[Screen It]


(1996) (Dennis Miller, Angie Everhart) (R)

Blood/Gore Disrespectful/
Bad Attitude
Tense Scenes
Mild Extreme Moderate Moderate Mild
Mild Minor Moderate None Extreme
Smoking Tense Family
Topics To
Talk About
Heavy Mild None Minor Extreme

Horror: A private investigator helps a woman find her missing brother which leads them to a mortuary that doubles as a vampire filled brothel.
Private investigator Rafe Guttman (DENNIS MILLER) takes a case involving a missing man, Caleb (COREY FELDMAN), who was last seen at a mortuary that doubles as a brothel. His sister, Katherine Verdoux (ERIKA ELENIAK), a TV producer for televangelist Reverend Jimmy Current (CHRIS SARANDON), is worried because Caleb has been missing for several days. When Rafe visits the mortuary/brothel he discovers that it's filled with vampires led by headmistress Lilith (ANGIE EVERHART), who was brought there by none other than Reverend Current to clean out the world's sinners. From then on, Rafe and Katherine battle the vampires and try to keep from becoming one of them.
If they're familiar with the TV show (on HBO) or like vampire or other such horror films, they will. Otherwise, probably not.
For horror violence and gore, sexuality, nudity and strong language.
  • DENNIS MILLER plays the wisecracking private investigator who, other than being a smart aleck and killing lots of vampires, would be a passible role model.
  • ERIKA ELENIAK plays a woman with no bad traits (other than what happens at the end -- detailed at the end of "Violence.")
  • ANGIE EVERHART plays the blood thirsty vampire who kills many people.


    OUR TAKE: 3 out of 10
    When one of the things you'll remember about a film is Corey Feldman trying to do his best impersonation of Charlie Sheen, you know you're watching quite the stinker. This film brings nothing new to the vampire genre that we haven't seen before (and was done so much better in this years' earlier "From Dusk Till Dawn.") As a matter of fact, this film doesn't even match most of the thirty-minute TV episodes from the show of the same name and only pulls one "twist" at the very end. If you like Miller's wisecracks, you'll probably be able to sit through this one. Otherwise you'll want to pass on this movie that we rate as just a 3 out of a 10.
    This is a very bloody and violent (vampire related) film. Little kids will be terrified of this, but older kids should recognize the movie's "camp" value and will not be scared and will more likely say something like, "Cool, did you see that vampire explode?" There's a lot of profanity and many bare breasts are seen. If your kids are prone to nightmares, I'd keep them away from this one. As always, read through the category listings before letting your kids see this film.

  • Caleb and his friends drink beer in a pool hall.
  • Rafe takes a quick shot of whiskey.
  • The mortician, trying to discredit Rafe's story, lies and says that he saw Rafe and a woman in a car, "stoned out of their minds."
  • Lilith drinks champagne.
  • There are many, many scenes where human hearts (and other body parts) are torn from bodies and the results are very bloody. The vampires bite into victims' necks and yanked out hearts and then have blood all over their mouths. Other killings result in equal amounts of blood.
  • When the vampires are killed they often blow up and big, bloody chunks of them fly here and there.
  • Reverend Current is the person responsible for bringing back Lilith to kill off all the sinners of the world.
  • All of the vampires kill people, so I guess you could say they had bad attitudes.
  • (Some of the following scenes will be scary for younger kids, but for older kids and especially teenagers, very little of this will be scary).
  • An expedition in the jungles passes by several human skeletons. Once inside a cavern they find a coffin and upon opening it they find a skeleton inside. One of the group members then brings out a box containing a heart cut into four pieces. The pieces come together by themselves and he then puts them into the skeleton and closes the casket. Blood begins pouring out from it and when they open it again, the vampire sits up and pulls a guy's heart from his chest and starts eating it. She (the vampire) then grabs another man and his eyes bulge from his head as blood pours from his eyes and ears. Another man tries to escape but she shoots her tongue out at him (like a lizard) and grabs him.
  • The skeletal look of the narrator, the "Crypt Keeper," may be scary to younger kids.
  • There are many scenes where the vampires kill or bite into their victims. Some kids may find such scenes scary (They're detailed in "Violence").
  • Rafe breaks into a mausoleum the night after a funeral and pulls a coffin from the wall. He opens it and finds a dead man, and one of Lilith's victims.
  • Rafe and Katherine go looking for Caleb in a power plant at night. They find him, but he turns out to be a vampire and then chases them around for a while.
  • Rafe wakes up in a hospital bed (after falling from a window) and a nurse comes in and kills the sheriff who's questioning Rafe. She (another vampire) then comes after Rafe who pushes her back into the sunlight where she starts to boil and pop and eventually dies.
  • Butcher's knife: Used by a mummy to cut off the Crypt Keeper's hand.
  • Handgun: Used by the mortician to make Caleb and his friend get into a coffin to be transported into the "whore house."
  • High powered laser: Nearly zaps Current during a rehearsal and later used to shoot Lilith.
  • Handgun: Held on Lilith by Rafe when she visits him.
  • Handgun: Used by Rafe to shoot Caleb who's now a vampire and later one of Lilith's associates.
  • Squirt guns filled with holy water: Used by Rafe and Current to kill the vampires.
  • Phrases: "I'd give my left nut to....(do this or that)," "Shut up," "Go to hell," "Bastard," "Morons," "Bitch," and "Jack off."
  • Caleb and his buddies play darts by having one guy stand in front of the dartboard as they throw darts at it.
  • Lilith gives Rafe "the finger."
  • As Rafe enters a mausoleum at night, a cat screams and jumps out at him.
  • Some of the scenes have moderately tense and/or scary music.
  • None.
  • 31 "f" words (4 used sexually, 1 with the prefix "mother"), 21 "s" words, 10 hells, 8 "ass" words, 4 slang terms for male genitals (the "d" word), 1 slang term for female genitals (the "p" word), 4 damns, 3 SOB's, and 8 uses of "God damn" and "My God," 4 uses of "For Christ's sake," 3 uses of "Jesus Christ" and "For God's sake," and 1 use of "God" as exclamations.
  • A waitress, watching Caleb and his friends play darts (see "Imitative Behavior") tells them, "I wish you'd stop playing that disgusting game, why don't you go get yourself laid." Caleb later tells her "Why don't you come take a look at my nuts, they're very nice."
  • Caleb and a buddy go to the mortuary/whore house to have sex. Once inside Caleb says "Oh my God, it's a necrophiliac's wet dream." They then find a party where many topless women are seen and a woman comes up to them and says that she wants "...it (sex) fast and dirty." The friend goes upstairs with the woman and is killed.
  • Caleb goes with another prostitute and we later hear her unzipping his pants. Lilith comes in and says that the woman can't answer any of his questions "with her mouth full."
  • Rafe is on the phone with his ex-wife and says "Being married to you drove me to the brink of homosexuality."
  • When one of Caleb's friends tires of Rafe's questions he asks Rafe is he wants to step outside (ie. A threat). Rafe says "I'm not in the mood for a blow job."
  • Rafe says "Old time religion and sex don't match. Unless you're a Catholic priest."
  • The mortician playfully touches a dead woman's bare breasts.
  • There is a veiled reference to masturbation when the mortician tells Rafe he should "go find some place private with a box of Kleenex."
  • Rafe says this brothel/mortuary is a place where young men go "to get stiff with the stiffs."
  • Back in the party room, more bare breasts and female bare butts are seen.
  • After tearing off a man's head, Lilith says "I like guys who give head and then let you keep it to."
  • Lilith tells Rafe he can touch her breasts (he declines) and then turns into a cheerleader who says "Two, four, six, eight. You can watch me masturbate."
  • Rear female nudity is seen in a strip joint.
  • Rafe tells Katherine, "Never trust a man of God with a boner."
  • Katherine is tied down and Lilith comes over and feels her breasts and says, "Oh, I like that even better," and then says "Breasts are always nice, but I prefer..." and then reaches down and begins pulling Katherine's dress up. We don't see anything else as the scene cuts away.
  • Rafe tells Katherine, "I'd rather super glue my d*ck to the bullet train then f*ck you."
  • Caleb is often seen smoking as are others in a pool hall.
  • None.
  • What a "whore house" is (since it's mentioned so often).
  • Vampires.
  • A vampire pulls out a guy's heart from his chest, kills another man by squeezing him until his eyes pop from his head and grabs another with her lizard-like tongue.
  • A mummy whacks off the Crypt Keeper's skeletal hand with a butcher's knife.
  • Caleb throws a dart that lands and sticks in a buddy's crotch.
  • Lilith kisses Caleb's friend and her tongue goes down his throat and pushes his heart out through his chest. She then grabs it and takes a bite.
  • The mortician cuts open a dead woman and when he hears a knock at the door, he stabs his scalpel down into her chest.
  • Lilith grabs a guy's head and tears it from his body.
  • Katherine stomps down on Rafe's foot for saying "God damn."
  • Rafe shoots Caleb (now a vampire) many times, but that doesn't kill him.
  • A nurse kills a sheriff (she's a vampire) and then comes after Rafe who fights her off, jams an IV needle into her head and then pushes her into the sunlight where she dies.
  • Rafe drives his car through the mortuary's front door, killing the mortician. He then gets out and shoots another worker. He and Current, armed with squirt guns filled with holy water, then proceed to go and kill all of the vampires who ignite and explode when shot with the water.
  • Lilith takes Current's hand and snaps it backwards, nearly tearing it off. She then drives a stake, intended for her, into his chest. Later he dies.
  • Rafe hits and splits open Lilith with a battle axe, but she heals up just like that.
  • In the final fight scene, Lilith smacks Katherine across the room and then plans on killing her, but Rafe fires the laser gun (that was going to be used during a sermon) and hits Lilith. She starts to come after Rafe, but Katherine comes up behind her and yanks out her heart, killing her.
  • At the end, Katherine turns out to be a vampire and attacks Rafe in the car.

  • Reviewed August 16, 1996

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