with Harry due to their similarities of age. KURT FULLER plays Harry's other son who's growing tired of taking care of him. JENNY McCARTHY plays a hooker who tries to provide Michael with his first real sexual experience. CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit? Then read OUR TAKE of this film. (Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below). OUR WORD TO PARENTS: The following is a brief summary of the content found in this PG-13 rated drama/comedy (that was originally rated R, but lowered on an appeal to the MPAA). Some sexually related dialogue is present, and the grandfather, father and eighteen-year-old son visit a brothel so that the grandfather can have one last fling and the grandson can lose his virginity. As such, we see some scantily clad hookers, as well as the three men's separate and varied encounters with the hookers (no outright nudity or movement, but some fooling around does occur that pushes the PG-13 rating). Profanity is rated as heavy for several strong cuss words, while a number of colorful phrases are also uttered. Several characters drink and smoke, while the father shares a marijuana joint with a hooker after having sex. Some characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes, including two thugs who briefly threaten the three main characters (one with a knife, the other a gun), resulting in a brief fight where a character has his palm sliced with a knife. Other brief violence is also present. Beyond that, there are some tense family moments between the two father/son pairings, and the grandfather is still recovering from the aftereffects of a stroke. Should you still be concerned about the film's content after that brief summary, we suggest that you take a closer look at the more detailed content listings in any categories that may be bothersome to you. ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE There's talk of Michael's mother's boyfriend being an "ex-pothead," but we never see him. Moses drinks a beer and comments about Harry earlier getting drunk at a party. People have drinks in a casino. Michael appears to be drinking booze from a brown paper bag, but it turns out to be soda. Michael asks his dad about the first time he got "stoned," and Lance first feigns innocence/ignorance, but then tells him that it was when he was twenty-one and an older woman rolled him "a J" (joint). Harry has several shots of vodka at a buffet. As Sin-Dee has a drink, Harry grabs two bottles of champagne for his rendezvous with four hookers. Moments later and up in a bedroom, he opens a bottle, pours some for the hookers and then drinks from the bottle. After having sex, Lance and a hooker share a marijuana joint. BLOOD/GORE A man's nose is a tiny bit bloody after being punched. Lance's palm is a little bloody after being sliced with a knife and Michael has a bruise or cut above his eye after an encounter with a mugger. DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE We hear that Harry threw a fight in the past in exchange for some "magic diamonds." Lance and Michael sneak Harry out of Moses and Roseanne's home without telling them. Harry is something of a rascally troublemaker, who doesn't care what others think about what he says. A former competitor calls Harry a "Pollok." A mugger who tries robbing the men at knifepoint obviously has a bad attitude. Some or many may see Lance finally agreeing to take his eighteen-year-old son and grandmother to a brothel as having both types of attitudes. A lowlife steals from the three men at gunpoint. FRIGHTENING SCENES A mugger holds a knife to Harry's throat, demanding the men's money. Michael then chases the thug and tackles him into some alley-side trash. The two then struggle, Lance gets his palm sliced by the knife and Harry eventually punches the mugger, knocking him to the street. A lowlife threatens the three men while stealing something that they partially own. GUNS/WEAPONS Knife: Used by a mugger while trying to rob the men and then used to slice Lance's hand during an ensuing scuffle. Handgun: Aimed by a lowlife at the three men while stealing what's partially owned by them. IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR Phrases: "Holy sh*t," "Laid" (sexual), "What the hell," "Go to hell," "Screw 'em," "Shut up," "Bastard," "Sucker," "Whore house," "Kick my ass," "Wuss," "Loser," "Who gives a damn about…" and "Nuts" (crazy). A biker gives the three men "the finger" (after he mistakes Harry's mouth exercises for him purposefully sticking his tongue at him). JUMP SCENES None. MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE) A minor amount of suspenseful music plays in a few scenes. MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE) None. PROFANITY At least 1 "f" word, 3 "s" words, 1 slang term for sex ("laid"), 2 slang terms for female genitals ("p*ssy"), 7 hells, 5 asses (2 used with "hole"), 3 damns, 1 S.O.B., 6 uses of "G-damn," 3 of "Jesus" and 1 use each of "Christ," "For Christ's sakes," "God," "Jesus Christ" and "Oh my God" as exclamations. SEX/NUDITY Some women in a casino show varying amounts of cleavage. When Lance asks his dad what the one thing he would do if he could, Harry responds, "Get laid." He then goes on to say that he's serious, that he's a man, and that he hasn't had sex for eight years. He then adds that before he "goes" (dies), "I want to have a woman" and then says "p*ssy" twice. Then, he states that he's heard the college girls are into old men with slurred speech and he thinks that's kinky. Harry then asks Lance about the last time he had sex and Michael chimes in that his dad hasn't "gotten any" since his mother left. Harry then asks about Michael's experiences and the teen claims that he's not a virgin. Harry then tells Lance that he (Lance) needs sex more than him and that Michael needs to start sometime. A buxom waitress then comes along (who shows a great deal of cleavage) and gives Harry a card for the best local brothel (after he asks her for a recommendation of the best "chicken ranch"). The men arrive at the brothel where they're met by several scantily clad hookers (some of which show cleavage). Michael is then told to choose his hooker first, and while he starts off by telling the women how he doesn't see them as objects, Sugar suddenly grabs him. She tells him that she wants him to caress every part of her body "while I grind my hips into yours." She then talks about pushing her hands down inside his pants and having him groaning for mercy. Harry then picks out four hookers to pleasure him and then announces that they should have a drink "before we start." Later, however, we see that he couldn't perform and he complains that he "used to be a bull." A hooker sits on Lance's clothed lap and asks him, "What's it going to be? 'Cuz I do it all." He asks for a backrub. Moments later and while shirtless, he tells the hooker that he's not into painful sex as she rubs his back. Sugar asks Michael, "Have you ever touched a breast as lovely as mine?" while taking off her sweater. She then asks if he's ever experienced sexual ecstasy, and he responds that he has, but only by himself. As she stands in front of Michael (with her back to the camera), she lowers her bra strap and tells him "Put your hand in here." He then puts his hand on her bare breast (we don't see this because of the camera angle), nervously reacts and then obviously climaxes (while still clothed). He then tells her that he's sorry and when she asks why, he embarrassedly tells her, "I'm finished. I'm done." As she ties him to a bed, the hooker with Lance tells him that his problem is that he doesn't know how to have sex, that he only knows how to make love. She then adds that making love "denies the animal impulses" and he then states that he can't make love to a woman who won't kiss him. Later, however, it appears that they've had sex as we see them in bed together with her wearing a revealing negligee. When the hooker then tells him "Let's do it," Lance tells her that his limit is two times an evening. We see a painting of a bare-breasted woman in the brothel. Michael admits to Sugar that he never had intercourse before and only ever got to second base with some girl. He says this while being upset that he blew his chance of "losing it" with Sugar. As she crawls on top of him and sensuously kisses around his face, she then tells him to relax while she takes of his clothes. As such, she starts to work on the drawstring of his pants that gets him aroused. When she then uses her teeth to try to undo the string, he obviously climaxes again (still fully clothed). Later, Sugar asks Michael where he learned to "do that" with his tongue (as she moves hers around) and he replies that he did so from his grandfather, and then clarifies that he did so from the stroke therapy videos he watches. SMOKING Lance smokes a cigar while Sugar smokes a cigarette. Michael tries to/nearly smokes several times, while various miscellaneous characters smoke in a few scenes. Lance stops Michael from smoking several times, causing the teenager at one such moment to exclaim "it's my first cigarette in two days." Later, he states that he needs a smoke, but we don't see him doing so. TENSE FAMILY SCENES We learn that Lance is divorced from his wife and Michael has to choose whether to live with him or his mother and her boyfriend. As such, Lance and Michael initially don't get along that well. We then learn that Lance blames much of that on his father never being that close to him or around when he needed him. Harry overhears his sons talking about what to do with him now that's he grown old and had a stroke. In several scenes, Harry misses and/or breaks down crying over his deceased wife. TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT Strokes and their aftereffects. Older family members and the desire/beliefs of the young to put them in nursing homes. Father/son relationships. The fact that Lance eventually approves of Michael and Harry's desire to visit a brothel (this is the way in which all three finally bond). The smoking of marijuana. VIOLENCE Throughout the film, we see various flashbacks to some boxing bouts where fighters are punched and/or knocked to the canvas. Harry slaps Michael on the back of the head. Harry drives through a fence after losing control of Lance's car. Lamenting his wife's death, Harry throws a vase into a motel room mirror, shattering it. After a motel clerk and former competitor eggs him on for a fight, Harry punches the man, knocking him to the floor. We hear that a man was shot to death sometime in the past. A mugger holds a knife to Harry's throat, demanding the men's money. Michael then chases the thug and tackles him into some alley-side trash. The two then struggle, Lance gets his palm sliced by the knife and Harry eventually punches the mugger, knocking him to the street. A lowlife threatens the three men while stealing something that they partially own. Reviewed February 14, 2000 / Posted February 18, 2000

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