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DVD REVIEW FOR
"THE 13TH WARRIOR"

(1999) (Antonio Banderas, Dennis Storhoi) (R)

Length Screen Format(s) Languages Subtitles Sound Sides
103 minutes Letterbox (2.35:1)
16x9 - Widescreen
English
French
English Dolby Digital 5.1 1 (Dual Layer)

PLOT & PARENTAL REVIEW

VIDEO:
(A) With a highly visualized look - courtesy of director John McTiernan and cinematographer Peter Menzies - that often nears epic proportions, the film's transfer to video obviously loses some punch moving from the big to small screen. That said, the picture is generally quite good, although at times it seems like it might be just a hair out of focus (although that certainly isn't consistent throughout the film).

Otherwise, and beyond some pixelation and a few scenes that appear a bit too warm in overall color (although that's an obvious choice by McTiernan since it isn't the case throughout the film), the colors are vivid and the transfer has that smooth and pristine, no scratch look that's pleasing to the eye.

AUDIO:
(A+) From a decent adventure score - courtesy of composer Jerry Goldsmith - to plenty of sound and spatial effects, the disc's audio track sounds great throughout.
EXTRAS:
  • Scene selection/Jump to any scene.
  • Theatrical trailer.
  • COMMENTS:
    In "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," there's a funny bit where a man walks through an impoverished medieval village shouting "Bring out your dead!" as bodies are brought out and thrown on a cart. Although its humorous nature would be lost, that expression could easily be resurrected for Touchstone Pictures' release of "The 13th Warrior."

    Based on the novel "Eaters of the Dead" by acclaimed author and occasional filmmaker Michael Crichton (writer of "Jurassic Park" and "Disclosure," director of "Coma" and "Westworld") and directed by action guru John McTiernan -- who knows a thing or two about keeping body counts high -- the medieval-set film's only purpose seems to be seeing how many people can be killed during its 100+ minute runtime.

    Sure, there have been films where more people are killed, and others that are also far bloodier and more gory than this one. Yet, with a plot that offers little beyond a skeletal approach to storytelling -- and simply leads from one bloody battle sequence to the next -- the film will probably only appeal to viewers wanting a pure jolt of such mayhem, medieval style. Had this film come out before "Pulp Fiction," one could have easily understood why a character proclaimed in it, "I'm gonna get medieval on your ass."

    That said, the film -- which is something of a combination of elements from other far superior pictures -- does offer enough violent action scenes to keep things viscerally stimulating. McTiernan ("The Thomas Crown Affair," "Die Hard") is obviously quite adept at making action films. As such, his ever-moving camera and elaborately choreographed battle scenes do manage to hold one's interest.

    It's just too bad that the same can't be said about the rest of the film. Adapting Crichton's best selling novel, screenwriters William Wisher ("Terminator 2: Judgement Day," "Judge Dredd") and Warren Lewis ("Black Rain") don't offer much in the way of a substantial plot, character development or some much needed comic relief.

    That's not to say that the film isn't occasionally funny, but most of the laughs aren't intentional (one hopes). Instead, they arise from various sources including, but not limited to, some inane dialogue, the sight of the villains, and the lead character's sudden and fluent ability to speak the Northmen's native language (when asked how this occurred, he replies, "I listened").

    While many films have had to deal with non-English characters speaking English (such as in many WWII based films), the effect here is quite preposterous. If the filmmakers wanted to be accurate, the film would have been entirely subtitled. That's not even considering that the lead character, who's an Arab, wouldn't be speaking English in the first place, thus making a moot point of the transition over to everyone speaking English that itself is meant to represent the warriors' Nordic language.

    Of course, that's not the only problem for which the film suffers. After the warriors comment that no able-bodied adult males are to be found in the Nordic fort, suddenly the king's adult son and his healthy entourage show up. After that sudden appearance, it seems as if he'll be the warriors' other source of conflict, but after a two-man duel, he and his cronies disappear.

    Then there's the sun that sets into complete darkness in only a matter of minutes (so that the massing hordes on horseback with lit torches looks more impressive) and, well, I could go on, but that would be just beating a dead horse (an activity the film thankfully avoids).

    The reason they're brought up, however, is that nothing much else happens upon which comments could be directed. Despite McTiernan's action pedigree and Crichton's knack for involving storytelling, the "best" that happens here is that people fight and many of them die. Even the supernatural aspect -- really the only interesting thing the film has to offer -- is quickly jettisoned and the earlier introduced and directly related elements -- such as the attackers' dead bodies disappearing without a trace -- are similarly abandoned and never explained.

    Instead of building anything substantial around the rampant fighting -- and notwithstanding the fact that Crichton's novel was released in 1976 -- the plot simply feels like a re-mixed, retreading of elements from "The Road Warrior" (peaceful people living in an isolated fort under siege by marauding villains until outsiders come to help) and McTiernan's own "Predator" (people hunted down by a mysterious creature that kills and beheads them).

    There's also the obvious "Excalibur" part (brave and sturdy medieval knights set off on a mission) as well as the basic "The Magnificent Seven"/The Seven Samurai" plot (soldiers assembled to protect a town under siege). While all of those are great sources for material, this film --despite a decent, if familiar setup -- doesn't come close to capturing what made them successful in their own right.

    Although Crichton's novel probably had more insightful and introspective looks at the characters (as only novels can do), little, if any of that's present here. Beyond one or two warriors, the rest all blend into a mediocre, if macho Nordic bunch. While Antonio Banderas ("The Mask of Zorro," "Desperado") and Norse actor Dennis Storhoi (making his American film debut) have plenty of charisma to spare and create some likable characters, they're left high and dry by the weak and unimaginative script.

    The same holds true for Vladimir Kulich ("Firestorm," "Crash") as the warrior leader, while the great Omar Sharif ("Lawrence of Arabia," "Doctor Zhivago") as well as Diane Venora ("True Crime," "Heat") are barely used to any appreciable extent.

    Overall, the film feels as if it had a bad run through the editing room. That's not to suggest that it looks rough -- on the contrary, it has a very polished sheen -- but that different parts of it were left on the cutting room floor. Beyond the aforementioned problems, what appears to a budding romance between Banderas and a local maiden is hinted at, but also never amounts to anything.

    Whether all of that was a result of rumored squabbles between McTiernan and Crichton that also reportedly held up this film's release -- it was shot in 1997 but not released until 1999 -- isn't much more than hearsay, but whatever the case, the film isn't the great, rousing spectacle that it wanted to be and possibly could have been. If you're into emotionally detached but viscerally involving medieval battle scenes, than this is the film for you. For everyone else, unless you can get into the increasingly preposterous and near campy proceedings, this one falls into the "better skip" category.

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